Arlyn and Krisdevon
by
Magdvin Cszgarna

Part 1

Chapter I

     Members of the court of Andor VI, absolute monarch of the Tirean Empire, found little difficulty in recognizing the fact that his Imperial Magnificence lavished nothing more than indifference on his eldest daughter, Princess Arlyn. While his other children by Empress Aedacia were usually invited to be present at state occasions, Princess Arlyn was virtually unknown beyond the servants of the Imperial Family and the Ministers of State who might have seen her in the Family's private gardens. From time to time these people noticed the shy and reserved Princess walking to or from someplace where she had been sitting hidden for hours reading and writing. No one seemed to care very much what.

     The origin of the Emperor's absence of feeling for his eldest daughter dated to the hour of her birth although at first it was not indifference he had directed toward her but sheer rage. She was the first born child of an Imperial Family in which the Crown descended to the eldest child of the ruler irrespective of whether that child was male or female. The history of the Tirean Empire showed a large number of quite competent female rulers and even included several great warrior Empresses who regularly had taken command of their armies on the field of battle, but random chance unfortunately had provided the last six Emperors with first born children who were male giving rise by the time of Andor VI to a tradition of masculine descent. This, coupled with the Emperor's tendency to view women as somehow inferior to men, had caused him to experience great wrath when he had been informed Aedacia had had the imprudence to present him with a first born who was not a son. In the fury which ensued after the birth of his daughter, he first became drunk and then rushed into the room where his wife had given birth. There he grabbed the as yet unnamed little girl by her feet and slammed her into the nearest object which, luckily for the infant, happened to be a large armchair. Thinking the infant dead, he hurried out and went to his own rooms where he continued drinking until he passed out.

     The following morning the Emperor arose with a hangover of Imperial proportions and still thinking his daughter dead began to walk about in his bedchamber cursing himself for the rash and intemperate nature of his recent behavior. Being an immature rather than an evil man, he was tormented by guilt for his actions. This agony lead him to swear to himself that he never would become drunk again, an oath he was moderately successful in keeping.

     After composing himself as well as he could, he went to his wife's apartment. There, to his surprise and relief, he found his wife's chief lady in waiting caring for a day old infant who, though slightly bruised, was no worse off than she would have been had she been smacked a bit too heartily by an overzealous midwife. At this point the Emperor realized that although he did not relish the idea of being succeeded by an Empress, this was his only child, and he definitely preferred the idea of being followed on the throne by his daughter to having the throne devolve out of his immediate line. Upon questioning the chief lady in waiting, he discovered that another thing had happened in his favor the previous evening. The Empress had been asleep recovering from a difficult delivery when he had attacked his daughter, and the only witnesses to the assault had been the midwife and the chief lady in waiting. These women had been terrified by this violent and uncharacteristic action by the usually quiet Emperor, and when they had discovered the newborn child had been unharmed, they had resolved to keep quiet about what they had seen. The Emperor had the other woman summoned. Using a combination of an appeal to their patriotism -- widespread public knowledge that the Emperor had attacked his own newborn daughter could be used by potential enemies to cause dissension -- and intimidation -- he was after all the Emperor -- he managed to swear the two to secrecy.

     The birth of a daughter to the Emperor and Empress was duly announced to the Empire, and the appropriate ceremonies and celebrations took place. Though tempted, the Emperor even did not deprive his daughter of having a block of wood with her name inscribed on it cast into a fire so the smoke might rise with her name and bring news of her birth to the Powers ruling the Sky.

     Although it had been more than a hundred and fifty years since there had been an Empress holding absolute power, the people and the ministers of state seemed to look upon the possibility of a woman ruling as a welcome change. Only Andor seemed to view the likelihood of his daughter, who had been named Arlyn by her mother, ascending to the throne as Arlyn III. Despite the obvious lack of harm to the child, the guilt he felt for his attack on her grew to the proportions of a mania, He was unable to see the child without visualizing his actions when he had held her squirming, small body by the feet and smashed her against the chair.

     As Arlyn's first year went by, the Emperor's hatred for her grew because his guilt was the source of much anguish for him. The idea of her following him on the throne became totally odious to him. Then, after his second child, a boy he named Crotus, was born three years later, Andor devised a simple yet effective means of preventing Arlyn from ruling. He called in several physicians who were indebted to him and ordered them to declare her an idiot. At first the doctors protested. Everything indicated the child was nothing short of brilliant. She had walked and talked early, could play basic tunes on the lyre, and already read fluently in two of the three languages of the Empire, but what an Emperor wants, he usually gets. Arlyn was diagnosed an idiot. While this "fact" never was publicly acknowledged, the Emperor saw to it that a rumor to that effect was widely circulated. From this time on Arlyn was outwardly ignored by all except a personal servant who was assigned to her solely to maintain her physical health. Even Aedacia, fearful of angering her husband, carefully avoided her.

     Arlyn's maid was fully aware of the displeasure her mere existence brought the Emperor, and she managed Arlyn's life so that she spent the next seven or eight years without ever once being seen by her father. Arlyn occasionally saw her father from behind bushes in the gardens or through holes in closed shutters, but that was all. It had been explained to her that her very life might depend on her not coming into his presence, but the reasons for this never had been made clear to her because none of the servants who came in contact with her had more than a vague inkling of the true cause. There were times when Arlyn was troubled by this situation, but rarely was she especially resentful. She observed her father often enough to recognize him for what he was, a pompous mediocrity with nothing to offer except power, and since Arlyn associated power with pretentiousness and danger, she wanted no part of it or him.

     The initial expectations of Arlyn's extraordinary intelligence proved accurate, and as it became more and more widely known that the "idiot" was actually a prodigy of major proportions, great scholars of the Imperial Academy who had shunned the Palace since the coronation of Andor VI began making furtive visits there to tutor the Princess. By the age of thirteen she possessed native fluency of all three languages of the Empire and had begun to read extensively in the literature of each. She was an excellent musician on the lyre, and in addition to this studied a great deal of science, but while the scholars were recognizing Arlyn's abilities, her father came to believe the reality of his own ruse. To him she was an idiot.

     Because he never saw her, his rage declined at first to dislike and later to indifference. Eventually she ceased to enter his mind at all. Then one day when Arlyn was fourteen, she accidentally walked down a garden path her father was about to cross. As she was not formally dressed, she bowed and hoped to be mistaken for a servant, but her stratagem was unsuccessful. The Emperor, constantly fearful of strangers, knew all the servants permitted in the gardens.

     "And just who are you?" demanded the Emperor.

     "Your daughter, Arlyn, Your Magnificence," stuttered Arlyn frightened but with enough presence of mind to feign idiocy.

     At first Andor was taken somewhat aback, but then realizing all his former feelings about this obviously harmless "fool" were gone, the Emperor decided on a show of magnanimity. "I'm sorry I haven't seen much of you, daughter, but being Emperor keeps me quite busy," said Andor in a tone quite similar to that which he used with Calecia, his three year old.

     "Oh, I understand, Your Magnificence," answered Arlyn basing her tone on what she thought her father expected.

     "My child, is there anything you might like me to give you?"

     "Well, I have most everything I want, and I am most thankful for your generosity, but..." and here Arlyn paused. She was aware this was a golden opportunity but was unsure how far she might go without incurring a revival of her father's wrath.

     "What is it, child?" interrupted the Emperor becoming impatient.

     Seeing her chance about to slip away, Arlyn decided to gamble, "Your Magnificence, all the other children can play in Palace and the Gardens, but most of the time my maid makes me stay in my rooms. I'd like you to tell her to let me move about like the other children do." The Emperor had expected a request of an entirely different sort, a pony or perhaps a jewel, and he hesitated in replying. Arlyn resolved to continue in her role as a retardate, and in a childish, pleading voice added, "I promise not to run about or make noise."

     "All right," answered her father, "but you must promise not to upset things."

     "Oh, I do. Thank you, Your Magnificence. You are most kind."

     The Emperor strode off satisfied that Arlyn really was an idiot and pleased his action in having her declared one was fair. Besides, had he not just granted her a wish? In his own mind all these things added up to his being a great Emperor joining prudence and foresight with limitless bounty.

     Meanwhile the "idiot" walked toward her apartment thoroughly elated by this encounter. For years she had wanted access to the Imperial Library so she could study from any volume she wished on the spur of the moment instead of having to wait for her maid or one of the scholars to see what was available and then bring it to her. Furthermore now the Academy scholars tutoring her could meet her in the Library instead of having to risk unauthorized visits to the wing of the Palace housing the Imperial Family. Lastly the Library was not a place she was likely to meet her father. Scholar Aretius, the great mathematician, had told her he had heard the Emperor had entered the Library but once in his adult life, over ten years earlier while searching for a shorter route between his apartment and the stables.

     There also was one unexpected outcome of this newfound freedom. Arlyn discovered the athletic fields and the relatively poor condition of her own body. Not that she was unhealthy, she merely was unfit from lack of exercise. Thereafter she trained regularly and eventually became accomplished in several sports, particularly ones not requiring teams. This situation of freedom under imperial benign neglect continued for several years during which Arlyn's mind continued to grow in many directions.

Chapter II

     Despite the frequent visits of scholars, Arlyn predominantly was a solitary person. As a small child she often had been left alone by her maid, and she had filled her hours with studies, but even when she had had an opportunity to frolic with other children, it had been seldom that she had played long without returning to her books. She occasionally had experienced loneliness, but this always had been fleeting and had not involved depression. At no time in her childhood did she have anything resembling a confidante. She had liked her maid, Lan, and Lan had liked her, but Lan had been frightened of her intellect so a barrier had remained between them.

     As is sometimes the case with persons in an isolated condition, Arlyn derived a great deal of pleasure from masturbation. One morning when she was eight, she had discovered it was enjoyable if you rubbed yourself a certain way, and she had done so ever since. Another morning her maid had wandered in while she was fondling herself, and Lan casually had excused herself as she might have if she had come upon her charge seated upon the commode. This, coupled with the fact that Arlyn never saw anyone else similarly engaged in public, led her to believe it was a common, normal act that one engaged in privately.

     Arlyn's sex education had been quite simple. She had asked Lan what two sheep were doing in the garden field, and the physical steps of animal reproduction had been explained to her. She had asked why they did it and had been told it was the same reason she fondled herself.

     "Do people do what the sheep do?" she had asked.

     "Yes," Lan had answered, "only people are supposed to like the mates they do it with. Animals don't think about that. And you oughtn't make a baby unless you really want one. That's why I chew those funny looking roots every month. They make it so I can't have a baby unless I stop chewing them."

     "Oh," had been Arlyn's reply. In the library she later was to make a detailed investigation of sex in general and the history and properties of this "funny looking root" in particular, but her basic attitude toward sex between unattached people largely was framed by this brief conversation.

Chapter III

     One thing that did trouble Arlyn was the fact that although she was almost as well versed in some fields as the scholars of the Imperial University, she knew virtually nothing of the world outside the palace grounds. She even could not look down upon the city below the palace walls. The palace was built on a large, high mesa located in the center of a plateau on which the imperial capital, Mandistria, was situated. It was peacetime, but the palace still was a fortress, and the general, Condoritus, who was in command of the fortifications preferred to keep the palace guard in a state of readiness. This included keeping non-military personnel off the walls.

     In several parts of the garden thick shrubs grew under the palace walls, and it was in one of these areas of dense undergrowth that the next significant occurrence in Arlyn's life began. It was late in the afternoon of a day about half a year after her encounter with the Emperor. She had been exploring the underbrush farthest from the palace hoping to find another of the clearings that existed in the overgrown areas. These clearings were very small, and the trees tended to grow together over them, so they were invisible even to the alert eyes of the guards high in the watchtowers above the palace walls. Because one had to crawl to enter most of them, she was the only person who knew about these clearings in which she found the solitude ideal for quiet study and reflection.

     After crawling under several shrubs, she realized she had reached the wall. Several other times when she had reached the base of the wall, she had been reminded by its considerable height, at least fifteen meters on this side, that she was not free to learn first hand of the city and the world beyond the walls. This time to her amazement there in the midst of the vine covered stone was what looked like a door, but it was hard to tell because it was so overgrown. She immediately reasoned that this door, or whatever it was, was not just old. It was extremely old, probably dating back over nine hundred years to the building of the main palace wall. The iron plates on the stone panels were pitted with rust, and it had been over six hundred years since an armorer in the palace armory had discovered an economical means of making steel which did not rust at all.

     Arlyn immediately set to work with a small knife trying to remove enough leaves and small branches to determine exactly what she had found. While she worked, she thought it might be a forgotten entrance to the walls which she had heard were honeycombed with passages. She hoped that this door would provide her with admittance to an unknown observation post in the wall from which she might view the city.

     For a moment Arlyn paused to rest leaning her back against what was now definitely a door, and the badly corroded lock gave way. The door rolled inward a crack on its stone pins, and to Arlyn's astonishment a ray of late afternoon light shone upon a set of steps which clearly led downward. It did not take long for her to grasp the significance of this. This was no stairway to the battlements but an escape route planned by an early emperor protecting himself against the possibility of the palace being overrun. As the centuries had gone by, this passage had been forgotten because the citadel of Mandistria had become virtually impregnable even to long siege. Rainwater coupled with a large supply of food held in several underground cave-storerooms and an abundance of animal and vegetable foods grown on the mesa itself had been adequate over four centuries ago to protect the defenders of the palace against all the ills of a twenty-eight year blockade except, perhaps, boredom.

     Despite being a very even tempered person, Arlyn could not help being overwhelmed by the multitude of possibilities to which this discovery might lead. All sorts of emotions began to confront her, most prominently delight mixed with no little trepidation that perhaps, just perhaps, she might be able to enter the city below and meet people other than the ones who lived in the Palace. She tried to contain her joy because she knew that after nine hundred years it was likely the passage was obstructed, but nevertheless her mind promptly went to work calculating how it might best be investigated.

     By now it was nearly dark, and Arlyn decided to return to the Palace. Not that anyone would have missed her. She was accustomed to camping out in the palace woods and often was not seen for days, but rather she needed several tools, a lamp and time to think.

     The next morning she went to the Palace workshop and collected some small woodcutting tools, a stone chisel, a lamp with a good supply of oil, and, just in case it might be necessary, a length of strong rope. After a trip to the palace kitchen, where she added enough food for two days, she quickly made her way to the wooded area farthest from the palace, walked down the narrow, curving horseback riding path through the woods, and, after checking to see that no one was looking at her, headed through the underbrush toward the wall.

     When she reached the door, she pried it so it would swing in far enough and then examined the door and inner chamber for traps which might seal it once she was inside. Satisfied that at least in this respect the door was safe, she began to push the lower vines and shrubs apart rather than cutting them. She had reasoned it would be wise to leave the door as disguised as possible so if anyone else were to stumble on it, they would not recognize it easily. She even went so far as to cover the iron plates with branches which she tied in place with vines. After fifteen minutes the door was more hidden that when she had found it except now if she crawled flat on her belly, she could wriggle under the lowest vines and branches and through the door. After she had passed, the low branches would fall back in place, and everything would appear as before.

     She lit her lamp and slid it through the door. Then she pushed her provisions and tools into the chamber and crept in. Once the door was closed behind her, she wedged it shut with a piece of wood shaped like a door stop, and placing her pack on her back, she began climbing down the narrow steps. Her lamp did not throw enough light for her to see very far, but by dropping a pebble and listening to the sound it made, she could tell the steps only extended for a short distance. Arlyn noted that each step was about a third of a meter high and started to count how many steps there were. She had not gone more than fifty steps when the stairs ended in a small, enclosed chamber the floor of which had been an exposed surface near the top of the mesa. She reasoned that on the outside this was the lowest level of the citadel fortifications and that below here there was nothing but the sheer wall of the mesa. In the center of this room was a hole which appeared to be the top of a natural interior chimney running straight down into the cliff. Large notches cut almost opposite each other formed a ladder going down into the darkness. Arlyn dropped another stone and heard it bouncing off the sides of the shaft, but the bottom was too far down for the sound of the pebble striking it to reach her.

     Arlyn tied a line through the top of her lamp and let it down a few meters. She attached the other end to a ring on her pack and started down. The deep, sharp-edged stone rungs set about half a meter apart were relatively easy to climb. When she tired, she rested by leaning her back against the wall behind her. Occasionally the angle of descent or the diameter of the chimney changed slightly but never enough to make the climb harder than Arlyn could handle. The main problem was the great length of the climb, but she was careful and methodical. Arlyn had known the mesa was very high, but never having been able to look down, she had no idea what was meant by "very high."

     After counting four hundred rungs, Arlyn dropped another rock, but although it clearly rebounded off another rock indicating a change in the descent angle of the fissure, there still was no sound of it hitting bottom. This disappointed her because by now she was quite tired. She decided to take a rest at the point where the stone had marked an altered course to the crack and perhaps even a ledge. About two hundred rungs further she found not only a ledge, but a damp tunnel cut directly into the side of the fissure which had become rather moist and slippery at this level. There were no more steps cut into the side of the shaft below this point. It was obvious that if there was a way out into the city, this was it.

     Arlyn sat down in the passage and rested. She ached a bit, but her frequent exercise had brought her into good physical condition, so she knew she would be all right. After sitting a while, she ate some nuts and raisins and the started down the tunnel. She had not gone far when she came to a door with a latch bar drawn across it. She tried to lift the latch, but it was so badly rusted that it fell off in her hands. She took a chisel from her pack and began prying with it in the crack of the door. The door was heavy, but stone does not rust, and the stone hinge pins above and below the door were still working.

     With the door opened in, Arlyn faced a collection of matted vines and underbrush. She crept out, closed the door, disguised it as she had the upper one, and climbed up the tree next to her to get her bearings. It was easy to see why no one ever had stumbled on the door. The undergrowth was thick and without paths, but luckily it did not extend more than about forty meters from the cliff. Arlyn climbed down and began making her way through the underbrush. After she had gone about five meters, she hid her tools under a small bush and made a small mark on a tree. It would be difficult for her to find her way back even with marks, but once as an exercise she had made a similar path through the overgrown parts of the palace garden. She certainly was not a practiced master of forest ways, but she was an adroit beginner who had studied carefully the otherwise ignored texts on woodland life which were buried in a musty corner of the Library.

     Soon she reached the edge of the woods, and after looking through the leaves to see if she could emerge unnoticed, she stepped out onto a rough, narrow grass strip running along a wide, well-kept but not heavily traveled road. She took note of her exact location by forming an imaginary line between a tower on the distant city wall and the corner of a nearby building so she would be able to walk back into the woods at the correct spot as easily as she had walked out. Fearing she might attract attention if she stood in one place, she began walking on the road and before long discovered it encircled the entire base of the mesa. All along the mesa side of the road was the same narrow strip of grass next to the thick tangle of trees and bushes under the cliff.

     After she had gone a little way, she casually turned her head upward toward the cliff about as far as she thought would be necessary to see the top, but she found herself still staring at stone. She barely had raised her eyes half the height of the mesa. Arlyn bent her head back further and far off in the distance saw the walls at the top of the cliff. Now it became clear to her why it had taken so long to get down. She might have had an idea of what three hundred meters was stretched out on the ground, but only now could she see how different this was from three hundred meters straight up. Arlyn walked along completely awed by the thought of the labor and skill which must have gone into building a small city on the summit of what seemed to be a virtually unclimbable column of sheer granite almost a third of a kilometer high. She resolved to study how this staggering feat of engineering might have been accomplished by mere humans.

     Aside from what appeared to be a few clusters of small, private homes, Arlyn found little of interest near the base of the mesa, so she turned onto the first main radial road leading away from the mesa. "East Gate Road" read the inscription on the small stone pillar, and predictably enough a wide, well-kept road led her eye down a gradual slope to a gate in the city wall perhaps three kilometers off. Arlyn began walking toward a street crossing the East Gate Road where she saw a large number of people. Afternoon was drawing on, and the mesa cast an ever longer shadow on the eastern quarter of the city.

     Arlyn found the streets near the busy area narrower than the main thoroughfares and the buildings there larger and more numerous, but there continued to be a kind of spaciousness that seemed to denote a wish to prevent crowding while still catering to the human urge toward gregariousness. Arlyn's practiced sense of aesthetics recognized that although plain and functional buildings outnumbered ones of striking beauty, hardly any might qualify as ugly. Furthermore, each structure related harmoniously to its neighbors. There obviously was strong law or custom concerning what could be erected where and how it should be maintained because almost all of these buildings were in a good state of repair.

     Arlyn enjoyed the novelty of looking into the numerous small shops and examining the wide variety of wares on their shelves. From her reading she had learned that Mandistria was a trading center, but only now did she appreciate what a book meant when it said, "Merchants and their goods from all over the Tirean Empire flow into the capital city of Mandistria in great profusion." This definitely was a prosperous city.

     The sun set, and most of the businesses except inns closed for the night. Arlyn was tired, but she thought it would be a waste of time to sleep more than absolutely necessary, so she continued to explore by moonlight. She did not feel conspicuous because people still were moving in the streets. Twice she encountered soldiers of the night watch, and she was afraid they would question her, but they either ignored her completely or greeted her with a polite, "Good evening, Citizen."

     About midnight Arlyn came upon one of the several large parks located within the city walls. It occurred to her this might be a good place to spend the night, and she went in and found a spot under some low trees. A rumbling in her stomach reminded her that she had not eaten since leaving the mesa, so she sat quietly chewing more of the nuts and raisins she had brought with her. As she rested in the cool darkness, her mood gradually changed from the excitement of the day to sadness. This mood was rather alien to her, and it caught her by surprise, but she did not have to examine her feelings carefully to understand the cause of her emotion. Despite the activity of the day, despite the sense of elation accompanying her newly found access to freedom, she had not achieved her basic aim in leaving the mesa, to meet new people different from the ones who lived in the Castle. "But what can I do?" she asked herself. "I may be quite learned in the knowledge that comes from books, but I know nothing about meeting these people."

     Another, even deeper sadness began to trouble her, longing for a man. For several years -- she was fifteen now -- she had had an active if ordinary sexual fantasy life. Although this longing for a man was not an obsession or a desperate need, she did think it would be a happy experience to sit under a tree in the garden with a man, her man, eat a leisurely meal, talk about whatever interested them at the moment, and then make love. As her sadness merged into this reverie, Arlyn lay down under the trees and soon was asleep.

Chapter IV

     Arlyn awoke a little before sunrise and ate some breakfast. She looked out from her resting place under the trees and saw a few people already were moving around on the outskirts of the park. On the previous evening Arlyn had observed a plaza not far from the East Gate Road. It had been moderately filled with people, and she meant to spend the earlier part of the day watching them.

     Arlyn arose and started off toward the East Gate Road. She noticed a tall building with an exterior staircase and decided to climb up to the roof in order to watch the sunrise, something she never before had seen because of the height of the citadel wall. She reached the roof just in time to see the sun rise from beyond the mountains east of Mandistria and ascend into a bright blue sky flecked with cottony coral colored clouds. The roof she was standing on was high enough for her to look over the city walls and see the sun shining on the fields and woods covering the plain which extended about seven kilometers on all sides of Mandistria. She had seen paintings of the countryside but never imagined anything as beautiful as this view, sun shining on great, rolling green sea here and there dotted with dwellings of farmers, and beyond the fields tree covered low mountains blending into the snow capped peaks far off in the distance. She saw that this plain amidst the mountains was not only what the military strategists she had read described it as, an ideal place for a city because of the ease with which the mountain passes approaching it could be defended. It also was what the poets said it was, one of the most idyllic and beautiful places in the world. She had read many poems depicting the beauty of this valley, but not until this moment in the clear light of early morning could she fully appreciate what she had read. Yesterday she had seen and been impressed by the works of people , but today she saw the sunrise. She longed to leave the city and go to the country beyond, but she knew this would have to wait. At noon the next day she had a lesson with Scholar Aretius, and going out of the city was too big a project to undertake in just a few hours, especially since she thought it wise to spend the coming night back on top of the mesa.

     Just when she thought she was emotionally exhausted, completely drained by the beauty and the newness of this scene, a great light behind her made her turn around, and she saw the sun striking against the east face of the mesa. The time polished granite shone with the brilliance of an immense, infinitely faceted gem, and atop the jewel she could see the citadel wall. The splendor of this second vista was too much for her to relate to so soon after the view she had just gazed upon in the opposite direction. She turned away quickly and climbed down from the roof. Then she walked to the plaza where she intended to sit during the early morning hours.

     As she sat on the steps around the plaza, Arlyn tried to write a poem about this last gleaming vision, "The Wall of the Morning Light," as it had been called in several poems she had read, but her critical sense made her abandon the task. Although she was a fair poet, this time her lines were poor, and she was aware that better poets than herself had failed, sometimes abysmally, to capture in words the awe which this sight had inspired in them.

     This unsuccessful attempt at writing coupled with her unhappiness at having made no human contact since leaving the mesa made her so unconscious of her immediate surroundings that it was a long time before she realized a dark, wooden stick was tapping the ground near her hand to gain her attention. Slightly startled, Arlyn allowed her glance to move slowly up the stick which to her surprise and confusion turned out not to be a cane but a peg leg ending abruptly in the shin length stump of a man's right leg.

     She looked directly up and found herself staring at the warmly smiling face of a tall, bearded, fair-skinned man with long, wavy brown hair. He wore old, earth colored clothing made of strong material which was simply cut and neatly patched with leather at the points of greatest wear. While his clothing was not shabby, it clearly was the attire of someone who was not wasteful. "You look as if something is troubling you very badly. Is there something I can do to help you?" he asked.

     "I didn't realize it was so apparent," she answered.

          "I'm afraid it was. Would it help to talk about it?"

     "I don't know. It's kind of complicated," Arlyn answered unsurely. She never had had anyone with whom to discuss her problems, and she had not planned this sort of thing when she had left the mesa. She had hoped to chat casually with people, not seriously open herself to a total stranger, especially since she realized it would be a bad mistake even to hint at who she actually was.

     "I didn't mean to intrude. It's just that you looked so sad. I'll leave if you want," he said.

     Arlyn found his deep, soft, mellow voice reassuring and said, "I really don't want to pester someone with my troubles, but it might be nice to talk for a while. I'm visiting here from another part of the city, and I don't know anyone here. My name is Arlyn.

     "Mine's Krisdevon."

     "I've never heard the name 'Krisdevon' before. It isn't Mandistrian, is it?"

     "No, I originally was from Vadriel, but it's an uncommon name even among Vadrians. I've only met two other Krisdevons... When I saw you, I was on my way to where I usually sit for the morning selling my wares. It isn't far, just the other side of the plaza. Come sit with me."

     Arlyn became aware of a large fur rolled up under his arm. "What do you sell?" she asked.

     ""You'll see," he said as she stood up and walked across the plaza with him. He smiled to several people as he walked and was greeted warmly in return. When he reached the point on the steps where he intended to sit, he motioned for Arlyn to make herself comfortable and then knelt down to open his package. After undoing the carefully laced thongs which tied the fur, he rolled it open to reveal two pieces of bamboo, one a little more than half a meter long, the other slightly less than three quarters of a meter long. Both had several holes in a straight line down the middle and though less than five centimeters in diameter appeared to be rather heavy. Each ended in a large, evenly cut ball of roots. He set them on the fur with the holes facing up and sat down next to Arlyn.

     "What are they?" she asked.

     "Lyrian flutes, I make them," he answered.

     "I've never seen one before. They're different from the flutes I've seen. Could you play something?"

     He responded by picking one up, placing his lower lip on the end opposite the roots, and playing. Arlyn knew a great deal about the musics of each of the three major cultural units of the Tirean Empire, but the unusual sounds of this instrument still were puzzling to her. It seemed to her the notes were the sounds of nature, primarily what she imagined the wind would sound like passing through a variety of landscapes, first mountains and valleys, then plains and forests, but this music seemed to include the sounds of birds and animals and even insects. As Krisdevon played, Arlyn found many actually were recognizable to her. This passage contained a sound almost identical to the cry of such and such a bird, the next one the chirp of a particular insect. She listened eagerly while he played, but just when she had become completely immersed in his music, he stopped abruptly. The few passers-by who had stopped to listen drifted off.

     "I'm not playing well," he said.

     "You should have more confidence in yourself. Your playing is good," she replied.

     "I have plenty of confidence in myself," he said laughing softly to assure her he was not an insecure person who needed encouragement to believe in himself. "I'm a very good flute maker," he continued, "one of the best inside or outside the forests. I'm just honest enough with myself to admit I'm not a great musician, and right now I'm not even playing well for me." He handed her the instrument to look at, and she asked how it was made. He replied with a short description of the steps from cutting the stalk out of the ground to oiling the finished flute. She was intrigued by his description of his craft but felt much more at home when the subject turned to classical Tirean music. The talked for an hour discussing their favorite kinds of music and the composers they considered the most gifted in each of them. Arlyn was happy that what she assumed was an accident had brought her in contact with someone having at least this one interest in common with her, and she even tended to dominate the conversation a bit.

     At one point they were interrupted by a man inquiring of Krisdevon what he was selling. The man was more curious than anything else, but Arlyn noted that Krisdevon was very friendly and patient with him. In fact he seemed more interested in conversation with the stranger than in selling him something.

     "Do you make a good living at your trade?" she asked after the man had left.

     "I manage all right. I'm not too concerned with surrounding myself with a lot of objects or wearing fancy clothes. Now I live in a comfortable, small apartment and try to eat good, healthy food. Books I can read in the library. Art I can see in museums, and as far as music is concerned, the imperial government in its great wisdom subsidizes a large number of public concerts. There really isn't much more I ask for in life... Love, too, I guess, but love shouldn't involve money, and anyway I live in the forests most of the time. I only visit the cities when I want a change from the culture of the forests."

     "I don't know much about the forests. What're they like?" Arlyn asked. She had been unaware that anyone other than a few hermits chose to live in the large forest areas of the island continent which formed the geographical unit of the Tirean Empire. Her main source of knowledge, the books of the palace library, rarely dealt with anything not of an urban nature.

     "There isn't much to tell," he said. "People who don't like city life or being under the power of the imperial government or whatever their reasons go out in the forests and form small communities. If they go deep enough into the woods, there's no way the Emperor can touch them."

     "I thought the power of the Emperor has covered the continent completely since the conquest of Thash and the Thacian tributary states about three hundred years ago."

     "That's just the cities and the plains. The forests, particularly the ones in the mid-continental region, are just too large, dense, and mountainous for the Empire to bother with. A huge field army could disappear in any of them and never find its way out. The imperial ministers probably figure there wouldn't be any advantage to subjugating these areas even if they could. They couldn't get much in the way of taxes from the people there. They don't use money or have anything of much value. They live by gathering things like fruits, nuts, vegetables, and occasionally meat. Who'd want to send an army to conquer a people whose tribute wouldn't amount to more than a few wild vegetables? Besides, they aren't any political or military threat to the Empire. They only want to be left alone, so the imperial government choses to ignore their existence and spread the myth that they aren't there the way they do with the two Magicians and their enclaves which..."

     Arlyn interrupted him immediately, "Look, Krisdevon, I'm not a fool. I'm well-educated, and if I haven't traveled as widely as you, I do know one thing. There are no magicians, astrologers, or any other such nonsense. All these things are hocus-pocus designed by charlatans to defraud gullible people."

     "I'll admit most of them are," he replied calmly, "but if there are no such things as Magicians, why has the Empire never conquered the small island a few thousand meters off the southeastern coast at Cape Daylight? The Magician who lives there was there before the founding of the Empire. There're no walls or barriers on the island to obstruct an invading force, only the ocean which just seems to rise up in enormous waves every time an invading army tries to cross out to the island. There're historical records I've read in old books people have in the forests which describe beautiful, calm summer days when armies of Thacians and more recently Mandistrians attempted to get out there. The sea always rose to drive them back and then subsided again as soon as their boats were back on the mainland. The Mandistrians tried every day for half a season at all times of the day, and on a few occasions even at night when the Magician is supposed to be weaker, and the sea always swept them back. It was almost completely calm the rest of the time."

     "I'll believe it when I see it," said the still skeptical Arlyn. "I suppose you're an astrologer and can tell my fortune, too."

     "No, I've met an astrologer and even lived with him for a while, but I never was able to master the art of it. I'll ask you one question, though. Were you born in the middle part of spring?"

     "Yes, how did you know?"           "I had a feeling. The man I lived with really could scare you sometimes. Several times I sat next to him with my flutes in one of the merchant plazas in Vadriel watching him talk with someone for maybe half an hour. Then he would give them two or three possible dates when they might have been born. It was rare one of them wasn't right. When he felt like it, he could tell people all sorts of things about themselves, sometimes things the people didn't even know, and all he used was their natal star charts. I can't do that."

     This unexpected turn in the conversation was very troubling and displeasing to Arlyn. She had been raised in the company of scholars who time and again had demonstrated to her the incontrovertible nature of their vast learning in their fields, and those men and women never had mentioned magic or astrology without expressing complete certainty that these so-called arts were of a completely fraudulent nature. Yet here sitting next to her was an obviously intelligent man who had traveled widely and was willing to admit most fortunetellers were nothing more than mountebanks but who insisted there were a few astrologers who could obtain legitimate insights into someone based on where the planets had been situated at the moment of their birth. Worse than that, he seemed quite convinced there were magicians who could make the sea swell up in great waves whenever they felt like it. She paused a long time before answering but finally said, "Please don't take this as an insult, Krisdevon, but I don't believe you. I don't think you're lying. You've just chosen to believe silly books and been tricked by a clever friend. The things you're talking about are things I'd only accept if I saw them in scientifically controlled circumstances. For generations scholars have challenged these quacks to prove their powers, and I don't know of any case where one did. I' sure you're aware the Imperial government is so satisfied these people are cheats that they've made a law against claiming to be a magician, a witch, an astrologer, a fortuneteller, or anything else to do with superstition."

     "I know how you feel. Ten years ago I thought I knew everything about the subject. Six years of study at the University of Vadriel, which I might add compares well with the Academy of Mandistria, and I was satisfied none of these superstitions had any truth in it. They didn't even interest me. I'd met a few of the frauds and seen through them right away. Then I began to travel, and I found some new answers. First of all the few people who are capable of these things never accept public challenges because they tend to be introverted and very concerned with their privacy. Can you imagine how many people you'd find on your front doorstep tomorrow morning if this afternoon you predicted ten or fifteen throws of the dice?"

     "If that's true, what about your astrology friend who used to sit next to you and sell horoscopes?"

     "I never said he sold horoscopes. He studies astrology to help him understand life. Occasionally he'll use his knowledge to help a friend or even a stranger, but he'd never charge money for his help. He's a talented leather worker, and when he's in a city, he makes his living selling leather goods. He made the vest I have on."

     "I'm still not convinced."

     Obviously undaunted by her disbelief and increasing lack of patience, Krisdevon smiled at Arlyn. "I usually don't talk about these things," he said. "People're skeptical, and I don't enjoy ridicule. What's more most people's lives wouldn't be helped if I did persuade them these things existed. They'd only become easy prey for all the quacks, and, no, before you ask, the average person could not be taught to understand these arts. They aren't simple things to master. I was first in a class of over four hundred graduating students at the University. I mastered scholarly knowledge not only in music and literature but also in several scientific subjects. I was competent in mathematics and astronomy and generally was regarded as brilliant, yet after two years of study with an excellent teacher, I hardly had any understanding of how astrology worked. I could see that it did work and that Travengard knew how, but the formulas were too intricate, the calculations too involved for me to grasp more than the first steps and then only with difficulty.

     "If a leading graduate of a university , a Master Scholar, didn't succeed, how could you expect that rug merchant over there to understand it? Actually that defeat helped me a lot. I used to think that I was better than everybody else because I was so smart and knew a lot of academic information other people didn't. In reality I'm no better than the rug merchant who can't do any more arithmetic than he needs to run his business. In two years of study I couldn't get any farther as an astrologer than he could... The only reasons I mentioned astrology and magic are that I like you, and you seem intelligent. The two things together convinced me to try. In fact it's been more than two years since I mentioned astrology to anyone who I didn't know already was interested in it."           Arlyn was impressed by this last little speech of Krisdevon's, particularly about his being a Scholar, and though she still was unwilling to believe him, she did wish to mollify him. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or imply you're a fool. I've never seen these things, and you can't expect me to accept them without some kind of proof."

     Krisdevon paused for several moments before answering. He looked up at the sky and then back at Arlyn. "It's noon,"he said. "I'm through here for the day. If the people around here see me talking to you like this, they'll think I'm stupid, and I don't care to get a reputation as an ass... not unless it'd serve some purpose anyway. We've been talking quietly, but if we stay here any longer, someone might hear. If you want proof you can put your hand out and touch, I can give it to you. It's a story I've only told twice before, once to Travengard, who not only believed it but questioned me at length about the details, and later to a wise old woman in the northwestern forests, but I'll tell it to you if you want... Something draws me to you... I've been afraid to say this because it sounds like a line, but since the first moment I saw your face, I've sensed there's something which's is going to join our futures. I don't know what it is, but if i relax and don't try to force my mind, it'll come to me."

     "I feel strangely, too," replied Arlyn. "The whole time I've been sitting with you, I've had sensations I've never experienced before. They were very strong a little while ago when I wanted to get up and walk away from you because I thought you were talking nonsense. I couldn't move."

     "There's a park not far from here. Let's go there and eat lunch. I have some good dates and nuts in my pouch. Then I'll tell you the story I promised."

     Arlyn nodded assent, and after Krisdevon had rolled up his flutes in the fur, they walked out of the plaza and toward the park. Neither spoke while they walked, but Arlyn did notice he walked remarkably well for a man with a peg leg. After stopping to purchase some fresh fruit, Krisdevon led Arlyn to the park where she had spent the previous night and took her to a quiet grove where there were few people. They sat in almost complete silence as they ate. The only time either of them spoke was to offer the other some food.

     "That story must be extremely important to him," thought Arlyn. "I wonder what it is... I don't know if I like him. He's awfully strange, but his voice seems so kind... Why am I afraid of that story? It won't persuade me. I know better... But that's not what I was taught. I was taught to be open to truth, and nothing is true or false until it has been proved to me... Now I know why I'm afraid. If he proves he's right, it'll change my whole life, and I don't want my whole life changed... not that much anyway... but I don't want to go on living a lie either if that's what I'm doing..."

     Even after they had finished eating, Krisdevon said nothing. He sat very still with his eyes closed as if he was in deep meditation. Arlyn thought it unwise to rush him, so she lay down on her back and closed her eyes. She had begun drifting in a light sleep when she felt something soft and moist touch her forehead. Lazily she opened her eyes to discover Krisdevon had kissed her and now was sitting up with the larger of his two flutes to his mouth. His gentle gesture of affection moved her to feeling a placid sense of well-being.

     As she listened to him play, she could tell he had been correct before when he had said he was not playing well, but she also could tell he had been very modest when he had said he was not a very talented musician. His music no longer resembled the sounds of nature, copied an approximation of this or that bird. It duplicated these sounds with an identity which even frightened Arlyn somewhat, yet the beauty of his Lyrian music was not merely an imitation of natural sounds but in how he arranged them, made them flow together in an order at once as simple as the random order of nature itself, but then also as precise and controlled as an order which only can be produced by a person with both human warmth and a deep, mystical understanding of their place in nature.

     Arlyn was so spellbound that when Krisdevon finally stopped playing, she was unable to move even to voice her approval of his concert. For a while they sat in silence, and Arlyn noticed that all around them was still. No birds were chirping, no insects calling, and only a breath of wind was passing through the trees. Then Krisdevon asked, "Are you ready to hear my story?"

     "Yes," she answered.

Chapter V

     "I was the only child of moderately wealthy, merchant class parents," he began. "At first they intended for me to take over the family carpet business, but when my aptitude for academic studies became apparent, they set their hearts on my being a great scholar... They've never forgiven me for not living up to their expectations... Anyway, I was given all the best tutors money could buy. I enjoyed my studies then, so I learned quickly. I entered the University of Vadriel two years younger than you're supposed to and made rapid progress. I was allowed to take the final examinations after only six years instead of the usual ten. I passed, and I still am recognized as a full-fledged Scholar.

     "Most of my last year there I was in the habit of taking long hikes in the country and camping in the woods. When I started, I told myself it was just to strengthen my body because it had gotten weak from the easy life I'd been living, but as I learned to live in the woods and ventured farther and farther from the city, I came to love this kind of life.

     I began to tire of academic life because most of the knowledge I got from it was about things outside of myself, and the knowledge I wanted was about what was inside me. I'd heard stories about wise people living in the forests, so I decided to seek out some of these people. Mind you, I wasn't looking for astrologers or people like that. What I was searching for was a peaceful spirit who lived a serene life. You don't find them in the city. From someone like that I thought I could learn something more important than even philosophy.

     "When I finally completed school, I put together a few things I could carry on my back, went home and told my astounded parents what I was going to do, and set off. While I was traveling, I lived by gathering food. It's abundant in the forests... I spent short periods with different tribes. They're glad to let you stay as long as you like. I was working with them on the daily chores of forest existence like clearing an area for a garden, building a house, collecting food, or whatever other task I volunteered for. I was happy with my day to day existence but always beneath the surface was my search for one of the wise people I'd heard were everywhere.

     "I wandered constantly, asking each group if any of these wise people were living with them, and in one way or another I got the same answer whenever I asked, 'The people you see here are all the people in our group.' If I persisted and said, 'Yes, but are any of them wise, at peace?' the answer came back, 'What we seem to be, we are.' It never got any farther than that. I began to think that all these groups had agreements to be friendly to strangers but never to let them in on tribal secrets. People would talk about any subject I wanted. Some took great pains to show me the intricacies of their crafts. That's how I learned to make flutes. Others explained to me how different plants grew. They went on long trips in the wilderness to show me natural wonders, but if I asked, 'Is that old woman wise?' I was told, 'She is what she seems to be.'

     "I kept moving on, and a lot of times when I left, the people were sad... disappointed, as if I'd missed something obvious. They usually told me to come back and live with them if I changed my mind.

     "This period of searching went on for several years. I managed to cover most of the forest areas of the Empire. I even enjoyed myself most of the time... The climate's rarely inhospitable anywhere on the island, but I traveled to the warmer parts in the north during the winter and back south in the spring.

     "At last it dawned on me I was missing something very important and very clear in all these communities. There weren't just a few wise people who hid so I couldn't find them. The forests were full of serene men, women, and children living as one with the nature around them. I'll admit they weren't quite what I'd expected them to be. They didn't sit around silent and inscrutable occasionally uttering some statement of awesome insight. Instead they lived the simple, active daily lives of all the forest peoples. Their great wisdom lay not in their capacity for spouting profound generalities but in their ability to find happiness by enjoying comfortable surroundings. Those things which were unpleasant and could be changed, they changed, and those which couldn't, they accepted. Sometimes, but only very rarely, there were minor personal conflicts, and these were easily resolved because the people had been raised to be kind and gentle. Warfare's virtually unknown because no one's ambitious for power over their neighbors or more material goods than necessity demands.

     "Now it seems rather obvious to me, but then it was a surprise of staggering proportions. No wonder they were sorry when I left. The knew if I'd stayed with any one tribe a little longer, I'd've figured it out, but I'd always expected a wise person to be devoted to some form of artistic endeavor and very knowledgeable about the great works I'd studied at the University. Most of the forest people are more highly aware of art than the average city dweller, but they don't seem to place the emphasis on it which I thought it deserved. Now I can see it doesn't hinder you from serene life amid nature unless you become obsessed with it like I did, but I also can see it isn't absolutely necessary in a search for inner peace.

     "Once I'd realized all of this, I decided to stay with one group for a long time. When these insights came to me, I'd already been staying with one tribe, the Tossori, for almost half a season, and that'd been long enough for me to form the beginnings of several good friendships, so I chose to remain with them. I immersed myself in the rhythm of the tribe's daily life for over a year and came to be a member of its family structure. I took a lover who shared her life with me for more than three years.

     "Sometime in the second year I was there, I began to notice people going to see a particular man before they began a serious enterprise. I knew him fairly well because we'd gone on food gathering parties together. In fact I'd become rather friendly with him. One day when I was alone with him, I asked him about these visits people paid him, and he told me he was an astrologer. At first I was quite annoyed that here in the forests was a quack defrauding the people. I also was surprised that these people who seemed wise could be taken in by someone like this. I told him my feelings in no uncertain terms. It was the first time I'd experienced anything akin to anger since I'd decided to stay with the Tossori.

     "Through all my ranting against him, Travengard was silent with a patient smile on his face. When I was done, he said, 'Just like you cusp dolphin people, you know a lot, but when you're confronted with something you don't understand, you bark at it like Dog sign people because you're close to them. You were born a few hours before the middle of summer, weren't you, probably in the fifth of the cycle of eight years. For you that would be the year 896 of the Mandistrian Dynasty the way that city people date births?' I had to admit he was right, and since I'd never mentioned my birthdate or anything about it to anyone in the tribe, I was unnerved by such an accurate estimate of my birthday.

     "Caught off balance though I was, I still was unconvinced, and Travengard could see it. He told me the only real proof a genuine astrologer could offer to a skeptic was to take them on as an apprentice. I took it for granted that if he was a fraud, the close contact I'd have with him through apprenticeship certainly would expose him, so I accepted. I can't say exactly when my last doubts left me, but it was within the first two seasons. Actually he didn't have anything like a constant stream of people coming to him for advice. Forest people are in harmony with nature, and when you're in a state like that, you know you can't do anything really wrong. They only came to him with serious matters like possible dates for marriage or conception of children, and no one ever asked him whether or not they should marry. They already knew if they were in love. They only asked questions like when or how. One event that stands out in my memory was a couple who wanted to marry on the bride's birthday, but Travengard was strongly against it. He rarely did more than recommend, but this time he was very stern in warning against it. They could've gone ahead and married on the day they'd wanted to because Travengard doesn't have any power to enforce his judgments, but they preferred to respect his wisdom. It turned out to be very fortunate they did. On the woman's birthday at the time marriages usually are performed, there was a great, sudden wind storm which blew over a tree on the meeting house where the wedding would've been solemnized. If they'd been inside, they'd've been killed. As it was, the building was empty. There were too many things like that for me to be a skeptic for long.

     "After two years of living with Travengard, working on daily chores with him, traveling with him when he went to the city, and, most importantly, studying with him constantly, I reached a point where I stopped learning. I came to the conclusion I was stymied and had gotten as far as I could in my study of astrology. Travengard tried to convince me I had good potential as an astrologer. He told me he had taken more than five years to see beyond the volumes of formulas and equations into the actual working of the science, but I was impatient. Probably it had a lot to do with my reading about the two Magicians. I wanted to see one of them, and I used the difficulty I was having mastering astrology, especially the parts about self-knowledge, as an excuse to interrupt my studies and travel to the far northwest where one of the Magicians lives.

     "Travengard didn't object, but he did caution me it was going to be a very difficult undertaking. He also told me he wouldn't be able to give me much help with it. He explained that he had no idea what sign either of the Magicians had been born under and told me that magic included astrology but also went far beyond it. 'Astrology primarily is concerned with knowledge of what is, existing things like the influences the stars have on our daily lives and how this information can best be used to advantage. Magic, on the other hand, deals with Power, how to control what is, and even more so, how to change it by magical means. I don't mean to imply the Magicians can move the stars around although I've heard it once was possible, but they can manipulate the influences working on something as long as they stay within the limitations the stars put on them.'

     "With these warnings in mind, I talked it over with my lover, Covada, and we decided to set out for the northwest coast as soon as we could. Covada was particularly eager to go because although she was thirty-two years old, she'd never gone more than a few kilometers from the village where she'd been born. At first we made fairly good traveling time. We stopped to ask for food from forest tribes like our own and moved leisurely in the direction of the promontory where the Magician was supposed to have his castle. When we came to a plains region, we crossed as quickly as possible. Although people there aren't openly hostile, their own subjugation by the Empire does tend to make them resent our freedom as forest dwellers.

     "As yet it hadn't occurred to me that you didn't simply walk up to the gates of a Magician's castle and ask to be let in for a chat. I'd read they were solitary creatures, but I'd never met a teacher who wasn't willing to allow a pupil to study with them as long as they thought both they and their pupil were benefiting from the relationship.

     "As we went north, the climate got warmer, and as we went west, the forests grew denser. We met fewer people and more wild animals, but for years we'd lived in peace with the animals from bears and mountain lions to snakes, so we didn't expect any difficulty. We meant no harm to them, and they could tell we didn't.

     "But then something horrible happened. We'd stopped for the night in the village of Aosis, and I'd questioned the people about the Magician. The Mandistrian map I had indicated we were getting close to where the land ended and the ocean began, so I thought these people might give me some idea of how much farther we had to go. They told me it was fifty kilometers to the river which formed the nearest border of the Magician's land and perhaps fifteen or twenty kilometers more within his territory to reach his castle. The exact size of his enclave was unknown to them. I was told the Magician was not a bad neighbor as long as they didn't trespass on his territory. People occasionally had and had come back unmolested. Not long before I got there a mother'd gone across the river and returned with her nine year old daughter who'd floated her small boat too far out on the river and been swept to the other side by the current, but others hadn't returned. No one in their tribe actually had seen the Magician, but one old woman said her grandfather had glimpsed his castle from a distance. Needless to say they recommended I abandon my quest, but I told them we'd come too far to go home without making some attempt to see the Magician, so the Aosians reluctantly gave us directions.

     "The next morning when we'd gone only a few hundred meters from the village, a huge, wild boar weighing at least three hundred and fifty kilos charged out of the underbrush at us. It hurtled straight for Covada and trampled right over her. After it came to a halt, it turned and without a second of hesitation headed for me. I could see from its appearance and manner it was sick and in great pain. Sadly there was no way to try to heal the animal. I had only one tool with me which I could use to defend myself, my hatchet. It never was intended to be used as a weapon, but it was very sharp. I drew it and dropped my pack on the ground. I intended to sidestep the boar at the last minute and strike it on the neck. I hoped this would put the animal out of its misery instantly. My leap to the side was perfectly timed, and my hatchet swing was accurate, but the boar swerved a bit at the last second, and although I managed to kill it, I also got my right leg crushed below the shin. I roared in pain, fell down, and passed out.

     "The next thing I remember was waking up back in the village. I was told I'd been unconscious for fifteen days from loss of blood. I asked where Covada was, and they told me they had found her lying dead next to me when they had run out of the village to find out what the scream they'd heard was all about. I'd been very deeply in love with her, and the combination of her death and the loss of part of my leg made me sink into despair for a long time, half a season in fact. I spent hours at a time obsessed with thoughts of things we'd done together... but not everything was working against me. The boar'd been a menace throughout the area for almost a year and'd maimed and killed a number of people, three from the Aosians own tribe, so I was a hero in their eyes. As a show of their appreciation they vowed among themselves to give me back the will to live. A great healer came from a neighboring town and ministered to me. He fed me herbs to ease pain and applied salves to help the stump heal quickly without infection.

     "One of the things he ordered was for me to be surrounded with beautiful women. For quite a while I didn't even notice it. I'd been almost as one with Covada, and no one else had been attractive to me for years, but my body healed in spite of myself and finally their continuous attention and affection had the intended effect. At first I was puzzled why he kept up this nursing by beautiful women after I regained my will to live because now his obvious aim was that I make love with them. There aren't many sexual taboos in the forest, and since a great deal of fondness had developed between me and two of my nurses, I became lover to both of them. Then his subtle understanding of my mind as a young man became clear to me. He'd reasoned that being mutilated as I'd been, I might think I'd lost my manhood and waste seasons trying to regain my confidence. These relationships were to prevent my mind from running in that direction. How could I worry about loss of manhood when I constantly was embracing my lovers?

     "When I finally was able to move about on crutches, I again began to think about going to visit the Magician. It was generally agreed by the members of the tribe that the boar had had nothing to do with the Magician. They'd never heard of him acting like that. Besides, the boar had been causing trouble before I'd set out to see the Magician. I started taking long walks with food gathering parties using a wooden leg I strapped on with leather thongs. I still felt a lot of pain, but I was more resolved than ever, and work was the best way of strengthening myself.

     "At last I was back in good health. I'd been accepted into the Aosian family unit, and for more than a season my immediate family partners had been my two lovers, a woman about forty, another about sixty, three other men, two a little older than I and one the same age as my lovers, and two children. I talked with them about my intention of going to see the Magician. They thought it wasn't a good idea, but they agreed I had to do it because I'd have no peace if I didn't. It was agreed the younger man would accompany me as far as the river, but I knew it'd be unfair to ask anyone to go further than that. All seven adults as well as the children made it very clear to me I might be greatly changed by meeting the Magician, but no matter what they wanted me to know they loved me and wanted me to come back to them after I left the Magician.

     "Not long after this discussion, we set out. We had to travel slowly because of my leg, but we made good time. We reached the river in about seven days. I rested for a few days with the tribe living nearest the river and talked with them about my determination to see the Magician. Their answer was roughly what I'd expected it to be: even if I did pass through the forests on the other side of the river, and they all warned me the forests there were different from any I'd ever seen, what made me think the Magician would allow me to enter his castle and converse with him? Actually I'd formed a rough plan of how to approach this problem, but I had no idea if it'd work.

     "This tribe knew of at least two people in the last hundred years who'd tried to see the Magician and'd been scrutinized very carefully from the top of the castle wall, apparently by the Magician. They'd been told to depart immediately. They'd done as they'd been told and'd lived to tell about it. Others who had tried to see the Magician had been found floating in the river partially eaten by animals but with their faces still intact so they could be identified. It was assumed these others had not done as they'd been told. There were other tales of people who'd gone over to steal some of the strange animals which live in the forests there, but none of them'd ever been heard from again, not even floating bodies. I also was told that unlike the case of the Magician of the southeast, no imperial army ever had tried to invade his land. In their opinion it was so great a distance through ordinary forest before you reached the land of the Magician that they doubted the imperial government even knew about him.

     "One morning when I woke up, I felt I had healed as much as I was going to, so I decided to go that very day. I really was all quite simple. I told my companion to wait a few days for me before going back to our tribe without me, and then I rowed across. It's not a broad or swift river, perhaps fifty meters wide, and I had no trouble getting to the other side. I saw a point where the bank wasn't steep, and I headed my boat toward it. While I beached the boat and tied it to a tree, I noticed a large number of animal tracks. Some of these were unknown to me. At first I was disturbed by these unrecognizable tracks, but then I realized that it was to be expected that strange creatures'd be found in a forest belonging to a Magician. I walked up the beach and came to a path leading into the forest. It appeared to've been well worn by the animals, and I chose to follow it.

     "I didn't have far to go before I could tell this was no ordinary forest. All trees sense the presence of people near them, but these seemed much more active than the ones we're accustomed to. I'm not sure why, but I had the distinct feeling these trees not only could tell I was there. They also could defend themselves if they were attacked.

     "it wasn't difficult to see why poachers were tempted to steal birds and animals from this forest. They were of a strangeness and beauty which would bring high prices in the cities either alive for pets or dead for their skins and feathers. One that stands out in my memory was a little, furry, light blue creature which looked like a cross between a squirrel and a fox. I'd followed my path in the direction of the ocean for about a quarter of a day when I stopped to eat something. Up walked this little blue beastie, and he wouldn't move until I gave him some raisins. There were other unusual animals which were bigger, too, like a huge, short haired black elephant and others that bore no resemblance to anything I'd ever seen. None of them paid much attention to me although they did appear aware that I was there. They appeared to be confident I wouldn't be allowed to harm them even if I tried, but I had no desire to hurt them or take back anything I didn't come with.

     "I continued down the path another quarter of a day through open, park like woods before I got to the edge of the forest. I came out on a deserted, ordinary looking beach, and when I gazed out at the ocean, I saw why the Mandistrian coastal patrols never could attempt a marine invasion of the Magician's enclave. Huge, breaking waves over a kilometer off shore marked a great, uninterrupted barrier reef that would've destroyed any boat which came near it. I looked south and saw kilometers and kilometers of beach stretching away toward the horizon, but when I turned north, I saw what I'd come for. The castle of the Magician was less than a kilometer away. It was out a few hundred meters on a narrow, rocky spit of land. Actually it was rather disappointing at first glance. It was quite small, about thirty meters on a side, and built to blend in with the rocks around it. A hill rising beyond it made it invisible on the seaward side. There was a wall seven or eight meters high in front of it. There was a gate in the wall, and I walked toward it. I saw no sign of anything moving except a flock of pale reddish seagulls.

     "In all the time I'd been thinking about it, I only had been able to conceive of one possible way of approaching the Magician, by sitting down in front of his castle and playing my flute for him. It may sound silly, but I reasoned that I'd approached a lot of strangers this way and made more friends than enemies, so I took out my flute, sat down, and began playing.

     "I played for a while and got so involved in my music that I didn't notice the Magician watching me until he'd been there for some time. I reached the end of the piece I was playing, rested a minute, and glanced up to find the Magician standing stiffly on top of the wall. Although he was studying me with considerable interest, his expression made it clear he was not pleased to find me there.

     "'Play,' he said, and I did. When I was only half way through the piece, he interrupted me saying, 'Enough. Come in,' and the gates opened. I entered and found him by the door. I can't say how he got down because there were no stairs anywhere near him.

     "Close up he was a short man of slight build, graying brown hair, and a small goatee. If it hadn't been for what he was wearing, he could've looked like a typical merchant of later middle age, perhaps fifty-five years old. His clothes were garish, puffed sleeves with odd signs and loud colors, tights to match, and a gaudy cape. It all made him appear more like a court jester than a great wizard, but he seemed to think the garb was appropriate. He motioned me to follow him across the courtyard into the castle itself. One thing I couldn't help noticing with a shudder was a huge stone statue, at least two and a half meters high at the shoulder, of a giant, bear like animal standing on all fours. It was sculpted to show a large, healed scar down the center of its forehead as if long ago it had been wounded horribly in combat with some ferocious adversary. Since it was next to the castle door, I had to walk very close to it. I could see how each hair had been chiseled into the stone with such precision I almost expected to hear it growl.

     "He led me down a corridor and up some steps to a small, bare room with one chair facing a large window looking north on the sea. He sat down and nodded for me to sit on the floor, so I did. While I waited for him to speak, I studied him carefully. He was tired and looked as if he'd been awakened from a sound sleep... He asked me to play, but I don't know why. He stopped me again in the middle of a piece. Apparently it wasn't that he didn't like my playing. He just seemed to dislike flute music. I felt as if he thought I was holding something back and he was waiting for me to spring upon him with this reserve. It was very confusing for me to have him looking at me with increasing distress in his eyes. He was a great wizard, master of only he knew what powers, capable, no doubt, of turning me into a snail if he had wished, yet he looked at me very unsurely as though I was some fearsome opponent.

     "Then he said, 'You might as well go ahead and play what you can of the lower double octave, but I warn you, even the great flute master when he came here six hundred years before the founding of Mandistria had to settle for a standoff. I'm resigned to combat, but I have no idea how you could have been born without any of the usual signs preceding your birth.' His face became grim, and his eyes suddenly were joined by small bits of lightning. I was frightened more than I ever had been before. I sat there awaiting what ever fate worse than death he'd selected for me, but I felt nothing more than a slight tingling in my brain.

     "All of a sudden the visage of the Magician changed from grim power to exhausted relief, and to my astonishment he began laughing very hard. My confusion and amazement were complete... He'd asked me to play something he'd called the lower double octave after I'd played the full range of my flute including the lowest notes loudly and clearly several times. While I was waiting for him to stop laughing, I recalled that it was each time I'd played a descending run to the lowest note that he'd appeared most anxious, as though he was waiting for me to continue down into notes which didn't exist on my flute. I speculated these notes might exist along with some magical powers, and he expected me to play them as part of a combat with him, but I didn't have much of a chance to think about it because at that moment he stopped laughing.

     "'My name is Khator,' he said, 'As you must be quite well aware, I am the Wizard of the northwest. I mistakenly assumed you were someone else in disguise and your visit her to be motivated by a desire for battle, but now that I've looked you over a bit, I can see you are an ordinary human seeking knowledge. What is your name, human?'

     "'Krisdevon," I answered, and we proceeded to have a conversation which ran roughly like this:           "'Tell me, Krisdevon, why did you come here? You must know I've never admitted curious humans like yourself.'

     "'Yes, but then why have you let me in?'

     "'By mistake. Even Magicians make mistakes, but let this be certain to you. My error came from over caution, not carelessness.'

     "'Who did you think I was?'

     "'One of the Powers of the Sky.'

     "'You mean the tradition among the Mandistrians is really true?'

     "'Just as there are seven Powers ruling the Land, there are seven Powers ruling the Sky. Long ago one of them took it into her head to look with favor upon Mandistria. She even granted to the founder of the Mandistrian Dynasty that his firstborn could have vast human power which they could pass on to their firstborn and on and on indefinitely through their firstborn heirs to the throne though they no longer know this. They merely think the Powers of the Sky favor them. Sometimes, as in Andor VI, the power is accompanied by the mentality of a high grade moron. Since he came to the throne, I have been so disgusted that I have completely ignored the happenings in Mandistria... How do you think they managed to conquer most of Tireus. The Thacians had a far superior army. Mandistria simply had this extra strength on its side.'

     "'If there're seven Powers ruling the Land, and your name means "four" in Thacian, does that mean you are one of the seven Powers of the Land?'

     "'Yes.'

     "Are your origins Thacian?'

     "'Yes.'           "'How come you didn't give power to a Thacian like the Power of the Sky gave to a Mandistrian?'

     "'Unlike the Power of the Sky in question, I never have met a human, male or female, with whom I would care to mate, and the only way a child with human power can be produced is if one of the human parents has previously copulated with one of the Powers.'

     "'How come the power was given so it would pass on by heredity? Couldn't that produce complications later if the Power grew to dislike Mandistria?'

     "'Of course it could. There always are great problems when power is given to a human. The reason power was given in that way was in case of the destruction of this particular Power of the Air, because we are not necessarily eternal. In this way Mandistria still would rule unless some other Power chose to grant aid to another people, and even then they might remain successful if the new Power selected a poor human medium. That has happened, too.'

     "'Aren't there seven Powers of the Ocean?'    

     "'There once were, but a foul and evil creature, the issue of rape by a Giant upon a child Sphynx, a horror which calls itself "Great Tharl," has long since destroyed them and rules the Ocean by right of conquest. I should prefer not to discuss this despicable monster further... Where are you from?'

     "'I was born and raised in Vadriel. but now I consider myself Lyrian.'

     "'You live in the woods... with what tribe?'

     "'Tossori first, then Aosis.'

     "'Tossori is within the original boundaries of Thash. Do you feel any loyalty to Thash?'

     "'No, only to the Tossori and the Aosians.'

     "'At any rate you are honest. The Tossori nevertheless are people of Thash. Do you intend to live with them permanently?'

     "'Yes, sooner or later I'll go back to complete my studies with the astrologer among them, and after that, I'll stay on because it's peaceful there.'

     "'You mean Travengard?'

     "'Yes.'           "'Travengard is no fool, but he seeks only knowledge, not Power. This I don't understand. You, too, are like him. You want to know but not to rule. Is that true?'

     "'Yes, I believe it's wrong to exercise power and force others to do things they don't wish to... except to defend yourself.'

     "'Whatever pleases you, but do not expect me to act in accordance with such principles... You must be intelligent for Travengard to have accepted you as a pupil... You have amused me, so I will permit you to ask for something. I even may grant your wish if it amuses me, but I warn you. Do not ask for power or knowledge. Both could be harmful to me, and not only will I not give it to you, I will destroy you if you ask for them.'

     "'Give me back my leg.'

     "'That is a reasonable wish, but not even a Magician can undo the past. The best thing I can do is heal the stump and give you a peg leg as strong as a real one.'

     "'Then that will have to do.'

     "'Fine,' he said, and a moment later a short, heavy, brutal looking fellow came in with a tray of surgical instruments and a small wooden trunk. I only got a quick glimpse of him, but I won't forget him soon. He looked almost human except for a ridge of four short horns down the center of his bald head. Two of the horns were broken off making him appear even more formidable, and added to that, he didn't seem at all pleased to find me with the Magician. Fortunately he didn't have time to glower at me for long. Khator nodded, and he left.'

     "A comfortable armchair materialized opposite Khator's, and he told me to sit in it, so I did. He rolled up the leg of my pants and examined the stump briefly. I thought I heard him mumble to himself, 'Not bad for a human healer,' but I wasn't sure. He took a knife and cut away some scar tissue, and though I expected it to hurt badly, it neither hurt nor bled. He worked quickly and deftly. I watched with an odd sort of detached curiosity as he exposed the bone, drilled several holes through it, removed some marrow, tapped a thread into my leg, and then took a beautiful, round piece of wood from the chest. He stroked it a few times, and a matching screw thread with holes through it appeared on one end. He screwed it into the bone and secured it by placing steel pins through the holes in the bone and into the threaded part of the wood.

     "He passed his hand over it, and it felt like it became part of me. I even could feel slight sensations in the wood. Then he folded back the skin he'd cut open. It all joined over the bone as if he'd never operated on me, and I was left with a beautiful piece of wood anchored solidly in my stump.

     "'As you wear it down,' he said, 'more will grow from the bone. Now you must rest.' A bed materialized, and he carried me to it. 'Would you care to know something of your future?' he asked.

     "'Knowledge of the future often can be dangerous.' I replied. 'For example, if you tell me when I am to die, it could make my life difficult.'

     "He said that was a wise answer, and he would pick something happy. I agreed and fell asleep. When I awoke I didn't know how long I'd been sleeping, but it was night, and a candle was burning. I bent to look at my leg, and it appeared perfectly healed. I touched the wood, and I perceived a distinct sense of touch in it. I ran the end across the quilt on the bed, and I could feel the texture of the cloth. While I was experimenting with the remarkable sensitivity in my peg leg, the door opened, and a beautiful woman..." Krisdevon paused and stared at Arlyn with great surprise on his face.

     "Go on," she said. "I'm listening."

     "The woman who entered the room... Now I know why I was drawn to you. It hadn't occurred to me before now because it all happened a long time ago, and the memory of it was unpleasant, so I've forced it out of my mind, but you bear an astonishing resemblance to that woman. You're younger but very similar... I'm not sure I should go on... The Magician was very devious. How do I know you're not some manifestation of the Magician?" Krisdevon's tone changed to one of indignation, and he gazed intently at Arlyn trying to see deep within her.

     For Arlyn the tale had taken a very unpleasant turn and become all too immediate. After a pause she said, "I am not a manifestation of your magician or anything else. I am Arlyn. To borrow your phrase, 'I am what I seem to be.'"

     Krisdevon looked at her with increasing anger in his eyes, but then he sighed with relief and after a moment continued, "If you were Khator, you wouldn't've enjoyed my playing the flute, so you must be telling the truth. I'm sorry I was unkind to you just now, but let me go on, and it'll become clear to you why I reacted like I did."

     "The woman entered the room. She was without clothing, and something inside me said she reflected what I would call an ideal woman's body. She said, 'Make love with me.' She was beautiful, and I had no trouble doing what I'd been told. We made love a number of times in several different positions. She was a very practiced lover, and I enjoyed myself greatly, but each time I tried to talk with her, she wouldn't speak. Then I fell asleep again. When I awoke, it was daylight, and she'd gone.

     I got out of bed and walked over to the window. When I got there, I sensed the usual, natural calls of the morning, and a chamber pot appeared. I relieved myself, and it vanished as abruptly as it'd come. I thought of food, and a table of food appeared. I ate, and it disappeared. It was all rather humorous except for the fact that it actually was happening.

     "I was about to try the door when the Magician walked in. 'You slept well, I trust?' he asked.

     "'Quite well,' I replied. "'Thank you very much, and thank you for the company of your friend. I enjoyed being with her very much.'

     "'That was your prediction of the future,' he said. 'If I read your mind correctly, you desire to one day love a woman of such an appearance and nature, so I took that form to amuse you. I don't know if such a woman exists or where she might be, but for your sake I hope that if she exists, she is of great intellect independent from your own because you will be unhappy with her if she is not.'

     "'You mean that was you I made love with last night?' I asked. As you might expect, I became repulsed by what had been a pleasant experience.

     "I can see why you were upset before, Krisdevon," said Arlyn. "I forgive you."

     "Thank you," said Krisdevon. "That makes me feel better... I'm sure there was a note of sarcasm in his voice when he replied, 'Yes, it was I. You humans are strange. When you are given what you most desire, you are revolted by it.'

     "I said to him, 'What I most desire is not the embodiment of an adolescent fantasy in the form of a Magician with a perverse sense of humor. I don't want a woman who is all body and no mind. I wondered why she wouldn't speak with me. Perhaps, Khator, your were projecting onto me something of the human in you. Maybe by making her mindless you were living out your own fantasy. Remember it was you who said I wouldn't be happy with her unless she had an intellect independent of my own... I thought you said when a Power copulated with a human, it gave great power to the human's first born...'

     "'I begin to tire of you,' he said. 'Now you must leave.'

     "He looked very hostile again, and I regretted my outburst, but I did resent being the object of his humor. I said, 'I'm sorry if I've offended you by what I've said. It was thoughtless of me. Being the butt of such a practical joke is a small price to pay for the wonderful gift you've given me. I am deeply grateful for the peg leg. Thank you.'

     "'Don't thank me,' he answered, as he led me down to the castle door. 'I never do anything that isn't expressly for my own purposes.'

     "I said, 'Goodbye,' but he didn't answer. I walked into the courtyard, and the door slammed behind me. I walked straight out through the gate in the castle wall, and the gate closed. I quickly headed down the path I'd come by and resolved not to stop until I'd rowed across to the other side of the river. My new leg held up well, and I moved quickly. I met my companion when I reached the far side of the river and spent the night with the tribe there. The next morning we set out for Aosis. We reached there in three days, and I lived uneventfully in Aosis with the same family for about a year. After that I returned to the Tossori. Later on Travengard and I traveled for a while, and then we went back to the Tossori again. While I was back with the Tossori this last time, I made several good flutes from bamboo that'd been aging the whole time I'd been gone. Now I've come to Mandistria to sell them. That's the end of my story."

Chapter VI

     It was late in the afternoon before Krisdevon finished his lengthy tale. By that time Arlyn was very confused. The story seemed so real, so vivid that she wanted to believe it, yet it ran counter to all her training with the best scholars in Mandistria. Most puzzling was the part about the power which descended to the firstborn children of the Mandistrian ruling family. Krisdevon clearly had no idea who she was, and though she was tempted to tell him, her cautious nature prevailed. She sat motionless, not even trying to conceal the turmoil going on within her.

     After a few moments of silence Krisdevon put his peg leg across her lap and turned his face away from her. "Touch it," he said. "Touch it with as many fingers as you want, and I'll tell you how many it is... Go ahead. I'm waiting." Arlyn carefully looked to see if his head was facing away from her and then tentatively placed two fingers on the wood. "Two, try again," came the prompt reply. Arlyn tried four fingers with two close together and received, "Three... no four," for an answer. She tried two additional times before she was satisfied. Then Krisdevon turned back to her and said, "I can see this is too much to tell you at once. I promise not to talk about anything like this unless you ask me... Tell me about yourself."

     Arlyn was relieved that she was not going to have to say whether or not she believed Krisdevon. To tell him she did not accept his tale would have been calling him a liar. This not only would have ended their conversation, it would have made it impossible for her ever to spend time with him in the future, and she definitely did look forward to seeing him again because when he was not distressing her with stories of Magicians, she greatly enjoyed his company. And what if he had been telling the truth? "But... no," she thought, "that isn't possible."

     "I don't know where to begin," she said. "My parents're merchants, and we live on the other side of the city. They're too concerned with getting rich, so I avoid them most of the time. It's not difficult. They don't care much about me. That's why I can wander about the city without them trying to stop me. As long as I stay out of trouble, they're not interested in what I do.

     "They weren't worried about giving me a good education, but they always were willing to hire tutors for me because when I was studying, I was out of their way. That's how I learned most of what I know. What I like to do most, though, is play in parks like this and pretend I'm out in the country. Sometimes I even stay overnight. They don't miss me." Arlyn began to realize she was telling lies which might prove troublesome someday. There might come a time when she wanted to tell Krisdevon the truth, and the more lies she told now, the more difficult it would be to tell the truth later, so she finished with, "I don't know what else to say. It isn't easy to tell someone about yourself."

     "I understand," said Krisdevon. "I didn't mean to be nosy, but we've been talking since early morning, and I still don't know much beside your intellectual interests... Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

     "Yes, some of each, but they're all younger, and I've never had much to do with them."

     "That's odd. Usually older children take care of the younger ones."

     "They have a governess... My parents keep me apart from the other children, so I've been on my own for years... My parents don't like me very much, but I don't know why." Arlyn looked off in the distance thinking of her actual family situation and repeated softly, "I don't know why."

     "I'm sorry to hear that. It's important to be loved, especially when you're a child. It gives you an example of how to love later in life. In that way my parents were good to me even if they did want me to be a rug merchant... You must've been lonely."

     "No, not really," she answered. "You can't miss what you've never had. I didn't know things could be different because when I was small, I had very little to do with children my own age. I found them dull because I couldn't relate to them intellectually, I enjoyed being with my tutors and studying a lot, so my time was occupied, but I must admit lately I've been feeling I'm without something it might be nice to have."

     "What?" he asked.

     "A man," she answered.

     "Life without a mate can be sad. Since I left the Tossori two seasons ago, I've been alone, and I was alone a lot before that. While I was on my way here, I was tempted a number of times to make love with someone, but I didn't. Love runs deep among the forest people, but sex is kind of casual... carefree for them, so it tends to be quite available there. Actually since I left Aosis, I've had trouble blending into family units. I've been by myself so much traveling that I've had long periods when I wouldn't've been able to give myself to anyone honestly. I'd've just wanted a body to use, so I thought it was right not to sleep with anybody. It's been a sad time for me, but I'm glad it did it. I've worked out a lot of things in my mind which used to keep me from joining truly in the tribal family structure. Now I think I'm ready to understand people better and be closer to them... I'm more perceptive. I know there's always more to learn when it comes to being near to people, but, to tell the truth, the way I was a year ago, I might not've noticed your being upset this morning. I wasn't unkind then, but I probably wouldn't've been able to see your need to be distracted because I only was open to a very few people... I never did find out what was making you unhappy. What was it?"

     "It's complicated," she said.

     "I'm in no hurry if you aren't. You just listened to what was troubling me. I'd like to hear what's disturbing you, unless, of course, you'd rather not."

     "No, it's not that I don't want to tell you. It's difficult because I've never talked with anyone about this sort of thing. What was troubling me this morning was frustration. I'd been trying to write a poem about how beautiful the morning sun looked shining on the mesa and the fields around the city. I saw how beautiful it was, but I couldn't put it into a poem, so I was frustrated. I know it wasn't a big enough matter to be bothered about, but for the last few seasons I've had more and more of a problem facing situations which thwart me."

     Arlyn paused at this point, and after a few moments of silence, Krisdevon asked, "Do you have any idea why?"

     "I guess I do," she said. "I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm alone all of the time except for my tutors."

     This surprised Krisdevon who despite her hints to the contrary had thought Arlyn's upset was in some way connected to her having been jilted by a recent lover. He could tell that even though she tended toward being plump and muscular, traits not in fashion in Mandistria but quite attractive to himself as well as many other men, she was very pretty, and he could think of no reason why if she was free to roam Mandistria, she had not met at least a few men who wanted to keep company with her. It seemed so much more logical to him that being young and inexperienced someone had taken advantage of her and left her unhappy when he had moved on to new conquests. He knew from regrettable personal experience that large cities like Vadriel and Mandistria were filled with people, both male and female, who made a regular practice of deceiving people who sincerely sought love. After all this had run swiftly through his mind, he said, "It's surprising a beautiful young woman like you spends her time alone. Is it because you can't relate to most men intellectually?"

     "Partly, but there's more to it than that," she said. Arlyn's urge to blurt out the reason for her isolation grew greater each instant, but she suppressed it. She wanted more and more to unburden herself to Krisdevon. She found him very understanding, and when it occurred to her he might be trying to seduce her, she answered herself that if all he wanted was her body, he certainly would have made some attempt long before now. She was convinced he cared about her and was genuinely sympathetic with the unhappiness she was suffering.

     "Because I'm alone all the time," she continued, "I've no way of knowing if I, the person I am deep inside, is worthy of being loved. If someone liked me, I don't know if I could return his affection, and what you said before is true, too. It's hard to love a mate if you've never seen love between your parents when you were a child, and I certainly never did. My father is a weak, foolish man who thinks women are inferior to men. I doubt he spends much time with my mother out of bed. Living with an example of marriage like that, I began to wonder if it's really possible for a man and a woman to live together happily. I have bitter moments and promise myself I'll never have anything to do with marriage or men, but I keep having fantasies of how beautiful it would be if someone kind and gentle truly loved me. Then I find myself back at the beginning, worried that even if my ideal lover was mine, I wouldn't be worthy of his love. At one moment I feel better than everybody else, that no man is worthy of me because all men except for a few kindly old scholars are like my father, and the next moment I'm torn by the insecurity that it's me who's the rotten one, selfish like my father, and everybody else's nice, so I shouldn't be allowed near anyone else because I'd hurt whoever I was close to."

     Arlyn paused and realized all these things she was saying were truths which had remained hidden but ever present in the back of her mind. If she had not thought about them consciously many times, they had lurked within her just below the level of awareness for a long time, for how long even she did not know. She felt no little dread at having these truths become clear and distinct, and she began to cry, something she had not done since she was a small child.

     As Arlyn's sadness increased, so did Krisdevon's compassion for her situation. He, too, had had moments of unhappiness and was able to empathize with her, but being older and more experienced, he knew the relief and release which can be found in tears. He could see beyond her sadness to the healing power of her expression of sorrow and insecurity. This encounter with her problems would serve to bring them out into the open where she could deal with them with the assistance of her intellect, an especially useful tool considering the justifiable confidence she had in it.

     He recognized it was difficult for an adult to believe in their own worth if as a child they constantly had been put in situations which worked to convince them they were worthless, but he also saw this was an excellent opportunity to overcome the inner scars of Arlyn's unfortunate childhood, to reassure her and give her confidence in her own value as an emotional human being. He took her hand in his and stroked it gently. He felt her squeeze his hand tightly, and he said, "Don't be afraid. The very fact that you realize the failure of your parents' lives will make it easier to avoid their mistakes. Your fear of being selfish like your father will work as a barrier in your mind against actually being selfish yourself. A deeply held desire to love and be loved is the best guarantee you'll be able to when the chance presents itself. You'll have to work at it, but so does everyone who wants to build an enduring love relationship with a mate or a family. I've only spent a day with you, and I have to admit that isn't long, but I'm satisfied you're a good person, a kind and gentle person, who's worthy of being loved."

     She trembled and wept as she sat close to him. "Do you really think so?" she asked.

     "I wouldn't've said it if i didn't believe it," he replied. She leaned slightly toward him, and he took her in his arms. She clasped him hard against her breast and put her hand on his shoulder. She went on crying but began feeling better when she heard his soothing, deep voice saying, "Relax, Arlyn, it'll be all right."

     He could feel her tense muscles become looser. Memories of Covada and other people who had helped him conquer his own insecurities flitted across his mind, and he hoped he could help her overcome similar fears of having no value.

     She could feel his strength flowing into her, revitalizing her, and she was thankful. He had understood, and she felt better. After a time she raised her head and said, "I feel very silly for having put you through this. I'm better now. Thank you for being so patient."

     "It's not silly," he answered. "Self-doubt is something everyone who wants to be a mature adult has to go through and defeat. It can be frightening because self-confidence only comes with self-knowledge. Actually I'm glad to've listened to you. It pleases me to know you feel better. I believe it's the obligation of a human being to help other individuals... except possibly in the rare situations when the helper would be badly harmed... I'm sure I wouldn't've achieved whatever calm and strength I have if at least some of the people who helped me didn't agree with me on that."

     They went on another few seconds holding each other close, but then they both realized that with Arlyn over her sadness their embrace, if it continued any longer, would change from a basically comforting one to one which was sexual in nature. They moved apart quickly, startled to find themselves very emotionally and physically attracted to each other. Both sought to hide this new attraction fearing the other would find it hypocritical.

     Neither suspected the others yearning. Arlyn feared that if she admitted her desire, Krisdevon would think she had played on his sympathy to trap him into sex, and Krisdevon was just as afraid if he admitted his, she would think he was taking advantage of her sadness to seduce her. Again there was a long period of silence.

     By now it was late evening. In a deliberate attempt to change the subject Krisdevon asked Arlyn. "Are you hungry?"

     "Yes," she replied, "are you?"

     "I hadn't noticed it creeping up on me, but now I'm very hungry. I've got some vegetables in my room. Would you like to share them?"

     "Yes," she said. They stood up and began walking toward the building where he lived. They had not walked far when their hands accidentally brushed together. Each took this as a sign the other wanted to hold hands, so they did. Since each thought the other had initiated it, both felt freed from the fear of being the first to acknowledge the growing passion between them, a passion they now affirmed by the tightness with which they clasped their hands together.

     They quickly reached the nearby building where Krisdevon lived. It was a rather tall one, seven stories high, and it took a long time to climb up to Krisdevon"s room on the top floor. They both went in, and after he lit several candles, they sat down to rest from the climb up the stairs. The room was a large, corner room with windows facing north and east. There was little furniture: a table and chairs, a chest of drawers, a metal food cabinet, and a few neatly covered mattresses in the corners of the room. The walls were painted with trees and the ceiling with some white clouds in a blue sky. The room seemed almost like a small clearing in a forest. "Do you live here alone," asked Arlyn.

     "I do right now," he answered, "but the room belongs to the Tossori. We bought it when the building was being put up so we'd have a place to stay if any of us wanted to visit Mandistria. It's not used too often, but it's good to have just in case."

     After they had rested, he asked her, "Ready to eat something?"

     "Yes," she answered, and he took some vegetables from the food cabinet. She walked over to the table to help preparing their meal, and he gave her some carrots to clean. Then he place himself behind her and parted her long, thick brown hair. He put both his hands on her waist and kissed the back of her neck. She put her hands on his and leaned back against his chest. Both were frightened by the rush of joy they felt at this contact. For a second they even were slightly dizzy, but this passed, and they parted. They finished making their dinner, a salad of raw vegetables, and ate it sitting at the table. The only interruption of the silence around them was Arlyn's "It tastes very good," and Krisdevon's, "I'm glad you like it."

     They were both lost in thoughts of each other knowing they would soon act on a decision which would effect them for a long time to come. Casual meetings and happy, friendly sex might, under other circumstances, be possible for either of them, but these were not other circumstances. This was going to be a relationship which in some way or another would join them for a great while.

     Arlyn was fearful of the suddenness with which it all was happening and the enormity of the step she was taking. She had wanted love, a person to be with, the right person to be with, and here he was. She looked forward to being kissed and hugged by this man who was understanding and handsome, too. His strange tale of astrology and magic now was completely forgotten. But what came after kissing and hugging was an unknown, and knowing how it was done from watching sheep copulate in the palace garden did not make it any less an unknown.

     Krisdevon, too, thought of how she was the right person to fill an emptiness in his life. She was young, but in many ways she seemed to know a great deal. When her fears and self-doubts were overcome, as they surely would be because they were groundless, she would be a mature adult, a mate capable of sharing many interests with him yet never becoming a reflection of himself. She was far too intelligent for that. The independence of the manner in which she discussed music proved it.

     Like her, he also felt fear. He knew love could cause excruciating torment as well as vast joy. He had had one very unhappy experience with unrequited love, and even his nearly perfect relationship with Covada had ended in agony. Lastly, no little part of his thoughts centered on making love with Arlyn. Her short, heavy set, strong body, her large hips and full breasts appealed very much to him, and half a year of celibacy, even though it was a matter of personal choice and not necessity, heightened his eagerness to embrace her.

     Dinner over, they cleaned their bowls and set them back in the cabinet. He put his arms around her and drew her to him. As he kissed her mouth long and hard, she hugged him eagerly. Their tongues met and entwined.

She thought:

     It is so new, so strange to be holding Krisdevon in my arms. It has been a long wait but now it's over.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do Maybe I'll do something wrong, and he won't want me anymore. I'll hug him as tight as I can, so he'll know that even if I'm not a practiced lover, I want to please him. He's hugging me tight. I'm sure he understands.
There's something in the back of my my mind troubling me. I don't know what.
He's pushing his tongue into my mouth and licking my tongue. It feels odd but very nice. I guess I'm supposed to roll my tongue around his. Once you start kissing like this it's very nice.

He thought:

I'd almost forgotten how good it feels to hold a woman, to know something happy is beginning after a long time of discontent. I hope my leg doesn't bother her. Arlyn seems unsure of herself. I'll move very slowly so I don't frighten her. If I do something to make her first time with me bad, it'll be difficult to overcome. Better to be patient and help her feel secure.
She's hugging me very tight. My penis is throbbing and hard. I want her now? Be patient. If I rush, I'll make her unhappy, and what good'll that do?
Why won't she let my tongue into her mouth? There, now her teeth are open. Her kisses are warm and moist.
I'd better move apart from her. I'm being too eager.

     Krisdevon opened his arms from around Arlyn, and she released him. He took her hand and led her to one of the mattresses. She sat with her back on a large pillow placed against a wall. He put his head on her lap and stretched his body out on the mattress. They held hands and savored the closeness, the warmth of the points where their bodies touched.

     "This morning I was sad and alone," said Arlyn. "I was afraid I'd never find someone who'd care about me and who'd want me to care about him. Now here it is evening, and I've found someone. Oh, Krisdevon, it's beautiful."

     "I know what you're feeling," he answered. "I was alone this morning, too. This is the way it happens sometimes. It's rare and unbelievable but beautiful and real. We're very fortunate, you know. Some people live their entire lives waiting for something like this to happen to them, but it never does. We're not any better than a lot of good people. We're just luckier. Never forget that." She stroked her hand slowly across his forehead and through his long brown hair. He turned over and raised himself so his head was on a level with hers. They kissed a long, slow leisurely kiss, and this time as their tongues intertwined, neither thought much of anything except the physical sensation of the kiss.

     Krisdevon leaned away from her and began opening her shirt. She moved slightly so he could reach all the buttons easily. He bent his face to her breasts and kissed one while stroking the other with his hand.

She thought:

How odd it is to have a man unbuttoning my blouse, how odd yet how natural. I hope none of the buttons sticks closed. I've never been naked with a man before. I wish the candles were out? How silly I am. If the candles were out, I couldn't see him, and he's so handsome, so nice to watch as he kisses my breasts. His kissing my breast feels so good. I can feel the moisture flowing between my thighs. Soon, soon it will happen. I'm frightened. If the lights were out, he wouldn't see my body is so fat and ugly. He's so handsome. I hope he'll love me anyway. He's gentle and understanding. He won't seduce me and leave me. I'll be able to come to him when I'm troubled. That's important. Now I remember the thing which disturbed me before. I must push him away, but his kisses on my breasts feel so good? No, I must.

He thought:

Her skin is beautiful and smooth. It is a happy thought that I will open her blouse many times in the future and find this same smooth, fair skin. What makes this thought even more joyous is knowing I never will undress her out of boredom because we'll be able to speak with each other about lots of things we have in common. I hope my leg doesn't stand in the way. With many women, especially young ones, it might. She's so beautiful. I hope she'll love me anyway. Her breasts are full and firm, too, and her nipples are so beautiful. I can feel them becoming hard as I suck on them. My penis is throbbing and hard. I want to be within her soon. What? Why is she pushing me away?

     "Krisdevon," she said, "I'm frightened, What happens if I get pregnant?"

     "You mean you don't eat the male roots of the atrimus plant each month?" he asked.

     "No."

     "That's odd, but it isn't a problem because I eat the female roots. They keep a man sterile just like the male roots do for a woman.

     "Do they really work?It'd be awful for me to have a baby the way things are now."

     "It's always awful to have a baby you don't want. The roots've worked for hundreds of years, and I've eaten them regularly since I was twelve. I take things like that very seriously. I don't want to do something which'll hurt somebody, and that sure could. Anyway, I think if you're going to have a baby it should be a matter of choice which two people who know each other well have talked out carefully."

     "Do you have any children?"

     "No," he answered. During the time they were talking, Krisdevon continued to fondle Arlyn's breasts. He waited a few seconds to see if there was something else she wanted to say, and when she was silent, her returned to kissing her lips and caressing her tongue with his own. Again it was a leisurely kiss which went on for a long time. The only interruption was when Krisdevon moved away long enough to take off both their shirts and place her beneath himself. Like their kisses, their thoughts were leisurely, mostly little more than awareness of the sensations they were experiencing.

She thought:

I'm glad he eats those roots. It would've been awful if he didn't. I would've hated to stop, but I would've. I couldn't've risked it. He sounded so serious about being responsible for having children. I like that. What an unexpected thought crossed my mind. It makes me very happy. My whole body throbs with pleasure at his touch, but what makes me so joyous is knowing that this is only the first of many times we'll do this. In the future there'll be many times when I'll run my fingers through his hair and feel his lips on my breasts. Now our shirts are off, and I can feel his chest rubbing against my breasts. The tension in me is becoming awful. If I was fantasizing, by the time I was this excited, I would've started to masturbate. Maybe if I open my thighs, I can rub against his leg? There, I can. It's not as good as a finger, but it'll do. I feel so good. The waves of my pleasure are so sweet.

He thought:

Some men may think is restricts their masculinity to be sterile for a time, but they're fools. Arlyn would've stopped right then if there'd been any chance of her becoming pregnant. More women should be like that. There would be fewer unhappy children. Love is such a beautiful thing, and the body is only a small part of it. The reality of it lies in the hours and hours we will spend together walking in the woods, talking, going places, and doing things together? In my heart I know all these things are true, but at a moment like this all I can think of is how good my body feels. She's rubbing herself against my leg. I guess that's her way of getting herself ready. There's so much to learn whenever I take a new lover. Each has their own favorite things. My penis feels like a pulsating stone. I want to be within her right away? but I'd better wait until she's done doing that rubbing thing? Now she's stopping.

     Krisdevon opened the belt of Arlyn's pants, and when it proved awkward for her to take them off in a sitting position, they both stood up. After Arlyn had stepped out of her pants and underclothes, she opened Krisdevon's belt, and he, too, was soon naked. They gazed at each others bodies for a second before embracing standing up. Then they lay back down on the mattress.

She thought:

What! By the Sky and the Sea. What have I gotten into? His.. He's? It's as big as a horse's, and I'm so small there. It'll kill me to have that thing pushed into me. What can I do? He's so kind, so nice. I want to be his lover, but he'll split me as far as my navel. We're back on the mattress, and he's opening my thighs with his fingers.

He thought:

Naked she is so beautiful that I can't believe she is to be woman unto me. To have a warm and loving companion in life is all one fairly can ask, but if she has a body of such beauty as this, I have been twice blessed. Her breasts are even larger than I had expected, and her waist is just small enough to fit perfectly with her full hips and strong thighs.

     "Krisdevon," she said, "stop, I'm scared."

     "What's the matter?"he answered a bit unnerved at being interrupted at this moment.

     "Krisdevon, you're... it's as big as a horse's. You'll kill me with it.

     "My what?" he said amazed. "My penis, if that's what you're talking about, is no bigger and no smaller than any other average man of my height and build. A horse with one this size surely would be looked down upon by the mares in the stable... Wait a second. Open your legs." She did, and he placed his middle finger between her moist thighs trying to push his finger into her.

     "Ow," she cried loudly.

     In a state of complete surprise despite all her earlier hints he said, "Arlyn, you're a virgin!"

     "Yes," she said, "and I'm a very frightened virgin at that. I never thought men got so big. Are you sure you're not larger than normal?"

     "Yes, I'm sure," he answered, both greatly upset at the thought of the pain he would have to cause her by breaking her hymen and on the verge of laughter at the notion of his own, average sized genital being compared to a horse's. After a few seconds he managed to get his mind to change course. She was a virgin, so this was not going to be a pleasant experience for her. He knew he must minimize her pain because if this first time was bad, it might bring her unhappiness for a long time by making sex seem a purely negative act.

     "Arlyn," he said, "I really didn't have the slightest idea you were a virgin. I've been around forest people so long that I've forgotten life is different in the cities. In the forest little boys and girls begin making love at a very early age, and a twelve year old virgin is rare. I guess I should've figured it out when you said you didn't eat atrimus roots."

     "I'm sorry I'm a virgin," she said becoming afraid their relationship would be harmed by her virginity.

     "Don't be silly," he said smiling at her. "In some cultures virginity is highly prized. I'll admit it isn't in the forests, but it's no stigma there either, just a fact like your nose. If we're cautious, your hymen can be broken without it hurting too much. I'll be as gentle as I can. If you help me, it'll all be over quickly. Remember, it'll only hurt the first time. After that it'll be good."

     "I'm probably more scared of the strangeness than the pain, Krisdevon. I've hurt myself badly enough once or twice on athletic fields, and I seem to take pain without too much difficulty... Are you sure you're average sized?"

     "Yes, I'm sure, honest... You don't have any words for those parts of the body, do you?"

     "What do you mean?" she asked.

     "Your sex organ, what do you call it, and what about a man's?"

     "I guess you're right. I don't. I just call them 'it' or something like that."

     "Would you like to have words we could call them? I mean if we're going to be together, we ought to have words to use if we talk about making love."

     "All right, what do you usually use?" she asked.

     "'Cock' for a man's and 'pussy' for a woman's," he answered.

     "Those sound kind of nice. What about the act of doing it?"

     "There're lots of words for that. Some people like 'fucking,' but I like 'making love' best. Having an orgasm is 'coming,'" he said feeling very odd but still amused at the nature of the conversation.

     "I think I like 'making love,' too. That's your cock, and this's my pussy," she said equally amused while pointing to each in turn and becoming a little less afraid. She looked again, and if his penis still looked large, at least it no longer looked so frightening. "Your cock is still a little scary to look at," she said half playfully and half truthfully.

     "Oh," he said, "when you get to know him better, you'll find he's actually quite friendly. Why don't you get better acquainted with him?"

     "What should I do? Should I be properly introduced to him?"

     "That won't be necessary. This isn't a formal affair. Why don't you hold him in your hand?" Arlyn tentatively put her hand on Krisdevon's penis, and he promptly realized from the eager throbbing he felt that if she started fondling his penis, he would ejaculate almost right away. He had enjoyed the light banter about sexual vocabulary. It seemed to have relaxed Arlyn so she could help him break her hymen with as little pain as possible, but if he had an orgasm now, it would be a while before he could try again, so he decided to begin immediately.

     He placed a pillow with a cloth on it under her buttocks, climbed on top of her, and said, "Let's try and see what happens. Relax your body as much as you can, and try not to pull away. Push your pussy up against my cock. That'll help a lot."

     He attempted to penetrate her, and she did what he had told her, but right away she felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her groin. "Ow!" she cried pulling away. He held her so she could not move and again sought to break her hymen, but again made no headway. For a long time neither said anything. They simply struggled with and against their thoughts.

She thought:

Ow! I hurt. I hurt something awful. Oh, why does it have to be this way? It felt so nice before? I want to stop? No I don't. I've got to go through with this, or I'll be a virgin all my life. Anyway it's something I'll only have to go through once. Ow! Each time he pushes with his cock, it feels like I'm being cut with a dull knife. I've got to think about something good that'll come out of this, distract myself till it's over. Think about how nice it's going to be in the future. I won't be alone anymore. Krisdevon is going to be my man, and even if he's hurting me very badly now, later on he'll be kind and understanding. He's so handsome, too. In that way I'm lucky, because I'm not nearly as pretty as he is handsome. Maybe it will be easier if I try to relax and push myself up against him. Ow! That hurts even worse, but if I tried to stop him now, he'd probably be so angry I might lose him. He'd think I was just teasing him, and he'd hate me for it.

He thought:

What a miserable experience this is. I'm hurting her terribly, but there's no other way? She's extremely tight? I've never heard of anyone having this much trouble before. Damn thing must be a solid centimeter thick? Why can't there be another way? Causing pain is so wrong. And yet all the while my mind is being tormented, my body is reveling in this. My cock is pulsating with pleasure. Each new thrust at the barrier brings me greater waves of ecstasy? I'd better not come till this is through. What if I came before it was broken, and later before I could get hard again, she changed her mind and left. I'd never forgive myself for such a loss of control, but I'm so excited, so ready to come. It's been half a year, and I don't care how many times I've masturbated. I want to come now. I want to get my cock into her, but the harder I thrust, the more it hurts her, and I don't want to hurt her. I'd better take a few deep breaths, or I'll come whether I like it or not. I think I'll try one more push with all my might. There, I think I felt it move a little farther in.

     The last lunge by Krisdevon hurt Arlyn more than any before it, and she cried loudly in pain. Krisdevon, who normally would not commit even the smallest act of violence against another person, was torn beyond his endurance by this scream which obviously indicated nothing less than agony. No matter how much he desired Arlyn for his mate, no matter how much his throbbing penis demanded to be forced through Arlyn's hymen, his own moral objection to causing pain was greater, and he stopped.

     Arlyn rested for a second. Frightened he had halted because of something she had done, she asked, "Why did you stop?"

     "I can't go on hurting you like this. It's horrible. Let's stop now," he answered.

     Arlyn, who more or less had resigned herself to being miserable for a while, replied, "If we stop now, we'll only have to go through the same thing another time. Why do you think I've chosen you to do this with, because you're kind, and I know you wouldn't take pleasure from my pain. This suffering now'll work to unite us later. Please try again, and don't stop no matter what, Krisdevon. I want to get this over with as soon as possible." She paused and then said, "Look at it this way. Think how relieved we'll feel when it's over, and the sooner it's over, the sooner we'll feel relieved." Arlyn even managed a slight grin at her attempt at a joke.

     Krisdevon realized that whether he liked it or not, it could not be any other way, and if he quit after going this far, it would be selfish cowardice, almost like a healer refusing a patient they knows they can cure because they knows the treatment will be painful and fears the sound of the patient's screams. Chastened by Arlyn's stoicism, Krisdevon again placed his penis against Arlyn's hymen and pushed as hard as he could. Arlyn opened her legs as wide as she could and pressed against his penis. It hurt her badly, but she had felt it give somewhat before Krisdevon had paused, so she hoped it would be over soon.

     Krisdevon, too, hoped it would be over quickly and was well aware it depended on him, so he forced as hard as he could. Neither thought very much. A mindless fury possessed them as they strove toward the inevitable outcome of their desire to be lovers. Moments passed with little apparent progress, and then suddenly her hymen gave way, and the head of his penis entered her. He moved his body forward, and without too much difficulty slid the rest of his penis fully into her. Fearing Krisdevon would stop again, Arlyn had held back her urge to cry out, but the instant when her hymen was broken was excruciating, and she screamed as loudly as she could. Then all was still. Momentarily exhausted, they lay motionlessly together, but he had not had an orgasm. His penis was still hard and throbbing.

She thought:

When is this going to be over? Ow! When is going to be over? I have to force myself up against him. The more it hurts, the sooner it'll be over. I can feel something giving way. That must be it?. Aaah!!! I hate to scream, but I couldn't help that one. I can feel something inside me. I hope he'll lie still for a while. I'm exhausted. It's a good thing this only happens once. I never could go through it twice. Calm returning. There is a certain mellowness to lying here with him above me and his hard cock deep within me. The pain is subsiding.

He thought:

My cock hurts. The opening must be ripped from all the battering it's doing. Ow! I'd better be done soon, or I'll be in worse pain than she is. It's breaking. It's sliding in. Oh. It's unbelievable. Her pussy is so tight. As I slide past her broken hymen, I can feel a ring of ecstasy running down my cock. I've never felt anything like this before. How sad it comes from causing so much pain. I'm exhausted. I'd've thought I'd've wanted to come as soon as I penetrated her, but I only want to rest and lie still. I can't get over how good it felt sliding in past her broken hymen. That was quite unexpected. Her pussy still is holding me very tight. It feels very nice, but for now I have no urge to come. It seems so peaceful resting here like this, acknowledging that the union is complete.

     After they had lain still for a time, Krisdevon attempted to begin the rhythmic motions of love making, but Arlyn put her hands on his buttocks and drew him as close and deeply within her as she could. "It hurts when you try to move in and out," she said.

     "What if I do this?" he asked sliding only so far as he could without pulling the head of his cock beyond the point of her now broken hymen.

     "That doesn't hurt," she answered. "In fact when you go all the way in, It feels kind of nice. It pushes against something that likes being pushed against."

     The began moving with short, slow, easy motions, Krisdevon careful not to hurt her, Arlyn with hands holding him so he could not move too far accidentally. The impossibility of long, vigorous strokes made their passion prolonged and even somewhat serene.

She thought:

I'm glad that's over. It doesn't hurt much if he doesn't move out too far. It's even beginning to feel a little good. He seems to be enjoying this part of it. I hope he likes it with me because I've put him through a lot with all my crying out. I'm starting to feel a nice, warm feeling inside me. It's flowing up from my thighs and over my whole body. It's not as intense as when I do it myself, but it's giving me a soft feeling of well-being. I feel so nice, warm, happy. His cock seems to be getting even bigger and harder. Now it's pulsating as if his very heart is within me. That must be his sperm spurting into me. What a surprise to feel so happy, so beautiful after all this pain.He's sighing with joy and pleasure, and it's me who's giving this joy to him. I feel so fulfilled to love and be loved at last. </td>

He thought:

I can't get over what a bad time it was for her. I swear I'll never hurt her again. She seems to like it when I push all the way in. I hope she enjoys this at least a little. After what she's been through, she's entitled to an orgasm an hour long. Even without moving far, I'm going to come soon. The tingling in my cock grows with each stroke. Try to relax and make it last as long as possible. Half a year alone, hours of caressing, and all that pushing against her hymen wanting to come and having to hold back are all welling up inside me for this orgasm. I'm starting to come? Oh, joyous ecstasy, I hope I'm not hurting her. No, that wasn't a sigh of pain. My cock is leaping about within her. My sperm is flowing into her, and it keeps going on and on. I've never had such a long, intense orgasm. I love, and I am loved. There is no joy which can compare to this.

     Krisdevon lay quietly above Arlyn for a while and then realized he must be growing heavy for her, so he lay by her side. They embraced, but Krisdevon soon noticed from caressing her back that Arlyn was still somewhat tense. He moved his hand into the patch of hair between her thighs and began stroking her slowly. She sighed softly, and he rubbed around her clitoris a little more vigorously. Her ecstasy grew swiftly. Soon her hips writhed in passionate happiness, and her breathing was heavy with joy.

She thought:      With this release it is complete for me. | He thought: How beautiful it is to share this rapture, now to give as I before received.

     Her passion spent, Arlyn put her hand on Krisdevon to stop him. Again they lay still in the dim candlelight, this time both of them totally relaxed in their bliss and contentment. They were both about to fall asleep when Krisdevon got up and brought a basin and a wet towel for them to wash with. "We're quite a mess," said Arlyn laughing despite a twinge of pain the water caused on the sore place where her hymen had been.

     "Usually," he said, "the more messy you are afterwards, the better time you've had, but this time I'm afraid not. That's an awful lot of blood on the cloth and your thighs. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. Does it still hurt badly?"

     "Not really," she answered. "You're forgiven for whatever pain you caused me. I didn't enjoy hurting, but it was that or be a virgin forever. Anyway, I liked the rest of it. Stop looking so glum. This is a happy event. Two people have found each other."           Krisdevon was cheered by the contagious nature of Arlyn's grin. He took away the basin and towel and returned to the mattress smiling. They curled up together, and when their bodies were embraced comfortably, Krisdevon said, "I love you, Arlyn."

     "I love you, too, Krisdevon," she replied.

     They both soon were fast asleep.

Chapter VII

     After a short few hours of deep sleep Arlyn awoke to find Krisdevon still soundly asleep. She remembered that this very day she had a lesson with Scholar Aretius, and if she was not there, some sort of investigation would begin. Her first response was to laugh lazily at the thought of returning to the castle. She would have had no difficulty convincing Krisdevon to let her live with him. All she needed to do was say she wanted to escape her family situation, and when the time came for him to go back to the forest, she would accompany him. As for a search brought on by her disappearance: unlike the other members of the Imperial Family, no one outside of a few people knew what she looked like. There even were not any portraits of her by palace artists, and her farther, the Emperor, probably would consider her vanishing a blessing, so no inquiry into it would be pursued actively.

     Then the cautious aspect of her nature came forward with an argument which defeated all the others. Permanently leaving the palace was too large a step to take merely because she felt like lying in bed a few hours longer. A decision of this magnitude required careful consideration, so she arose, dressed quietly, and wrote the following note to her sleeping beloved:

"Dearest Krisdevon,
     Although I said my parents allow me to roam about the city as I wish, I must admit that's not entirely true. They don't take much interest in what I do, but they're very strict, and if they discovered I was doing something they disapproved of, they could make my life very unpleasant. They certainly would be very angry with me for staying overnight with a man, so I must be home this morning before I'm missed. I was going to wake you and tell you this, but you seemed to be enjoying your sleep so much I thought it would be wrong to disturb you. I may have to be gone several days, but I'll try to arrange it so next time I can stay for a few days instead of only one. As soon as I can, I'll meet you in the plaza while you're sitting there for your morning business hours.                                         Love,
                                        Arlyn"

     She had been tempted to write something gushing and romantic, but she was afraid she would sound artificial and insincere, so she limited herself to a plausible excuse for leaving.

     Outside she saw the sun had not risen yet. As she walked toward the mesa in the pre-dawn cool, her mind joyfully recalled the details of the previous day. She reached the mesa not long after the sun had risen, lined up the tower on the city wall with the corner of the building she had used as a reference point, and after checking to see she was unobserved, walked into the undergrowth at exactly the point she had planned. Her gear was where she had left it, and the small marks she had made for a trail led her to the door at the base of the mesa. Once inside with her lamp lit, she wedged the door shut, and followed the tunnel to the stone ladder. Her mind was so distracted with thoughts of love that she did not notice the damp cold of the tunnel, but she had not climbed more than a hundred rungs before before she became acutely aware that going up was a much harder task than going down. She was tired from lack of sleep, and she began having sharp pains in her groin where her hymen had been broken. Several times she became dizzy, and after she almost fell, she became frightened she might not reach the top. Temptation grew in her to go back down and return to Krisdevon, but in her despondency she suddenly shook herself and thought, "Now that I have something to live for, I'm not giving up easily. It's going to be hard, but I know I can make it to the top. All I have to do is set my mind to it. I'll go back to Krisdevon soon enough."

     Her determination renewed, Aryln felt energy surge through her body, and she began climbing with a moderate, rhythmic pace. Stopping to rest every hundred rungs, she reached the summit well before noon. She entered the garden and lay down in the clearing near the door in the wall. Her body ached all over, and blood stained her undergarment. She wanted to fall asleep, but knew she never would wake up in time for her lesson, so she forced herself to remain conscious.

     When the time for the lesson drew near, Arlyn fought off all the pains in her body and made her way by servant hallways to her apartment where she washed with a damp cloth, changed her clothing to make herself presentable, and left word with Lan to prepare a very hot bath for her after her lesson. She went to the small reading room near the library where her tutorials usually were held, and waited for the arrival of the great mathematician. He was not long in coming. Being totally exhausted, she resolved to say very little and make the lesson as short as possible. Mathematics could be discussed at a time when she was not in danger of collapsing. How she managed to simulate attentiveness, she was not able to understand later, but at last she had nodded agreement to the final theorem, scheduled a lesson for three days later, and gone to her bath.

     No athletic endeavor ever had made her ache the way climbing the stone ladder had, but the hot water worked to relax her taut muscles. An hour passed, and well-being began to return to her body. Krisdevon's face appeared hovering above her, and she closed her eyes to let fantasy take control of her. She relived the previous day and soon found she was fondling herself. As she masturbated, she thought of how happy it would be to live in the forests with Krisdevon, free from all the problems of life in the castle. She pictured a small, solidly built cabin where they could be alone together for hours or even days at a time. They could play flute and lyre duets, take long walks in the woods, or make love in the light of the fire in a fireplace near their bed.

     He body completely relaxed and her mind at peace, she left the bath and went to her bedchamber. Once dry she got into her bed, and though it was only mid afternoon, she was asleep almost immediately.

Chapter VIII

     Arlyn did not awake until the sun had risen the next morning, but when she did, she was fully rested and ready to formulate plans which would make it possible to see Krisdevon for long and frequent periods. As she ate her breakfast, she arranged in her mind how all her lessons could be held on the first two consecutive days of each decaday (The decaday was a period of ten days. Each season was divided into nine deacadays. It and the season were the primary units of the Tirean calendar. The Tirean time units also divided the day into decimal units not used here.). Then, if she devoted all her time to it, she could complete all the work related to these lessons in the next four days and spend the remaining four days with Krisdevon. Eagerly she figured out which scholar could be seen at what time on these two days without conflict with their already crowded schedules, but all the while she was solving these problems, something in her mind was gnawing at her newly found elation. She could not put her finger on exactly what it was, but something was wrong, and she knew it.

     Then as she was dressing, the specter which had been lurking in her mind just out of the range of her awareness leapt upward into her consciousness where it could confront her. It was Krisdevon's tale of magic. No sooner than he had finished it than her loneliness had forced her to forget this one blemish in an otherwise apparently ideal mate. As long as she had been with him, captivated by all the potential joy he represented to her, she had been able to repress this aspect of him, but now as she sat alone in her bedchamber, his story, or more precisely the possible motivations behind his having told it, began to torment her.

     Did he make it up as a joke to amuse her? It certainly was not funny. Had it been a ruse to hold her attention long enough to seduce her? But that seemed very unlike the other parts of his personality which seemed gentle and understanding, not selfish and unkind as seducers are supposed to be. It all came back to one thing, his motivation for making up this nonsense, because what else could it be but nonsense? If his motivation had been evil, then everything else, the words of comfort, and, yes, even the words of love also were likely to have been lies. The final alternative, that he actually had been telling the truth, still was beyond her comprehension.

     For an hour she simply refused to consider the possibility, and then in desperation she went to the library and began rummaging through old books searching for what she did not know. After three hours she was not significantly closer to finding if Krisdevon's tale could be true, but she had learned to her surprise that the older the books she examined, the less certain the authors seemed to be that magic did not exist. To make her confusion even greater, she began to dwell on the strange ability to tell how many fingers had touched his peg leg. By this time she was thoroughly frustrated, so she went to dinner and spent the evening practicing her lyre in preparation for he lesson the next day with the academy music master. Playing music soothed her spirit, and though she still was somewhat troubled, she slept well.

     Her music lesson was uneventful, and the music master readily agreed to change the time of her tutorial. She had been tempted to broach the subject of the lyrian flute, but of all her mentors the music master was the one with whom she had the least personal contact, so she chose to remain silent on that topic.

     Her lesson completed, she again hurried to the library, this time intent on finding books older than the ones on the main library shelves. The previous day when she deliberately had sought old books, she had noticed that the few books more than a hundred and eighty years old had been recopied about a hundred and seventy years ago, so she resolved to begin investigating if there might be older rooms where older books were kept. Something inside her warned her that it would be foolish to ask questions of Scholar Aretius' cousin, Orvym, the librarian, a portly, avuncular, and amiably incompetent fellow in his late seventies who had been in charge of the library more than forty years. She had the distinct feeling she was involved in a matter which was forbidden, so Orvym probably knew nothing about it and could not help her, or if by chance he knew something, he might prevent her research from going further.

     She proceeded to wander about the library building until she found a staircase going down to a locked door. The stairs were kept clean by the custodians, but unlike most of the stairways in the library, these steps showed little sign of wear.

     It now was time for the noon meal, a time when Arlyn knew Orvym would not be in his carrel, so she went to his desk and took his large ring of keys. She returned to the locked door and found the key which fit. After opening the lock, which only turned with considerable difficulty, and pushing the door slightly ajar, she could see several shelves of books, so she decided to investigate further. She quickly traced an accurate outline of the key so she could duplicate it later and then returned the key ring to Orvym's desk. She went back to the door with a small reading lamp and cautiously entered the room beyond the door.

     Once inside the room the first thing which struck her was the terrible smell of the place. It stank of rotting, worm-eaten books, and as soon as she tried to move around, clouds of dust rose on all sides of her. Arlyn wedged the door shut from the inside so no one could interrupt her accidentally and quietly set about discovering what she had found. The room was small as library rooms went, perhaps three meters by six meters by two meters, and had no study facilities, desks, tables, or chairs, only tightly packed, floor to ceiling shelves of musty books. Arlyn noticed several titles she was familiar with from recopied volumes upstairs and inspected these first. She was not long in arriving at the conclusion that much had been eliminated from the later editions. At first glance what had been removed did not appear to be dangerous. There were no incantations for summoning spirits or formulas for astrology, only anecdotes of strange, inexplicable events which might possibly point toward supernatural phenomena. The reporting of these happenings generally was unscientific, and Arlyn saw the censorship exercised upon these early writers as a quite justified means of preventing the spread of falsehood which could be potentially dangerous even in such seemingly innocuous cases as these.

     Folded into one of these books she found a scribe's rough copy of an Imperial edict signed by Empress Santime II and dating 174 years earlier. It decreed that all books, papers, charts, etc. dealing entirely with supernatural arts were to be destroyed and others dealing in part with them were to be recopied with with the offending portions eliminated. Arlyn knew this corresponded it time to the end of a long period of imperial investigation into all things occult which resulted in public banning of activities involving people claiming occult powers. Severe persecution had ensued, and most dissenters had fled Mandistria and other major cities. Arlyn recognized that if this explained nothing else, it more than likely explained the existence of the books Krisdevon had seen among the forest peoples. It still did not make one word of these books true.

     Late afternoon and the library closing time had crept up on Arlyn, so she replaced the volumes on the shelves and carefully left the room. She intended to return early the next morning with a key she had cut from a flat sheet of metal. Although this would leave the room unlocked overnight, Arlyn decided it was not a bad risk because the library was empty at night. In the unlikely event her duplicate key did not work, she would read in the room until the noon meal and again take Orvym's keys to relock it. As for the disturbed dust on the floor of the room, it might be years before it was discovered, and then there would be nothing to link it with Arlyn. After a visit to the Palace metal shop Arlyn ate dinner and studied before retiring.

     Morning again found Arlyn in the cellar room of the Library where she tested the key she had made. It worked. This meant she could have almost unlimited access to the forbidden collection, a fact Arlyn had mixed feelings about because yesterday among the generally unscientific accounts of strange happenings she had found a handful of reports of a far more precise, controlled nature by scholars she had been taught to respect. To be sure, none of these accounts pretended to authenticate the occurrences they described, but Arlyn found it upsetting to find these great earlier scholars admitting their inability to produce rational, objective causes for the effects they had witnessed.

     Arlyn now realized some of her ambiguous emotions about going on in her research were based in the fear of finding data which would require her to change her thinking concerning many subjects about which her ideas were very set. She saw how her whole world, either as small as it was physically or broad intellectually, was acutely structured so that her mind was drastically restricted when she was faced with information antithetical to her beliefs. This newly acquired self-knowledge caused Arlyn no small guilt because she always had prided herself on the open-minded nature of her intellect. It also forced her to question the competence of most of the scholars of the Academy because if occult powers did exist, these great, learned people were in large part intellectual bigots of the first rank, guilty either of refusal to conduct valid experiments or suppression of valid truth. Trembling with a new eagerness to examine these materials more openly, Arlyn began reading the older books, the ones which were totally unfamiliar to her.

     At once she was overwhelmed by the radically different nature of these older volumes. None of the authors here expressed confusion at the unusual things they were recording, fear and awe occasionally, but not confusion. To them the explanations were crystal clear. Occult power in its many guises could and often did function in the daily lives of these writers as immediately as a river effects the life of a fisher living on their boat. None claimed they could make the occult river flow any differently than it did, but a number of them seemed to feel they knew when to sit on the banks fishing and when to head for higher ground.

     Another difference Arlyn noticed was an almost complete lack of any attempt to persuade and unbeliever. These books clearly were not written by Academy scholars but by men and women convinced they were adepts of the occult who had intended them to be read by others of similar conviction who were seeking to expand the scope of their learning. There also were large volumes of tables and charts giving the positions of the sun, both moons, and all the five planets in relations to constellations of fixed stars over long periods of time. Some dated from well before the founding of the Mandistrian Dynasty although these charts did appear to have been recopied at a later date. Unfortunately none of these charts and tables included any description of how they were to be used or even for what purposes. By the time Arlyn left the Library that evening, she was thoroughly perplexed. If some of these books were the creations of ancient frauds and dupes, too many of them seemed to have been written by people who definitely were not fools for there not to be at least some truth in what they said. This was especially so because several of the books were partially filled notebooks in diary form which from their dates apparently were seized during the persecutions. These probably were not intended to be read by anyone other than their authors. It was logical to assume these notebooks were attempts to be as precise as possible because unless procedure was adhered to accurately, results could be unpredictable, something which the writers thought could mean great harm or even death for the slipshod conjurer. Someone might pen an erroneous document intended for another reader in order to hurt tem, but what could be the purpose of lying in ones own private records?

     But all of it was too distant in time, too vague and incomprehensible for Arlyn suddenly to cast off a lifetime of training and replace it with what still might amount to nothing more than a mountain of superstitious mumbo jumbo. More research, much more research, was necessary before she could reach unintelligent decision.

     For a day or two Arlyn moved about as if she was living in a dense fog. Her mind would revel in joyous fantasies of Krisdevon, but no matter what the fantasy might consist of: long walks in forests, deep intellectual discussions, living together in a wooded cottage, or lying naked with him making love, the fantasy always would be interrupted by the uncertainty deep within her about whether the world really was as he and the old books described it or as she had been taught by the masters of the Academy. No answers came to her, only continued puzzlement.

     This is not to say she became dysfunctional. After the first day or two Arlyn was wise enough to remember life is filled with ambiguity. Although her human nature wished to resolve as much of this obscurity as it could, she was growing flexible enough to know that even if her questions never were answered, life still would go on, and she must be prepared to seek happiness in the dark of ignorance if light was denied her. She recognized light was preferable and to be striven for continually, but until the quest proved successful, it would be foolish not to enjoy life in the period of darkness as much as was reasonably possible. Accordingly she spent long hours in the Library cellar seeking the truth, but now when doubt swelled out of proportion to torment her so deeply she could not continue studying, she would relax in a warm bath, do some deep breathing exercises, an allow her mind temporarily to blot out all the turmoil she faced.

     The days passed, and with her lessons finally arranged, she made plans for leaving the mesa a second time. As yet she had not talked about her research with any of her tutors because she thought it would be a better idea to question Krisdevon once more before approaching people whom she knew more than likely would belittle her for curiosity about what they considered a closed subject.

Chapter IX

     After six days in the castle Arlyn gave word to Lan that she was going to camp out in the wooded area of the garden for the next four days. Lan had received many such instructions in the last few years and took this one as happily as she had the other because it meant she would have no work for a while. Not that Arlyn kept her very busy at other times, she preferred to do most things for herself. It was just that Lan was having an affair with a handsome, young gardner, and this would free her to see him more often.

     Early in the morning of the next day Arlyn again made her way to the wooded area farthest from the Palace. This time along with her other gear she carried a number of spearheads of a particular kind which had large, round holes through the opposite sides of the portion where the shaft was to affixed. A spike usually was set through these holes and into the spear shaft to secure it to the spearhead.           Arlyn had taken about thirty of these shaftless spearheads from a storeroom near the Palace metal workshop when she had made her duplicate key to the Library cellar. Her intention was simple. Frightened by almost having fallen from the stone ladder, she had decided to install a safety system in the chimney. The main fissure had numerous small cracks in the surface, and as she climbed down, Arlyn drove these spearpoints into the cracks about ten meters apart wherever the cracks in the wall permitted. The holes for the spikes were perfect for running a strong line through, and though she could not carry enough rope to accomplish it all at once, she did manage a hundred meters the first time. When the task was completed, all she would have to do was hook two rings into the safety line, and she never could fall than the highest spearhead beneath her.

     Arlyn's heart beat with expectation as she made her way down the East Gate Road toward the plaza where she had met Krisdevon. Even with the time spent working on her safety line, it still was long before noon when Arlyn reached the steps where Krisdevon sat with his flutes. He was playing a piece made up mostly of long, clear, soft tones. A few people stood listening, but his audience was made up mostly of merchants who sat on the steps near him. While they were not listening attentively, they seemed to enjoy the music as they conducted their business. Krisdevon's eyes were closed, and he was oblivious to the people around him.

     Arlyn sat down near him, and for about fifteen minutes Krisdevon continued playing. As before, she found herself enchanted by his music, but this time he did not seem to be striving for an emulation of nature. Rather she felt he was using a great purity of tone to capture different emotional states. These seemed to be in conflict with sadness pursuing joy across the full three octave range of the instrument, but then joy seemed to marshal its forces and turn to defend itself. Soon confident of its strength, joy drove sadness from the field. Joy followed its victory with a dance of exultation which merged into the ending of the piece, a serene passage of rest after exertion. With his eyes still closed, Krisdevon put his flute down on the fur in front of him. As the small crowd melted away, he breathed deeply with satisfaction of music well-played.

     After a few moments Arlyn touched his arm and quietly said, "Hello, Krisdevon."

     Krisdevon slowly opened his eyes and looked at Arlyn with a sense of relief."You're all right," he said. "You were gone so long I was afraid you'd been hurt."

     "No, I'm fine. I just had a little trouble rearranging things. I can stay four days. If everything works out, I'll be able to come here the last four days of every decaday. I'm really looking forward to being with you a lot. I've been thinking about you so terribly much I hardly could wait to come back. How have you been?"

     "The first few days you were gone I just was lonely missing you, but lately I was getting worried about you. One moment I thought you might be sick, the next locked up by your parents, and I can't remember what all else. It occurred to me you might need me, and I couldn't come to help you. Mandistria's a large city, and I had no idea where to search for you. You should've left word in your note how to reach you in case of an emergency... Now that I think of it, how can I get in touch with you?"

     "That's just it," she answered. "You can't. It's very complicated, and you must never ask questions or try to follow me. If you do, you'll ruin everything. You simply must trust me, and when I can explain my situation to you, I will. I promise it's nothing sneaky or nasty."

     "If you put it that way, I have no choice but to accept... Let me ask you one thing, though. If it was the other way around, would you do the same for me?                "Yes, Krisdevon, I would because I love you/"

     "That's how I think about it... Love has to be based on trust." He paused and took her hand in his own. They gazed into each others eyes seeking and then slowly finding understanding of what they had said.

     The matter settled, he asked, "Hungry?"

     "Quite," she replied, and they rose and walked out of the plaza hand in hand. They strolled past a food seller's booth where Krisdevon bought nuts, dried and fresh fruit, and some fruit juice for their lunch. Arlyn expected him to lead her to the park, but instead he took her to his room. Arlyn's first goal had been to begin a discussion of magic once they were alone, but as soon as he closed the door, Krisdevon took her in his arms and hugged her very tightly. Arlyn was tempted to resist but then decided magic could wait. Despite the distraction of hours spent in the Library, she had missed Krisdevon very much, and both her body and spirit ached with desire to make love with him.

     They undressed each other and embraced for a long time standing up with their hips moving together slowly. Krisdevon's cock was erect and Arlyn's pussy quite moist, but neither seemed to want to make love right away. Their separation had given a dream-like quality to memories of their first meeting, and they wished simply to hold each other in order to reaffirm the other really existed and was not merely a fantasy. Then Krisdevon carried Arlyn to one of the mattresses, and placed her down on it. He fondled her clitoris with his fingers and then with his tongue. This last action was a surprise to her, but she enjoyed it immensely. He felt her hips tremble with orgasm and experienced no little happiness at being allowed to give her this pleasure.

     Satiated at last, she pushed his head away from her thighs. Immediately he moved himself above and upon her. She hoped it would not hurt, and, indeed, it did not. He penetrated her easily and looked down smilingly as he slowly moved in and out.

     "Krisdevon," she asked, "what you did for me, with your tongue, I mean, is there something like that I can do for you?"

     "Yes, if you want."

     "Yes, I want," she replied filled with curiosity. She actually wanted to become familiar with the shape and appearance of an erect penis and thought this would be an ideal opportunity. He moved off her, and she put her head between his thighs. "How do I do it?" she asked stalling for time as she held his firm cock in her hand and examined ti with considerable interest.

     "Just move your mouth up and down on it. Lick and squeeze the head with your tongue. The rest will come naturally," he answered.

     "What do I do when you come?" she asked still wanting more time to inspect his member.

     "Swallow it, of course," he answered.

     She took his penis in her mouth and did as he had told her. She had thought swallowing his semen might not be pleasant, but then she remembered how wet her pussy had been and how eagerly he had licked it with his tongue. It was not long before she felt his cock throbbing and tasted his come spurting into her mouth. The newness of the experience surprised her, and she almost pulled her mouth away, but then she imagined how unhappy and disappointed it would have made her if he had pulled his mouth away at the height of her orgasm. As his orgasm continued, she heard him sighing with ecstasy, and she began to enjoy the idea of swallowing the semen which now seemed to fill her mouth. She thought of his come as a gift betokening his love and swallowed it eagerly. Then she moved to his side, and they rested.

     "You certainly produce a lot of that stuff," she said.

     "No more than most men," he answered.

     Later he went to the table and brought back the food for their lunch. They ate a leisurely meal and then lay in relaxed embrace joying in the sensuousness of flesh on flesh. Both thought predominantly of how grateful they were to have a mate to fill their loneliness, and a half hour later they made love again, this time vigorously and for a long period with him on top of her. Finally exhausted they fell asleep in each others arms.

     It was early evening before they awoke and ate dinner, all the while smiling and exchanging shy glances of newly found love. Then after the dishes had been cleaned, while they sat digesting their meal, Arlyn decided it was the right time to say, "Krisdevon, the whole time I've been away from you, I've been very disturbed by the story about magicians. One moment I think it's untrue... something you made up... to hold my attention with, and the next I believe it because I don't want to think you lied to me. If you made it up, I'll forgive you, but please tell me you did."

     "Arlyn, I have no way of proving to you it's true except the sensitivity in my peg leg. It happened the way I told you, and I did not make it up to distract you while I tried to seduce you, which is what you mean by 'hold your attention,' isn't it?"

     "I guess it is, but I really don't believe it. Even if your first attraction was to my body, and I doubt it was, I'm sure that after we spent the day together you didn't seduce me but fell in love with me the same as I did with you."

     "That's true, Arlyn, I did fall in love with you, and that's why when you asked me to trust you and not try to follow you, I agreed. This is the same kind of thing. You've just got to trust that I told you what I honestly believe is the truth. I was alone before I met you but not so lonely I'd sell my self-respect by making up a story like that just for an opportunity to have sex, especially with someone I thought'd just been seduced and abandoned by someone else."

     "Krisdevon, if your story is true, and I'm beginning to accept it though I'm sure you'll understand how difficult that is, the logical thing for me to do is ask you to teach me about magic and tell me about the books you've read in the forests."

     "I'm afraid I don't know much about Magic. If I did, I'd be a Magician myself. Remember, Magic isn't merely knowledge of how to take advantage of opportunities. It's the Power to alter things drastically. The books I've read only catalog strange occurrences which wise men and women have attributed to the Magic of the Powers or Magicians as some people call them. All I am is an apprentice astrologer of only mediocre abilities."

     "The teach me about astrology."

     "Now?"

     "If you were in my place, Krisdevon, wouldn't you want to learn about astrology, not to try to trip me up but as part of the quest for knowledge which characterizes people like us?"

     "I guess you're right. Put your coat on, and take hold of an end of the mattress." He led her up to the roof above his room and placed the mattress near the center. Then motioned for her to lie on her back next to him.

     He kissed her on the forehead and said, "I warn you, I'm not a Master Astrologer, and I'm still unable to make predictions based on my learning. All I can tell you are the fundamentals of astrology.

     "Actually I'd better back up one step farther and start with a review of astronomy. Let me begin with the Earth. It rotates on its axis once a day, and we divide the day into a hundred centidays (These are the previously mentioned decimal time units. The reader need not be concerned beyond noting their existence. A centiday equals about fourteen minutes and twenty-four seconds.) or centis the same way we divide a circle into a hundred equal angular units, hundris, so it's easier to relate spatial to angular motion. Next the two moons, they revolve around the Earth in regular periods. The nearer moon, Indos, makes one complete revolution in about twenty-five days, and the outer moon, Edos, finishes a complete revolution in about thirty-three days. Besides rotating on its axis, the Earth revolves around the sun along with five other planets, three closer to the sun than the Earth and two farther away. It takes the Earth about 365 days and 24.1 centis to go from summer solstice to summer solstice, from the point where the sun is furthest south of the equator to when it is furthest north and back to southernmost. So far so good?"

     "That's all basic astronomy I'm familiar with, Krisdevon."

     "Then you also know that's why we have feast days at the end of each season and one or two extra ones according to what's necessary at the end of each year, right?"

     "Yes."

     "What you may not be familiar with is that the sun is part of a great, wheel shaped cluster of stars made up of thousands and thousands of stars. No one knows how many, but we do know this: the great wheel of stars has what seems to be a hub along an imaginary line between two stars at its center. No one is sure whether it rotates with this hub as an axis because no one has figured out yet what might be the fixed reference points to measure movement by, but if you take the beginning of a year as the time when the sun is exactly between the earth and that imaginary line, you find that there are seven other imaginary lines in the sky, and every time the Earth moves another one eighth of its course around the sun from its starting point aligned with the hub of the wheel, the sun comes between the Earth and one of these imaginary lines. What is even more important is that the approximate center of each of the eight arcs or sections between these imaginary lines, is a small, well-defined cluster of stars which has a shape clearly suggesting the form of some earthly thing like an animal. These eight forms are the signs of the Lyrian Zodiac. The sun's apparent motion through the sky always aligns it with one of these eight signs. Each sign has various characteristics which influence us both directly themselves and indirectly through the sun, moons, and planets which also always fall into alignment with one or another of the signs.

     "I might add that each planet has its own characteristics, and there're still other influences like which period of the daily rotation cycle the Earth is in when a planet is in a particular sign.Starting at the middle of the night, each portion of the day has its own traits. All these variables and many more influence everything from major wars and the rise and fall of Magicians to the personality of every individual.

     "Another thing, the time between alignments with the hub of the great wheel is about one and a half centis longer that the time between summer solstices. Right now Earth to sun alignment with the hub of the wheel of stars comes only a few centis before the summer solstice. Since the time between these alignments is greater than the time from solstice to solstice, in a few years we'll have a year when they coincide... but I don't want to get into that now. It's too complicated... I shouldn't've mentioned it...

     "I guessed you were born in mid spring of the Mandistrian calendar because your personality shows the characteristics of having been born very close to the point when the sun moved from the seventh sign, the Scholar, into the eighth, the Flower. You have many qualities of each, but the Flower wins out so you were born soon after mid-spring, Correct?"

     "Yes, but I told you that when you asked before."

     "Then I only asked you if you were born around mid-spring. This time I asked specifically if you were born just after mid-spring."

     "I was."

     "I thought so... I'd planned on pointing out some of the signs to you, but unless you'd mind, I'd like to take a walk now. Is that all right? I'll show you the signs next time."

     "That's fine with me. I was getting cold anyway."

     "Not too enthusiastic, are you?" he asked.

     "I'll be more interested when you point out the signs. I've studied a lot of astronomy already, and most of what you said, except for the cluster is common knowledge," she answered.

     "Do you believe me about all this, then?"

     "Actually I've heard it mentioned that a Mandistrian astronomer recently propounded a well-constructed theory about the existence of a wheel like the one you're talking about. It would explain a lot of things, and I'm inclined to accept what you say for the time being."

     "Before we go, I'll tell you one more thing. It's tedious to compute far in advance where the planets are going to be, but all things seem to indicate some very unusual conjunctions about the time when the summer solstice and the Earth to sun alignment with the wheel hub occur simultaneously."

     "What do you predict for them, oh great wise one?" asked Arlyn with a teasing but not derisive laugh.

     "I told you I can't predict a thing yet. You're not taking this very seriously," he answered getting up.

     "I'm sorry," she said. "I couldn't help myself. It sounded so darkly mysterious, and you had such a long, worried look when you said it that I wanted to cheer you up. Remember, this astrology business is contrary to everything I've ever been taught. If you promise to be patient, I'll promise to be a better pupil next time. Please forgive me."

     "All right," he replied slowly. Then they walked down from the roof to the street below. The night air was cool but not cold as they strolled quietly about the neighborhood of the park for several hours. They held hands but spoke little, each respecting the silence of the other and thinking their own thoughts.

     Krisdevon was fearful he had done the wrong thing by trying to teach Arlyn astrology. Unlike Travengard, there was no way for him to prove much of anything, and he knew Arlyn, though young, was a woman who would not remain long with a man she considered a fool. He wondered if, perhaps, it would not be wiser to refuse to discuss the subject with her at least for the time being.

     Arlyn was worried, too. She realized Krisdevon took astrology very seriously and would not tolerate for long disparaging remarks from someone who knew nothing of what she was deprecating. She regretted having made light of his comment on the approaching conjunction of the summer solstice with the beginning of the Lyrian sidereal year, especially since by now she was more or less ready to admit there might be some truth in occult learning. Exactly what this truth could be still was hidden from her by a heavy mist of ignorance and academic prejudice, but it was becoming clearer to her there were things out there in that mist which were beyond the realms of learning which she already had studied.

     "Krisdevon," she said, I'm sorry I teased you before. It was unkind of me. I'm beginning to understand what an uncomfortable position you're in. You've been told certain strange things and had them proved to your satisfaction, but now that you're trying to communicate them to me, you're stuck in the awful predicament of not having the capability of demonstrating to me once and for all you're telling the truth. I can sense your frustration in your expression and your silence, but I want you to know I have faith in you. No matter what happens, even if you never can offer me any better proof than your own word, I'll always trust your sincerity in this... and anything else for that matter."

     "It's very good to hear you say that," he answered. "I'll always try to be worthy of your trust, and I'll have faith in you like you have in me." The both walked on feeling the worst part of the problem had been overcome and satisfied they were moving closer together.

Chapter X

     The next day Arlyn and Krisdevon slept until almost noon. When they finally awoke, they found they had missed half a sunny, mild, early spring day. While dressing, Krisdevon said, "This weather ought to hold for the next three days you have left. How about going for a hike in the country? We could camp out in the woods, maybe even hike as far as the foothills of the mountains."

     "I'd like to," Arlyn replied, "but I haven't got any camping things with me. Do you have enough for both of us?"

     "There's plenty of gear in our storeroom down the hall, but we won't need much. It's not bad weather, and we won't be gone long."

     Krisdevon took Arlyn with him to a smaller, windowless room which served the Tossori as a large closet. In the candlelight Arlyn could make out numerous trunks, bundles, and stacks of equipment either necessary or useful for forest living. While Arlyn examined some of the unfamiliar tools, Krisdevon busied himself packing two small knapsacks.

     "What's this kind of saw for?" asked Arlyn holding up a small "D" shaped saw.

     "It's collapsible, very good for long winter hikes when you have to cut firewood. Ready to go?"

     "Ready," she answered, and they put their packs on their backs, relocked the storeroom, and headed down the stairs. Stopping first to buy fresh fruit for breakfast and dried fruit and nuts for provisions on their hike, they made their way toward the East Gate. Arlyn tried to hide her excitement by chattering about all sorts of irrelevant subjects, but as she walked toward the city wall, she felt almost as much expectation as she had the first time she had left the mesa. Even though she was frightened there might be some problems with the guards at the gate, Arlyn was observant enough to notice how huge and massive the city walls were. The citadel walls by virtue or the great altitude of their location were not likely to undergo actual assault, but the city walls were an entirely different matter. Many battles had been fought outside them, and they were designed to withstand any type of attack which might be mounted against them. Arlyn estimated them to average at least forty meters in height with numerous guard towers rising even higher.

     Because of the thickness of the walls, the opening of the gate was more like an entrance to a zigzagging tunnel than a doorway. Arlyn counted no fewer than five sets of staggered iron doors, two of which did not close on hinges but rather dropped down from overhead. Each appeared to weigh many tons, and all but the outermost were arranged in such a way that it would be impossible to bring a battering ram of any size against them because of the right angle turns leading up to each individual door.

     Standing by each door were several members of the elite city wall guards. Krisdevon mentioned to Arlyn that each of these men was a veteran of five years of active duty, but though they looked quite formidable to Arlyn, they seemed to pay little more than minimal attention to passers by. The only person who eyed them carefully was a gate official who politely asked them their names.

     "Krisdevon, the flute maker, and Arlyn, citizen of Mandistria," replied Krisdevon unaware that Arlyn was not nearly as relaxed as she appeared.

     "Going camping, citizen?" commented the official.

     "Yes, citizen, the weather is beautiful, and we're going up toward the foothills," answered Krisdevon.

     "Wish I were myself... You're aware of the hours of the gate, I trust?"

     "Yes, opening half an hour after dawn, and closing half an hour before sunset," said Krisdevon.

     "Enjoy your vacation, citizen. Go in peace," said the gatekeeper.

     "Thank you. Peace to you, too," replied Krisdevon taking Arlyn's hand and entering onto the drawbridge across the Distra River which served both as the water supply and moat of Mandistria.

     As she walked across the bridge, Arlyn gazed in wonder at the countryside with its rolling plains and fields of grain. This second step toward exploring the world beyond the fortress was a great moment of joy for her. Krisdevon, too, was glad to be outside the city, but in his case it was an elation he felt whenever he left a large city.

     The walking path alongside the road was not crowded, but the road itself, wide though it was, was thronged with carts, most of them laden with food intended for the half million people, both transients and regular inhabitants who could be found in Mandistria at any given time. Arlyn and Krisdevon walked at a lively pace for more than half an hour before they reached a point where the traffic on the Main East Highway no longer was crowded. Gradually the wooded areas they passed grew from simple windbreaks to large thickets and eventually became several hectares in size.

     They slowed their pace to a relaxed stroll and held hands as they walked. Arlyn stared with fascination at the procession of fields and neat little farmhouses with their adjoining barns. Each farm appeared to have its few animals; cows, horses, goats, sheep, pigs, chickens, and geese, almost all of which looked well cared for, as did the land itself, at least a third of which was lying fallow. Fields were well-tended, fences in good repair, and drainage and irrigation ditches clear of debris. Arlyn saw that Mandistria was not merely a prosperous city, it was the capital of an orderly, thriving province in spite of the incontrovertible incompetence of her father. This clearly pointed to the existence of a system of laws so well-framed as to be virtually immune to harm by any but the most corrupt and evil ruler.

     This reassured Arlyn who lately had begun to have doubts about the safety of the Empire because several recent encounters she had had with her brother, Crotus, who sooner or later would succeed his father on the throne, indicated he was even less intelligent than his father. He also was badly spoiled and seemed to possess a mean streak of no small proportions, something Andor lacked. As yet he did not know the young woman he occasionally saw moving about the gardens was his older sister and the rightful heir, but Arlyn was becoming increasingly fearful of what might happen if he discovered this fact.

     Distracted by this anxiety, Arlyn forgot where she was and was quite surprised to be brought back to the present by a hand on her buttocks which stroked her as she walked. She jumped with surprise and then realized Krisdevon had been caressing her playfully.           "You startled me," she said.

     "Clouds crossed your face, and you were afraid of something there for a moment. Are you all right?" he asked.

     "Yes," she answered, "but I need to ask you something."

     "What?"

     "Krisdevon, if my family situation ever got so bad I couldn't stay at home, would you take me with you to live with the Tossori?"

     "Of course, but wouldn't it be enough just to run away and live in another part of the city? If I took you away like that, and you had to depend on me for your livelihood, you might wind up feeling as trapped with me as you do with your family. That happens to a lot of young women when they're not ready to make a wise decision about a proper mate. They run off with a man to get away from their families and wind up in a worse position than they were before. I wouldn't want you to come with me out of pressure to escape something but only from free choice."

     "I understand what you're saying, and I know you'd never take advantage of my adversity, but, Krisdevon, it wouldn't be enough for me to flee to another part of the city. My family's very powerful and'd have people searching for me. I'd only be safe far from the city. I don't mean to scare you. It hasn't come anywhere near that yet. I just want to know you'll help me in an emergency."

     "I most certainly will, Arlyn, to the best of my ability." They clasped their hands tightly and walked on another kilometer. Arlyn was confident she would have help if she needed it, but now Krisdevon became concerned his beloved was in danger. Now it was his turn to be brought back to the present by the surprising discovery of a hand fondling his buttocks.

     "Clouds crossed your face, and it's my turn to ask if you're ok? Are you?" was Arlyn's playful question.           "I thought about what you said. Are you in any great peril?"

     "No, not for a few years anyway. Don't worry about me. If anything happens, I'll let you know soon enough... I'm sorry I've troubled you. My words distorted the problem out of proper balance. Does that ease your mind?"

     "If you say it should, then it does," he replied.

     As they tired, they walked more slowly and stopped frequently to look at the newly blossoming trees and the spring wildflowers which dotted the roadside in large patches of whites, golds, pinks, reds, blues, and purples. Not long after they had passed a marker indicating they were fifteen kilometers from the city, they saw a small meadow a short distance from the road and decided to stop there for the night. While Krisdevon untied a bedroll large enough to hold them both, Arlyn took out food for their dinner. Resting on their packs leaning against a tree, they ate dinner and listened to the many sounds of the early evening countryside: light wind rustling in the trees, insect and bird calls now and then punctuated by the croaking of a frog in a nearby pond, plus a variety of sounds from domesticated animals in a farmyard down the road.

     After he had digested his meal, Krisdevon took out his flute and began playing a tranquil piece fitting for twilight. Arlyn lay down with her head on his thigh and relaxed her tired body as the sound of his music blended with the nature around them. Arlyn watched as the stars slowly came out, and she soon fell asleep.

     She was unsure how much later it was when she felt Krisdevon stir and rise before walking off behind a tree. Out of curiosity she followed him, but to her surprise he had not gone off to explore by moonlight but simply to urinate. She never before had seen a man in this posture, and she observed him with the intentness she brought to anything new. Once finished, Krisdevon closed his pants and turned to find Arlyn staring at him. He assumed she had come for the same purpose and stood calmly waiting for her to deal with nature so they could walk back together. Arlyn was embarrassed at what she thought amounted to being caught imposing on Krisdevon's privacy, but actually having lived communally for years, he had no feelings of excess modesty about bodily functions, and it never even occurred to him she might think she had disturbed him.

     They stood there a moment without moving, and then Krisdevon said, "Well, are you going to piss or not?"

     "Oh... yes...I was distracted," she answered, and not wanting to appear squeamish, Arlyn uncomfortably lowered her pants and squatted."

     As she relieved herself with Krisdevon lounging indifferently against the tree next to her, Arlyn realized the absurdity of the Mandistrian custom requiring people to be alone for such activities. By the time she got up, she was laughing quite hard.

     "Is something the matter?" Krisdevon asked.

     "No," she answered, "but don't they raise children in Vadriel to think things like this are secret and private?"     

     "I guess so. I'd forgotten. My parents never were too silly in that way. Why, are yours?"

     "No, but some I know are, and I haven't done that with someone looking on since I was a small child, not even my maid. Suddenly the ridiculousness of all that nonsense came to me, and I couldn't help laughing."

     Krisdevon looked off into the trees and chuckled as if remembering something in the distant past.

     "Did I remind you of something?" asked Arlyn.

     "Yes," was Krisdevon's reply.

     "What?"

     "Oh, I once had an experience like the one you just had."

     Arlyn waited for Krisdevon to describe what had happened to him, but he only took her hand and led her back to their campsite. Arlyn assumed Krisdevon had not elaborated about the event he had mentioned because he had thought it would be unkind to discuss with one lover what had happened with another, and she was thankful for his consideration. In reality Krisdevon occasionally had enjoyed exchanging amusing personal tales with several of his earlier partners. Life in the forest had taught him that jealousy and possessiveness were pointless, particularly jealousy of the past, but he recognized Arlyn would not be entertained by hearing him tell how Covada sometimes had awakened him accidentally on purpose while using the chamber pot and then said, "As long as you're awake, Krisdevon, you might as well make love with me."

     "Krisdevon, show me some of the signs," said Arlyn.

     He led her out to the center of the meadow and pointed to a group of ten stars arranged with a triangle of three in the middle and seven more arranged in a circle around the triangle. He said, "That cluster over there near the horizon which forms a triangle with a ring around it is the sign of the Flower. Just after mid-spring the sun'll go into the sign of the Flower. Now it's in the sign of the Scholar."

     "It doesn't look like much of a flower to me," she said. "How did it get that name?"

     "Every ninety-seven years a comet passes through it and forms the stem. I've never seen it, but an old woman once described it for me. It must be awesomely beautiful to behold... The sign is one of potential bliss but only after travel. At first the people born under this sign are blown about like the seeds of a flower in the wind, but once they take root, they tend to stay in one place and become the most joyous and serene of people. While the Sun is in this sign, public events generally are subdued. There's rarely a war or upheaval then, but you must remember there are other agents. If enough counter influences joined against this Sun sign, there could be a nervous person born under it, someone who never found a place to take root, or a series of violent public happenings. The wisdom of a great astrologer lies in the ability to weigh all the subtle factors and make conclusions based on their totality."

     "What other signs are there?"

     "At any given time the two moons and the five other planets are also in various signs. Each of these form spheres of influence which dominate particular aspects of life. For example, Indos exerts control over the urge to journey forth on quests, to go searching. My Indos falls in the sign of the Scholar which explains why my hunt for learning has led me to wander so widely. If it'd been, say, in the sign of the Dog, I would've been much less likely to seek knowledge. Then I might've quested for battle. Dog sign people often're soldiers, usually faithful ones at that, but they tend toward fanatical devotion which can be dangerous in situations requiring them to distinguish between fine levels of meaning."

     The night air was becoming cold, and Arlyn gave out an involuntary shudder. "Are you cold," asked Krisdevon putting his arms around her to warm her.

     "Not really," she said shivering but not wanting to end the lesson and make Krisdevon think she was disinterested.

     "You're cold. I can feel you trembling. Tonight's lesson is over. Let's go back and get into the bedroll."

     "All right, but I do want you to tell me more about astrology. You're beginning to get me curious. How do astrologers know all these things?"

     "Empirical observation. Astrologers record all public events, great and small, and see what signs the planets are in when different types of things happen."

     "What about people's personalities and lives?"

     "Same thing," Krisdevon answered leading Arlyn back to the edge of the meadow. "Astrologers constantly study and analyze the lives of everybody they know and try to relate their lives to their natal charts."

     "It must take a fantastic amount of study."

     "It does, but there're volumes and volumes of records from generations of astrologers to help. They're not always right because even the best ones can overlook something small which weighed a delicate balance in an unexpected direction, but even so, they're an invaluable help. You just have to be careful never to accept anything anyone of them wrote as incontrovertible truth. One could have been correct ninety-nine times out of a hundred but still have their most accurate sounding statement turn out to be the lone wrong one which marks all of us as human."

     Once back to the bedroll they sat down on the ground cloth to take off their boots. Krisdevon stretched out flat on his back and yawned contentedly. Arlyn lay down across him and accidentally poked a finger into his ribs. He jerked slightly and gave a short, involuntary laugh. "Oh, what do we have here?" said Arlyn spreading herself upon him so he could not move.

     "Get off," he said.

     "Just a second. I want to check something," replied Arlyn beginning to tickle her lover vigorously.

     With both his hands pinned there was little he could do but laugh convulsively and wait for Arlyn to stop, but she did not. "Stop it! Stop it" he cried out but to no avail. Krisdevon attempted to wrestle free but hesitated to use all his strength for fear of hurting Arlyn. He was unable to budge her, a fact that was all the more surprising because he knew himself to be quite strong. At last, faced with no other alternative, he executed a neat, powerful flip which required all the force he could muster. Instantly their positions were reversed. He spread his legs wide to prevent Arlyn from flipping him back and proceeded to tickle her at least as hard as she had done to him.

     "Stop, Krisdevon, stop," laughed Arlyn.

     "Why should I," answered Krisdevon continuing to jab his fingers playfully into her sides. "You wouldn't stop when I asked you to."

     "I'm sorry, really I am," she giggled struggling to get a hand free.

     "No, you're not. If I let you back on top, you'll tickle me again." Arlyn finally freed a hand to where she could reach Krisdevon's armpit, and both continued tickling each other until they both were out of breath. Only then did they stop and lay still, but it was not long before both discovered that their rough horseplay had had a side effect. Almost before Krisdevon was aware of it himself, Arlyn felt the bulge in his pants against her thigh, and realized her pussy, too, had become moist with eagerness to embrace him. Not bothering to undress fully, they removed each others pants and quickly were united. A few minutes later Krisdevon remembered that in his haste to penetrate Arlyn, he had not caressed her clitoris at all.

     "Would you like to turn over and be on top?" he asked.

     "If you want me to," she replied somewhat unsure of what was expected of her.

     "I want you to," he said pulling out of her and lying on his back. She moved to lie flat upon him, but he pushed her up into a sitting position with her knees alongside his hips. He took off her shirt, and she helped him off with his. It was cool, but both were very excited and did not notice the temperature. Deftly he moved his thumb down through the triangle of her pubic hair and began to massage her clitoris. Arlyn happily recognized the shift in position had been for her pleasure, not his, and relaxed to feel the first slight contractions of her approaching orgasm. Krisdevon lay almost motionless feeling the rise and fall of Arlyn's hips as she moved herself so different parts of her most sensitive area rubbed against his thumb. In the moonlight he looked up at the transported expression of he half closed eyes and smiled as she sighed softly with satisfaction.

     Arlyn gently moved Krisdevon's thumb from her pussy and rested, but soon she felt his still hard cock throb within her. "You didn't come?" she asked.

     "No."

     "Did I do anything wrong?" she asked fearing some inadequacy on her part had displeased him.

     "No, silly, it was wonderful. I'm just not in any hurry. It's so beautiful to feel myself within you. Are your legs tired?"

     "No, my knees are strong. I could sit like this for a long time, especially with your cock hard inside me."

     Krisdevon placed both his hands on Arlyn's chest and began fondling her breasts. As he pressed them gently, he marveled at his good fortune in finding a woman who not only had a personality able to blend well with his own but also suited his taste in physical beauty which, though of lesser importance in his mind, nevertheless was a fortunate bonus in life. The desire grew in him to stay there on his back and indefinitely continue stroking her ample bosom while lightly squeezing her nipples which the cold night air had made very hard and sensitive. As she slowly rose up and down on his penis feeling waves of warmth up into her belly for each stroke of his cock firm and deep within her, she, too, experienced the wish that their act of love might go on forever.

     They remained joined for over an hour smiling at each other between long periods of gazing at the awesome dome of stars and darkness above them, but at last Arlyn was unable to cope with the seemingly endless bliss of their union, and she began to cry tears of joy. "I love you, Krisdevon, I love you," she said.

     Krisdevon's whole being tingled at these words coming from the woman he loved, and he replied, "I love you, too, Arlyn." Suddenly his penis ached for orgasm. He was overcome with need to fill Arlyn with his semen. Her hands had been resting on his chest, but now he moved them above his shoulders so she could rock back and forth on them. He kept his left hand on her bosom, and with it he felt the heavy, pendulous motion of her breasts as she moved her body the full length of his penis, but his right hand he returned to her groin so she could rub her clitoris on his thumb.

     Arlyn felt the contractions of her orgasm and thought of how happy her life had become since chance had brought Krisdevon into it. Realizing he was not far from coming and wanting to share this moment of ecstasy with him, she murmured encouragingly to him, "Now, Krisdevon, come now," and almost instantly she felt his penis throb and begin to spurt his seed within her. She sat down hard on his thighs so he was as deeply within her as possible, and she felt the muscles inside her pussy pulsating in union with those of his cock.

     This was the first time their orgasms were simultaneous and joy radiated through them both as the peace of post-coital relaxation entered them. Arlyn lay down flat on Krisdevon's chest and stretched her tired legs out behind her. For a while they rested, but soon they noticed the cool of the night air upon their naked bodies. Quickly they cleaned themselves with handkerchiefs and climbed into the bedroll together. Completely exhausted they wrapped themselves in each others arms and fell asleep almost at once.

Chapter XI

     Arising early the next morning, Krisdevon and Arlyn ate a light breakfast including fresh milk they bought from the smiling farmer on whose land they had spent the night. After they had cleaned up their campsite, they started hiking toward the foothills of the mountains east of Mandistria. As they walked, Krisdevon reached into a small pocket on his pack and withdrew a handful of what looked like twigs. He handed them to Arlyn and said, "I've been meaning to give you these. They're roots of the male atrimus plant I got from an herbalist who lives downstairs from me. Eat one about three days after each menstrual period begins. It doesn't take much, so this ought to last you a year."

     "I'll remember that," replied Arlyn. "I don't think I'd know what to do if I got pregnant now. In five or ten years it might make me very happy to have a baby, but today it would be a disaster... You eat them, too, don't you, in case I forget?"

     "Don't think about it that way. I do eat the roots of the female plant -- How could I ask you to do something I wouldn't do myself -- but don't forget yours. A human being has the right to only so much pleasure as they takes responsibility for personally. You can't think in terms of letting other people be accountable for your own obligations to yourself, and that isn't true merely of sexual matters. It's true of everything."           "I understand what you're saying, Krisdevon, and I agree with you, especially about something as important as the creation of life. I don't seem to you like the kind of lazy person who expects other people to do things they should do temself, do I?"

     "No, you don't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lecture you, but I'm really strong on that. When I was living in Vadriel, I knew too many people who ruined their lives by having children they didn't want when they easily could've avoided it. An even more important reason is the child. If someone wants to wreck their own life, that may be their business, but no one has the right to destroy another's life."

     "You're right... I'm not about to take chances."

     "I didn't think you would. In fact I had the feeling the first time we did it you wouldn't've let me if it'd involved any risk of you getting pregnant. That's wise."

     "I wouldn't've. I knew about the kind of roots which keep women sterile, and I would've asked you to wait until I could've started eating them. The way I see it, if you hadn't been willing to wait a short time so it would've been safe, you wouldn't've been a very nice person, and who needs a lover who'd be rotten to you just to satisfy his own body?"

     "More people should think like that, Arlyn. If you're sharing something beautiful with someone, and he, or she for that matter, isn't sharing with you but just taking, you'd do better looking for someone else. If you're a good person, other good people will recognize it soon enough, and you'll find someone who'll treat you kindly."

     Neither said anything else on the subject, but both of them were satisfied with their conversation: Krisdevon with the independence of Arlyn's intellect, especially since it included the sense to refuse to make love with him if it was not safe and Arlyn with Krisdevon's belief in gentleness and his strong insistence on personal responsibility, two things which he obviously practiced himself.

     As they slowly climbed into the foothills, the terrain gradually changed. Farmland gave way to grazing meadow, and they met few people except an occasional friendly shepherd or cowherd. Then came a steeper incline covered mostly with tall evergreens. Arlyn was greatly impressed by the majestic beauty of this mountain country with its clear, rushing streams and trees which shut out so much direct sunlight that it gave Krisdevon the impression of walking amidst the columns of a great cathedral. Dark greens, earth and bark browns, and water crystals surrounded Arlyn and Krisdevon in tranquil profusion. Krisdevon cast several sidelong glances at Arlyn to see how she was reacting on her first visit to an area resembling the wilderness forests of the Tossori. As he happily beheld her joy in the discovery of this region with a landscape vastly different from the crowded city, he thought fondly of his own first encounters with nature which eventually had led him to abandon urban life almost completely. At first Arlyn actually was somewhat saddened that this world had existed during her whole life, and it was only now that she was being permitted to enter it, but this feeling passed. Then she realized Krisdevon once must have had a similar initiation. She took his hand and clasped it tightly to show him her gratitude for having introduced her to this wondrous new experience.

     By early afternoon they reached the end of the forest and sat down to lunch in a deserted meadow. The panorama before them extended the entire length and breadth of the large valley in which Mandistria was situated. Arlyn gazed down to marvel at the farms, fields, and forests all glistening under the late afternoon sun which was shining brightly in a cloudless, blue sky. Across the valley ran the Distra River swelled by melting snows from the mountains upstream further north and west. The signs of spring, of rebirth were everywhere. The new leaves, spring flowers, birds in migration, and even Arlyn herself were coming awake after winter which, if mild and without snow in the lower valley, was winter nevertheless.

     They sat comfortably on the soft meadow grass and breathed deeply the aroma of the multitude of mountain flowers. It was different, more subtle and delicate, than the rich odor of the flowers over a thousand meters below in the valley, and they carefully smelled each particular kind which grew near them. They ate some cheese and dried fruit for lunch and lay down to rest.

     Krisdevon was tempted to play his flute but decided instead simply to open all his senses to the nature around him. For a long time he watched a small, bright blue bird building its nest in a nearby tree. Meanwhile Arlyn picked a large bouquet of flowers which together they wove into wreaths. After exchanging these tokens of love, they wove the remaining flowers into their hair and sat smiling at each other.

     "Something I wanted to say," began Krisdevon. "Last night when we made love, I had a very different feeling than I ever had before. As I lay there on my back, I began to feel myself merging into the ground beneath me. It was like I was becoming the Earth, and the only parts of me above the ground were my hands caressing you and my cock within you. When I came, I felt as if my cock was probing the sky, seeking for something. It was all very strange, and a lot of it didn't seem to have anything to do with sex. It didn't make it better or worse, just eerie."

     "I've been wondering if I should mention this to you," said Arlyn, "but something has been puzzling me, too. While I sat on you gazing at the sky, I felt myself rising into the air, floating, almost becoming part of the sky the way steam does. When I had my second orgasm, I felt as if the Earth itself had become my lover the way you felt yourself penetrating the sky. It didn't seem to have anything to do with our love to me either. It was as if two great forces were trying to cause something over which we have control. It didn't seem to threaten us. It just was there." Arlyn wanted to go on, to tell Krisdevon she was the legitimate claimant to the Mandistrian throne and this might relate to what he had told her about Power passing to the heirs of the Mandistrian Empire, but again she chose not to reveal her true identity to him.

     "Since there doesn't seem to be much we can do about it, we might as well wait and see what happens," said Krisdevon.

     "I guess you're right," said Arlyn. "It didn't take place before. Maybe it won't occur again." And with that the idea of telling Krisdevon who she really was left her consciousness.

     "You know what might be nice?" asked Krisdevon.

     "What?" replied Arlyn.

     "To take off our clothes and sun ourselves."

     "What if someone comes and sees us?"

     "It wouldn't matter. The few people who live up here do it all the time. It's good for you now and then."

     "All right I you say so," said Arlyn as she watched Krisdevon disrobe. At first she thought he has leading up to making love, but once she saw his penis was not erect, she concluded he was serious and proceeded to undress. She was a little self-conscious at being naked in these surroundings, but Krisdevon was quite accustomed to group nudity, and his being comfortable in the situation made it easier for Arlyn to relax and enjoy the sun.

     For about an hour they lay sunning themselves quietly, but then both began to sense that although their bodies were calm, their minds were filled with emotional energy; with an all-encompassing feeling of love for each other, with fulfillment from their relationship and gratitude they no longer were alone. When it started, neither was sure if the other was aware of it, but soon these mutual emotions joined their minds, and their thoughts of love passed wordlessly through the air. With their eyes closed and only their hands touching, they lay in this state of mystical union the remainder of the afternoon and far into the night. The ecstasy of this oneness, this knowing their love was returned, obliterated all problems from their minds. No matter what had happened in the past, no matter what would happen in the future, even if they were separated, even if they had or would have other lovers, this afternoon would be an event which never could be forgotten. Their whole beings tingled with a bliss including but transcending sensuality. Neither dared move for fear of disrupting the waves of love engulfing them. They were totally unconscious of where they were. Not only did they not perceive it when the shade of a large tree fell on them, they did not notice it even when the sun went down. They only knew they were together.

     Then gradually they recognized this condition of complete mental and emotional union could go on indefinitely but only if they concentrated their full attention on maintaining it, and that would mean lying there in the meadow until they died of starvation and exposure. Reluctantly they began to struggle to bring Arlyn and Krisdevon back out of Arlynkrisdevon. There was no question of whether or not they would succeed. It only was a question of doing something unpleasant but necessary. Once the transition was accomplished, they made love uneventfully. To them it seemed an appropriate affirmation of their return from a mental plane to one of the physical world.

Chapter XII

     Since Arlyn wanted to see as much of the countryside as possible, Arlyn asked Krisdevon if they could return to Mandistria by a different route than they had come. He said that if they hiked in a southwesterly direction, sooner or later they would reach the Main South Road, and they could go back to Mandistria on it. She agreed, and they set out.

     Because the line of travel they followed toward the city was nearly twice as long as the one they had taken away from it, they had to walk more quickly and make fewer stops so they would be able to enter the city before the gates closed the next day. They started hiking at dawn and by noon were more than ready to stop to rest. They came upon a mountain lake perhaps a kilometer wide and three long, and on its banks they ate lunch.

     Each was concerned about the other. Not knowing Arlyn was a well-trained athlete, Krisdevon feared she might become exhausted by the length of their trail, and Arlyn, unaware Krisdevon's leg was far stronger than any normal human limb, was afraid he might strain it. They asked each other about these fears and were happy to discover they were groundless.

     After lunch they sat for half an hour resting and watching the wildlife around the lake. Two deer came down to the lake and drank, and later, farther down the shore, a small, red fox did the same. A large rabbit ran part way up the steep, grassy incline on the uphill side of the lake.

     That nature is only partially idyllic was made clear to them by the presence of several hawks which occasionally dove into the lake for fish. Arlyn was about to ask Krisdevon how this fit in with his philosophy of humanity in harmony with peaceful nature when two children appeared unexpectedly on the shore , disrobed, and began swimming. A dog barked behind some trees, and a young goatherd emerged from the forest with two goats. After tying them to a tree, he, too, undressed and dove into the lake from a high rock.

     Soon he noticed Arlyn and Krisdevon and called out, "Come swim with us."

     Her questions of philosophy momentarily forgotten, Aryln turned to Krisdevon unsurely and asked,"Is it all right?"

     "Yes, unless you don't want to," he replied, and Arlyn nodded. They piled their clothes on their packs and went into the water. The water was very cold which made it difficult for Arlyn to enter because she was used to the heated pool in the Palace, but once in they swam over to the man and the two children.

     "Can you do a somersault under water? I can," cried out the girl who promptly demonstrated how adroit she was.

     "I can, too," said the boy who, at about eight, was roughly a year younger than the girl. After he had dived forward neatly and come up, he looked expectantly at Krisdevon and Arlyn.

     "On three," said Arlyn smiling at Krisdevon, "one, two, three," and they spun themselves below the surface. They all swam for a while, but it was not long before the cold water had them shivering. They climbed out and sunned themselves on a large, flat rock. Arlyn was comfortable, but only until her eyes met the goatherd's as he glanced at her body. The obvious admiration in his eyes unnerved Arlyn, but he made no overt advance toward her. In the meanwhile Krisdevon was throwing both children in the air and swinging them by their arms.

     "Children, we have to go, or we won't be home in time for dinner. Citizens, we're going that way," said the goatherd pointing in the direction Arlyn and Krisdevon were going. "Would you like to walk with us?"

     "Certainly, by the way my name is Krisdevon, and this is Arlyn."

     "Mine's Kern, and the children are Keese and Nya. They're my cousin's children. We all live together, but he and one of our two wives've gone to market in Mandistria to sell some things."

     They dressed and walked off down the path with the children running ahead. Krisdevon and Kern discussed farm animals for a while, and after Arlyn picked a wildflower, all three talked about their favorite flowers. It had been mid afternoon when they left the lake, but by the time they reached Kern's cottage, it was almost dark.

     "Would you like to have dinner with us," he asked.

     Though Arlyn was a little reassured about Kern from the peaceful tone of his conversation about flowers, it was with some misgivings that she acquiesced to Krisdevon's jovial, "It's all right with me if it is with Arlyn."

     After Kern put the goats in a shed, they went into the house, and pointing toward a dark, twentyish woman of medium build Kern said, "Arlyn and Krisdevon, this is another member of my family, Fora. Fora, I met Arlyn and Krisdevon up at one of the lakes, and they were walking this way."

     "Are you hungry?" asked Fora looking around at them.

     "Her cooking's better than mine. Nobody complains when it's Fora's day to prepare meals," said Kern as an added inducement.

     "Yes, very," she replied, and soon dinner was on the table. Arlyn ate eagerly enjoying the bean and vegetable stew, but when she raised her eyes to glance around the cottage, she noticed Kern looking at her. She turned away worried what difficulties might ensue if they were to spend the night there, something which appeared increasingly likely. Causing no small part of her upset was the fact that Kern was both friendly and handsome. If it was not for Krisdevon... but, no, he was the man she loved, and that was all there was to that. She turned her gaze to Krisdevon but found him engaged in a conversation with Fora about the best way to prepare green, leafy vegetables. By the time dinner was over, Arlyn was a bit irritated with Krisdevon for what she saw as his lack of attention, and this despite his several attempts to include her in this conversation.

     When they had finished dinner, Kern got up and said, "Nya, Keese, clear off the table while I clean the bowls."

     This done, they all went into the next room and sat on a large, thick rug. As they all leaned against sleeping mats which were rolled up touching the wall, Arlyn examined the room. The walls were paneled in ornately carved, dark wood, and the ceiling had heavy, exposed beams. In the middle of one wall was a large stone fireplace in which Kern built a small fire. There also were several large windows, each with two layers of glass. In the daytime the room must have been bright, but now it was dimly lit by two small candles.

     "Anybody want anything, a little wine or some tea perhaps?" asked Kern.

     "No, thanks, I'm full. Maybe later," said Krisdevon.

     "Me, too," said Arlyn looking intently at the multitude of carvings on the wall panels. There were all manner of scenes: animals running in the forest, portraits of people, abstract designs, trees, a rocky waterfall, and several erotic subjects to name just a few. There also was an entire blank wall.

     "These carvings are remarkable," said Arlyn. "Who did them?"

     "Fora did a few, and so did my grandfather," said Kern, "but I did most of them. I take a panel and sit around carving a bit at a time until it's done. Then we put it in place with wooden pegs."

     "It must've taken an immense amount of time. How do you manage it and still work, too?" asked Arlyn.

     "Ive been at it for about ten years. This used to be my grandfather's home. When I was small, I used to come over here and watch him carve things. He showed me how to do it. Later he asked me to move in with him. By the time he died unexpectedly five years ago, I'd done about a third of this and helped him with a lot of other things so he left the house and the garden to me. I do my share of the chores, but I still find time for this, too. I finished the wall by the fireplace about a season ago, and I'm resting my mind while I think about what I want to do with the one still blank. Any suggestions?"

     "Not on the spur of the moment," said Arlyn, "but I do know one thing. They're beautiful. this deer over here seems to be ready to leap off the wall at me."

     After a pause in the conversation, Kern asked Fora, "Would you like to play a song or three for our guests?"

     Before she could respond, the younger child, Keese, said, "Oh, please, you could sing one with a story to it." He got up and went to a large drawer where he got a stringed instrument similar to a Mandistrian lyre but with more strings and no fingerboard.

     When he brought it to Fora, she said, "Only for a little while. Our guests are tired, and I'm sure they'll want to go to sleep soon."

     The first piece Fora played was a lively dance tune based on a rapid succession of chords made up mainly of major fifths. Arlyn judged her to be a talented musician, but Arlyn was tired so her mind began to wander, and when Fora paused quietly to change the mood before her next song, Arlyn dozed. She only heard the beginning somber words:

     I sit in the forest      under a scarred elm tree      and think of my lover      who I'll never more see.

     We sat neath this elm      as he played on his lyre,      but both became ashes      in a great forest fire...

     Arlyn fell into a light sleep dreaming of making love with a strong and artistic man in a dimly lit room. It was gratifying until a ray of light came through the window, and she discovered it was not Krisdevon within her but Kern. She was conflicted, but the dream went on. She was enjoying the act but still struggled against it. She awoke to find herself wrestling away from Krisdevon who had become engrossed in Fora's song of woodland love and tragedy. Everyone in the room was startled, and Fora stopped singing.

     Realizing what had happened, Arlyn said, "I'm very sorry. I was tired, and I must've napped because I just awoke from a dream in which I was trying to free myself. That's why I was twisting about. I"m sorry I interrupted your song. It was rude of me... I hope you'll forgive me."

     "That's quite all right," replied Fora undisturbed at this interruption and worried only that Arlyn might be unwell. "My song was just over anyway. I understand about your being tired. It was impolite of me to let the children persuade me to sing. You aren't feeling sick, are you?"

     "No, it's over now," said Arlyn still perplexed at the way one part of her had enjoyed the dream and another part of her had been repelled by it.

     "How about some herb tea before bed?" asked Kern. Everybody agreed, and Kern went off to brew the tea. Later Fora went out to talk to him and help him serve the tea. Soon they all were sipping a blend based mainly on sassafras root bark but including several other tastes which were united pleasantly by a bit of honey.

     The tea finished, Kern looked at Fora and then at Arlyn and Krisdevon. He said, "We don't often have guests here, especially as nice as you. We've enjoyed your company very much. Keese and Nya have, too, and we'd like to ask you if you'd like to make love with us and the children."

     Krisdevon was accustomed to such offers of hospitality but knew they were completely alien to Arlyn. He glanced at her and saw the negative response in her eyes. He did not wish to subject Arlyn to anything which would upset her, so he said, "We're honored by your invitation, but Arlyn and I are new to each other, and we'd rather not. Perhaps another time."

     "I understand," said Fora slightly disappointed, "perhaps another time." She arose and rolled out the large mat on which the whole family slept. Krisdevon and Arlyn rolled out their sleeping bag while their hosts went outside to their outhouse. After they had returned, Krisdevon and Arlyn did the same. They bid each other good night, and began undressing. Arlyn noticed Kern glance longingly at her, and she quickly got into the bedroll. Nya blew out the candles, and they all lay down in their places. Arlyn and Krisdevon made love, but several times during the act Arlyn was distracted by the love making on the far side of the room. She was surprised that the two children were active participants and wondered what it would be like to do it with a number of people, but she forced these things from her consciousness by concentrating on Krisdevon's caresses.

     Afterwards she lay awake puzzled and torn between a romanticized notion of physical and mental fidelity which she had gotten from a few pieces of poetry her literature master had assigned her and her own intuitive recognition that if something felt good and did not harm anyone then she would do it if she wished, that is, she could once she was sure what she wished. As yet, she definitely was not.

     Because they had a long day's journey ahead of them, Krisdevon and Arlyn rose early, and amid numerous invitations to visit if they ever passed by again, they took their leave of their hosts. After they had walked about an hour on the route Kern had told them was the shortest one to Mandistria, Krisdevon noticed Arlyn was unusually quiet. She appeared very thoughtful, so not wishing to intrude on her privacy, he said nothing. He sensed she was experiencing some kind of conflict about Kern's attraction to her and Fora's toward himself. Since he was unsure exactly what form it was taking, he decided to wait until she was ready to discuss it.

     Arlyn actually was disturbed by a number of thoughts. She was flattered by Kern's attention, but something inside her was irked Krisdevon's refusal to join their group love making had been so casual. She knew it was absurd, but she had been influenced by tales about fighting to the death over a slight to a lady"s honor. She could not picture Krisdevon battling anyone, least of all a person as gentle as Kern, but still a part of her childishly yearned to be the center of this kind of activity. And yet Krisdevon's relaxed attitude toward their love making was something she found attractive. She simply wanted this attitude and his love making restricted to herself. Any other woman, Fora, for example, represented a distinct threat to her well-being. Krisdevon had been lovers with many women and might be again. If he did sleep with another woman, she would lose him because she was not pretty, or so she thought, but around the circle to the beginning she still felt an intense desire to sleep with Kern. Alas, if she did, this would give Krisdevon the right to seek other women unless she hid her actions from him, but this last alternative of sneaking behind Krisdevon's back was even more unpleasant than all the others.

     Around and around went her mind, and always in the background was the knowledge that Krisdevon had been in love before meeting her. She was even more jealous of the past than the present because she felt some control over the present. Krisdevon might be casual about sex but never about his word, and he had as much as given his word to be her man and hers alone. The past, however, was forever beyond her touch, and this made it a very tempting means of self-torment. No matter what Krisdeovn did or promised to do in the present, no matter how hard he tried to make her happy, she always could fall back on this source of insecurity to disrupt her peace of mind.

     Luckily at this point she said to herself, "It may be wise to protect myself against anything in the here and now which threatens me, but it's childish and only serves to weaken our relationship if I deliberately torture myself about things in his past which shouldn't effect me. What a man was before he met me, provided he wasn't cruel or something else evil, is none of my business. I ought to concern myself mainly with how he behaves now." Awareness of this concept made Arlyn feel somewhat better, but she nevertheless continued quiet and even a little sulky until they stopped for lunch.

     As they sat eating lunch on the edge of a small, fallow field, Krisdevon decided this might be the best opportunity he would have that day of discussing with Arlyn what was troubling her. "What's on your mind?" he asked. "Is it anything I've done?"

     He had to wait a long time before Arlyn found the words she sought. "I guess something you've done may be the surface cause of my brooding this morning, but when you get down to it, I doubt you've done anything you shouldn't've." She paused before continuing hesitatingly, "What I think it is is that meeting you suddenly has demanded I grow up. I've been terribly isolated for a long time, so I've lived in a fantasy world, but now I've got to come to new terms with that unreal existence, and it isn't easy. I have to be careful not to try to live out impossible fantasies through you. I know I want to be your woman, and no one else's, but I don't know anything about other men, so curiosity tempts me... but I don't want you to go near another woman.

     "You've done a lot I haven't done, and you know more. That makes me feel inferior. I'm afraid that because you know so much more than I do, you might think lowly of me, and because I'm inexperienced at sex, Im frightened I might not be as good as some of the other lovers you've had... Oh, Krisdevon, I'm just scared I might lose you."

     Krisdevon was flattered Arlyn thought him so filled with knowledge, especially since he could see she herself potentially was a wise person, but he also was saddened by the insecurity tormenting her. He recognized this would be a turning point in their lives. If he could bring her to trust him and herself as well, their love would continue to grow and bring them joy, but if he failed, in spite of everything he might either lose this woman who meant so much to him or possibly stay with her in a relationship which brought neither of them happiness. Though he was older and more self-confident than Arlyn, he was not above insecurity, and fear of losing her made him choose carefully how he was going to express himself.

     "Arlyn," he said, "I'm very mistrustful of words. I've learned that what a person does is far more important than what they says. I've told you I love you, but it would be meaningless if I didn't seek to show this love in our day to day life. We haven't been together a long time, but don't you sense from being around me that I love you?"

     "Oh, I do," she answered. "It's not you I'm unsure of. It's me. I know I love you, but I'm afraid I'm unworthy of you. Suddenly everything in my life is different. I don't want to go back, but I'm afraid that while I'm growing toward you, you'll lose patience with me and especially with silly moments like this."

     "You're not just growing toward me as if I'm some complete entity worthy of being a goal. I'm growing toward you, too. You're confident of your intellect and your ability to learn academic subjects. Why shouldn't you be as self-assured of your capacity to master emotional knowledge as well? You aren't selfish or nasty, and you seem to possess all the things which lead to understanding and gentleness. What more could I rightfully ask for than a mate with an abundance of the most important human qualities?"

     "What makes you so sure I have all these things?" asked Arlyn. "You've only known me a short time."

     "I can't explain it in words, but I know one thing that's true. Every person I've ever met sends out something almost like fire radiates heat and ice gives off cold. I don't know what it is, their essence, perhaps, but if you're at all in tune with life, you can perceive what that essence is; whether tey're friendly or hostile, relaxed or tense, generous or greedy, or any of a wealth of other things. Few people're entirely one way or the other in anything, but if you're observant, you can get a good idea of where they stand, of who they are, in a couple of hours. I can see you're wise enough not to do things which would be very harmful to yourself, and you'd defend yourself vigorously against any kind of physical or emotional attack, but beyond these quite justifiable limitations you're filled with desire to make others happy. You offer to give a lot and ask very little in return. There's no doubt in my mind. If you want to fulfill me, you can just by being yourself."

     "Do you really believe that?" she asked. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?"

     "No, if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't say it. In fact, I probably wouldn't be here right now," he answered.

     "But what about sex? I know it's terribly important, but I'm so inexperienced. I'm afraid I'm not good at it."

     "Now if there's anything you don't have to worry about, it's sex. Don't you realize as you're lying there squirming with pleasure, you're naturally performing almost every motion which can heighten a man's ecstasy? That's how the act works. If you're enjoying it and want to share that enjoyment, then you will share it. The desire to give pleasure is in itself the key ingredient to giving pleasure. Sure, everybody has preferences, positions they like, moves they find better for them, but these're things you have to learn for each new lover. Even if you've had a hundred lovers, you still have to learn what the hundred and first wants you to do. As we grow closer together, we'll learn what're the best ways for us, not only you learning what pleases me, but me learning about you, too."

     "I'm glad to hear that," said Arlyn at last venturing the beginning of a playful smile. "I love it so much with you. It makes me very happy to know you feel the same."

     "I do," answered Krisdevon.

     "I'm sorry about this silly scene I've caused. Please forgive me."

     "Don't you understand? This is not a silly scene. You were upset, and there's nothing foolish about two people in love talking about things which disturb them. If it's done with trust and honesty, it can only work to strengthen our love for each other."

     "I know you're right, but I've never talked to anyone about anything seriously emotional before now, and shyness makes me hesitant."

     "I understand... Arlyn, if you ever doubt me or yourself, remember what happened yesterday in the meadow. Do you think that could've happened if we weren't joined by love?"

     "I wasn't sure I should mention that. It was so strange I thought it might be better not to bring it up at all... All I can say is it seems to belong to a higher level of human experience than the ones on which we usually exist. It united those things which're best in ourselves, but we still have other, lower levels to trouble us. The love union only can survive if we understand this."

     "I agree with you. This discussion is part of that understanding," he said.

     "Yes, it is," said Arlyn feeling for the moment she had said all she had to say. She was satisfied she had communicated the source of her uneasiness to Krisdevon, and he had understood it. Also, what he had said had brought her an increased sense of security, and this, too, had calmed her anxiety.

     Krisdevon, too, was pleased with the way their conversation had gone. It had been awkward, as all such discussions are, but again he had reassured Arlyn of her value as a human being and satisfied her of his love for her. Furthermore, this reassurance seemed to have strengthened her love for him, and that eased his mind.

     They sat for a while holding hands and then ate some lunch before moving on. Their afternoon was considerably different than the morning preceding it. As they walked, they pointed out and named many of the plants and birds they saw. Arlyn recognized many of the plants from the garden and still others from engravings in books she had studied. Krisdevon was acquainted with the rudiments of herbal medicine, and once Arlyn became aware of this, she asked him many questions about the healing and health maintaining properties of various leaves, flowers, roots, and barks.

     Time passed quickly, and by late afternoon they reached the Main South Road at a point not far from the city. At the city's southern gate traffic was heavy with people trying to leave or enter the city before the gates closed, but the swift and efficient gatekeepers saw to it everyone who had reached the gates before the deadline was allowed through. Arlyn again was made uneasy by the formidable appearance of the guards and even stuttered a bit when she had to answer, "Arlyn, citizen of Mandistria, returning from a vacation in the country, gatekeeper," to a question about who she was and what was her business, but the sentry merely motioned for her to pass on to another guard without giving her a second look. He asked her if there were any commercial items in her pack, but when she replied that there were not, he did not ask her to open it. Krisdevon answered the same questions, and they walked through an opening in the wall constructed similarly to the East Gate.

     Arlyn rested at Krisdevon's apartment until nearly midnight and then, after arranging their next meeting, she returned to the mesa. It was a little more difficult finding the door at night, but Arlyn knew her way and was not long delayed by the darkness. She climbed the stone ladder and slept in the garden.

Chapter XIII

     After giving it some thought, Arlyn decided to reduce to three days the periods she would devote to studying. This would give her one full day out of ten to spend with the old books in the locked room in the Library. This might slow her progress in academic subjects, but Arlyn now was beginning to feel she might have overemphasized the importance of university studies in her life. Her first taste of country life had been enough to convince her she eventually would leave the castle permanently. Even if there had been a possibility of her ascending to the throne, she might well have been willing to renounce it for the freedom of the forests. Actually there was no future for her in the Palace, only the increasing potential of danger. Sooner or later her brother, Crotus, would discover he had an older sister who was the legitimate heir, and then her position indeed would be precarious.

     Her two days of lessons and three of study were uneventful. She still was unready to inquire of her tutors about astrology because as yet she did not have enough information to ask intelligent questions or perceive whether the answers she received were based on knowledge or prejudice. The sixth day again found Arlyn carefully making her way behind the large book shelves of the aisle leading to the locked room. For most of the day her labor there continued confusing because of her inability to decipher most of the tables, however, late in the afternoon she found a scrap of paper bearing a list of characters used to denote the different astrological signs and planets. This enabled her to figure out how to read the tables giving the locations of the assorted heavenly bodies throughout recorded history, but the prime material of astrology, the supposed significations of these locations, still was a mystery to her. This discovery encouraged her because she assumed that eventually she would start to come upon explanations of what it meant, for example, to have the Sun in the sign of the Shark. She reasoned that once the astrological denotations and connotations were clearer, she could check them against actual historical occurrences in a given period and use this as a satisfactory test of their validity.

     Excited by this find but frustrated by her inability to give it an immediate trial, she left the Library and began to prepare for her departure from the Citadel the following day. Nightfall again found her carrying rope and other equipment into the garden. Patrols in the garden were at fairly regular times in order not to disturb the Imperial Family, so Arlyn had little trouble avoiding them. Even the watchful eyes on the wall were no real threat to her because they generally were turned outward toward the city and the countryside beyond the city wall.

     After sleeping in the garden, early the next morning Arlyn began her descent to the city below. When she reached the end of the first section of her safety line, she began placing rope for the remaining two hundred meters. Whenever possible she had recessed the spearheads beyond the edges of the stone rungs so if she ever did fall, it would be unlikely she would injure herself by striking one of the exposed spearheads. Since spearheads were easier to carry than rope, she already had implanted enough for the entire three hundred meters, but this meant she would have to thread two hundred meters of safety line below the end of the first rope with no safety line other than the rope she was pulling through the spearheads. The great danger this involved, particularly because of the great weight of the rope, forced her to blot out all else from her mind and concentrate fully upon her task. As eager as she was to see Krisdevon, it was not easy to not think of him, but she managed, and finally she was down at the bottom, tired but much relieved her safety line was completely installed.

     After a short rest she started off down the increasingly familiar East Gate Road. The peril of her climb over, Arlyn allowed her mind to wander into pleasant thoughts of what she and Krisdevon might do together in the next few days. Hikes, discussions of art, love making, and other happy ideas entered her consciousness, but then a very unpleasant new notion arose to break her peaceful mental state. It occurred to her that Krisdevon actually did not live in Mandistria. He only was there on business. Of course, she had known this all along, but what she had not realized before was that at any moment he might leave Mandistria and return to the Tossori. He already might have extended his stay beyond his original intentions and be getting ready to depart immediately. Perhaps their first camping trip had been to test her responses to woodland life.What would she do if he asked her to come with him this very day? And even if he did not ask during this visit, it could not be long in coming.

     The swift onrush of a mass of opposing arguments perplexed her and made it impossible for her to think lucidly. On one side was the great intensity of the love she shared with Krisdevon, but on the other side was the shortness of the time she had known him, What would happen if his love waned? Or hers? She remembered the conflict within her when Kern had offered to make love with her. If they parted, she would be stranded friendless and alone in a forest hundreds of kilometers from a home she could not return to even if she wanted to. She had no skills, only an academic education, and it would be virtually impossible for her to find work as a teacher at her age without some proof of her graduation from the Academy of Mandistria. Since meeting Krisdevon she had tended to place a lower and lower value on scholarly study of formal subjects, but a diploma would be something to fall back on in an emergency. Then she decided if she was becoming bored and disinterested in academic work, teaching would be a poor choice for a means of support.           She knew she would have to leave the Citadel eventually. Perhaps this would be an ideal opportunity to act well before an emergency... but then again perhaps it would not. The best thing would be to discuss the problem openly with Krisdevon, but then she would have to tell him who she really was, and this still appeared unadvisable. Even if she did go away with him, it should not be as fleeing royalty. What he did not know, he could not betray, either inadvertently or, if they were pursued successfully, under interrogation or even torture. One bad thought led to another, and by the time she reached the plaza where Krisdevon sat, her heart was pounding heavily in torment even though she had been walking slowly in order to allow herself more time to think.

     At that moment Krisdevon actually was quite elated because a talented local musician who frequently had spoken of buying one of Krisdevon's flutes "when he had the money" finally had purchased one, but it took Krisdevon only a glance to recognize Arlyn was upset, and he immediately adopted a serious expression. "Arlyn, you look very unhappy," he said. "What's the matter?"

     Arlyn, now face to face with a need to make a decision about what to tell Krisdevon, swiftly came to the conclusion that although her position was a difficult one, it was not yet at a crisis stage. She still would do well to rely entirely on her own judgment, especially since she wanted more information about Krisdevon's plans before arriving at any final answer. Accordingly she chose to pass over her appearance casually and change the subject as quickly as possible.

     "Oh, I was having some trouble with my parents," she said, "nothing monumental. It's just that when you can handle most big problems, little things can trouble you... but now I'm with you, and their nonsense is far away." She cast her eyes about her for a new topic of discussion and noticed Krisdevon only had one of his usual two flutes with him. "Where's your other flute, the small one?"

     Krisdevon perceived Arlyn was passing lightly over something serious in order to avoid talking about it, but he again reasoned that when she was ready to tell him what was on her mind, she would, and that rushing her would make matters worse. Furthermore he hoped to be able to change her mood by sharing with her his elation at having sold a flute.

     "I sold it yesterday," he said. "There's a Mandistrian fellow who plays the kind of flutes you blow across the side instead of down into the end like mine. He stopped by a number of times to sit with me and play the smaller one. He liked it but never had enough money. He finally saved up enough money to buy it, and I'm really happy. I know he'll play it a lot and take good care of it. That's important to me. With all the time and effort I put into a flute, I get very involved with it, particularly if it's one I played a long time myself."

     Arlyn began to feel some of the happiness Krisdevon was experiencing, but then it suddenly occurred to her that each time he sold a flute, he was closer to returning to the Tossori. A feeling approaching panic grasped her as she wondered if this was the last flute he had to sell. That would mean her time of decision was not far off.

     Krisdevon saw this slight rise and abrupt fall of Arlyn's spirits and immediately rose and led her out of the plaza toward his apartment so he could have privacy to comfort her and discuss with her whatever was making her upset. He was no little bit bewildered by these sudden changes because he was unable to see what there might have been in his attempt to cheer her up which possible could have made matters this much worse. Neither spoke as they walked, but Krisdevon was acutely aware of the tightness of Arlyn's arm around his waist. It was as if she was clinging to him for dear life.

     They entered the brightly sunlit room and sat cross legged facing each other on one of the mattresses. Arlyn resolved to ask her question right away. "How many flutes do you have left to sell before you go back to the forests?"           Abruptly the situation became all too clear to Krisdevon, and a different uncertainty, an uncertainty rooted in his fear of losing Arlyn, replaced the expression of sympathetic perplexity on his face. He, too, had wondered what would happen when his business in Mandistria was done. It was not as if he would have to leave Mandistria soon because he was free to remain as long as he liked. He even could have a message brought to the Tossori asking them to send him ten or twelve of the aged bamboo root sections from which he made his flutes. In that way he could work in the city and stay indefinitely, but like most forest people he disliked city life and would become unhappy restricted by city walls and large buildings even if he was only a day's hike from the country. All these considerations ran through his mind as he answered Arlyn's question with one word, "Two."

     What had been a rather depressing answer for Krisdevon because it was fraught with approaching crisis was somewhat less disturbing to Arlyn who saw it as at least a few more decadays to contemplate her decision. She hesitated a moment and then asked, "What are you going to do then?"

     "I'd like to go back to the forests," he said. "It's been more than two seasons since I left, and I'm not really comfortable in the city. I'd like to try studying with Travengard again, too." More than a little frightened at what he knew he was going to say next, he paused for a short time. His fear of possible rejection strove to take possession of him, but immediately he exerted the great strength of his will to overcome this fear. "Arlyn," he continued, "I'd like very much to take you with me when I go back to the Tossori. Will you come with me?

     Arlyn had both hoped he would ask this question and also dreaded she would have to answer it. She found it extremely flattering that this kind and handsome man whom she loved with all the intensity of first love could be so interested in her as to offer to join their lives, for that was what his question unmistakably implied. But it also made her very much afraid to be face to face at last with the inevitable necessity of choosing, particularly when she just was beginning to realize how inexperienced she truly was.

     "Krisdevon," she said slowly, "I love you very much, but I'm uncertain... not about you but about me. You're experienced in things like this, but I'm... Well, it's all so new to me. I have the awful feeling that if I act too fast, it'll ruin both our lives." She saw the pained expression on Krisdevon's face but knew it would be worse to be dishonest, so she went on with the truths which she had known all along deep within herself but which only this moment of crisis had made clear to her. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've decided it would be better for us to be apart for a while. I have a great deal to learn about life before I can be your equal, and the only way we ever can be good for each other is as equals. It doesn't mean that we'll love each other less while we're separated. just that we'll be able to love each other more when we're together again."

     Krisdevon's first response was to try to change Arlyn's mind. He loved her in a steady and mature manner and felt great satisfaction in her company, a company he did not wish to be deprived of, but though his mind filled with potential arguments to sway her, he was silent. To him it was an inescapable fact that if he loved someone , truly loved that person and did not simply project them into a series of fantasies of his own pleasure, he would want them to be happy and even place their happiness on a level of importance with his own, and he had to admit only Arlyn herself could decide what would be most likely to bring peace to her life. He knew Arlyn was very young, and he realized he had no choice but to wait until she felt ready to complete the union that he sensed already bound their destinies in ways which he did not understand but ways which he knew she was no less aware of than himself.

     At last he spoke, "You have to do what you think is right. It's hard for me to let you go like this, but I can see how what you say is best for both of us. If I changed your mind, eventually you'd come to resent me for robbing you of a wealth of experience you only can have if you travel alone for a time. There's no point in dragging out the situation we're in now. After you go back to your family in a few days, I'll leave Mandistria."

     Arlyn was taken aback by the suddenness with which Krisdevon had chosen to depart. She wanted him to stay at least a decaday or two longer, so she said the first thing which came into her mind which she thought might convince him to delay, "But what about the two flutes you have left? You won't be able to sell them. It wouldn't be fair for me to make you lose the money you'd get if you sold them."

     "That won't be a problem," Krisdevon replied. "A woman who owns a food stall wants to trade one for food. At first I didn't want to swap it, but now it'll work out so the next Tossori who visits Mandistria will collect the food from her. As for the other one I'd intended to give it to you as a gift."

     Arlyn saw Krisdevon was firm in his resolution not to tarry, and though she was tempted to change her mind, she had done what she had thought would be best for them both in the long run, so she accepted his choice without making any further attempt at persuading him to stay. She maintained outward calm and even felt somewhat relieved the matter was settled. She was grateful there had been no long, painful scene with Krisdevon striving to dissuade her.

     After a pause she asked, "Can we write to each other?"

     "Unfortunately the Imperial Post only goes between large cities, It doesn't have much to do with the forest people, so we won't be able to write letters often, but people from my tribe do come to the city a few times a year. They can bring a letter for you and take yours back when they leave. Just come by the room every few decadays and see if anyone's here."

     It occurred to Arlyn that with Krisdevon gone she would have no place to stay when she was away from the Citadel. The practical side of her quickly grasped this was a good time to discuss that problem, so she said, "Do you think it'd be possible for me to come here to this room now and then when I want to stay away from my parents for a few days? I feel imprisoned when I'm at home too long, and even if it isn't bad sleeping out in a park, it would be nice to have a place to go if I want to be indoors."

     Krisdevon thought for a while as if weighing possibilities not entirely within his purview. Then he said, "We generally don't let people who aren't part of the tribe stay in our apartment. We used to, but it got out of control. Once three of the Tossori arrived to find over twenty people living here, making an awful mess of the place, and ruining the friendly relations we had with our neighbors." Krisdevon gave a slight but forced laugh as he tried to hide his true feelings of the moment behind memories of a humorous incident. "After we chased them out, we put a lock on the place and agreed to limit it to the Tossori, but I guess you're not really an outsider. One thing, though, you must promise not to show anyone else how to open the door."

     "I promise," answered Arlyn.

     He explained to her the sequence in which she was to press the five buttons controlling the lock and then said, "When I get back to the forest, I'll tell anyone who leaves for Mandistria you might be here. Then you'll just have to tell them who you are, and it'll be all right."

     By this time the tone of their conversation had become very artificially casual. Despite the fact that in the past both had tended to be rather open and honest with each other about their emotions, this time they sought to hide behind a wall of talk about trivial matters, but now they reached the point where all the small affairs either could think of had been settled. A long silence ensued, and both their faces showed the turmoil in their minds.

     Slowly the enormity of her action began to overwhelm Arlyn, and she was strongly inclined toward changing her mind. It appeared to her much the easier path to renounce the temporary independence she was demanding and along with it the hope of eventual equality with Krisdevon in order to avoid a course dominated by the specter of losing him entirely. She thought how simple it would be to accept a secure life based on allowing him to subsume her personality into his own. Fortunately Arlyn was too accustomed to thinking for herself to permit this possibility, seductively attractive as it might seem because of its safety, to win out over her intuitive realization that only as peers could they be happy together.

     This intellectual understanding of what she saw as the correctness of her choice did little to ease the emotional strain the decision was causing her. She felt her head throb with pain as tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. She glanced up to see Krisdevon, too, was beginning to cry. Her body increasingly was wracked by sobs until she actually was trembling. She felt Krisdevon's hand touch her, and she collapsed into his arms knocking him over so that they were both lying flat on the mattress entwined in each others arms. They lay there a long time wrapped in their sadness.

     When he had reached out to comfort Arlyn, Krisdevon only had expected her to clasp her hand in his own. His mind had been distracted by the knowledge that they were soon to part, and when she had fallen against him, he hardly had been aware of their change in position. His mind continued struggling to accept what he saw as the wisdom of her judgment.

     Although he knew he had not done anything wrong in his actions toward Arlyn, he could not help feeling responsible for her suffering, and this led him to feel guilt. When they first had met, should he not have recognized she was too young to return his love, could he not have listened to her problems and then gone on his way? For an instant something inside him wanted to say "yes," but then his whole being answered with a resounding "NO." He could no more have not fallen in love with Arlyn than he could have stopped breathing. She was all he ever had wanted in a mate, and if she was young, she would grow. In most ways she was far advanced over other people her age. Then the phrase "in most ways" caught in his mind and tortured him. She might be very kind and gentle, might have an intellect of great scope, but something in her life clearly had stunted her emotional experience and hence her emotional growth. He had no idea what might have done this, but otherwise why should she go through these almost incredible changes, one moment so frightened of losing him that she would cling desperately to him and the next moment independent enough to break apart from him completely.

     He wanted to speak, to tell her she was his equal, anyones equal, but he knew these words would not ring true when confronted with her need for time to grow toward maturity, so he restricted himself to rubbing the tension hardened muscles of her back saying softly, "It'll be all right. Don't worry. It'll be all right."

     He took consolation from the fact that for him and hopefully for her, too, this moment of pain never could outweigh the happy days of joy they had had together, but as he remembered their happier times, his feeling of loss grew still greater. It even occurred to him that all the mystical events which seemed to portend their eventual reunion might be mere illusions and they might never be rejoined. This last thought rendered the darkness within him complete.

     After they had lain in this bleak embrace for a while, Arlyn began to notice an increasing moistness between her thighs. To her surprise and her horror, for at such a time as this love making seemed unthinkably out of place, she was becoming sexually aroused. This unwanted reaction to the almost ferocious intensity with which she and Krisdevon were holding each other, distressed her very much, and she became even more frustrated and depressed, but the more frustrated and depressed she became, the more eagerly excited her body became in its demand for sex. One part of her asked, "How can I be so cruel, so gross as to want sex from Krisdevon now in the midst of all the grief I am causing him, a man who has been so nice to me?" But another part of her tingling with thwarted passion answered only, "If I don't make love with him now, I'll go crazy."

     At any other time Krisdevon would have noticed Arlyn's desire, but about the same time as Arlyn had begun to realize her urge for sex, he had felt his penis start to stir with the first signs of an erection. He, too, had reacted with immediate revulsion at the thought of making love, and reviled himself for thinking of sex in what appeared to him to be the most inappropriate circumstances. Thoughts of guilt identical to Arlyn's dominated his consciousness. Over and over he said to himself, "How can I be so crude, so evil as to want Arlyn to give me her body when her mind is undergoing such a terrible crisis?" but the throbbing in his now fully erect penis was inexorable. It was pushing out hard against his pants and pressing tightly on Arlyn's thigh. He suddenly was embarrassed by the realization that Arlyn soon would discover his condition if he did not move away. He loosened his arms from around her, and tried to turn aside, but she held him fast.

     As Krisdevon moved, Arlyn could not help but feel the bulge of his cock pressing against her. She assumed this motion meant Krisdevon wanted to make love with her, and all her misgivings and guilt of the previous moment were drowned in the passion of the instant. Thinking Krisdevon had initiated the sexual aspect of their embrace, Arlyn had no qualms about kissing him firmly on the mouth.

     At first Krisdevon was surprised by what he thought was Arlyn's spontaneous adoption of an aggressive role in a very unusual situation, but it was only a second before he responded eagerly to her kisses. Generally Arlyn and Krisdevon moved at a leisurely pace through the foreplay preceding their love making, but on this occasion the desire welling up within each of them was so strong that rather than a gradual and pleasant progression toward the act of love there was a frantic flurry of unbuttoning followed by a swift and desperate coupling.

She thought:

He's not going to do it for me with his tongue. I won't be able to come, and I want an orgasm terribly much now? Oh, what a surprise? I guess I will have it. Maybe I did the wrong thing to break us apart. Maybe I'll never see him again. That's an awful thought, but I just know I'll never get another chance like this. Oh, this is horrible. I'm having an orgasm. I can feel the contractions, and I'm still overwhelmed with sadness in the midst of pleasure. "Pleasure" isn't the right word for it. I'm in agony. These terrible thoughts keep flashing in and intruding making me feel even worse. I can feel his cock throbbing. He's coming. I can feel his come spurting into me. This always made me feel so fulfilled, yet now it's joyless.

He thought:

This is such a mockery. Making love should be so happy, but all I can think about is leaving Mandistria without her. I will be so lonely. It's amazing how much the body can separate from the mind when things go wrong. I can feel my penis throbbing. I can almost see my semen flowing from me into her. My body is in the throes of ecstasy, and my mind is suffering torture all the worse simply because my body is seeking to black out the pain in my mind. The loss of this woman is going to be very hard to bear.

     Despite the torment they were undergoing, Arlyn and Krisdevon continued making love long into the night. Although each had several orgasms, neither managed to distract temself from the bleak thoughts plaguing their mind. They did not speak at all. It was only for a few seconds after they rolled apart for the last time that they realized their bodies might have been possessed of some wisdom in driving them to copulate far beyond pleasure until complete exhaustion. What sex was unable to cover, the oblivion of almost comatose sleep managed to obscure from them. They slept deeply with their arms around each other and scarcely moved at all during the night.

Chapter XIV

     Arlyn and Krisdevon awoke just after sunrise, but both pretended they were still asleep because each wanted time for planning what they would say to the other. They both had been thoroughly devastated by the desolation and depression of the previous day, and each resolved that no matter what the other did, they would not permit a repetition of those events which not only might have destroyed them as a couple but even as individuals.

     When his mind finally was made up about which course to follow, Krisdevon cautiously opened one eye and glanced at Arlyn. Her eyes were shut, but when she felt him stir, she, too, feigned awakening.

     "How did you sleep?" he asked in a neutral tone of voice.

     "Very deeply," she answered in an equally noncommittal manner, "and you?"

     "Quite well," he said. After slowly taking care to separate their bodies which still were entwined from the night before, they continued making small talk for several minutes. Then there was a pause in the conversation.

     An expression appeared on Krisdevon's face which made it look very much as if he was about to walk blindfolded across a pit that might or might not contain burning hot coals. "What happened yesterday can strengthen us," he said, "but only if we realize it was a disastrous mistake we never should repeat. Wallowing in fear, sex, and self-pity is a luxury we can't afford more than once. We have only three more days together, and I think we ought to enjoy them as best we can."

     When she had seen the look on Krisdevon's face, Arlyn had been frightened of what he might say, but when he had finished, she felt relieved because his words exactly represented her own attitude. "You're right," she said. "It'd be foolish to deny it happened, but I don't think we'd gain much if we wasted a lot of time talking about it. It happened because we didn't accept each other as free individuals. We both had a set pattern we wanted the other to fit into, and we can't do that to each other no matter what emotions we have."

     "You've just said about all there is to say about it," he answered. "Are you hungry?"

     "Famished," she replied, and they set about preparing breakfast.

     After they had eaten and cleaned their dishes, Krisdevon said, "Today is the third day after the middle of spring. By some chance this wouldn't be your birthday, would it?"

     Being an outcast in the Palace, Arlyn never had had one of the large birthday celebrations which punctuated the lives of all the other children of the Imperial Family. In fact other than a polite, "Happy Birthday, Princess" from her maid, Lan, no one ever had taken any interest in her birthdays, so she actually had to stop and think before she answered, "Yes, it is. I'd forgotten."

     "I thought it was today, Said Krisdevon as he walked across the room to one of the large trunks in a corner. He opened it and took out a roll of cloth bearing a colorful abstract design. He gave it to Arlyn and said, "Happy fifteenth birthday, Arlyn."

     As Arlyn looked at the package in her hands, she realized it was not, as she had thought, merely a roll of fabric but a neatly sewn case containing something long and round. She opened the case to find the flute Krisdevon had promised her. Although this gift did not come as much of a surprise, it still was the first birthday gift she ever had received, and she was deeply moved by it. She even felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she put her arms around Krisdevon and said, "It's beautiful, and I'll treasure it, but not just because it's beautiful but especially because you made it. Thank you."

     They hugged each other for a long time and did not think much other than their joy in proximity, but then at the same time identical thoughts came to them both. Each feared that if they embraced too long, the other would want to make love, and since they both were sexually exhausted and sore from the excesses of the previous evening, they moved apart quickly.

     Krisdevon asked, "It's your birthday. What would you like to do today?"

     Arlyn thought for a moment and then decided to combine practicality with pleasure. She was keenly aware she did not know much about the city. This was the perfect opportunity to learn, so she asked, "Do you know your way around the city?"

     "Yes, I do. Whenever I get someplace where I'm going to stay for a while, I spend a good bit of my time exploring."

     "Would you like to show me around?"

     "As a matter of fact until recently my family kept me at home, so I know next to nothing about Mandistria."

     "That's really too bad. It's an interesting city as cities go. One grand tour of Mandistria coming up," said Krisdevon picking up his flute and leading Arlyn out into a clear, sunny, mild spring morning. "One set of streets in Mandistria forms concentric circles around the citadel. The others are like radii of the circles running from the mesa to the city wall. A good way to begin might be to pick one of the circular streets and follow it all around the city. Do you want to try that?"

     "Sure. Remember any time we come to someplace interesting, please tell me about it."

     Krisdevon guided Arlyn to a street approximately half way between the mesa and the city wall and said, "This ought to be a good one. It passes by several places which may not be interesting, but're important, so you ought to know about them."

     They walked mostly in silence, sometimes holding hands, other times not. Their coming separation was foretokened by the growing barrier between them caused by the inward struggle they both were going through in an attempt to convince themselves they were indifferent to each other. Whereas on previous outings together they had been very playful, now their constant intimate smiles gave way to a strained politeness. While their usual conversation had included affectionate teasing interspersed with occasional pauses for tickling each other, now it consisted almost entirely of questions like, "What's that building over there?" and answers like, "That's City Hall. Most of the city officials have offices there. If you want to do something, build a house, for example, you have to go there with all the plans to get them approved. Building codes are pretty strict..."

     Actually it was not that the subject matter of their conversation had changed. They had discussed things like building codes in the past. It was that the tone of their voices had lost something of the closeness it once had had, and that this quality of closeness had been replaced with a forced tone of mere intellectual respect. It was a loss both sensed acutely but which neither seemed able or for the moment even willing to overcome. They still were quite deeply in love, but they no longer had the capacity for expressing it freely, so they were even more silent.

     Around noon they passed one of Mandistria's two concert halls, and this prompted a lengthy conversation about music which almost degenerated into a contest to see who could quote more obscure passages from little known composers. If there had happened to have been an eavesdropping stranger, they would not have thought these were two lovers but two newly introduced snobs each trying to impress someone they did not like.

     Krisdevon saw himself falling back into adolescent patterns of hostile behavior and abruptly decided to confront the problem rather than continue playing an unpleasant game. He stopped in the middle of a sentence about dissonant four part harmonies and said, "After breakfast we left the house with a nice feeling of expectation for a happy day, but somehow we managed to let our misgivings and anxieties about breaking up destroy the morning for us."

     Arlyn reacted quickly in a manner uncharacteristic of her normal behavior. "Speak for yourself," she snapped. "I didn't ruin anything." She paused, and a look of shock came over her face. She was amazed she could talk to Krisdevon as she just had. "I'm sorry I said that. I guess you're right. The tension between us today is awful. I don't want it to be this way, but I can't seem to help myself. Maybe if we sat down someplace and relaxed, we could eat lunch and feel a bit better."

     "That's not a bad idea," replied Krisdevon. "There's a small park a few blocks that way. Why don't we go there?"

     Arlyn nodded, and they walked on. They were silent again, and though this was less obnoxious than their bickering, both still were distraught, only now they began to realize the importance of patching up their differences before their separation so their last impressions of each other would be favorable.

     After they had eaten lunch and had had time to calm themselves, Arlyn said, "Sometimes there may be wisdom in burning bridges behind you as you go, but I can't see how burning them in front of you can accomplish anything. Fighting with each other now is doing just that because it'll make it much harder for us to go back together if we ever want to, and both of us seem to feel that's a strong possibility. We've discussed all the aspects of our condition, and we understand it fairly well, so talking about it only is going to make matters worse." Here Arlyn paused a moment, and then a playful expression came to her face, and she continued, "Why don't we agree that if one of us misbehaves anytime in the next three days, the other will tickle the offender until he or she ceases the offense. The accuser will be the final judge, too."

     "I don't know if I like that," replied Krisdevon pleasantly surprised by the change in Arlyn's voice.

     "You disagree?" said Arlyn quickly. "I judge that to be misbehavior." Whereupon she jumped on Krisdevon holding him down and poking her fingers into his ribs and then his thighs just below his crotch. When he tried to tickle her back, she continued using an indignant, mock legal tone, "What right have you got to tickle me. I wasn't misbehaving?"

     "I'll tickle you whenever I want," said Krisdevon at last getting in his share of the tickling, but Arlyn, realizing Krisdevon was about to flip her under him, used her advantage of being on top to get up and run away. Krisdevon got up and ran after her with a speed she never would have expected of a man with a wooden leg. Seeing she would be caught quickly anyway, Arlyn stopped and let Krisdevon catch up with her. They threw their arms around each other and kissed, and as they twined their tongues together, both felt an overwhelming sense of relief that a potentially hostile situation finally had been turned into a loving one.

     The rested in the park for a while and then went on walking around Mandistria. It was not long before they came into sight of the north face of the mesa and the huge hoists there which were used to bring people and supplies to the Imperial Palace. Arlyn often had wondered how so many large objects, particularly some of the building beams (She had been told most of the stone of the buildings had been quarried on the mesa top itself.), had been raised such a distance. The answer became apparent as she watched the hoists in operation. There were six sets of them each about fifty meters in height, each functioning independently to raise a burden to the next platform where the load would be removed from the lower and transferred to the next higher lift. Each set consisted of five separate lifts with independent counterweights, but in the case of an exceptionally heavy load several could be used simultaneously.

     Krisdevon noticed Arlyn's gaze and said, "It's fascinating. A city within a city isn't uncommon, but a citadel like the Imperial Palace is unique. It's true when they say it's one of the greatest engineering marvels in the world. Sometimes I wonder what it might be like to live up there."

     Arlyn's first response was, "The lifts are fun to watch... All those counterweights moving up and down."

     She continued looking at the hoists wistfully and after a while decided to see if Krisdevon could stand by the things he had said about favoring woodland life uncomplicated by material wealth. "I guess it's an engineering marvel all right," she said, "but I doubt it's very nice isolated up there even with all the luxurious objects surrounding you. I've never liked being restricted to my parents' house no matter how magnificent it is. I think the people on the mesa must feel the same desire to be free at least part of the time, but then again, maybe they don't. What do you think? Deep down inside do you prefer the way you are, or would you rather have all the comforts that go with living in a palace?"

     "When I said I wondered what it was like, I just meant I was curious. It might be amusing to spend a decaday there, long enough to get the feel of the thing but nothing more. Actually I don't merely think I don't want to live that way. I know I don't. My family was very high ranking in Vadriel, and I was the eldest child, so it was my right to inherit the largest portion of my family's wealth and political influence, but I decided long ago to leave that world. I've never returned, and I've never regretted it. The peace of mind I've gained makes me far richer."

     Arlyn was impressed by Krisdevon's answer because she knew that even with all the factors weighing in favor of her leaving the Citadel permanently, it still would be a difficult step for her to take, and Krisdevon had taken a similar step purely by personal choice. She asked, "Then do you think people should renounce all comfort and material objects the way they say some people do because they all can be taken away from you if chance works against you?"

     "I don't see much point in not owning anything because material possessions can be taken away from you at some hazy, indefinite future time, and I think it's just as silly to live in misery because you think you'll obtain some great insight into life that way or because someday you might be in pain from an accident or illness. It seems pointless to torture yourself by sticking needles in your finger joints to prepare yourself for getting arthritis when you're old. I don't know if any of them do exactly that, but a lot of what they do is awfully close to it. Life'll make you suffer enough without your adding to it. It all sounds like not eating anything today because there might be no food ten years from now.

     "For me the whole thing is to live moderately now and deal with a crisis when it comes up. Eat good, simple food in small quantities, and that alone'll do a lot to maintain your health, and if your body is in good condition, your mind is likely to be also. Fast periodically to keep yourself healthy and disciplined, or if you aren't feeling well and fasting probably can cure what ails you.

     "Suffering, self-inflicted or otherwise, doesn't bring knowledge in and of itself. I know a lot of fools who've undergone a lot of pain, even agony. Understanding of life comes from frequent reflection on what you experience and observe, and, when it's possible, contact with wise people. These things'll prepare you for the travails of life.

     "There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with having a few objects if you aren't overly attached to them. I'm attached to my flute, but that's all right because if it was taken away from me, I'd just make another. I'm not so attached to it I'd be in agony if it was destroyed or lost. I simply respect it properly for what it is, a beautiful object, and that respect for a beautiful object implies caring for it, not being owned by it. If I was deprived of the ability to play the flute, I'd be better off for having played it because it's almost entirely your own choice whether you say to yourself in that kind of situation, 'Oh, woe is me. Look what I've lost. I'll suffer forever because of this,' or "Well, that's gone. Too bad, but it did leave me with a lot of happy memories which I'm thankful for, but now I have to look around for something else to do.'

     "Take Kern. He lives a moderate, comfortable existence in his little cottage in the forest. He works when he has to, but when he doesn't, he relaxes. That's the same as temperate dining. He's happy, and yet I think he's still prepared for whatever ills may befall him. On the other hand the Emperor lives amidst the ultimate in voluptuous luxury and never labors. This life of unlimited ease'll do as much to rot his mind as continuous overeating and excessive drink'll do to destroy his body, and they all compound each other because the body and mind aren't separate entities. Anyway, it's unlikely he's truly happy because the great power he has is, by its very nature, accompanied by fear of the people he uses it against, and fear inevitably destroys happiness."

     "I think you're right about the Emperor," said Arlyn with unusual bitterness which Krisdevon noticed but said nothing about, "but are you really certain asceticism is wrong, too? I understand many wise men and women have attributed their wisdom to self-discipline they attained by disclaiming anything more than the most limited connections to the physical world. I would think striving to live an entirely spiritual life might be the best preparation for giving up your body when you die."

     "I think while we're here in this life, we ought to learn from it, and that includes learning from the body what it has to teach us from its joys and its pains as well as its in betweens. We won't be able to learn those lessons in a disembodied afterlife, if there is one, but you are right. I'm not sure rigorous self denial is a dead end like sybaritic luxury. I merely was ridiculing what appear to me to be a few absurd extremes of asceticism. I certainly didn't mean to include all people seeking a more spiritual life. I just don't see any point in adding to the suffering we experience naturally. I believe in living naturally, and adding more suffering to your life than you'd otherwise have is unnatural. I doubt I'd've been any more prepared for the loss of my right leg if I'd cut off my left one when I was fifteen. I just would've suffered twice as much, and I can't see how that'd make me any better off now... or when I die. People can suffer and be happy, but the greater the pain, the more difficult it would seem to be happy, so I think people ought to avoid unnatural pain because I think a happy life is a good thing, provided it isn't enjoyed at the expense of others.

     "I'll admit the leg example is extreme, but when you get down to it, it isn't much different from the way some people torment and punish themselves mentally as well as physically with the hope of being rewarded in some nebulous afterlife. The way I look at it I'm not sure there is an afterlife, but even if there is one, how can enjoying this life make an afterlife unpleasant assuming that you're not being punished for enjoying this life by hurting others? I can't envision a universe in which people're punished for living moderately and comfortably, and I'm not interested in dealing with the possibility of an afterlife governed by injustice. If that's the way it is, I'll relate to it as well as I can when the time comes. If the afterlife has it's pleasures, they'll replace the ones of this life. A person with my attitude about losing the ability to play the flute would accept these new pleasures without regretting the loss of the old ones like flute playing just the way I would accept my losing the old ones in this life... If the afterlife is unpleasant, then the happiness of this life'll provide a pleasant memory which'll make the afterlife more bearable. Lastly, if there is no afterlife, then it's foolish not to enjoy this one."

     "That seems terribly ambiguous to me. I'd've thought someone who's devoted to astrology the way you are would've come to believe in one or another of the religious doctrines tey'd found in their travels. Doesn't the vagueness of it all bother you?"

     "No, not really," answered Krisdevon. "That's because of the peacefulness I learned in the forests. The world is filled with uncertainty, and I think the best thing one can do is learn to live with ambiguity and not worry too much about it. When you're ready and you need to know, it'll come to you. Maybe you won't need to know until after you're dead. If it never comes, then that's the way it is, and you have to do the best you can without it, but worrying won't help you...

     "You should try to be kind to people not because you'll be rewarded in some afterlife but because you know how good you feel when people're nice to you, and other people'll tell you it's the same for them. It leads to a serene and happy life, so mutual kindness is its own reward."

     "I can't disagree with you about it being right to be nice to others," said Arlyn, "but what about people who try to hurt you?"

     That's generally from fear, and fear generally comes from lack of understanding. You should show people like that you don't represent any threat to them although I will admit a person's prime obligation tends to be to preserve their own physical and emotional well-being. In the face of imminent and unavoidable harm a person has the right to protect temself the way I defended myself against the boar I told you about, but that was a rare circumstance. There're very few people who behave like the boar did."

     "But don't you think not believing in a soul contradicts believing in astrology?" asked Arlyn.

     "No, I don't. The planets are there to see. Records of their positions during different historical periods seem to demonstrate beyond the possibility of random chance that particular configurations of the planets accompany the same types of historical events or personalities whenever they occur. There must be some kind of relationship between them, and these relationships are arbitrarily called astrological forces. There may be some evidence that human beings have souls, but the existence of astrological forces doesn't seem to be part of it...

     Krisdevon and Arlyn continued talking as they walked around the city. Their conversation followed the same pattern for some time with Arlyn asking questions, Krisdevon replying, and Arlyn posing objections to his answers. Occasionally Arlyn spoke at length, but it only was to refute something Krisdevon had said, never to state an opinion of her own. At last after one such refutation Krisdevon began to realize he had rambled on and on and on about whatever Arlyn had asked him. The answers had represented his genuine feelings, but he surely had used a lot of words. "I guess that's because I still have a long way to go," he thought. He decided he had explained his own cosmology at least well enough for Arlyn to understand it if not agree with it. He thought it might be time for him to listen to Arlyn's ideas about the nature of the world, so he said, "And you, what do you think is the nature of life?"

     Arlyn was silent for a long time and finally said, "I don't know. All those things we've been talking about are things I haven't given much thought. It's all new to me. In fact I've never had an opportunity to discuss them with anyone before."

     Krisdevon was amazed at Arlyn's reply. Her arguments had been so well thought out that it never had occurred to him they might be little more than the result of a highly developed debating technique. Arlyn never ceased to be an enigma to him. She was very cultured and well educated, but she obviously had been isolated from a large segment of life, for how else could she not have reflected on such questions as they had discussed.

     "How could you possibly have developed your knowledge of art and science without a parallel study of life?" he asked.

     "My tutors," she replied, "never seem to go beyond academic subjects. The mathematician only teaches mathematics, the music instructor only music, and the same for all the others. None of them ever goes outside their own limited area. When I was younger, I was taught some of the state religion, but I could see it was only a collection of fairy tales designed to consolidate the power of the state, so I ignored it and devoted myself to purely academic study. I guess that shows the weakness of a university education. It's not worthless, but I can see now there is a lot more to life."

     "I remember saying something of that sort once, but then you disagreed with me pretty strongly. You ought to give it more thought," said Krisdevon.

     After a long pause Arlyn said, "Our whole conversation this afternoon is a perfect example of why I think it'd be better for us to be apart now. You've thought out all these things, and if I stay with you, I'll come to accept your ideas as my own without ever actually studying them carefully. Even if you were a total stranger, I'd find you extremely persuasive, but I love you, so it'd be still more difficult not to fall into thinking completely like you do. If we're separated for a few years, I'll be able to grow and develop my own identity. I'll be able to find my own answers to life's questions, and then we'll be able to relate as equals. As it is now, if we stayed together, I'd never get out of your shadow, and the older you got, the harder it'd be for me ever to become an individual."           "I guess you're right," replied Krisdevon in a quiet, resigned voice. Any remaining doubts he might have had about the correctness of Arlyn's decision to leave him were overcome. The thought of a mate, however intelligent and educated, who was only a reflection of his own intellect was repugnant to him, and their conversation of the afternoon surely proved to him Arlyn's need for independent introspection. After a while Arlyn put her hand in Krisdevon's, but though they held hands tightly, they did not speak.

     As the afternoon wore on into evening, both Arlyn and Krisdevon became increasingly uncomfortable about being together. Neither could think of a topic to discuss with the other. Their few half-hearted attempts failed abysmally with one asking a question they did not care much about and the other replying with a laconic, "Yes," or, "No," answer. To make matters worse both were acutely aware there still were two more days ahead before the time they had arranged for parting.

     When the minute by minute passage of time became too tedious for Arlyn, she turned her mind to a poem she had been writing. It was not very long, but she wanted each word to be exactly right, so she went over it carefully several times. When she had finished, she decided being with Krisdevon another two days would be too disagreeable to be worthwhile. Even the advantage of learning more about the city was outweighed by the fear that two more days like the one they just had spent might separate them permanently. She did not know what Krisdevon was thinking and was afraid if she said she wanted to leave right away he might try to stop her, so she resolved to go while he was asleep during the night.

     Krisdevon, too, was finding Arlyn's company increasingly unpleasant, but he was afraid he might hurt her if he so much as suggested parting before the next two days had elapsed, so he judged it would be best to endure his discomfort without complaining and be as nice as possible to Arlyn. When they stopped for the night in a thicket of large, old azalea bushes in a small park, Krisdevon decided that making love with Arlyn in his present frame of mind would be taking advantage of her because he feared she might let him have her body while her mind was unwilling. He had, however, misjudged her feeling of the moment, so he was surprised when Arlyn began stroking and petting him, but then he realized she wanted to make love, so he responded eagerly and tried his hardest to please her.

     Knowing her decision had been made, Arlyn was able to relax and enjoy their union as much as she ever had. As Krisdevon's tongue gently rubbed around and around her clitoris, she felt the waves of her pleasure caressing her entire body. She was filled with gratitude for the emotional release from the tension she had felt since their unsuccessful orgy of the previous night. When she was satisfied, she placed her hand on Krisdevon's hair and tugged lightly. He stopped and rested his head on her thigh.

     As she lay still and gratified, Arlyn wondered what last gesture of her love to give Krisdevon before departing. She remembered how much he had enjoyed it when she had taken his penis in her mouth, so she motioned for him to roll over on his back and then took his erect cock first in her hand running her fingers up and down the shaft and then in her mouth. Striving to make his ecstasy last as long as possible, she moved her head very slowly but held her lips tightly as she first squeezed the head of his cock hard against the roof of her mouth and then eased the pressure so it would swell up again and throb.

     At first she felt rather strange, but then she became absorbed in the sensation of having a large, somewhat flexible object in her mouth. She began to enjoy sucking on it and rubbing her tongue around the ring at the base of its top. She became so involved that she fell into a dreamy state lost from time and only was reminded of what she was doing when she felt his cock pulsate an spurt a warm, thick steam of semen into her mouth. The last time this had happened, she had been uneasy, and though not actually repulsed she had swallowed Krisdevon's seed mainly to please him, but this time she did it happily and found it pleasurable in and of itself.

     Krisdevon noticed the eager manner in which Arlyn was seeking to satisfy him, and he, too, was able to relax as her tongue beckoned him toward ecstasy. Like hers, his orgasm was an emotional as well as physical release from the tensions of their fiasco the night before. When they were finished, they got into their sleeping bag and were both soon asleep.

     Arlyn awoke around midnight and climbed out of the sleeping bag. She took out a pencil and paper, and by the moonlight she wrote the following note:

"Dearest Krisdevon,      "Our parting hangs over us and makes it impossible for us to enjoy being together. I'm frightened, and since I know very little of life, I can think of only one response, to flee. I know it's wrong for me to run away like this, but I'm scared, and I can't help myself. It doesn't mean I don't love you. I do, terribly much, but everything seems wrong now. In a few years I hope it will be better. Please wait for me.

     "I can't seem to say what I want to, but I've written a poem for you. I'm not sure it's only a poem about something we saw at the lake in the forest or if it really expresses my inmost feelings about us. I don't know, but it would be dishonest of me if I hid this aspect of myself from you, so here it is.

         Predator

     Tall trees border on the silent lake.
     Now and then a fish leaps above the surface
     seeking to escape the rapacious pike.
     Sometimes an osprey dives down into the water
     emerging seconds later with a fish in its claws.
          **********
     Deep in the water a pike and an osprey
     are joined in mortal combat.
     The pike is strong in her element.
     She swims downward knowing the osprey
     can survive only a short time without air.
     The osprey, too, knows this and struggles upward
     but unsuccessfully.
     He has been drawn too deep
     to release his claws and reach the surface.
     But by drowning the osprey, the pike also will kill herself,
     because the osprey will drown with his death frozen claws
     locked deep in her spine
                    Arlyn"

     After she had written this, Arlyn placed her note under the lid of Krisdevon's pack where he would be sure to find it. Then she got up and began walking toward the road around the base of the mesa.

Chapter XV

     For the rest of the spring and well into the summer Arlyn did not leave the mesa. Although her studies held diminishing interest for her, Arlyn pursued them as a distraction until she could be sure Krisdevon had left the city. As might be expected, she found the thought of encountering him to be an uncomfortable one.

     She waited carefully for opportunities to question her tutors about astrology and observed an abrupt though temporary change in the demeanor of each one when she posed her questions. Their usual attitude toward her was almost one of equality, but each in his or her turn adopted a tone of condescension to adolescent foolishness as she made her inquiries. They all sought to discourage her interest in the occult, so based on her lengthy personal knowledge of them, she was satisfied their expressions of contempt for the subject arose from a sincere belief in the fraudulent nature of both its substance and its practitioners.

     Typical of these exchanges was the one with Ahkte, the expert on Vadrian literature, which began, "Oh, Professor, I noticed a reference to astrology in a poem called 'The Moons' by Cortreese. I was wondering if you know anything about astrology."

     "How did you come across that? replied Ahkte chuckling.

     "I was glancing through a volume of early Vadrian poetry looking for background material, and I saw it. I thought I ought to ask you about it," lied Arlyn who had not come on it by chance at all but after carefully examining many Vadrian poems on the heavens hoping to find one mentioning astrology which could be used as an excuse for broaching the subject.

     "Astrology is a silly superstition that the positions of the stars can influence our lives. According to astrology if a particular star is over here," he said pointing to the east, "it means your second child will get pneumonia at the age of forty-six, but if it's over here," he said pointing to the west, "he'll only catch a mild cold and have a lifelong predilection for women with dirty fingernails."

     "But they believed in it," Arlyn persisted.

     "That was their problem, not ours, child," he said employing a term of address he did not use often to Arlyn.

     "Are there any books on astrology I could study if I was interested in it?"

     "No."           "Have you ever done any research on it yourself?"

     "No."

     "Then how do you know you're right?"

     "Because if it was true, the Masters with whom I studied would have known about it and taught it to me. I've been told there were impartial investigations by the Imperial Government which proved conclusively all these occult things are just so much tripe. Now let's get back to more important matters," said Ahkte patting Arlyn on the head. "I know what I'm talking about."

     The effect of these conversations was only to lower her professors in her eyes. This was not because Arlyn thought astrology was factual. She continued confused about that. It was because none of them had made the slightest attempt to do their own research about it. She found this intellectual dereliction of duty especially curious because on all other matters they seemed open and eager to engage in personal inquiry. She later thought that it was as if underneath all the scornful talk, in places they might not even be aware of themselves, they were afraid of the topic and did not want to find out the world did not fit neatly into all the little boxes they had been taught it did. She did not mention astrology to them again.

     Of course, Arlyn did continue her visits to the locked room in the Library, and little by little her labors there began to bear fruit. One very important discovery was the notebook of a beginning apprentice which outlined what factors were controlled by what planets and how the various signs might modify these interpretations. This find increased her enthusiasm, but unfortunately the manual only described the meanings of isolated conjunctions of individual planets with particular signs. Edos in the sign of the Dolphin might denote a certain condition if it was taken apart from all other factors, but what if one of the planets in the sign of the Dog meant the opposite and the two occurred simultaneously?

     Arlyn long since had recognized that mastering astrology involved the ability to arrange and execute the intricate calculations which could weigh the assorted influences and determine which were likely to predominate, so her initial joy at locating this manual was tempered by the realization that she had much work between where she was and where she would have to be in order to perform the experiments which would help her make up her mind about the validity of astrology. Her plan still was to examine charts for specific dates, then decide what types of events these charts implied, and finally check the Imperial Chronicles to see if there was any correlation, but she saw many hours of intense study ahead of her before she could even have the vaguest idea of whether or not she was wasting her time.

     The thought that all these hours would produce no more results than the knowledge of her own foolishness for disregarding her tutors was quite unpleasant, but what was worse was knowing she could have spent these hours on the athletic fields or in the garden instead of risking her father's renewed displeasure by sneaking into a dank, musty room which almost certainly was forbidden to everyone, so she could spend whole days huddled over a sputtering candle studying old, rotting books which might be nothing more than a heap of trash. She longed for some way to make a rough test based on her present limited skills. She reasoned there must have been times when there were overwhelming multiple conjunctions of similar influences which when taken together could, if astrology worked, only produce certain uncommon events like uninterrupted peace, devastating drought, or major war.

     She decided to stop studying subtleties of interpretation and begin scanning the many volumes of tables giving the locations of the sun, moons, and planets on a centiday (one hundredth of a day, about fourteen minutes and 24 seconds) by centiday basis across the period of over two thousand years covered by the collected tables. She knew it might require decadays to examine that many charts, but it only would take a glance to see if there were either five of the eight heavily bodies within any one sign for a short period or four heavenly bodies in a sign over a longer one. Arlyn was tempted to take some of the books back to her apartment, but most of them were quite large and therefore impossible to remove from the Library without drawing attention on her, so day after day Arlyn went on sneaking into the locked room, only devoting herself to her academic studies in the evening.

     It was not long before it became clear to her how tedious a project this was going to be. She arbitrarily had chosen to begin with the date over nine hundred years earlier of the founding of the Mandistrian Dynasty and then simply turn pages to look at one of the ten charts on each side. As the days and years slipped by before her increasingly aching eyes, Arlyn seriously considered whether she might not have set too high a restriction for her sample test because after six days of study covering over five hundred years no such lengthy, uninterrupted conjunction appeared.

     By late in the afternoon the charts usually became like kaleidoscope images before her eyes, so when she finally came upon the first of the few periods which fulfilled the requirements she had set, it was only after she was several pages into it before she was aware she was seeing numerous groupings of five and even a few sixes in the sign of the Scholar. Actually her first reactions to this discovery were mixed. As she sat there on her stool with her back aching and her eyes squinting, the first thought which came into her mind after her initial elation was that the possible meanings of the sign of the Scholar tended to be among the most abstruse and esoteric of all the signs, so even massive conjunctions in this sign might have had results which would be imperceptible to her uninitiated eyes. Nevertheless she copied down the dates of this cycle of conjunctions which though it often dropped as low as two of the heavenly bodies in the Scholar sign, seemed to prevail over almost twenty years before ending abruptly with the onset of a lengthy era of apparently indeterminate and conflicting influences.

     Arlyn got up and closed the volume of tables intending to leave the secret room and make her way to the part of the Library which housed the Imperial Chronicles. She already was hard at work trying to hypothesize what events possibly might fit these astrological conditions. As she carefully checked the corridor through the keyhole to see if she could leave unobserved, she became skeptical she could find anything in the Chronicles to substantiate the premises of astrology. Walking down the aisle, she ran through what historical events she could remember from her lessons, but no major occurrences stood out, and her spirits sank. Surely this proved her time had been wasted because such strong conjunctions as these, even in a sign like the Scholar, would have to point toward significant happenings of one sort or another, that is, if astrology worked. On the other hand, if it did not, occurrences might be mundane throughout the whole time in question no matter what the signs might indicate.

     Then at the moment when her disgust with herself for seemingly being fooled so badly had reached its peak, her mind reeled with shock of staggering proportions. She became dizzy and almost fainted when it dawned on her that the Imperial Chronicles would not be the place to check because no historical events in the usual sense, no plagues, floods, or battles, were involved. She was amazed she had not immediately recalled these nineteen years which extended roughly between the Mandistrian dates 528 to 547 corresponded almost exactly to the golden age of Mandistrian literature. She did not even have to open the Mandistrian literary encyclopedia to verify the dates because this flowering of poetry, prose, and theater was the age which was truly her favorite. Many times when she had been a child and still occasionally now, she imagined herself living in that era, being present when the great writers of the day read from their works, and seeing performances of great dramas directed by the genius playwrights themselves.

     As she left the Library, she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. No longer would she doubt the wisdom of astrology. She was completely satisfied it was real and true. She headed toward the athletic field and a much needed work out.

     Slowly the emotional energy generated by the suddenness of the change which had come over her began to dissipate for the moment, and a whimsical grin crossed her face. "I'd always wondered why the Golden Age ended so unexpectedly while several of the great writers were not only still alive but rather young, too. I guess now I know."

Chapter XVI

     Because she was not ready to leave the mesa again, Arlyn continued scanning the astrological charts in the secret room, but the study no longer possessed the frenzy of one who must have answers to her questions. Now it was done with the relaxed curiosity of one who is satisfied she knows what she needs to know and only is seeking a few extra tidbits of information before returning to her original path, in Arlyn's case an understanding of how and why astrology worked. She eventually located several other cycles of intensely focused conjunctions, one in the sign of the Flower in a period which on the surface appeared uneventful but which on further examination proved to be almost eerie in tranquility, and another in the Desert Lizard which coincided with the worst drought on record. After she had reached the most recent date she could find, a date 174 years before her own day and about the time of the expulsion of the astrologers, she began casually looking through the charts for the time before the founding of the Mandistrian Empire, but since the Chronicles of Mandistria did not go back that far, she was unable to see if there were any interesting parallel events.

     One thing which did unnerve her a bit was when a volume containing tables of the fifth century before the Mandistrian Dynasty fell open to the day of the autumnal equinox 1472 years earlier. Instead of there simply being a page divided into ten boxes, each with a small chart for a particular time of day, there was one large chart, that of the precise instant when Fall began. If any map of the heavens could be frightening, it certainly was that one. Three of the planets and the Sun were exactly on the cusp line between the sign of the Dog and the sign of the Shark, and the remaining two planets were in the sign of the Fox. If anyone had been born at this moment, they surely could be said to have been born under a bad sign. At the bottom of the page, which bore such marks of frequent use as bent corners and finger smudges, was the notation, "Great Tharl." It was followed by the characters for Shark teeth over the Dog's face, the astrological symbols of Great Tharl. Arlyn thought the name was familiar and hunted in her memory until she recalled Krisdevon mentioning it in recounting his meeting with Khator, but she was unclear what the context had been. Since the date was a very long time ago, she decided it was not likely to be important now, so she forgot it.

Chapter XVII

     By early summer Arlyn had fallen behind in her academic studies, so she devoted a few days to catching up and then made preparations for a few days off the mesa. On her descent she tested her safety line and then was on her way down the East Gate Road. She hummed quietly to herself as she walked along elated with the thrill of seeking adventure.

     Although she did not expect to meet Krisdevon in the merchant's plaza, a pang of loneliness impinged on her high spirits, but it passed quickly when she saw Krisdevon was not there. The self-confidence which comes from a sense of independence pervaded her being as she sat on the stone steps a few meters from where Krisdevon usually had set his wares. She flashed back to how she had been unhappy sitting by herself the first time she had been in the plaza, and she laughed at how silly she had been to be frightened of being alone.

     "Now it's different," she thought as she munched the nuts and raisins she had brought for lunch. "Now I'm grown up. Then I was just a foolish child."

     Her ideas ran on in this vein for at least an hour as she observed the people walking by, trying to learn as much as she could about everything going on around her. She even eavesdropped on the conversations between the traders and their customers. Several people including a man she considered quite handsome smiled at her, but no one stopped to talk.

     Suddenly Arlyn was startled by a touch on her shoulder. Since the sensation had been on her left side, she looked in that direction but saw no one. By the time she was able to look to her right, she was eye to eye with a tall, lean, blond man with an oval, angular face who had sat down very close to her while she had been looking the other way. She was struck by the hawk nose which was his most prominent feature and which gave him the semblance of a bird of prey.

     The confident, easy manner in which he said, "My name's Barris. What's yours?" gave her the feeling that this touching, sitting trick was something he had done many times.

     "Arlyn," she replied as noncommittally as possible but still somewhat awed by the air of smooth sophistication emanated by Barris. Her heart beat more quickly with the excitement of the unexpected, but she maintained outward calm.

     "You like to watch people, don't you?" asked Barris.

     "What makes you think so?" answered Arlyn.

     "You've been sitting here over an hour doing nothing else."

     "So?"

     "I didn't mean any offense. I was sitting by that window of the inn over there, and I couldn't help noticing you. You're fascinated by all the different types of people here."

     "I guess I am. I don't get around much, so I like to learn as much as I can when I get the chance."

     "You ought to learn by doing," said Barris winking at the double meaning.

     "Oh, I do," replied Arlyn not to be outdone. ""What is it you do?" she asked deciding to change the topic.

     "You mean work?"

     "Yes."

     "I don't," he answered. "I don't like it. It's a waste of time."

     "You mean with all the possible crafts open to you, you can't find even one you like?"

     "That's right. Why should I work if I don't have to?"

     "That's your business, but how do you live?"

     "Don't worry about me. I manage," he said taking her hand and patting it.

     Arlyn felt something was moving too fast for her, something she was not able to control, and she sat immobilized with a kind of remove which allowed her to view what was going on as if it was happening to someone else. When she did not take her hand away, Barris put his arm around her, and when she still did not resist his advances, Barris got to his feet and drew Arlyn along with him out of the plaza.

     "Why am I doing this, going with this unpleasant and repulsive man?" thought Arlyn, but another part of her said, "I'm sophisticated, and this is an adventure. I can take care of myself. Anyway it's been a long time since I made love with Krisdevon, and I want to do it. There's no reason I can't do it with anyone I like... He must be taking me to where he lives."

     Although Arlyn never had had to labor for a living, she always had devoted a large portion of her time to endeavors she considered productive, and she certainly considered the many beautiful items made by the craftspeople as productive, so she found Barris' condescending attitude toward work as distasteful. In fact, as she meekly followed where he led, she could not think of one positive thing about Barris. He obviously was egotistic and insensitive. She did not even think he was handsome though she did not find him ugly. The only excuse she could give herself was sex. There might be deeper reasons hiding below the surface of her consciousness, but though she had a vague inkling of their presence, she chose not to bring them up for closer scrutiny at this time.

     After they had walked a few blocks, Barris steered her into an alley between two large apartment buildings. His room was a dank basement which had not been cleaned or aired in a long time. Several pieces of flashy and bizarre clothing lay strewn about the floor, and the only light came dimly through a small, shoulder high window which was ground level of the alley outside.

     Actually Arlyn did not get much time to ponder her new surroundings because as soon as they entered, Barris grasped her roughly around the waist and began kissing her hard on the mouth. Even though she found Barris quite obnoxious, she had wanted to talk more with him hoping to discover at least some redeeming quality in him before having sex with him.

     She turned her head aside and said, "Wouldn't you like to talk a while so we could know each other a little better?"

     Barris looked at her impatiently and replied, "I'm not a man of talk. I'm a man of action. Anyway why do we have to know each other? It's just an animal thing."

     Arlyn was tempted to ask him what cheap novel he had read that line in, but instead she said, "I know it's animal, but it can be so much more, too."

     Barris' response was to push Arlyn down on the bed and start undressing her. When she offered slight resistance, he brushed her hand away and opened the buttons of her shirt. Arlyn was surprised and angered by Barris' use of force, but she restrained her growing desire to strike Barris with a couple of sharp side hand chops and a well chosen kick or two. It was not that she doubted her ability to defeat him in any kind of fight, fair or foul. He only outweighed her by about ten kilos, and in contrast to her own finely honed, athletic body she could tell he was not in good physical condition. Moreover, the art of destroying an adversary swiftly under any circumstances was one which she had studied carefully with a trainer of the Palace guards. She simply did not want to hurt anyone, even someone like Barris. Furthermore she saw the situation she was in as her own fault. She realized it had been poor judgment to go off with a man whom she had recognized was not likely to be nice to her, so she decided to submit to Barris and get it over quickly so she could leave as soon as possible.

     Barris wasted no time undressing Arlyn, and when he found her vagina dry, he spit on his penis and penetrated her immediately. Arlyn had thought that if she blocked out Barris' nature from her mind and concentrated only on the act itself, she might experience at least some pleasure, but this was not the case. She was being abused, and she could not ignore it. As the moments crept by and Barris' body pounded up and down against her own, Arlyn became filled with hatred for him, but her hatred made her feel guilty because she viewed herself as responsible for what was happening.

     "I have no right to want to hurt him even though he's hurting me," she thought. "I could have prevented this. I hope I learn something from it." Arlyn discerned that the more angry and tense she was, the more pain she would experience and probably the more lasting the psychological damage, too, so she breathed deeply a few times to relax. Her mind began to function more dispassionately, and by the time Barris' ejaculated, Arlyn was rather serene all things considered.

     When he was done, Barris collapsed on Arlyn and lay still as a corpse. After a while Arlyn began to grow impatient with his dead weight on her, especially since he hampered her breathing. She moved a bit to see if she could nudge him off her, and when he made no response, she feared he had fallen asleep, but eventually he stirred and said, "Am I a lover, or am I a lover? I heard you sighing, and I know I fucked you right. I'm really good, right?"

     Hoping to get away from Barris quickly and not wanting to antagonize him, she replied with a feigned and abstracted, "Oh, yes, it was nice."

     "You bet it was," said Barris starting to be more awake. "I know what makes a woman come. No matter what they say, women want men to dominate them, take them by force."

     "You seem awfully sure of yourself."           "Sure I'm sure. I've balled a lot of women, and I haven't had any complaints," said Barris completely unaware of the growing sarcasm in Arlyn's voice. "You came, didn't you?" he asked, but before Arlyn could answer, he continued, "Look, Arrym, it's getting late. I've got some business to take care of, so we've got to go." He jumped up and was dressed in hardly more time than it had taken him to undress.

     Irritated Barris even could not remember her name correctly, Arlyn nevertheless was thankful for the opportunity to leave, and her laconic, "Me, too," was the last thing she said to him. She dressed just as rapidly as he, and a moment later both were back in the street.

     Smirking, Barris called out, "See you again sometime," but Arlyn already was far down the street and did not turn to reply.

     Arlyn wanted very much to be alone and made her way quickly to the apartment of the Tossori. She was filled with conflicting feelings, each striving to control the direction in which she would grow in response to the crisis she was undergoing. As she sat gazing out the window at the mountains in the east while the sky became dark, part of her wanted to hate men, to swear off sex forever, but after intensely pondering this option for a time, she broke into laughter at what she saw as her own foolishness. Sex was too pleasurable a thing for her to seriously consider abandoning it entirely, but her laughter had a tone of falseness. She was trying to cheer herself up and being none too successful because even if having Krisdevon's sperm within her had made her experience a moist warmth, now she felt filled with slime.

     Next there arose within her a desire to be avenged on men, to charm men into loving her and then desert them. She would beat men like Barris at their own game, be even colder and more dispassionately uninvolved than they were as she used their bodies to gratify her own.

     Arlyn was not a basically cruel person, and the idea of being unkind to people who had done her no harm was repugnant to her innate gentleness, so she thought about the alternative of seeking expression for her sexual impulses with other women. She occasionally had read poetry by women extolling the many virtues and advantages of lesbianism, and she had been no little bit intrigued by the notion of making love with another woman, but she realized that to enjoy the love and companionship of other women, though it probably would broaden and enrich her life, would not be and answer to the problem. Her experiences with Krisdevon had showed her that at least some men were sensitive and kind human beings while her readings had indicated some women were capable of being very nasty to the women who were their lovers.

     "Is there no answer to my dilemma?" she asked herself. "Must I spend even my days away from the mesa the way I do there, alone? If I want sex, am I going to have to limit myself to masturbating? I enjoy doing it to myself a lot, but it lacks the warmth of sharing my love with another human being. Barris, I hate you. It's your fault I feel so rotten. If you at least'd been a little nice to me, I wouldn't have to face this awful conflict. I'm new to this sex thing. I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what I should do."

     At this point her thoughts became a jumbled blur of emotional pain, and she lay down on a mattress and cried. Arlyn allowed her sobs to wrack her entire body, but finally after weeping a long time, she began to feel a release from her sadness. Slowly she became calm, and eventually she got up in the dark to blow her nose and dry her eyes.

     "Well," she thought, "I've made a mistake. Having sex with Barris was a stupid thing, but it isn't all that cataclysmic. The thing to do now is learn something from it so I don't make the same error again. I'm going to have to set some criteria to judge people by, especially those I might take as lovers... but how do I go about establishing standards for this sort of thing. Most people in the city must learn how to evaluate people with the help of their parents when they're still young, but I have to do it now, alone, and it doesn't seem easy. Physical appearance surely ought to be low in rank because there're plenty of good looking rats, but I can't discount a person's body completely. If someone was quite nice but physically unattractive to me, I wouldn't enjoy it much even if they tried hard to please me, but I think the most important thing has got to be how they views me. Does they want to take something from me without giving in return? Does they want to force their ways on me and not allow me to give anything in return? Or does they genuinely want to share something with me? It shouldn't be too difficult to tell. People can lie, but I think Krisdevon was right when he said a person sends off something, an aura maybe, which reflects their true nature, and if you're really open to tem, you can perceive what that nature is. I might have been intrigued with Barris, but I knew he wasn't right for me to do it with. That's probably why I did it, because I wanted to know for sure if my judgment was correct. He fascinated me. Strange, new things do, but I sensed right away what he was with all his flippant talk about 'doing all right.'

     "I think from now on I'll let my intuition divide people I'm thinking about being close to into two groups, ones who most likely would harm me if I got friendly with them and ones who probably would do me good. I'll avoid the bad ones, but I'd better not forget someone could be harmful to me and still be able to help someone else though I doubt Barris ever will do any good if he stays in his present state. I may miss a few nice people, but I'm sure I'll suffer a lot less. Besides if anyone I thought was mean later turns out to be nice, I always can reorganize my attitude toward tem. Merely keeping away from them shouldn't make them so hostile to me that we couldn't go on to be friends, especially if I'm careful about it so tey's not aware of what my first impressions are.

     "Another thing is clear now, too. If the first person I meet isn't right for me, no matter how lonely I am, I'm better off staying lonely until someone right comes along. There're lots of people in the world, and there must be plenty of suitable ones, so I'll just learn to be patient. This way I'll appreciate the right ones much more when I do find them, whether they're friends, lovers, both, or anything else.

     "There's no reason not to talk with someone nice with whom I don't want to have sex. Sex isn't everything, and how else can I make friends? But it'd be best to be honest about refusing sex with somebody I don't want to sleep with as soon as they shows that's what tey's after. That way I won't lead anyone on to thinking I want to even if I don't, so if anybody tries to force me, guilt about hurting their feelings won't make me give into tem. From now on if anybody tries to force me, I'll defend myself right away. I owe that much to myself once I've said I don't want to. I suppose people have a right to ask if they do it politely, but no one has a right to push temself on me, not if I'm honest with tem..."

     Arlyn's rambling but cogent monologue went on in this fashion for a while longer before she dozed off into a peaceful sleep satisfied that even if all her troubles were not past, at any rate she had overcome a few and made progress on others.     

Chapter XVIII

>

     Arlyn awoke refreshed and ate breakfast. As she ate, a new idea occurred to her. She realized that if she had not brought the things she needed from the mesa, she would have had no way to buy them. The danger of this situation began to dawn on her, and she resolved to devote the day to wandering about the city seeing if there might be some way for her to earn money. The notion that she could work for money was totally new and intriguing for her. In fact, having not physically entered her life until recently, the concept of money was alien to her, but since there seemed to be many possibilities open to her, she eagerly set out to see what she could learn.

     She strolled about the city visiting several of the plazas where craftspeople sold their wares. She tried to find one craft she liked enough to study it, but there were so many that Arlyn found it difficult to decide. Her excellent sense of aesthetics was confronted by such beautiful items as: leatherwork in many forms, coats, shirts, pants, boots, and belts, many dyed a multitude of colors, even some with elaborate designs tooled into them; ceramic works like cups, pots, and bowls; silver and gold jewelry, much of it finely sculpted and set with a wide variety of polished gems, fabric clothing in a great range of styles, cloths, and colors; numerous musical instruments, but no lyrian flutes.

     Even amidst the throngs of customers the artisans always seemed to find time to stop and chat with Arlyn though she always made it clear she had no money. Thinking she meant she was poor, several offered her things for free, but she refused and explained she had forgotten her purse at home. After she had examined the wares in several plazas, she saw how even though there might be more than one artisan practicing the same craft in one plaza, each did work which was distinctively original. One leatherworker stamped intricate patterns into his work, another dyed small pictures on hers, a third braided his from strips, a fourth added panels of bright fabric to hers, and still others used combinations of these techniques.

     When asked how they had started in their crafts, most said that when they had been nine or ten years old, they had begun learning from an older person whom they had selected after talking with several people who practiced a craft which interested them. A few had parents who had taught them, but most had chosen trades other than those of their parents. Many were not even from families with any artisans in them having had parents who were things like farmers, merchants, street cleaners, and innkeepers. Arlyn did not discover a rigid apprenticeship in any of these trades, but there was an informal learning period of several years which varied in length from craft to craft. During this time the apprentice received a percentage of the master's income, and either was free to terminate their relationship if they so desired. This was uncommon, but there were a number of tradespeople who later had studied a second or even a third craft.

     Arlyn also noticed occasional individuals and groups who sang, put on mime or puppet shows, or acted out humorous or serious dramatic skits. When they finished a performance, they would pass around a hat or basket and ask for money. Some who were quite accomplished appeared very successful. Others who were less talented were not as amply rewarded but did seem to earn enough to live reasonably well. She spoke with several of these street performers and considered bringing a lyre with her the next time she left the mesa so in an emergency she could play and earn at least a few coins.

     The performer who was by far the most fascinating for Arlyn was a thin, young juggler she found at the center of a small but growing crowd. He spoke rapidly in a thick Vadrian accent jokingly telling the crowd how each of his simple warm up tricks was a brilliant one he had learned from this or that master juggler, but as his stunts grew more complicated and dangerous, he began to tell his audience he had to admit he really was not very good and only had told them he was great so they would stop and watch because he badly needed money to get home to Vadriel. He was an amusing fellow, and the crowd grew very sympathetic to the tales of woe he told them while flipping clubs and rings beneath his thighs and catching them on his heels. The more he claimed he was not a good juggler, the more it became obvious he was a master who had been working hard on his act for many years.

     As he quickly tossed four balls up and down kicking every eighth one back up with his knee or foot, a man said, "Amazing, Citizen, you're amazing."

     The juggler's only reply as he put down the balls and lit four torches for his next routine was an out of breath, "It's not that hard. I could teach you to do it in a day or two." The audience laughed and then gaped as the flaming torches flew alternately between his thighs and behind his back. By the time he reached his finale, the crowd was enchanted with him and stared open-mouthed as he juggled four balls plus an apple from which he took frequent bites while he told his audience he had developed this trick so he could eat on the job and not lose working time.

     He faked a bite from one of the balls, bowed to loud applause, and swiftly began running about in the crowd asking for money before the people could wander off. His good natured patter about how much his mother would thank them for helping him get back to Vadriel brought him a basket filled with small and even a few middle sized gold and silver coins. Arlyn wanted to talk with the juggler, but before she could reach him, he disappeared down an alley, so she strolled off smiling to herself at some of the short jokes he had told.

     As she was about to leave the plaza where the juggler had performed, Arlyn noticed a small man spreading out a mat in one of the far corners of the plaza. He was not a remarkable looking fellow, short, thin, and gray haired like many of the other artisans, but Arlyn discerned a grace and confident ease of motion which were, she reasoned, part of the poise of an interesting man with wares worth looking at. She walked over and watched while he unwrapped several cloth parcels and placed them on his mat. His back was to her, so she could not make out what his crafts were, but from the care he took, she could tell they were fragile. when he was finished setting up his shop, he calmly leapt across his mat and sat down with a sprightliness Arlyn found unexpected in a man who was by her estimate easily well into his fifties.

     Arlyn moved closer and saw a number of small wooden boxes of various sizes which were inlaid with geometric designs of hardwoods, ivory, mother-of-pearl, and semi-precious stones. Arlyn picked up one and scrutinized it carefully. It was flawless. It almost appeared to be a large piece of jewelry, yet neither it nor the others were so ornate as to be gaudy.

     "It's beautiful," she said looking into the craftsman's eyes for the first time.

     "Thank you," he replied in a youthful, mellifluous tone Arlyn had trouble associating with a man of his age.

     "I wish I could afford to buy one," she said.

     "So do I, but don't worry about it," came the laughing reply.

     Arlyn gazed a moment at the artisan's twinkling eyes and then cast her glance back to the box in her hands. Opening it, she found it lined with black velvet which inside the top was carefully embroidered with a magnificently colored butterfly. She studied the box with increasing seriousness for at least ten minutes and then began looking at the others, all the while chatting with the maker about trivialities like the weather. Arlyn weighed all the factors she could think of including her impressions of the artisan himself and quickly made up her mind.

     "Do you have an apprentice?" she asked.

     "No."

     "That's surprising. You'd think these boxes are so beautiful somebody'd want to learn how to make them."

     "Not really. I've studied four or five crafts: jewelry making, woodworking, embroidery, even dentistry, and a bit of each of them goes into these chests. If I took an apprentice, I'd have to teach them all the crafts I know. Actually there isn't much market for my boxes, so there isn't anybody who want to learn how to make them."

     "Yes, there is."

     "Where?"

     "Right in front of you, your new apprentice, Arlyn, at your service, Citizen. What is my master's name?"

     "Favahn," replied the startled craftsman.

     Before he could ask Arlyn any questions, she said, "There is only one problem, though. I can only study with you three days of every decaday, and you must never ask where I am the rest of the time..." Arlyn's sudden brashness disappeared, and after a pause she added hesitantly, "Please."

     Normally Favahn was quite sure of himself, but it had been so many years since he had been asked to take an apprentice that he was unable to answer. "Are you sure you want to?" he asked.

     "Yes," she replied.

     Attracted by Arlyn's simple eagerness but wary of the swiftness of it all, he reflected that for him taking an apprentice meant two or three years of a close relationship with another human being. Although he enjoyed the company of others, particularly ones he found as pleasant as Arlyn, he did prefer to spend much of his time alone.

     "Are you sure about only being around three days out of every ten?" he asked.

     Arlyn sensed that what she had thought would be her prime impediment to being taken as an apprentice might prove to be a significant advantage, so she immediately replied, "Yes, I promise."

     "How do you know you have the patience to work carefully enough? If you work with me, I'll have to trust you with valuable materials. If you're lazy or your work is shoddy, it'll cost me a lot to replace what you ruin. I'm not interested in money, but I'm aware of it enough to know I can't afford a wasteful apprentice."

     Arlyn thought for a while and then said, "There isn't much I can do besides give you my word. I promise I'll do the best I can... I did sew the clothes I've got on, but they're nothing special."

     Favahn glanced down for a second at Arlyn's clothing which was neat and functional, but he seemed unconcerned with it. After a pause he shrugged, grinned, and then said, "Why not? I'll take your word for it. Like the saying goes, 'I find the pain of disillusion more bearable than the strain of disbelief.'"

     Favahn's response and especially his attitude made Arlyn very happy, and she even was tempted to jump up and down with glee, but she limited her enthusiasm to spinning around once on her toes. Then she bent over and kissed Favahn on the forehead.

     "Oh, thank you," she said.

     "That's all very nice," he said greatly enjoying Arlyn's spontaneity. "I just hope you feel this happy after you've worked for me a season or two. Why don't you sit down and tell me about yourself?"

     "I'm afraid that may be the same as asking me where I go the other seven days of the decaday," Arlyn replied fearful all her secretiveness might displease Favahn.

     "Let me ask you this," he said, "Are you a fugitive or are you involved in anything illegal?"

     "No, just family problems."

     "Well, as you can see, I tend to be rather trusting," he said becoming serious, "but I will tell you one thing. I would rather you tell me nothing than have you lie to me. Don't forget that. It's important. I don't like being lied to."

     "I understand. I feel that way, too. There're a lot of things about me I have to keep hidden, so the only way I can be close to someone is to be honest when I do say something."

     "All right, now that that's out of the way," he said beginning again, "why don't you sit down and not tell me about yourself?"

     "Fine," replied Arlyn placing herself next to him on the mat. "Tell me something about box making."

     "I was going to do some work on inlays this afternoon. Why don't you watch and ask questions if anything isn't clear to you?" he said opening a sheepskin lined bag containing numerous small pieces of the materials which were going to be set into the box lids. He took out a small cabinet holding racks of files, saws, knife blades, and their assorted handles. Arlyn observed him carefully as he cut and filed several rough chunks of ebony to the same size, measured them with fine calipers, and put them in a pile. He handed Arlyn some scraps and explained to her a few rudimentary things about working with the grain. He showed her his own way of grasping a file in his fist but did not object later when she found it awkward and gripped it like a pencil. By the end of the afternoon Arlyn had managed to file eight pieces straight and even enough for Favahn to use, something which impressed him favorably because most of the scraps he had given her were ones he had thought would be difficult to shape.

     Toward sundown Favahn looked up and asked, "Is my apprentice hungry?"

     "Very," Arlyn replied remembering she had not eaten since breakfast.

     "I live alone, but my daughter comes over a lot," he said. "It's her turn to cook tonight. When it's my turn, I close up shop earlier so I can have time to get home and make dinner."

     As Arlyn and Favahn were about to leave, they heard a commotion coming from the South Gate Road which ran close by the plaza where they had been sitting. The walked to the road in time to see three riders pass. At first Arlyn thought they were riding unicorns but then realized their mounts were large antelopes with straight double horns set close together. They appeared as one with these strange beasts, but the animals they rode were by no means the strangest or most striking thing about them because except for small necklaces and bracelets they were completely nude. Their bodies bore several small, finely drawn, beautiful tattoos, and their faces had small painted decorations. They seemed serenely peaceful as they went by though they did show curiosity about the city and amusement at the attention they were drawing. The last detail Arlyn noticed was that each led a second antelope carrying their weapons and a small amount of baggage.

     Completely bewildered Arlyn looked at Favahn hoping for an explanation.

     "There aren't too many Ae-Dey warriors who visit the city," said Favahn in a respectful tone. "I guess you've never seen one before. They are rather startling looking."

     "You're right. I haven't. Who are they?"

     "They live on the cold plains of the southern peninsula. Despite the odd first impression they create, they're supposed to be very enlightened people."

     "Like the forest people?" asked Arlyn remembering Krisdevon's stories of wise forest dwellers.

     "No, not that way," answered Favahn, "although forest people occasionally will go and stay with the Ae-Dey for seasons or even years to study their meditation. The fundamental difference is the woodland tribes rely of the forests to protect them. If they were attacked, they just would retreat farther into the woods till they couldn't be found. They attain their tranquility by being pacifists, but the Ae-Dey live on open plains which're easy to overrun once the mountains to their north are crossed so their path is for almost everyone to become the most adroit and expert warriors imaginable. There's only one restriction on them. They're sworn never to attack unless greatly provoked. The confidence they have in the invulnerability of their strength makes them surprisingly humble and gentle, but something they learn in their meditation makes them indifferent to death, so they're ferocious in battle."

     "What is it?" asked Arlyn referring to the teachings of Ae-Dey meditation.

     "I'm not exactly sure what it is. The fellow who described it to me didn't know either, but he said he'd heard it was a very rigorous and highly evolved technique that leads to believing in reincarnation. Supposedly when they're meditating, they learn how to control their next incarnations and insure they'll be happy ones. I can't say I accept it, but the few I've met were good people, and I don't care much what they believe as long as it doesn't make them do cruel or evil things."

     "If they're so powerful, how did the Empire conquer them?"

     "Rather simply, it didn't."

     "I thought the Empire ruled the whole continent except for some forest areas."

     "Apparently it does and it doesn't. Most places the Emperor holds absolute sway, but with the Ae-Dey they negotiated a treaty which allows the Emperor to appoint the usual local governor and collect nominal taxes, but the governor isn't much more than a trade controller. The Ae-Dey exchange some raw materials like furs with us for steel tools and certain rare dyes they use in their tattoos. It isn't a flourishing trade because it doesn't involve a big area or a lot of people. Besides they're cut off by a mountain range, and they're nothing on the scope of the three major provinces of the empire, merely a large tribe. The can produce their own steel if they want to. They only trade with us because they're pleasant and agreeable people who're delighted to give others things they want. I once admired a bracelet one of them was wearing, and he took it off and gave it to me even though I was almost a complete stranger."

     "I'm afraid it sounds like there're some contradictions, but I'm not sure. I'd have to know more about them," said Arlyn.

     "You might be right about contradictions, though I doubt it," said Favahn, "but I don't worry about it much. They've proven themselves trustworthy and honest over hundreds of years, and they're very noble people."

     "What're they doing so far from home?"

     "I'm not sure, but once in a while their leaders send a few observers to Mandistria to see the Emperor and his generals. Over the years the Emperors've been very good to the Ae-Dey. The Emperors seem to understand they're something strange which ought to be left alone, so in exchange the Ae-Dey've vowed loyalty to the Empire. If Mandistria was attacked, which I must admit is hard to imagine in this time of peace and prosperity, but if it was, they'd come to its defense. The visitors come north now and then to see if their privileged status is secure. If the Emperor has any sense, he'll make sure it is. They're valuable allies even in time of peace."

     "I wonder what their women are like," mused Arlyn on a whim as they walked toward Favahn's house.

     "You just saw one," answered Favahn. "The archer who rode in front, the one with three feathers in the knot of hair at the base of her neck, was a woman, a leader, too. The three feathers are a sign she was elected to high rank by the warriors she leads."

     "I couldn't tell she was a woman. We only saw them for a second, but she did seem flat chested."

     "They tend to be lean, wiry people," said Favahn.

     The conversation ended, and they walked on in silence until they reached Favahn's home. When Favahn opened the door to his apartment, a three room flat on the second floor of a small building, they found his daughter, Dessarain, stirring a lamb and vegetable stew. The room was filled with the aroma of the spices she had sprinkled liberally in the kettle.

     "You're late, father. Is anything wrong?" she asked without turning around.

     "A lot happened today," answered her father.

     "What?" she asked.

     "Three Ae-Dey warriors rode up the South Gate Road as we were leaving the plaza, so we stayed to watch and talk about it."

     "Who's 'we?'"

     "That's something else that's news. 'We' is my new apprentice and me." For the first time Dessarain turned around, a look of surprise on her face. As Favahn said, "Dessarain this is Arlyn, Arlyn Dessarain," Arlyn shook hands with a mediam sized woman in her middle thirties. She had a few gray hairs mixed in with a head of very long brown hair, but the first thing Arlyn noticed was that though she bore only slight physical resemblance to her father, she seemed to project the same pleasant, happy, and open facial expression as he did. Arlyn felt drawn to her immediately.

     "Pleased to meet you," said Arlyn.

     "My father has a sixth sense about people," said Dessarain. "If he brought you here, you must be nice so welcome. There's plenty of food, and it should be ready soon. If you'll excuse me... " Dessarain smiled and went back to the stove in the small kitchen.

     Arlyn and Favahn sat comfortably at the table, but neither felt the urge to speak, so the room was silent. Before long Dessarain placed the stew pot and the other food on the table, and the three ate a leisurely, quiet meal. Arlyn glanced around and saw the room was a neatly kept, interesting one with numerous pen and ink drawings set on the walls between several paintings, one of a hazily painted but gaily colored man and woman dancing in an outdoor cafe by a riverside, another of a sharply defined, brightly colored abstract design. There also were several poems tacked to the walls.

     After dinner Arlyn went into the kitchen and washed the dishes they had used. Then they all moved to comfortable armchairs for the evening.

     When they all were settled, Arlyn said, "Favahn, please tell me more about the Ae-Dey."

     "I'm afraid I don't know much more," he replied.

     "Where'll they stay while they're here?" she asked.

     "On top of the mesa, I guess, antelopes and all. That's where they usually stay. Once they finish business up there, they usually spend a few days roaming around the city sight-seeing and trading for souvenirs. That's what the papers say, anyway."

     "The 'papers?'" asked Arlyn.

     "You don't know what the papers are," asked Favahn.

     "Where have you been?" interjected Dessarain.

     "That's part of an agreement Arlyn and I have," said Favahn. "We're not to ask any questions about where she's from or where she goes when she isn't with us. By the way that's seven days a decaday. She'll only be here three days at a time."

     "If it's all right with Favahn, it's all right with me. I'm not here most of the time myself," shrugged Dessarain.

     "Please don't be angry, Dessarain," pleaded Arlyn trying to be as reconciliatory as possible. "It's only family problems, and I really want to be friends."

     "I'm sorry if I sounded unfriendly," replied Dessarain. "It's just strange, but I'll get accustomed to it. I like you so don't worry about it."

     "I like you, too," replied Arlyn relieved.

     "Fine," said Favahn, "now back to the papers. All over the Empire there're people who watch what's going on, and twice a decaday they publish their reports of it all. If you want to read them, you go to their office and pay them a small silver piece, and you can read what's posted on their walls. They can be prosecuted for lying deliberately, but beyond that they're free. I always read them because I like to know what's going on. That's how I learned about the government, too. For example, the Emperor is an absolute monarch, but if he did anything underhanded, the people would know about it before long... But that's never been much of a difficulty. Some very different people have ruled the Empire, but none of them've been downright evil. Technically they didn't have to obey any laws, but they've always followed certain traditions, so it worked out well."

     "What if it stops working out well?" asked Arlyn suddenly remembering her brother, Crotus, who eventually would succeed to the throne.

     "It's hard to say," replied Favahn. "Most people don't take the state religion too seriously, but they do tend to think some kind of benevolent spirit watches over the Empire. I even lean that way myself, irrational as it may seem, but how else can you explain almost a thousand years of good rulers all from one family? If it stopped working, the people might accept it as a punishment from the spirit, or maybe they would overthrow the Emperor. That's all rather hypothetical. Look, Arlyn, things are going along all right, and they have been for a long, long time, so I'm not going to worry about something that seems awfully unlikely. I'm a patriotic citizen of the Empire, and I believe the people in power are doing a good job. Look around the city. The people are well-fed and well-clothed. They have good places to live. There's lots of work for everyone to earn a good living. Taxes are low, and most important of all, the people are happy. What's more, I've traveled a lot, and the whole Empire is that way, too."

     "I've been very isolated all my life," said Arlyn. "There's so much I don't know, especially about politics and government, but I'm getting curious. I'd be glad to have you teach me."

     "I can teach you the basics of it quickly," said Dessarain. "The way it's set up the Emperor has absolute power but doesn't use it much. You're free to do anything that doesn't hurt anyone else, and the government is there to step in and protect you if someone's nasty to you."

     "That sounds reasonable," said Arlyn, and Favahn and Dessarain went on to explain the workings of the Imperial Government to her: things like appointments to committees, elections of ministers, and handling of criminals, much of which appeared quite equitable but with one danger always lurking in the background. For example, in appointments to public office, the people effected by a given office would have a free, secret ballot election to nominate a group of people they considered competent to serve in the position. The number of votes received by each candidate then would be submitted to the Emperor who would name a person to fill the vacancy based on the will of the voters. Most of the time the one with the most votes would be chosen though occasionally the Emperor would chose the second on the list if circumstances were unusual such as if the vote had been close several times over the years between the same two candidates with one always winning. Then the Emperor might decide it was a good idea to allow the loser a term in office so that their followers who otherwise might never have their favorite in power would not come to feel disenfranchised. Since this method allowed the Emperor to select anyone on the list no matter how many votes they received, Arlyn expressed doubts about its workability in the case of a bad ruler, but Favahn again told her that the system never had been abused before, so she should not worry about it.

     As the evening wore on, Arlyn was more and more convinced of two things: first if there was a benevolent spirit, probably the Power of the Sky Krisdevon had mentioned, everything would continue well; second if there was no benevolent spirit or if it did exist and something happened to it, Mandistria was likely to be in for a lot of trouble because although the lower level apparatus of the government was democratic and functional, the upper level would collapse sooner or later without the aid of whatever was keeping it together now. "Besides," she asked herself, "if the cities are such ideal places, why do some very intelligent people like Krisdevon choose to leave them? Could it be their astrology correctly predicts some disaster for the cities?"

     Later the topic shifted away from politics and government, and as Dessarain came to feel comfortable with Arlyn, she told Arlyn she was a carpenter. Arlyn learned that Dessarain shared her father's love of working with wood but not his almost incredible patience for the fitting together of small, intricately carved objects.

     "Sometimes I'll cut out some low relief patterns on panels for cabinet doors, but nothing more elaborate. I can't sit still that long like he can," said Dessarain nodding toward Favahn. "I've got to be active, or I get nervous."

     "She always has been like that," said Favahn. "Even when she was little, she would play so long and hard she tired out everybody else."

     Arlyn began to sense that although Dessarain was not a large or very muscular woman, the years of labor had made her very strong, a trait which well complemented her mental and emotional independence and fortitude. Yet in spite of these characteristics, she was shy with strangers.

     Arlyn enjoyed the exuberance with which Dessarain described the project she was working on, a two room addition to the home of a wealthy merchant. Dessarain related the details so vividly that Arlyn had no difficulty picturing Dessarain, hammer in hand, installing the smoothly surfaced, tongue in groove oak flooring slats. By the time the evening was over and the three had retired, Favahn to the bedroom, Arlyn and Dessarain to mats on the opposite sides of the dining room, Arlyn was totally enchanted with Dessarain, completely fascinated by the immense amount of energy she radiated.

     Just before they lay down to sleep, Dessarain kissed Arlyn good night, and for an instant Arlyn felt an unexpected tongue dart quickly into her mouth and flutter as they hugged, but it retreated as swiftly as it had come. It had taken place so fast that Arlyn lay awake for a while wondering if it really had occurred or if it was only some fantasy or wish fulfillment playing tricks on her mind, but she knew it had happened, and she was confused by the surprise turn of events. Since Dessarain had made no further attempt to embrace her, Arlyn assumed that Dessarain's kiss had no double meaning and that it was only her own nature which attached such a meaning to it.

     Arlyn slept for a time but awoke in the middle of the night to discover someone gently kissing and caressing her. Her first drowsy thoughts were of Krisdevon, but as she became awake, she remembered he was far away. The mouth which was kissing her moved toward her thighs, and a state of amused bewilderment entered Arlyn as she began to wonder who it was, Favahn or Dessarain, who was fondling her. There had been Dessarain's kiss, and that made her think it was Dessarain, but she realized Favahn had gazed admiringly at her, too, or so she thought. Since it was dark, she could not see, and she could not reach the torso of her soon to become lover because they was now between her legs so that whoever they was might kiss her clitoris.

     Arlyn's curiosity blended into acceptance of the affection offered when she realized she would be delighted to take either Favahn or Dessarain for a lover. Throughout the evening both had impressed her as kind people, so she decided to wait until later to learn which of the two was embracing her. Then a hand reached up to stroke her belly and her bosom. She took it in her own, felt the rough, callused palm, and remembered Favahn's hands were coarse from many years of gripping small tools. She concluded it was he who was with her, and the thick hair on the back of his arm confirmed her initial perception. Arlyn found his tongue fondling her clitoris quite deft and adroit so she relaxed and before long she had a pleasant if not intense orgasm.

     When it was over for her, she rested, and a sad disappointment entered her, she was not sure why. "Perhaps," she thought, "it's because he's more than three times as old as I am, but that isn't a fair reason to reject a man's affection. He's still rather handsome and very nice though it was a bit unfair of him to sneak up close to me like this while I was sleeping, but I'm sure he would've stopped if I'd asked him to..."

     At last it came to be Arlyn's turn to satisfy Favahn, but when she reached down between her new lover's thighs to fondle his erect penis, she received a shock which caught her so off guard that it was only with the greatest restraint she was not convulsed with laughter. He hand touched no firm, erect cock but a moist opening much the same as her own. The absurdity of the situation was very humorous to her, especially when she recalled her earlier disappointment had been due to the supposedly unfulfilled expectation that Dessarain would make love with her. She also saw she had been unclear about the cause of this disappointment only because her mind had suppressed her keenness for union with Dessarain on account of fear of being being rejected or thought odd.

     Still controlling the urge to break out laughing, she happily buried her head between Dessarain's thighs and began rubbing her tongue around the opening of Dessarain's pussy. Having never done this for a woman before, Arlyn was not exactly sure what would please Dessarain, but she knew what she herself enjoyed, and she reasoned this would be a good place to start. Her worries of inadequacy and inexperience soon were overcome when she felt Dessarain's thighs twitch ever so slightly as she sighed contentedly.

     Arlyn stopped and rested her head on Dessarain's hip, however, she was not still for long. Dessarain's sleepy voice floated down to her saying, "Once more... please," as she lightly stroked the top of Arlyn's head. Arlyn repeated what she just had done, and though it took Dessarain a little longer of have a climax the second time, her pleasure seemed more intense. Dessarain offered to reverse their places again, and this time Arlyn's enjoyment was much greater. After it was over, she felt quietly satiated, and she was relieved when Dessarain did not ask to switch positions yet another time. They kissed a few leisurely kisses and fell asleep in each other's arms. Arlyn's last thought before sleep looked forward to a growing nearness to Dessarain.

     When she awoke the next morning, Arlyn wanted very much to chat with Dessarain, not about anything in particular but simply to talk. Unfortunately it did not work out that way because Dessarain was bustling around preparing breakfast, discussing some work plans with Favahn, and generally avoiding any kind of contact with her, so Arlyn sat down at the table and quietly ate the omelet that was given to her. Soon Dessarain hurried off to work telling her father she would see him again in three or four days. She smiled at Arlyn briefly as she was leaving, but it seemed to Arlyn it was a distant, casual glance meant to deny rather than confirm their intimacy. This hurt Arlyn, but she hid her emotions by turning to Favahn and asking what they were going to do that day.

     "I'll show you my workshop," he replied and and led Arlyn through the bedroom to a well-lit room in which he kept an assortment of larger tools like a lathe, a drill press, and a band saw. Arlyn spent the morning turning scraps into small dowels for practice while Favahn did some gluing of inlays and later some carving of sculptured relief.

     At first Arlyn's mild sadness about Dessarain's behavior made it hard for her to pay attention, but eventually the enjoyment of working with good tools made her forget Dessarain. Then with her keen power of concentration and adroit hands she learned quickly, watching with satisfaction as some round pegs used by Favahn to reinforce boxes took shape. The curls of wood cut by the gouges and chisels jumped up and got in her hair, and along with the sawdust on her clothes, it made her feel very professional.

     The noise of the lathe, though it was not very loud, was enough to make conversation difficult, so it was not until noon that she and Favahn were able to discuss anything but woodwork. Arlyn had wanted to ask Favahn a few questions about Dessarain, but he made it clear tactfully but firmly that if there was anything she wanted to know about his daughter, she should ask Dessarain herself.

     They were quiet for a while as they are lunch, large slabs of cheese on black bread followed by raw vegetables and apple juice. Then Favahn said, "I'm sorry if I was a little curt with you, but Dessarain is a very sensitive woman. She would get angry if I discussed her even though I wouldn't say anything unfavorable, so I would rather say nothing."

     "That's all right. I understand," said Arlyn despite the fact that she did not but merely saw it had made Favahn uneasy to say the little he had. She noticed he seemed relieved when she asked him what they were going to do with the afternoon.

     "The plaza as usual," he said getting up and preparing to go. Arlyn followed and sat by him as she had the day before, and to her surprise he sold a matched pair of boxes. He gave her the amount due her as a beginning apprentice, and she later hid it in the tunnel at the foot of the mesa.

     The rest of the day and the one after it were uneventful. She did not see Dessarain again before returning to the Palace.

     She was eager to find out what she could about the Ae-Dey and asked Lan where they were. Lan seemed unnerved even to talk about the "savages" as she called them, but she was able to tell Arlyn they were quartered on the larger of the two athletic fields next to the garden.

     "I'd stay away from them if I were you, Princess," said Lan. They give me the shivers. I walked past one of them in the hall once, and when he looked at me, i felt like his eyes went right through me. It was as if he knew all about me from then on."

     With that warning from the usually calm Lan, Arlyn went to bed.

Chapter XIX

     Arlyn awoke before sunrise and made her way to one of the entrance doors to the athletic field where the Ae-Dey were camped. She was afraid she might have difficulty with the guard at the door, but he merely nodded to her as she walked past. The field was still fairly dark, but Arlyn did not find the Ae-Dey asleep. Instead she came upon them in three of the oddest postures she ever had seen. All three had their legs folded with their ankles on top of their thighs. One of the men had his knees and buttocks on the ground with his head bent back so that the top of his head, too, touched the ground. The second man stood on his head and elbows with his hands clasped behind his neck, but by far the weirdest and most difficult was the position held by the woman. Her body was parallel to but entirely off the ground except for the palms of her hands. Her elbows were bent at right angles and dug into her sides so as to support her. All three seemed completely oblivious to their surroundings as they breathed slowly, deeply, and rhythmically. Arlyn walked to within four or five meters of them and sat down to wait until they had finished whatever it is they were doing.

     As the time wore on, Arlyn became more and more amazed at the ease with which the Ae-dey kept their slim, dark bodies almost as motionless as statues. Then a strange thing happened. A small insect flew into Arlyn's left eye, and as she blinked rapidly and squinted to remove the bug, she thought she saw a slight bluish glow emanating from the woman. She deliberately narrowed her eyes and clearly perceived a luminosity radiating from the woman's whole body. She gazed at the men and at first saw nothing extraordinary, but after concentrating in order to be certain, Arlyn noticed they, too, possessed pale blue auras, neither as bright as the woman's but auras none the less.

     Arlyn's first response was to think her eyes were playing tricks on her, but then the light around the woman disappeared as she nimbly unfolded her legs and stood up in one graceful, flowing motion. She began doing a variety of stretching exercises, and soon she was joined by the other two, but not before Arlyn had watched carefully as their glowing also ceased when they arose.

     After the stretching exercises all three performed a dance like series of rapid striking motions involving their legs and heads as well as their arms. Next they engaged in an assortment of unarmed combats with each other, all the while careful never to strike their opponents, always holding the blow just short of actual contact. Finally the woman mounted her antelope and began firing arrows the full hundred meter length of the field while galloping at top speed. At first Arlyn could not tell how competent an archer she was because there did not appear to be any recognizable target, but then the arrows began hitting in a left to right sequence against ones already fired. Arlyn was amazed by this phenomenal accuracy but still was alert enough to observe the woman had the same rapt, transfigured expression on her face as she had had during her meditation only now her body glowed red instead of blue. When the woman had finished, the two men practiced in turns, one throwing stones with a sling and the other hurling spears. They, too, proved to be incredibly proficient, but then Arlyn watched something which overshadowed all the earlier feats. She glanced back at the archer who had an unexpected playful look on her face as she drew back her bow just as the slinger cast his stone. She fired the arrow, and Arlyn gaped unbelievingly as it struck the rock in flight. The slinger turned and laughingly pointed upward. The woman shot an arrow, and the slinger threw at it but missed. He called for a second arrow which he hit squarely in the middle breaking it in half. Not to be outdone the spearman, too, pointed skyward, and after an initial miss, he, too, managed to bring down an arrow. The last thing they practiced before sitting down again was shooting directly at each other so they had to dodge back and forth quickly in order not to be hit. By this time Arlyn was so awed by the earlier accomplishments of the Ae-Dey warriors that the great danger and difficulty of this final element of their session was lost on her.

     They walked to where their animals were grazing, embraced very tightly all three together, took some food from their baggage, and walked over to Arlyn. Arlyn tried to say something, but their exhibition of martial prowess had left her frightened and speechless, so it was the Ae-Dey woman who spoke first, "I'm Eantis. These are my mates, Ark and Lith."

     "My name is Arlyn," said Arlyn somewhat reassured by the quiet, peaceful tone of Eantis' voice. Lith offered Arlyn some dried fruit, and they ate breakfast. Arlyn had so many questions, she did not know where to start. She waited hoping one of the Ae-Dey would begin a conversation, but when they did not, she asked Eantis, "How is it you have two husbands?"

     "Oh, that," replied Eantis. "I've been told city people only marry one person. We find this custom of yours very strange because people naturally tend to love several or even many others. We have all different kinds of group marriages. Sometimes as many as fourteen or fifteen people make up a marriage family."

     "Don't your husbands get jealous of each other?" asked Arlyn.

     "No," laughed Eantis, "they love each other as much as they love me. In fact, they were married before I met them. We feel that what you should relate to in another is the soul. You simply share your energies with whomever has a soul which merges well with your own. The physical configurations of their bodies are irrelevant. In our language the word for 'mate' doesn't have a sexual denotation the way your words 'husband' and 'wife' do. The number of people involved does' matter either. The important thing is what kind of union the souls form. It's hard to explain to an outsider. Perhaps someday you'll come to visit us and see how we live. Then you'll understand."

     Arlyn felt from her tone Eantis wanted to change the subject, so she asked about their uncanny accuracy with weapons. The answer she received from Lith was confusing for her because it was a mystical description of becoming one with a weapon and flying with it to the target, guiding it as it flew.

     "You deal a lot with a world other than the one we see and touch, don't you?" asked Arlyn.

     "We see and touch many worlds," replied Lith. "If you don't, it isn't because they're not there but only because you fail to perceive them."

     "How do you know they're real and not illusions?" asked Arlyn becoming uncomfortable as she slowly began to doubt the sanity of the Ae-Dey.

     "It's quite easy," said Ark. "None of the true worlds are mutually exclusive. The information you get in one must match that in the others, or you aren't a visionary but a lunatic. If I meditate and send my spirit bird in search of game and in my trance I see many antelope a day's journey to the east of where I am, I'll go there. If the antelope are there, the spirit bird was a genuine level of reality, if not, it was only a false dream."

     "But couldn't it just happen by chance that you guessed correctly and the vision was still an illusion?" asked Arlyn retreating into the same world of logic and disbelief she had entered when Krisdevon had told her of his encounter with the Magician.

     "If it occurred only once, you'd be right," answered Ark, "but I've taken the essence of my spirit bird many times and flown vast distances. Occasionally I see nothing, but when I have seen, it always has proved true."

     Eantis and Lith both nodded, and Eantis added, "Ark's spirit bird is very powerful. It makes him a great hunter."

     "What's a spirit bird?" asked Arlyn.

     "When you meditate," said Ark, "you can learn to master many forces. One I've chosen is being able to put my spirit into the essence of a hawk. This way I can scout large areas and save hunting parties a lot of time. When you came onto the field this morning, I was circling the sky above the city."

     "I didn't see anything," said Arlyn. "If you were in the form of a hawk, why didn't I see you?"

     "Because I wasn't in the physical body of a hawk, only in its power and essence, and you aren't trained to perceive essences. Lith and Eantis can see it quite clearly."

     "Does that have anything to do with the glowing lights around you?" asked Arlyn abruptly deciding there might be some truth in what they were saying. She had been at least a little irked by what she saw as Ark's condescending attitude, and it had been her intention to ask a question which might return to the Ae-Dey some of the confusion they had been inflicting on her, albeit not deliberately. She could not have done it better if she had known what she was talking about. They immediately began speaking animatedly in their own language. Arlyn could tell they were debating something, each presenting a point of view, but when each had spoken, Eantis was obviously the one who made the decision about what was to come next.

     "What colors did you see?" she asked in a much more serious tone than that of the casual pleasantry of their earlier conversation.

     Up till then Arlyn had avoided lengthy eye contact with the three people sitting on the grass near her because even while engaged in friendly chatting they seemed, as Lan had said they would be, able to look right into her, but now Arlyn gazed directly into Eantis' dark, narrow eyes searching for possible hostility. She found only warmth and respect, so she answered, "Blue while you were meditating, red when you were shooting arrows."

     "Fantastic," said Lith quietly with no little awe. "It took me three years of intense practice to read auras, and you can see them without any instruction at all. It's hard to believe you have the hereditary gift so strongly."

     Eantis motioned for him to be silent and then said, ""We've heard rumors Crotus is not the legitimate heir. Is this true?"

     Arlyn was greatly frightened by this unexpected question from Eantis who suddenly appeared very much the shrewd warrior chieftain she was. Despite all she had seen, spirit birds, auras, and other such things were only semi-real to Arlyn. They did not seem to threaten her and could be taken somewhat lightly, but the succession to the Mandistrian throne was a far more perilous subject. As far as Arlyn was concerned, it would have been impossible for her ever to reign as Empress even if she had wanted to. Crotus had been proclaimed publicly to be heir apparent at the age of ten, and that was that. Any attempt on her part to alter this situation could only result in her death.

     Arlyn shuddered noticeably as she said, "I don't want to talk about that. It would be treason."

     There was a long pause while Eantis contemplated her next step. Arlyn wanted to leave, but though no one held her physically, she could not move. Finally Eantis said, "The stability of the Tirean Empire and peace on the plains of the Ae-Dey depend almost entirely on the Mandistrian crown passing down to the head of the eldest child of the ruling house. To the best of our knowledge the Power of the Sky which watched over the Empire was overthrown not too long ago by an unknown Power of the Sea which had been missing for more than fourteen hundred years. This new Power of the Sky apparently isn't opposed to Mandistria, but they won't do anything to help it either. The former Power of the Sky endowed the Imperial Family with a hereditary strength which is vested in the legitimate ruler, and there's no reason why this strength can't continue, but it'll be useless and even may be permanently lost if the wrong person sits on the throne. That's why we're here. In their headlong rush into rationality the people of Mandistria have lost sight of the valuable legacy of occult assistance. We're still aware of it, and as your allies we want to preserve and protect it.

     "We'll all suffer badly if war breaks out, and it surely will, throughout the entire island of Tireus, if we lose the stabilizing influence of Mandistria. If you are the legitimate heir, as we suspect you are, when the time comes, you must let us try to place you on the throne."

     For all her education and growing maturity, it was still a terrified little girl who replied, "It's treason for me to discuss these matters with you."

     "Many will die if you do not act," said Eantis.

     "I will die if I do. You don't know the circumstances here. There's no way to bring about my succession. For all practical purposes I don't exist. Even if something happened to Crotus, it wouldn't change things for me. It only would mean my second oldest brother would get the crown. Anyway, how do I know you're trustworthy?" Before Eantis could answer, Arlyn focused all the energies of her being into the act of standing up. She thought the Ae-Dey must be controlling her somehow, perhaps hypnotically, but after an immense effort she arose and looked at them saying, "It's out of the question. Furthermore I believe this kind of power is evil by its very nature. If we have turmoil, it will be the cause. I must go now." She hesitated as a flash of intuition engulfed her, and something within her made her add, "I must never meet with you again here like this. I just know it'll be my destruction if I do." Then she turned and walked away.

     Arlyn's last glimpse of the Ae-Dey was of all three of the strange, mystical warriors weeping. As she left, she heard Eantis say in Mandistrian, "You were right, Lith. There was no point in trying. Her position here is hopeless. All the omens point to a successful usurpation, and we have no way of preventing it."

     Arlyn went directly to her rooms and sat in a warm bath until her calm returned. When she was able to think lucidly, she reached several conclusions, most immediately important among them that it would be wise to avoid any possibility of contact with the Ae-Dey. She reasoned that there had to be some truth in what they had said because she had seen their auras with her own eyes, but how much more of what they had told her was factual was an entirely different matter. Like Krisdevon's tale of Magicians, their stories were just too farfetched for her rationally oriented mind to accept, but it was not these occult issues which disturbed her the most. She had managed to accept what she saw as Krisdevon's eccentricities and had long since granted a grudging acknowledgement of the validity of astrology, but political intrigue was something in which she was wholly unwilling to become involved.

     As Arlyn had said, she found the concepts of force and control abhorrent except in so far as they dealt with government protection of those who could not care for themselves. Even if she had not thought this way, she was pragmatic enough to know her prime concern, her own safety, lay in complete anonymity. She had no faction, no allies in high places to plot for her, only a maid she did not know very well and some friends among the University faculty who though they liked her very much probably could not be counted on in an emergency.

     Arlyn almost always was polite to people, and since becoming able to move about the Palace freely, she had come to be regarded favorably by the few servants she saw because she treated them like human beings rather than lower creatures the way many other Palace residents did, but none of them knew who she really was. This was also true of the Palace guards she knew from the athletic fields. Because she suddenly had appeared at the age of fourteen, they believed Arlyn was one of the several children of deceased ministers who were permitted to live on the mesa as favors to their late parents, and Arlyn never disillusioned anyone about this error.

     It was at this time Arlyn decided to make it her permanent policy to be as scarce about the mesa as she possibly could and to be prepared to escape at any moment. She did not expect flight would be necessary for a long time, and she might choose to leave voluntarily well before the need arose, but Arlyn realized readiness was nevertheless of tremendous value in a world as filled with insecurity as she now saw hers to be.

Chapter XX

     The days passed into decadays. The Ae-Dey left, and the scare Arlyn had received from them began to hold less and less terror for her. For several nights she had trouble sleeping because she had dreams of conspiring in unsuccessful attempts to regain her rightful status, These dreams always ended with her finding a last minute means of reaching the stone ladder undetected while awaiting execution. Gradually the nightmare stopped recurring, and Arlyn's usual peace of mind returned.

     This time marked the beginning of an extended uneventful period of Arlyn's life. It was not that nothing significant happened to her or that she became stagnant. On the contrary, many small experiences, mostly pleasant but some unpleasant ones, too, crossed her path, and as a result she grew in many directions. It was simply that with the exception of two serious love affairs there were no new occurrences in her life which served as major catalysts the way her first temporary escapes from the mesa had. Furthermore no new arcane knowledge suddenly emerged to perplex her, so she had an opportunity to assimilate much of what she already had accumulated. These were serene years, yet often she was filled with a sensation of expectancy though she had no idea what she might be awaiting.

     There was much repetition in her life, but she was not bored because she enjoyed what she was doing, and she knew it would not go on unchanged longer than she allowed. She evolved and attitude of accepting that there was an enormous amount taking place on various levels of reality of which she had no awareness, but she did not view this as a reason for drastically altering her way of life which continued based on a principle of doing the best she could with the information available to her while striving to obtain new learning which would enable her to do better.

Chapter XXI

     Arlyn very much had wanted her love for Dessarain to work out well, but unfortunately this was not to be the case. Her first attempt at developing a deep, warm lesbian relationship, though it went on for almost two years, essentially was a troubling and disruptive matter for her. This was not due to a shortcoming on Arlyn's part. She was quite willing to allow Dessarain to define their affair in any positive manner Dessarain chose, but she quickly learned to refuse the chances to coerce Dessarain temporarily which Dessarain blatantly offered her.

     "I'm not sure what I should do. What do you think is right?" perhaps followed by, "I really want to make love with you, but I don't know if I ought to," was one of Dessarain's favorite lines, and initially Arlyn was flattered at being asked for advice by an older woman, but she soon discovered she would receive the blame when things went wrong for Dessarain.

     Arlyn's efforts were doomed from the start because Dessarain had been involved for over fifteen years with a much older woman who was now in her late fifties. Dessarain described this woman, Caudry, as the complete antithesis of herself. She was contemplative, patient, stubborn, critical, unenergetic, and extremely jealous. It was this last quality coupled with a strong desire to manipulate people which gave her her intense hold on the less complex Dessarain who both resented this dominance and simultaneously felt considerable guilt about this resentment toward her lover who in many ways had been very nice to her. Caudry also was a poet of wide renown, a fact which did not much interest Dessarain. They were supposed to be monogamously attached, but the opportunity with Arlyn had been too great a temptation for Dessarain who had long wanted to meet and get to know other women.

     Whenever Arlyn and Dessarain came in contact, Arlyn could read the conflict in her eyes. Occasionally they had sex, but Arlyn found it unsatisfying because Dessarain always seemed to withdraw from the intimacy of friendship. Arlyn, too, was torn by the affair, on the one hand aware she was putting forth much more energy than she was receiving, on the other hand hoping that if she gave Dessarain enough time, Dessarain finally would open herself to her, but it never happened. Arlyn underwent a number of tortured encounters with her as Dessarain struggled to define herself independently or Caudry, but when the crisis came, Dessarain always lapsed into a sulky silence, by now feeling guilt and the usual accompanying resentment toward both Caudry and Arlyn.

     Since Dessarain was scrupulously honest with Caudry, she told her everything which took place between herself and Arlyn. This served to increase Caudry's anxiety about losing Dessarain, virtually her only friend, and led Caudry to be even more manipulative with Dessarain who had become more and more afraid of destroying her secure connection with Caudry. At one point Arlyn offered to visit Caudry to tell her she had no desire to steal Dessarain away from her and she only wanted to be friends with them both, but fearful of incurring Caudry's wrath, Dessarain made Arlyn promise not to do this, so Arlyn never met Caudry.

     Several times Arlyn had the same basic conversation with Dessarain. It centered around Arlyn saying, "I'm not trying to interfere with your love for Caudry. All I'm seeking is to be your friend. If you can share my friendship, do, and I'll be happy to see you when you like. If you can't, it's only fair to all of us for you to stay away from me."

     Dessarain usually responded, "I know you're right. It isn't good for me to act the way I do. It's hard for me to control myself, but from now on I won't see you anymore. We both know it'll never work because I can't part with Caudry."

     They would separate, and Arlyn would be sad for days, but then she would grow glad that at least the situation was resolved, but then just when Arlyn was free of her, Dessarain would appear again, seemingly by accident, but since she knew Arlyn's schedule, Arlyn knew it was deliberate, and the whole thing would start again because Arlyn let it.

     It took Arlyn a long time to recognize her encounters with Dessarain were very destructive to herself, especially since she was being sexually exploited by Dessarain's rejection of more meaningful involvement, but when she eventually did see this, she insisted on breaking off any further closeness with her. Arlyn came to understand her attempts at not making demands on Dessarain were fruitless because Dessarain construed Arlyn's patient affection as an even stronger demand than Caudry's selfish manipulation. In the end Dessarain stopped returning when she realized Arlyn had come to an unbending resolution.

Chapter XXII

     The importance of Arlyn's failure with Dessarain should not be overemphasized. Arlyn never saw her more than once a decaday, and sometimes a whole season would pass without her visiting her father when Arlyn was there. Arlyn did not consider her own suffering great, and it did not cause her to suppress her need for the love of another woman. Actually it was Dessarain who brought about the possibility of Arlyn gratifying this need when she introduced Arlyn to a woman named Relita who was about four years older than Arlyn. She had been the object of Dessarain's only other infidelity against Caudry. a lapse which had taken place three years before Dessarain had met Arlyn.

     The two young women took to each other immediately finding a wealth of common tastes in the arts, but there was a major difference between them. While Arlyn had had an extremely sheltered childhood, Relita had been raised in the streets and seen almost everything ugly about people at a very early age. She was a stocky woman of middle height whose cheerfulness was remarkable in the face of some of the things which had been forced on her as a child. Like Arlyn she never had had a deep, lasting homosexual involvement which had brought her happiness. They both had felt uncomfortable in Dessarain's presence, and much of the time had been taken up by strained silence, but when Relita had left, she had written out her address and told Arlyn to come and see her some evening when she had a chance.

     The first evening of Arlyn's next stay away from the mesa found her expectantly and even a bit nervously walking from Favahn's apartment toward Relita's. As she made her way through the streets, her thoughts went in several directions. She was filled with the realization that this was a rare opportunity to get to know someone with whom she easily could fall in love, but this was followed with the fear that she might do something wrong and the promise of her first real happiness since Krisdevon's departure would vanish with Relita rejecting her. Then she was afraid some accident of time would work against her. Perhaps she would arrive when Relita was busy, and an awkward situation would occur, or maybe Relita had met someone else in the short period since they had been introduced. Arlyn certainly hoped she had not.

     Actually Arlyn's basic state of mind was positive because deep inside her was a growing confidence about her ability to deal with people. Although she still preferred to spend much of her time alone, the increased personal contact she was having with many sorts of people, especially as a result of working with Favahn, was teaching her to understand others; to know when someone was trying to take advantage of her and when someone truly merited a favor, to discover what another person wanted of her and know whether it would be harmful for her to offer whatever that might be, and to know how to negotiate the exchange of the human warmth most people need.

     This favorable attitude toward herself as an equal member of a large group in which she could move comfortably because she knew and accepted the rules of those around her engendered in her a feeling that she now was prepared to give and receive seriously on an individual level, so despite her worries as she knocked on Relita's door, she thought, "I'm ready. I'm ripe just like a piece of fruit on a tree, and if Relita doesn't pick me, it'll be her loss, but just the same, I know she will. I've got this feeling that something good is going to happen for me tonight."

     Relita's face was covered with gleeful surprise as she opened the door and said, "Come in, come in. I was beginning to wonder if you ever were going to visit me."

     ''I'm sorry I took a long time getting around to it," answered Arlyn." "I have only one or two nights free each decaday."

     "Does Favahn work you that hard?"

     "No, I just have to spend a lot of time with my family. They're like hermits. They hate outsiders, and they try to keep me home as much as they can," said Arlyn hoping that for once she would be spared a lengthy conversation built around the lines "Don't ask questions" and "Please trust me."

     "Oh, some people're like that," said Relita glossing over the matter as quickly as possible. "Sit down. Make yourself at home. Want a glass of wine?"

     "That'd be nice," said Arlyn sensing Relita instantly had perceived the distress she had about discussions of family matters and promptly changed the topic. Arlyn began to feel more relaxed as she watched Relita walk across the room to a food cabinet and take out a bottle and two glasses.

     Relita's short, blond curls bounced as she came back and gave Arlyn a glass with an open bottle. "You know how much you want," she said waiting for Arlyn to pour for herself. When she was done, Relita sat down on one of the four large patchwork pillows scattered around the floor.

     As she usually did in a new place, Arlyn started exploring Relita's apartment with her eyes. It was a single square room about five meters on a side. There were not many things on the wall, a braided rope hanging and some pen and ink drawings all of which appeared as if they had been tacked up and taken down a number of times. There were pieces of fabric of many sizes, colors, and textures as well as a number of partially sewn garments strewn about the room which though chaotic obviously had been swept and dusted recently.

     "Have you lived here long?" asked Arlyn.

     "No, only about a season," replied Relita. "When I was little, I was shifted back and forth from one adult to another so much I never got into the habit of staying one place long. If I do, I feel... I don't know. 'Trapped' is the wrong word, and so's 'bored...'" She paused and then went on with a faraway look in her eyes, "Maybe it's because I haven't had a chance to live in a place I could call home. I had a lover named Kaseres for a long time. Once he took me out in the country. I loved it, but we had to come back. I've wanted to get out of the city ever since, but I just don't know where to go or how I'd survive there... I'm sorry if i rambled on."

     "It's all right. Sometimes I feel like talking myself. I've thought about leaving Mandistria, too. A man I know took me to the mountains once. It was beautiful. I still remember how to find some people we met up there. Maybe someday we'll go visit them."

     "I'd really love that," said Relita. "I can take care of myself all right in the city because I know my way around, but I'm afraid of going past an afternoon picnic outside the wall because I don't know much about the forests. I'd be sure to get lost or touch poison oak."

     "I'm not experienced at living in the woods either," said Arlyn aware the forests were much different than the Palace garden, "but I'll bet we could muddle through till we learned. If you're a tenderfoot, it gives you more confidence to try something like this if there's someone else with you, even another tenderfoot."

     "It's not that risky anyway," said Relita, "no horrible wild animals or things like that. It's just new and different, so it's a little scary, but it isn't actually dangerous."

     "We have to do that when we get a chance," said Arlyn taking a sip from her glass.

     As their conversation continued, Arlyn felt a rapidly growing closeness with Relita and sensed she felt the same. She remembered Krisdevon telling her that when you had a good idea of who you were, and if you were open with others, it did not take long to figure out who were the right people to be with, and was mindful he had added that while there was no instant intimacy, there could be swift beginnings.

     They were silent for a time as they drank their wine and ate some nuts. Then Arlyn noticed a large leather and wooden box which had a familiar shape. "Do you play?" asked Arlyn pointing to the case.

     "I try," replied Relita. "Do you want to sing a bit?"

     "Sure," said Arlyn, and Relita took out her guitar and tuned its four strings.

     Arlyn was surprised at the fine tone and ornate inlaying of what only could be a high quality instrument and looked at it admiringly. "Nice, isn't it?" said Relita handing it to her. "Where I go, it goes. I saved for a long time to buy it." As she gave it back to Relita, Arlyn's smile showed she was impressed by the work which had gone into making it.

     Relita began a classical Mandistrian air and asked if Arlyn knew it. She nodded, and they sang together, sometimes in unison, others in harmony. At first Arlyn was a little shy of performing even if her audience of one was singing, too, but as they went from story ballad to lonely wanderer's lament to philosopher's poem and on and on, sometimes with Relita playing, sometimes Arlyn, both felt themselves merging in a joyous communication of growing love. Arlyn thought that it was almost as if all the musical study she had done until this night merely had been a pleasant, solitary, intellectual exercise, and she felt that now that all the lyrics and melodies she had learned were being shared with this beautiful, exuberant woman, the true meaning of musical experience, the delight in both making and hearing harmonious sound, was clear to her at last. Arlyn forgot who and where she was, what her problems were, and the ills of the world in general. All that remained was the music in her ears and in her mind.

     Toward midnight, in a pause between songs Relita said, "I think we'd better stop. The walls're thick, but we're loud, and we might be keeping some of my neighbors awake."

     "You're right. My voice is all sung out for now anyway, " said Arlyn, "Where did you learn so much about music? You sing and play very well."

     "I was going to ask you the same thing," said Relita. "When I was eight, I heard a virtuoso guitarist playing in the street, and I loved music from then on. I chased after anyone who could teach me music, even stayed away from school if I could beg a lesson from somebody. Later on I started going to the concerts the government sponsors. I was persistent, and I met a few of the Academy professors. I bothered them till I managed to convince one to give me lessons for free. How about you?"

     "My family hired a tutor for me when I was three, and I've been studying ever since. I always enjoyed music, but tonight was really wonderful. It's the first time I've had a chance to share music with someone else. Until now I've only played at home. Do you perform a lot?"

     "No," said Relita, "I don't care for being in front of large groups, but I do like to play for a few friends."

     "Did you ever study Vadrian or Thacian music?" asked Arlyn.

     "No," answered Relita, "I've heard some in the last year or two, but I didn't enjoy it as much as ours. The Vadrians are too concerned with orchestral music for my taste. They're relegated vocal music to a lesser position, and I don't think that's right. The concept of Mandistrian song is the most advanced form of its kind. It blends all the possibilities for profound expression you find in poetry with the emotional feeling only music can provide. Together they're a unity which can evoke anything the artist wants to more effectively than any single art form."

     "The Vadrians feel exactly the opposite," said Arlyn. "They want their music to be pure harmonious sound which expresses the composer's sentiments through an abstract medium uncontaminated by direct verbal statement. Some of them even think words accompanying music are almost as bad as big block letters reading 'BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE' would be on a painting of a field and some trees, but that's an extreme statement of their point of view because they do have some narrative vocal music."

     "I didn't know the basis of their attitude," said Relita. "It's an interesting idea I'll have to think about. I guess when it comes to taste like this it's wrong to say one's better than another, just that you prefer one to another, and that's probably due to the training you've had."

     "If that's true, do you think it's possible to make any qualitative judgments about art?" asked Arlyn.

     "Sure it is," answered Relita. "There're all kinds of valid criteria like how successfully the artist is able to communicate what they intended to a large cross section of the interested population and how much mastery of the medium the artist shows..."

     Arlyn and Relita continued their discussion of music and criticism for more than an hour before there was another lull in the conversation. Toward the end their speech was less animated, and it seemed as if both wanted to talk about something else, but neither was eager to be the one who changed the topic.

     After a long pause for reflection Relita looked in Arlyn's eyes and in a quiet, loving voice asked, "How long have you been a lesbian?"

     Arlyn immediately perceived the new tone in Relita's voice. The intellectuality of their discussion about criticism was gone, and in its place was a deep and vulnerable emotionality; not that Relita's voice ever had sounded cold, but simply that she could converse about standards for evaluating art with an atmosphere of remove, a feeling that perhaps it was significant subject matter but surely not the most important in life. On the other hand preparing to talk about her choice of lovers was very close to her essence as a person and could not be casually bantered about with someone who she saw as growing extremely near to her.

     After careful consideration Arlyn replied, "I don't really think of myself as a lesbian. I'm bisexual."

     "Why?" asked Relita sensing Arlyn's answer would be one key to understanding the more profound aspects of her philosophy of life.

     Arlyn waited a while before replying but not because she was unsure of her beliefs. She was only unclear how to verbalize them in the current circumstances. "Because I want to be able to share my love on all its possible levels with anyone who's worthy of it. I'm still a little naive, but I've seen enough people to know there're both men and women who can nourish me. Men can be a terrible problem. Sometimes they seem a lot different than women, and then they don't try to understand our needs, but there're women who use women the way men do. You know Dessarain as well as I do. Even if she says she can't control herself, I think her actions are deliberate a lot of the time and she uses that talk about self-control as a way of getting you off guard. More important than that, I've had a profoundly beautiful relationship with a man, and I'd hate to reject the opportunity of resuming it just because he's a man."

     "Did he break up with you?" asked Relita.

     "No," answered Arlyn with a distant, wistful tone, "I was too young, and I was frightened how intense it was, so I sent him away. He was very kind. He'd've done almost anything I asked. If I wanted something, it usually made him want it, too, just because I wanted it. I felt that way also."

     "You must've been very much in love with him," said Relita. "Were you really that afraid of the proximity? It sounds like it was something else."

     "There were lots of things," answered Arlyn, "but what I was most scared of was how overwhelming he was. He'd've swallowed my personality whole and remade me in his own image if I'd let him. He didn't try to. In fact he struggled against it all the time, but he had a very highly evolved and precisely defined cosmology, and when he described it, he was terribly convincing."

     "Men can be that way," said Relita.

     "I don't think it's limited to men," answered Arlyn. "Caudry seems to have done the same thing to Dessarain."

     "You're probably right," said Relita, "but you must admit men tend to be more like that than women."

     "Maybe in the cities," answered Arlyn, "but from what I've heard about the forest people, it's different there."

     "I'd like to see it," said Relita with genuine eagerness.

     "Oh, there was another thing about him that was scary at times," added Arlyn making it sound like and insignificant afterthought even though she had been giving it careful contemplation since their conversation had taken its present aspect. "Relita, he believed in astrology, and he could do the most uncanny things with it." While she made this last statement, Arlyn was sure to employ a tone which masked her own conviction that there was more than a little truth in the concept of stars influencing human life.

     "I don't know much about astrology. Maybe sometime you'll tell me more about it," answered Relita showing disinterest in pursuing the topic of astrology.

     "Do you see yourself as purely homosexual?" asked Arlyn taking her cue from Relita and returning not unwillingly to Relita's choice of subject matter.

     "No, not completely," answered Relita. "I'm usually more comfortable with women, but I still eat atriumus roots regularly, so somewhere inside me I guess I'm aware I'm bisexual. I wouldn't mind making love with a man who was gentle and understanding so long as he didn't try to prevent me from having other women lovers, too. Most men feel awfully threatened when you tell them you like sex with other women. Some can get nasty about it."

     Arlyn wondered for a moment what Krisdevon would have said about Relita's statement and then said, "You must've had some very bad experiences with men. Are you bitter?"

     "Bitter, no, not anymore," answered Relita. "I was too happy with Kaseres to hate all men, but rape is one of the ugliest things there is, and a man who lived in the same house I did when I was ten did it to me whenever he was around. He said he'd strangle me if I told anyone. I'll admit most men aren't that evil, and I've met some cruel women, too, but it was a long time before I could see an erect penis without wanting to whip out my knife and cut it off."

     Arlyn shuddered at the thought of both the violence Relita had suffered and her capacity for vengeance. Relita noticed this and said, "Don't worry. I'm over feeling like that. I'd fight back if I was attacked, but I don't go around filled with hate the way I used to. I've gotten rather calm in the last few years, especially since I learned love is much more pleasant than hatred. If you're consumed by loathing for somebody, you can't love.'

     Arlyn's uneasiness at what she suspected might be a streak of vicious hostility in Relita decreased as she thought of how she herself might have responded to Relita's upbringing, particularly when she remembered her own attitude in the decadays after her encounter with Barris. She realized Relita had been faced with some terrible traumas and managed to rise above them with no more long term harm than a suspiciousness of men which did not preclude her loving one who was deserving.

     The two women went on describing elements of their lives and growing better acquainted until the candles which had been lighting the room began to burn out. By this time both had tired of their dialogue and were satisfied the other would be a lover with whom they could be quite happy, but each was fearful the other might not have reached the same conclusion, so they continued talking. First one candle went out, then a second and a third leaving only a small portion of the fourth remaining.

     Relita got up to light another candle, and as she did, Arlyn decided it was silly to sit there frozen into inaction by fear of rejection, so with her heart pounding, Arlyn stood up behind Relita, and placing her hands on Relita's hips, she kissed her on the side of the neck. Arlyn heard her sigh unmistakably with relief. Then Relita leaned back against her and took her hands in her own.

     "After all your talk about bisexuality and men, I was afraid you didn't want to be my lover," said Relita between soft, probing kisses.

     They embraced standing up kissing and lightly running their hands through each other"s hair and across each other"s backs and thighs. Both were shy about their new intimacy and did not wish to rush, so it was a long time before they lay down side by side on Relita's sleeping mat. Relita undressed Arlyn, and then Arlyn undressed her. Each took turns kissing the other's body moving down gradually from neck to waist. Arlyn put her nose near Relita's armpit and inhaled the sweet, musky aroma of Relita's body. She kissed Relita's breasts and then placed her hand on Relita's pubic hair slowly fondling her thighs while Relita did the same for her. Arlyn felt the moisture flowing in her pussy and was very eager to have Relita's fingers stroking her clitoris, but she resolved to wait until Relita seemed ready.

     "At last," she thought as she felt Relita's middle finger slowly entering her pussy rubbing the inside and becoming wet. Then Relita's finger retreated and began seeking the area around he clitoiris. Arlyn began to caress Relita in the same way and noticed that Relita was shaped slightly differently than herself. Every time she went to fondle Relita the way she herself preferred, Relita moved her hips so that Arlyn's hand moved a bit higher. Then she realized Relita was rubbing too far above the area where she was most sensitive, and she twisted so that Relita's fingers were lower down.

     Almost simultaneously between kisses the both said, "Oh, that's where you like it," and they laughed but only for a few seconds. They were too excited to allow for any unnecessary distraction. Abruptly Relita pushed Arlyn over on her back, climbed above her, and began rubbing Arlyn's clitoris with her tongue. Arlyn centered her face under Relita's thighs and did the same. They stayed this way for a long time, sometimes using their tongues vigorously when they could tell the other was near orgasm, other times merely licking lightly and enjoying the sensation of kissing the other's genitalia.

     At one point Arlyn tired of being on the bottom, so she rolled Relita over, but this did not interrupt their basic position. Arlyn's ecstasy was of a slowly flowing and ebbing nature, moments of intense passion blending into periods of joy in simple warmth and body contact. Throughout she took great pleasure in looking forward to a happy future with Relita. She did not think in terms of any specific expectations bot only that she had found a nice new friend. She tried hard and successfully to please Relita, and this in turn increased her own rapture.

     At last they both were satiated and again lay side by side kissing peacefully. "I can't remember when I've been so happy," said Relita.

     "Neither can I," replied Arlyn hugging her beloved tightly. They wanted to talk a little more, but they were exhausted, so they fell asleep.

                         *     *     *     *     *

     In spite of the handicap of only being able to see each other one or two evenings a decaday, Arlyn and Relita developed a beautiful intimacy. They had a number of long conversations on a wide range of subjects like the nature of life, the responsibilities of a human being toward his or her fellows, and the values by which a person should guide his or her behavior. Arlyn found that even without the benefit of any academic training Relita had evolved an intellect of formidable proportions, an accomplishment Relita herself tended to deprecate because she considered the academicians she had met to be singly focused and at times monomaniacal. Arlyn asked her why she did not go to school, and Relita replied the professors she knew could discourse for hours on life yet not know how to live it.

     "There's nothing wrong with reading and thinking a lot," she said, "but they don't seem to do anything else. They should work with their hands part of the time so they don't lose touch with their bodies."

     As Arlyn's experience as an artisan grew, she came to agree with Relita, especially because the further she progressed in her studies, the more her tutors tried to force her into limited, specialized fields. Although she occasionally resisted their efforts at restricting her scope of inquiry, generally she obeyed them, but she viewed many of the exercises assigned to her as little more than games. She might read a novel and find it profound, but when her tutor would have her write an essay on some obscure point in the text, she would feel both silly and frustrated, as if her time was being wasted or even worse, stolen.

     For this and many other reasons she was glad most of her time with Relita was not devoted to discussions of a lofty nature. She always had taken pleasure in doing mundane chores well, and after Relita taught her to be a good cook, Arlyn spent hours in the Palace Library hunting down unusual and nourishing recipes to use when it was her turn to prepare their meals.

     Arlyn also discovered another thing new to her, small talk. She and Relita took great satisfaction in chatting about things like their past and future activities, and Arlyn became completely at ease with Relita because she never asked her the wrong questions. It seemed enough for her that Arlyn had told her that her family was wealthy and eccentric and that she did not like to talk about them.

     They did many things in their evenings together like going to concerts put on by the musicians from the Imperial Conservatory or dramas put on by the many small theater groups abounding in the city. Arlyn and Relita became a common sight walking about the city hand in hand, and people remarked about what a nice couple the two smiling women made.

     Relita knew a wide variety of people and introduced Arlyn to many of them. At first she was afraid she might meet someone from the Palace, so she began tying her hair in a coil at the base of her neck and wearing completely different, more brightly colored clothing than she ever wore on the mesa. She even effected a slight Vadrian accent which Relita teased her about. Arlyn went so far as to make up a story about fictitious family origins so she would be ready in an emergency, but these precautions never proved necessary. The one or two people from the mesa whom she encountered walked right past her without a second look. Relita knew the story and was willing to back up Arlyn in it, but Arlyn made it clear to her it was untrue.

Chapter XXIII

     When Arlyn was on top of the mesa, she maintained her habit of keeping to herself. As the years passed and old ministers and servants died or retired, fewer and fewer people had the slightest inkling that another princess existed, and even fewer of them knew that Arlyn was that princess. Moreover, those who did, knew virtually nothing about her. Her tutors remained aware they would be in a great deal of trouble if it was known they were instructing the "idiot," so they kept her secret. Arlyn told them that in a crisis they ought to claim they, too, had not encountered her until she had been fourteen, and therefore they could not have known her true identity.

     One thing with Arlyn did enjoy was climbing up into the middle branches of one of the large trees in the Palace garden. She would sit there studying for hours in this tree which she preferred because its base was difficult to reach on account of the underbrush around it. She never had given much thought to the fact that this vantage point had an unobstructed view of one of the more accessible clearings near the bridle path, but one afternoon as she sat there reading , she saw her brother, Crotus, by now the Crown Prince, walk into this small open space. Arlyn concealed herself behind the branches as he opened his shirt, took out a small kitten, and began playing with it.

     For a while she was relieved by the sight of Crotus showing such normal affection because she had heard several stories from Lan which depicted him as a spoiled and vicious adolescent. Lan had said he terrorized the younger children both by beating them and telling them tales of what he was going to do to them when he was Emperor. He never was disciplined because no one would dare to tell the Emperor for fear that some harm would come to them later.

     Then as Arlyn watched in horror, Crotus took out a piece of twine and bound the kitten's mouth shut. He began lacerating it with a knife, and Arlyn saw the inhuman glee in her brother's eyes as he observed the tiny animal's futile struggles. She had all she could do to restrain herself from vomiting when he cut off its legs one at a time and tied them tightly with string so it would not bleed to death quickly.

     How long he continued torturing the kitten, Arlyn was unable to say because she was too upset by what she saw, but it must have gone on at least fifteen or twenty minutes before he pulled down his pants and masturbated while staring at the still twitching kitten. Arlyn never had seen or even imagined anything so revolting in her entire life, and only the knowledge that if Crotus discovered her it eventually might cost her her life prevented her from fainting. His vile act completed, Crotus buried the dismembered animal in a small hole and walked off looking quite pleased with himself.

     Arlyn was nauseous for days after this occurred. She saw only too clearly the implications for the people of Mandistria and all the island continent of Tireus if her brother ascended to the throne. She devoted a lot of deliberation to the possibility of killing Crotus. She believed she could do it quite easily and then dispose of his body by casting him into the pit below the stone ladder, but the idea of murder simply was too repugnant to her, so Crotus went on living. After this incident Arlyn was more convinced than ever that she could find only temporary safety in anonymity and that the time when she would have to leave the mesa permanently was much nearer than she previously had thought.

Chapter XXIV

     Early one fall morning when Arlyn was nineteen, she reported to the Library for a day of lessons and found not just one of her tutors waiting for her but all seven of them. Scholar Aretius explained to her that it was standard procedure to hold occasional conferences with advanced students of the Academy and that for the next several days the professors were going to meet with her as a group to talk with her about the material she had been studying. Arlyn had not been aware that such seminars existed, but she assumed there was much about the Academy she did not know, so she sat down and in a relaxed atmosphere began answering the questions she was asked. These often dealt with points she considered insignificant or pedantic, but she liked these people, some of whom had instructed her for fifteen years, and she did not want to hurt their feelings by telling them her true thoughts, so she answered each question politely. Sometimes she expressed opinions which were in conflict with those of a professor, and she was called upon to defend them, but since she had become a fairly skilled debater from arguments she had had with her literature professor, she had little difficulty giving a good account of herself.

     Except for a lunch break around noon the conversations continued most of the day for three days. All of the professors were not present all of the time, but most of them were there most of the time. On the fourth day the scope of the subject matter was drastically reduced from the wide range it had taken during the first three. For an entire day Arlyn was called upon to expatiate about the details of a long treatise she had written two years earlier on the history of the lyre. It was a subject no one before Arlyn had examined thoroughly, and without consciously attempting to, Arlyn had become a major authority on the evolution of the lyre and such related instruments as the harp and zither. She also had studied the development of the music composed for them as well as how changes in music effected the making of instruments and how advances in the technology of making instruments altered the music written for them.

     The professor who was an expert in physics asked her for many specific pieces of information concerning theories of vibrating strings, sound board mountings, and distinctions between wound and unwound strings. Arlyn became bored with these technicalities but persisted patiently good-natured. "I don't care for this approach myself," the thought, "but I'll admit this is important material because if an artisan deviates too far from these theories, the result is poor instruments... I wrote that paper a long time ago, Most of this beyond the music itself doesn't interest me anymore... I wonder how much longer this is going to drag on."

     On the fifth day Arlyn presented herself again, by now increasingly irked with being forced to spend this many days indoors, but to her surprise there were no more questions. Scholar Aretius, the senior faculty member among her tutors, smiled as he motioned for her to sit down. He said, "I suppose you must be wondering why we've spent this much time with you these last few days. What we've been doing is evaluating your progress as a student. You see, with other students we usually give them examinations once or twice a year, but with you no one ever bothered because you never were considered a candidate for a degree. Recently we met and agreed that if anyone else had been as devoted and bright a student as you, we would have acknowledged that person's advancement. We realized that this might be a problem in your situation, but we see no reason why you should not be awarded the degree which you surely have earned."

     Arlyn thought it was their intention to give her the first of the Academy's three degrees, the ranking which would signify she had completed her apprenticeship as a student and would make her eligible for the title "Learned Person," but when Scholar Aretius continued, she understood why her examination had been so extensive. "In any other circumstances, even in spite of the fact that no one anywhere near your age ever has been honored this way, we would invite you to join the Academy faculty, but we all recognize this is impossible, so we are forced to limit ourselves to awarding you the highest of the Academy's three degrees and the title 'Master Scholar.' I'm sorry that we didn't tell you that reaching a decision about this was the purpose of the investigation we've put you through, but since you've never been formally tested, we were afraid that if you knew, you might have become nervous and unable to answer questions which you otherwise would have been able to cope with easily. I might add that in order to insure the validity of your qualifications, your examination had to be the most rigorous and lengthy in which any of us have participated. Actually you probably have performed better than some of us could."

     Aretius reached into a drawer and produced a small, highly polished gold plaque, the symbol of her degree, and handed it to Arlyn. He shook her hand and said, "It gives me great pleasure to be the first person to address you as 'Scholar Arlyn.' Congratulations."

     The other professors also shook hands with her and congratulated her, and the Aretius led Arlyn to a large and extremely ornate volume with gold and precious gems mounted on the cover. "This book," he said, "is part of the registry in which all the Master Scholars of the Academy of Mandistria are entitled to sign their names."

     He opened the book to the most recent signature, wrote the date, and then offered the pen to Arlyn. Arlyn felt as if in a dream when she accepted the pen and in her small, precise, but flowing hand wrote her name. Then in keeping with the tradition which was explained to her, she copied the unique design which the engraver had placed after her name on the gold plaque. Usually this mark was abstractly contrived, but in Arlyn's case if one knew how to look at it, the sign included a crown, something which Aretius told her he had arranged in the event there ever was any need to prove Arlyn was a member of the Imperial Family, Otherwise it could go unnoticed permanently. Lastly the faculty members who had examined her signed their names and marks to certify they concurred in the awarding of her degree.

     Arlyn was not sure what to expect next, but the ceremony was over. The professors bowed to her and left her alone in the Library with a diploma saying in effect that her formal lessons were over. From now on she was on her own, free to study anything she liked or nothing at all.

Chapter XXV

     With her formal education behind her, Arlyn tended to relax more and read less, but what she really enjoyed was the luxury of not having to write assigned papers on the books she perused. This freed much of her time and allowed her to engage in broadened inquiry. She even went back and reread books she had studied before, and since there was no pressure on her to produce a response to some concept within a short period and then move on to something new, she became more reflective and more able to assimilate what she read. She also went on with her investigation of astrology, but that rarely occupied more than one morning each decaday.

     The main alteration in her schedule involved the time she devoted to her craft. It had taken her only a little more than a year to attain a level of proficiency where she might become an independent artisan. She still worked in Favahn's apartment shop, but now she had her own set of tools and sold her wares in a different plaza than Favahn. She finally had originated a style of box making which was not merely uniquely her own but also a dynamic and original art form. Whereas Favahn had inlaid abstract designs, Arlyn, after much struggle and failure, had evolved a technique of inlaying whole pictures into the lids of her creations. These could be anything from trees standing on a mountain, birds flying, or fish swimming to lovers walking hand in hand. Furthermore by employing numerous types of woods and other materials, she could portray surprisingly subtle contrasts.

     An important part of the beauty of her art was in her almost eerie ability to pick out the right texture or grain of wood to fit what she was depicting. This was especially important because she had ceased to use any paints, so the colors might have to be far different than they might be in nature. For example, the notion of a light blue swan might seem bizarre at first glance, but on closer examination of how Arlyn had selected a grain which closely approximated the appearance of feathers, people came away with the feeling that some part of the essence of "swanness" had been captured.

     Those who viewed the work of the young carver as she sat in her accustomed place between a baker and a silversmith agreed she definitely was a master. All her later work Arlyn burned unobtrusively with a small iron bearing the ideograph Aretius had given her and later explained as the sun rising or setting behind the symbol of the Imperial Family. He had seen it in a dream, but he admitted his inspiration had not made clear what it meant. Only time would tell.

                         *     *     *     *     *

     Over the five seasons of her apprenticeship Arlyn had become quite close to Favahn. They had become lovers, but the real basis of their relationship was friendship. When Arlyn made love with Favahn, her ecstasy was not often extreme, yet he almost always left her with a feeling of satiation and peace. He seemed to sense and obey her unspoken wishes when she did not want to be embraced, something which made her very grateful. Like her, he, too, had a philosophy based on doing the best he could with what was available while remaining open to learn more, and since she respected him highly as successful in life, able to be happy without harming others, this reinforced her own beliefs and added to her serenity.

     Actually their relationship was simple. Perhaps "level" would be a better word to describe it in that they had few ups and downs. Mornings they would sit together in Favahn's shop silently working on their separate chores, but in the quietude was great nearness because when either wished to speak , the other was glad to listen and respond. Their thoughts seemed to go back and forth between them without words, so although they talked little, they knew each other well. Afternoons they went their own ways to their different plazas.

     After Arlyn had demonstrated the extent of her talent, Favahn readily acknowledged her as his better. He viewed it as an honor to have been permitted to instruct someone as creative as her, and he told her so. She in turn said she never would have been able to advance anywhere near as far as she had without the teaching he had provided.

     Their love affair did not begin in a rush of passion and intensity. Arlyn had worked with Favahn more than two seasons before the day when he had stopped in the middle of sawing a block, looked up at her, and quietly said, "I love you, Arlyn."

     "Yes, I know," she replied without surprise. "I love you, too."

     He had walked over and hugged her, and then they had made love. She found him a vigorous but still somehow tranquil partner. She rarely had to tell him what she wanted him to do because he obviously had been very sensitive to learning from his earlier lovers. His whole body seemed deftly able to perceive what she desired even before she did herself.

     He was not very demanding of Arlyn and soon became good friends with Relita. Sometimes he went with them to concerts or took them to lectures on the working of the Imperial Government. Relita only had asked her if he made her happy, and when Arlyn had answered, "Yes," Relita had accepted the situation without misgiving. This was in no small part because she had known Favahn for several years and trusted him. Arlyn spent most of her nights away from the mesa with Relita which was agreeable to Favahn who still liked to be by himself a lot, and since Relita was not possessive or jealous to begin with, she did not begrudge Arlyn her nights with Favahn. Also Relita occasionally liked to sleep with other women. Because neither Relita nor Favahn ever sought to manipulate her, Arlyn felt comfortable and never was torn between them, so it worked out felicitously for all three of them. Although it might appear a logical thing for the three of them to make love together, it never happened, probably because Favahn and Relita did not find each other sexually attractive.

Chapter XXVI

     Arlyn made a regular habit of stopping by the apartment of the Tossori every few decadays for a whole year after Krisdevon left. Each time she climbed the stairs to his tribe's room, she told herself she did not care very much whether or not there was a letter from him, but when there was not, she always was disappointed.

     It was apparent from the increasingly thick dust that no one had been there. She considered this encouraging because it could be interpreted as meaning Krisdevon wanted to correspond with her but had no way of delivering a message. Finally she decided to write a letter to Krisdevon, leave it on a table, and see if anything happened.

     She sat down to write but felt awkward. She did not know what to say or what tone to employ. Part of her wanted to be cautious and write a casual, chatty note filled with little bits of information about interesting things which had taken place in Mandistria since he had departed, but another part of her yearned to write a passionate and graphic message of love. Since she had had a pleasant and active sex life, she did not masturbate as often as she had before, but when she did, he often was in her fantasies, and as she sat there trying to decide what to write, she remembered their happy days and nights together and felt herself becoming moist and aroused. Both to relax and to satisfy her body as well as postpone writing the letter so she could reflect about what to say, she lay down on one of the sleeping mats and began to fondle herself.

     Her fantasy was of living in a forest cottage with Krisdevon. As her imagination gained control, her visualization became so vivid that she could feel his hand in hers as they walked amidst the tall trees and down to a bubbling stream. There they undressed and swam under a waterfall. At last as they sunned themselves on a rock, Krisdevon made love with her, first kissing her whole body and then caressing her clitoris with his tongue for what seemed to be quite a long time. Her fantasy became so overwhelming that she could feel him heavy upon her, his thighs moving up an down as he penetrated her deeply.

     When he had his orgasm, he whispered, "I still love you, Arlyn," and she cried with joy. Later when it was over, she did not remember how many times she had climaxed, but she was sure she never had experienced such intense and prolonged physical ecstasy. When she was finished, she was exhausted but happy and satisfied. She fell deeply asleep almost immediately.

     When she awoke, Arlyn was just a little lonely, but even this was a sweet sensation which she savored gleefully as she stretched her body, dressed, and then realized she knew what she wished to write. Though it was long after midnight, she lit a few candles and penned the following letter:

"Dear Krisdevon,

     "It has been a long time since I last saw you, and a lot has happened. I hardly know where to begin, but one thing which I am sure will please you is that I've become and apprentice to a man named Favahn who makes small inlaid boxes and chests of drawers. I'm beginning to understand what must go into fashioning one of your flutes. I look at mine and see things like how perfectly the dovetail of the ebony inlay fits into the mouthpiece, and I have great respect for you as an artisan. I used to think it was a simply instrument, but now that I've tried working with paints and I know how difficult it is to get an unblemished lacquer surface on a box, I can imagine what a task it must be to accomplish this inside a narrow tube.

     "Whenever I play my flute, I feel like it brings us together even though you're not here with me. Right now I can see you in my mind sitting cross legged under a tall tree playing your Lyrian forest music. That's a beautiful picture, and I enjoy it very much whenever I remember it. Do you know another memory I like? One of my favorites is hiking up the mountain paths with you. Those were some of my happiest days. We had problems. I guess all couples do, but I think the few hard times we had were a small price to pay for the good ones.

     "I'm not sure how to say this, but things I've learned since you left have convinced me most of the information you gave me about astronomy is true. I'll admit I was surprised, but I managed to do some checking on your theories, and you're right. Now I'm more or less stymied, and I can't make progress, but when we meet again, I intend to be a willing pupil. As for the story about how you got the piece of wood you carry around with you all the time, I'm not ready to accept that. It's too strange.

     "Speaking of weird things, you seem to be the one to ask about this. A while ago on the South Gate Road I saw three very unusual people who Favahn said were warriors of the tribe called Ae-Dey. He told me they live on the plains of the southern peninsula. They were completely naked as they rode by. They certainly were striking in appearance. One had a tattoo of a butterfly on his left shoulder blade. It was so beautiful I almost want one like it myself. Do you know anything about them? Favahn said they practice a very powerful form of meditation and believe in reincarnation.

     "Something very important I must tell you; I met a woman named Relita about whom I feel very deeply. We've been lovers since the second time we saw each other, and it's not a nonchalant affair. I don't know how it will effect our relationship, but I'm certain if I wasn't honest, it wouldn't help us. I can't say what will take place the next time we meet, but one thing I believe is that in order for anything between us to be right, we must work to make it happen, and I hope we do.

     "I would like to see you, so if you come to Mandistria, go to the second plaza off the South Gate Road and ask for Favahn. He will know how to find me. If your plans won't bring you here in the near future, I would be happy to get a letter from you.

     "I hope you are well. I am.

                                   "Love

                                   "Arlyn"

     Arlyn was pleased with this letter for several reasons. It showed just enough affection to indicate she did not want to end their relationship, but it was adequately noncommittal to allow her a way out if she changed her mind. She considered this important, because she could see herself growing and maturing so rapidly it was not unthinkable that when Krisdevon returned she might want to restrict their closeness to friendship without physical involvement. Another thing which she liked about her letter was that if it fell into the wrong hands, it would not implicate Krisdevon or anyone else in the illegal practice of astrology.

     When Arlyn was done, she sealed the letter in an envelope and wrote on it, "To Krisdevon, a flutemaker of the Tossori." She placed it in the middle of the table where it might be seen easily, and then she left.

     Arlyn went to the apartment of the Tossori almost every decaday for a season to see if anyone had taken the letter, but it remained unmoved and under an increasingly thick coat of dust. At last Arlyn gave up and stopped going back for over a season. Then one day when she chanced to be in the neighborhood, she climber the stairs, and found her letter was gone. There was no reply in its place, but just the idea that her letter at last was on its way was enough to keep Arlyn elated for days.

     She waited about a season and then began anew making visits to the room of the Tossori, but after a year passed with no reply, Arlyn gave up in disgust. She decided Krisdevon had chosen not to write. "It's his loss, not mine," she thought and resolved not to go there again. She even avoided the area where Krisdevon had lived because she now associated it with no little disappointment, but about a year and a half later Favahn asked her to deliver a box for him, and she had to go within a block of the building where the Tossori had their room. Arlyn almost did not go up to check the table for mail, but then she realized it would be foolish not to give Krisdevon the benefit of the doubt, and she found this letter"

"Dear Arlyn,

     "I was surprised and really glad when I got back to the forests. Why? Because I found a letter from you. For over a year after I left Mandistria, none of the Tossori went there, so I had no way of writing to you or knowing if you'd written to me. Then I went on another journey which lasted more than two years before I returned home and discovered your letter. Now three of the Tossori are traveling along a route which will take them near Mandistria, and they promised to enter the city and bring you a few pages from me.

     "I was happy to read that you've seen the truth in the astronomy lessons I gave you. As for the stick I carry around with me all the time (I repeated this phrase to Travengard, and we've been laughing for days.), it is as I told you. By the way he sends his regards and looks forward to meeting you. I'm sorry your advancement in astronomy has been halted. I know how that feels. Actually I should be a much more competent teacher the next time we meet. My time away from Travengard worked in much the way I'd hope it would. It freed me of the pressure to learn, and when I started again, the basic insights I'd been unable to comprehend suddenly became intelligible. My capacities are nothing like Travengard's, but it doesn't bother me. I've never met anyone else with such a phenomenal memory. He performs accurate computations at a speed even his master finds staggering.

     "I feel strange about answering your question on the Ae-Dey. After a year studying with Travengard, I went to the southern peninsula for the second time to study the meditative and martial disciplines of the Ae-Dey. I'd been among the Ae-Dey for several years before meeting you but didn't tell you about it because I could see if I told you any more odd tales, you would've concluded I was crazy and avoided me.

     "While I was there, I spent a lot of time with a fellow who has a butterfly on his left shoulder blade. He'd recently been to Mandistria, and since I'd been there, too, we got to talking. One thing led to another and... Suffice it to say I never cease to find you an astonishing person. You think the stories I tell you are strange? They don't compare to what you keep from me, but I will grant you acted wisely. Your friend with the butterfly sends his greetings.

     "If Relita is a kind person and her companionship makes you happy, then it pleases my heart that you are close with her. People can not own each other. Genuine love is built on placing nearly as high a value on another's well being as you set on your own, and this includes allowing that other person to be the sole judge of where their best interest lie. I've told you this before, and my ideas on this point have not wavered. Please say hello to Relita for me. If you have chosen her, she must be a good person, so tell her I hope to have the opportunity of meeting her when I visit Mandistria again. Unfortunately this may be a long time away because I have a number of responsibilities to my tribe which I must fulfill before it will be fair for me to resume traveling.

     "I'm sure you'll find working with your hands very rewarding. For me one of the most gratifying things is to have people tell me how they enjoy playing my flutes, and a compliment from a fellow artisan is doubly welcome. If I know you, by the time I see you, you'll probably play better than I do.

     "Arlyn, I, too, have had other lovers since we were together, but the more I become in tune with the forces which manifest themselves in the universe, whether it be in following the motion of the stars, the growth of a leaf, or anything else, the more I realize you and I are inextricably united in some permanent way I don't understand yet. In your letter you said that in order for anything between us to be right, we must make it happen, and I agree we must resist being pawns of others no matter who or what they might be, but I sense it is going to be difficult to insure our accomplishing this, so be vigilant.

     "I am well and hope you are, too

     "I think of you often, and I love you.

                                   "Be at peace

                                   "Krisdevon"

     Arlyn's first response was to be upset about Krisdevon discovering her identity, but in a way it was a weight off her mind, and it was some consolation to her that it did not seem to make much difference to him. She was irked by his misinterpretation, deliberate or otherwise, of her phrase to the effect that whatever occurred would be right only if they two made it happen. Her intention had been to communicate her belief that for two people to have a successful relationship they had to work constantly at it rather than merely lie back and take it and each other for granted.

     "It's just like him," she thought, "to turn something simple like this into something occult and mysterious."

     When she was calm again, she reread his letter and saw he was still the same serene yet intense, worldly yet mystical, playful yet profound man who had both enchanted and frightened her. It was inescapably clear to her that she still loved him. This both elated and troubled her, but as the seasons passed and Krisdevon did not come, she again forgot all those things about him which she preferred not to remember. The only long lasting change in her life caused by his letter was that she played the flute more frequently. At first she only did this so that if he came, she would be able to play it well and he would not discover she hardly had picked it up for over two years, but later on she played it often because she found it a soothing was to spend a quiet, meditative hour.

End of Part One

PART II

Chapter I

     This period of almost uninterrupted quiet in Arlyn's life came to an abrupt end about half a season before her twenty-second birthday. It all began with her going to the secret room in the Library for her decadaily study of astrology. Arlyn had employed a small wedge of wood strategically placed in the door jamb as a means of ascertaining whether anyone else had opened the door besides her. On this day she glanced down and saw that it was unmoved, so she entered and went to the shelves to get the volumes she wanted. Then she noticed something unexpected. Although the books were exactly where she had replaced them, bit of hair she had attached to them as a final warning device were gone. Her initial response was to be startled, but after she recalled the sealed door, she concluded the hair must have fallen off by itself or been disturbed by some other natural agent such as an insect. To be positive she examined a number of other manuscripts she similarly had booby trapped and discovered some of them also had been taken down and carefully reshelved.

     Quickly Arlyn went from bewildered to terrified, and she wordlessly visualized the door swinging open to expose a troop of Palace guards come to arrest her. This frightful image was followed swiftly, almost as a reflex action, by the decision to rely on her role as an idiot. She even knew what she would say, but nothing happened. She breathed deeply several times, and slowly her calm returned.

     She walked up and down the few aisles in the room checking other books and eventually came to a row which always had perplexed her. While the rest of the volumes were in Mandistrian, Vadrian, or Thacian, there were in a language totally unknown to her, so she had tended to stay away from them. Arlyn could not be sure because she had not marked many of them, but it seemed to her that if someone indeed had been in the room, that person had used more of these books than any others. She only could surmise there was another astrologer in the Palace and probably an advanced one at that. She searched her mind for who it might be and wondered why the other astrologer had not resorted to this storehouse of arcane lore for at least six years. She could not find any possible answers to these questions nor could she understand how anyone could have perceived her tiny piece of wood and known to replace it properly.

     Arlyn left the secret room immediately and ensconced herself in a carrel which, after she had pushed a few books to one side, gave her a slightly obstructed but adequate view of the steps leading down to the locked door. She resolved to hide there until she determined who else had gained entrance to the room, but after three and a half days of spending almost the full duration of the Library hours sitting in the darkened booth and not seeing anyone even glance in a suspicious direction, Arlyn was still more confused. The number of books which had been moved seemed to indicate someone had been in there a great amount of time, and this would have required numerous visits in the ten days prior to Arlyn's noticing something was awry, yet now whoever it was suddenly had stopped. By late afternoon of the fourth day Arlyn began to feel frustrated. This was not because she was bored with the task of waiting. Arlyn was a patient woman, and many years of academic pursuits had done much to inure her against tedium. What disturbed her was that the following day she had an arrangement with Relita to go on one of their infrequent overnight camping trips outside the city. For her to miss this little excursion would disappoint Relita, so she would have to climb down from the mesa the next morning with the mystery of the astrologer's identity unsolved. Because no one was likely to come this late in the day, Arlyn decided to re-enter the secret room so she could affix new hair markers to a wide cross section of the books. By this stratagem she hoped to get a better idea of the astrologer's field of inquiry if they returned while she was gone.

     As soon as Arlyn went back in the room of occult books, she discovered something which gave her an eerie, chilling feeling over her entire body. Several books which still had had hairs attached to them when she had checked three days earlier no longer did. Her immediate reaction was that she was not dealing with some human astrologer but a creature of supernatural powers, maybe even one of the Magicians Krisdevon had mentioned. How else could this entry be accounted for when she had guarded the door all day?

     Her body began to tremble with the fear that some spectral seeker of knowledge was observing her as she stood there shuddering. Perhaps it was annoyed at being disturbed and was about to attack her. Human assailants she was fairly confident she could handle, but she had no idea how to fend off and angry apparition or worse yet, a wrathful Magician. She remembered Krisdevon had made it clear they were bad tempered.

     Arlyn did not permit herself the luxury of being paralyzed by terror for long. "It just shows what my state of mind must be," she thought. "The first weird thing which happens to me in years makes me fall apart. What is it that made me search for supernatural causes instead of logical explanations? I never used to be like this. Obviously the other person has some way of getting in here at night... Instead of leaving when the Library closes, I'll hide in here till everyone's gone and the gates are locked. Then I'll go upstairs to the carrell I've been using as a lookout post. When whoever it is comes, I'll finally find out who it is. I'm not sure what I'll do then. That'll depend on who it is, but at least I'll know, and that's important. If it's somebody dangerous or powerful, I may have to stop coming here altogether, but if it's not, maybe I can work out a way to get lessons."

     The sun went down, and the Library became almost totally dark. Knowing the slightest sound might give away her presence, Arlyn sat as silent as she could for three hours, but no one came. To pass the time more quickly, Arlyn practiced a form of meditation which she had found useful and relaxing for several years. It consisted of making her mind completely blank, in effect turning off all the "noise" of thought inside her consciousness. She often followed this with periods of concentrating on the perceptions of her senses in the absence of external stimuli, for example, observing the abstract color patterns she "saw" in the dark with her eyes closed. She had developed this method herself but never had mentioned it to anyone else because she considered it too personal. She believed this technique put her mind in better contact with her body so she could understand herself more thoroughly as the sum of both. Tonight, however, though she was tempted to engage in this distraction, she restricted herself to the level of turning off the "noise" so she immediately would recognize anything which might indicate the approach of an interloper.

     Around midnight Arlyn began to give up hope that her vigil would have any positive results, but then she both felt and heard a slight rumble which she thought resembled nothing so much as the opening of the stone door at the base of the mesa. She was not sure where it came from, but it seemed to be almost directly beneath her. In a flash it became clear to her. Whoever was using the occult library had another means of entry than the locked door. This idea never had occurred to Arlyn because the walls of the room were solid stone which when tapped sounded quite thick. For an instant Arlyn was irked with herself for not having considered such a possibility, but this sensation departed as quickly as it had come.

     Stealthily Arlyn moved toward the door at the foot of the stairs, cautious to remain in a position which would keep her hidden if someone opened it. She heard two soft, clicking sounds, one from near the top of the door, the other from the bottom. "What's that?" she asked herself, and almost immediately answered her own question. "Whoever's in there just set some kind of brace against the door so no one can force it in." This meant the person in there probably would be more afraid of her than the other way around. Silently Arlyn descended the darkened stairs and put her eye to the keyhole only to discover it had been plugged with something in much the same manner as she did herself to prevent light from escaping. Arlyn's heart beat fast with excitement as she took out her folding knife and picked away the clay in the lock until there was a hole big enough to see through.

     Breathlessly she looked into the room, and to her amazement she beheld not a wizened old man or woman, the stereotype astrologer of her expectations, but one of the most strikingly beautiful children she ever had seen. On second glance she decided it was not a child but an adolescent of small build. It was hard to make an age estimate, but she guessed at around fourteen. For a long time she gazed enchantedly at the dark, finely featured face ringed by thick, curly, black hair. It bore a look of sensitivity which surprised her in one so young as this person appeared to be.

     "I've never seen a face that seemed able to radiate love as strongly as this one," she thought. "It's such a kind face, but outward aspects can be deceiving. I wonder if this face reveals the inner self... Someone this dark must be Thacian. I haven't seen many of them outside of a few merchants and wanderers."

     Something else began to dawn on Arlyn. This was the most subtly androgyne face she ever had seen. Until that instant Arlyn somehow had managed to ignore this fact. She had seen men who tried, with varying degrees of success, to look like women, and women who sought to achieve the semblance of men, but it never had bothered her because she always could tell if they actually were men or women. In contrast this person was not attempting to look like anything other than whatever he or she was, so Arlyn was confronted by someone she found unutterable attractive without knowing their sex. This disturbed her. She even had trouble contemplating the whole subject because she tended to think about it verbally, and she felt awkward not knowing which gender pronoun to employ.

     Arlyn finally realized her confusion was nonsense. "If I'm bisexual the was I claim I am," she thought, "it shouldn't matter to me what that astrologer's sex is. I shouldn't think of people in terms of categories but as individuals." She laughed to herself about her silliness at being perturbed about the shape of the scholar's genitalia and went on thinking, "I shouldn't let myself be diverted into wondering about superficial characteristics. I'm supposed to be observing so I can learn something."

     Arlyn began watching in earnest and immediately was struck by the speed with which the young astrologer scanned volume after volume. The two keen eyes swiftly ran down a page, moved up the opposite one, and waited for the hand to turn to the next pair. Every forty or fifty pages the eyes would close and the face strain with concentration. A few seconds later the eyes would open and start racing anew. Initially she wanted to reject the possibility, but she sensed the reader was memorizing all the data in the room. She could not be sure because the concept of such a memory was staggering for her to comprehend right away, but the intervals this person spent with their eyes closed seemed to be time devoted to making sure everything the eyes had seen was properly recorded in the mind. Now in addition to beauty and gentleness Arlyn saw great knowledge, sagacity, and a touch of cunning in the face beyond the door.

     Arlyn began to wonder how to make her presence known without scaring off her potential teacher. but she never got to test a solution to the problem. The scholar arose, carefully reshelved a stack of books, and blew out the candles. Before she should act, Arlyn again heard the two soft clicks by the door and then a rumbling along the wall to her left. Arlyn entered the locked room and lit her own lamp, but it was too late. The person she had been watching was gone. She painstakingly inspected the wall to her left for almost an hour, but she could find no sign of an opening.

     Realizing it was very late for her to be up when she had a long hike ahead of her the following day, Arlyn lay down to sleep on the floor, but it was quite a while before she dozed off. Her mind swam with curiosity about what she had witnessed, but though she had many unanswered questions, she did figure out one problem. Even at the remarkable pace this strange enigma maintained, it would require several decadays to complete all the books in the room, so he or she, whichever the case might be, probably still would be around when Arlyn returned from her outing with Relita.

     Arlyn's plan was simple. She would hide in the secret room until the intruder entered and the block the passage. Once this was accomplished, she would explain herself quickly. Anything beyond this would depend on the answer she received.

     The first three days of Arlyn's outing with Relita were uneventful. She forced herself to be talkative to conceal from Relita that she was greatly agitated and eager to return, but several times her thoughts strayed back to the strange, beautiful face she had seen through the keyhole. She would stop for a few seconds in the middle of a sentence and then have to ask Relita what she had been saying.

     Relita noticed Arlyn was behaving in a somewhat uncharacteristic way but chose not to ask why because Arlyn did not seem to be experiencing a crisis. She knew Arlyn was uneasy about anything which might be construed as interrogation, and by this time she was accustomed to Arlyn's occasional changes in behavior. Since these never resulted in Arlyn saying or doing anything drastic or nasty, Relita assumed these rare ups and downs were insignificant reflections of minor family matters and did not mention them.

     They had planned to wander around the valley of Mandistria for six or seven days, but by the fourth day Arlyn's urge to go back to the mesa became too strong for her to suppress, so she admitted to Relita something was upsetting her and making it difficult for her to enjoy their hike. When Relita asked her what it was, Arlyn replied that it was an important family problem which she wanted to ponder alone.

     Relita was afraid she might have done something to aggravate Arlyn's difficulties, and she asked, "Is it anything I've done? I would hate to think I did anything to make you want to be away from me."

     Arlyn knew she had to be very tactful so Relita's feelings would not be hurt, but she already had weighed her own estimate of the importance of returning against Relita's capacity to accept her actions, and she had chosen her course, so she embraced Relita and said, "No, of course it isn't you. I want to be with you more than anyone else. It's just that something unexpected happened before I left, and I've got to consider what I'm going to do about it." Arlyn paused and kissed Relita. She stroked her back and said, "Don't worry, Relita. You can't imagine how much I appreciate the way you tolerate my eccentricities. If it could be any other way, I'd change it, but right now I can't."

     Somewhat mollified Relita sighed and said, "You're the one who knows your situation best. so I guess you're the one to judge how to handle it, but remember one thing. If you ever want to talk about all your secrets, I'll listen, and I'll help you if I can. I swear I'll keep them to myself, too."

     "Maybe that day isn't far off," said Arlyn. Then suddenly and impulse seized her, and she decided the instant was ripe to give Relita at least a hint of her position, so she continued, ""If I had to run away from Mandistria, would you come with me? I've been worried for a long time I may have to. It'd be on the spur of the moment, and I can't give you any details, but I want to know if I can count on you."

     Relita did not have to think much before answering. She knew how deeply she loved Arlyn and how intensely Arlyn requited her love. "You know I'd do anything to help you. I'd be dishonest if I didn't say I'd like to know what it's all about, but I trust you. Do give me some warning if you can, but one factor which I think you ought to weigh is that if I don't know what's going on, I might inadvertently do something which would end up harming us."

     "You're right," answered Arlyn, "but I'd better get moving, or I won't be back before the city gates close. We'll talk about it the next time we're together."

     They hugged each other and waved good bye. Both felt relieved by their conversation, Arlyn because she had begun to realize Relita could be of more assistance if she understood the true circumstances of her life, and Relita because she felt Arlyn was not dissatisfied with her. Since she did not conceive of Arlyn's troubles as being anything more than rich, domineering parents, she did not believe Arlyn was in any significant danger, so she continued hiking in a happy frame of mind. She was unsure what to make of Arlyn's talk of flight, but though she was willing to stand by her promise, she tended to discount the likelihood of being called upon to keep it.

Chapter II

     After walking five or six kilometers at a pace which was nearly a trot, Arlyn entered the city by the East Gate just before sunset and hurried off in the direction of the citadel. The sky was overcast, and she hoped to reach the mesa before the approaching squall began, but she did not succeed. The cold, wind blown, late winter deluge struck with a ferocity uncommon in the usually temperate Mandistria. Realizing she was only a few blocks from the apartment of the Tossori, she made her way there swiftly.

     It was dark, and she had no candles, so after glancing at the table during a flash of lightning and seeing no letter, she took off her water soaked clothing and curled up beneath some dry blankets she found on a sleeping mat. For a moment she worried about Relita who probably was drenched and shivering under a tree, but she was exhausted, and as soon as she became warm and dry, she started dozing off. As she was falling asleep, it occurred to her that she had not seen any dust on the table, but she attributed this to the poor illumination provided by the lightning.

     Arlyn was not sure how long she had slept when she was awakened by a great thunderbolt which shook the entire building, but a glimpse through the corner of the window shade into the storm revealed it was still pitch dark outside. She drowsed lightly and then amidst the din of the pouring rain she discerned the sounds of love making coming from the opposite side of the room. At first Arlyn thought her ears were playing tricks on her, but after she had listened for a while, it became unmistakable. She decided it would be gauche to disturb the people sharing the room with her, so she postponed any attempt at finding out who they were until morning and then fell asleep again.

     When morning finally came, Arlyn awoke feeling thoroughly rested and filled with energy. She opened the window shade to find the storm gone and the sun shining brilliantly as it reflected off the many newly cleansed, gleaming stone buildings of the city. She was able to see a large portion of the city from the high windows of the room of the Tossori, and she thought about what a beautiful city it was. A few scattered graceful, tall structures were balanced by other, smaller ones of similar architecture, yet nowhere was the impression of monotony because the neighborhoods were of moderate size and were separated by broad, green park areas. Arlyn contemplated the enormous amount of planning which must have gone into such a well-designed city, but as her gaze flitted across the skyline, something began to gnaw at her mind.

     "I've forgotten something, something important..." she thought. "Now I remember. When I woke up during the night, there were people in the room making love." She was aware it had not been a dream, but she was reluctant to turn around and see if anyone still was there. She was frightened whoever might be in the room with her would be angered by her intrusion. Then she realized she was quite naked, and this made her even more uneasy.

     Arlyn listened closely and heard the rhythmic breathing of someone deeply asleep, so she decided it would be safe to investigate further. She tiptoed across the room and saw two people. Their faces were not visible because ones head was turned toward the wall and the others was buried under the covers. Arlyn was going to dress quietly and leave, but then the sleeper who had been against the wall moved slightly to reveal the hauntingly beautiful countenance which had been perplexing Arlyn for days. Her heart leapt and her body shuddered with surprise as she beheld the visage of the child astrologer. She was filled with confusion and empty of words. She stood transfixed for several moments not knowing what to do, but to make matters even stranger the sleeper who had been entirely beneath the blankets now rolled over causing a few very familiar centimeters of smoothly polished, dark wood to protrude from under the bottom of the bedspread.

     For an instant Arlyn had managed to regain some of the composure she had lost in her amazement at being caught unawares sleeping in the same room as the Palace intruder, but now the turmoil and conflict within her were complete. Virtually everything which bewildered her was represented by the calmly sleeping lovers in front of her. Her mind reeled as she finally became able to think verbally again, "In the name of the Sky and the Sea, what do I do now? That's Krisdevon down there with that... that person." She was tempted to be jealous of Krisdevon both because he had another lover and because that lover was one she found extremely desirable, but then she began to see the humor in the situation.

     "Well," she thought, "at least I'm not in any immediate danger, and I do know what I'm going to do first anyway." She scanned the room for a chamber pot, and when she found one, she squatted over it and urinated. She giggled at the absurdity of life and still was answering nature's call when she looked up to discover Krisdevon staring at her sleepily.

     "Good morning, Princess," he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

     Arlyn had hoped to play some little trick on Krisdevon when he woke up and was irked at being deprived of this bit of fun. "You shouldn't call me that. What if someone heard you?"

     "No one'll hear. I've been waiting years to address you as 'Princess,' and I didn't want to let the chance go by. How are you?"

     "I'm fine, Krisdevon, really fine. The world around me is full of things I don't understand, but I don't let it get in the way of my being happy, and that's what it's all about, isn't it? How're you?"

     "I'm doing well," said Krisdevon getting up carefully so as not to disturb his lover.

     Arlyn was very curious about Krisdevon's friend but was hesitant to ask any direct questions for fear of appearing tactless, so she simply straightened up and walked toward Krisdevon. They threw their arms around each other and hugged very tightly. At first Arlyn wanted to talk though she did not have the faintest idea of what she wished to say, but then she felt both her mind and body engulfed by a flow of energy which made her tingle all over. Her skin turned to goose flesh, and she trembled with joy. She almost fainted when she heard Krisdevon whisper, "I've missed you, Arlyn."

     Time and distance had made her forget how intensely she loved Krisdevon, but now it was inescapably clear. Her response came from her lips without her even consciously speaking, "I've missed you, too, Krisdevon, terribly much.

     Dimly through the haze of unexpected joy she reflected, "This is incredible. I didn't realize how much I'd missed him till I saw him. There were whole decadays when he didn't so much as cross my mind, yet now that I'm with him, I know what a loss his absence has been."

     The room was cold, and they lingered in their embrace both as a greeting and for warmth. Neither was willing to let go, and they eventually began kissing the slow, gentle, probing kisses they both preferred. Perhaps if they had been clothed, they might have sat down to talk, but they were naked and as much in love as they ever had been, and inevitably their bodies made the usual, pleasant demands.

     Krisdevon was afraid Arlyn might think him overly carnal if he offered to make love with her this soon, so he moved apart from her and half playfully, half seriously said, "Arlyn, if we cling to each other like this much longer, I'm going to want to make love."

     "That's all right," replied Arlyn pulling him back against herself, "I already do."

     They laughed but both had been fearful the other might not recognize the importance of reaffirming their union on a physical level, which for them symbolized a multitude of emotions and concords, so they became one as quickly as they could lay down upon the mat on which Arlyn had slept.

     Neither Arlyn nor Krisdevon was immediately concerned with having an orgasm. All they wanted was to hug and rub their bodies together. More than six years of separation made them both seek to reassure themselves the rapidly occurring events of the morning were not an illusion. They grinned at each other for long periods and laughed before going back to clutching tightly and running their hands over the others body. Being more interested in enjoying and absorbing what was happening rather than analyzing it, they did not think much verbally, but the little they did was as follows:

She thought:

< I can't say he's the only lover I'll ever want but I do know one thing. He's the only one who makes me feel like this. I hope it works out this time. I wonder how his other lover will effect us. Maybe I'll go away with him when he leaves... I shouldn't think so fast. If I do, my fantasies'll get to be a tail wagging the dog. but? but? It's so beautiful to be with him again.

He thought:

She seems older and more mature. I hope that's a sign she's ready to relate to me as an equal, because if she is, she'll probably come with me to the forest. Unless I miss my guess, we won't run into the monogamy hassle again. I hope I get along with Relita? No matter what happens this moment is one of those exquisite things which transcend everyday life. The whole of it is emotional and physical ecstasy. She's more experienced, too. She has learned how to move better.

     After about an hour Krisdevon raised himself up onto his knees and began fondling Arlyn's clitoris with his thumb. She closed her eyes and smiled her way through several quiet, peaceful climaxes. When she was satiated, she opened her eyes and pulled Krisdevon back down to her.

     They embraced a while longer until a laughing voice came from the other side of the room, "Krisdevon, where are you?... Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you had company."

     Krisdevon looked up and said, "Oh, come over here and let me introduce you."

     Arlyn had more or less concluded Krisdevon's friend was a woman, but when his lover stood up, he uncovered an unexpected penis. At any other time Arlyn might have been at least a little surprised, but at this point her capacity for amazement was exhausted, so she shrugged and thought, "When the world doesn't threaten me, I suppose all I should do is accept the inevitable and do the best I can."

     Krisdevon said, "Arlyn, this is Travengard, Travengard, Arlyn," and she raised her hand to shake the one proffered by the obviously amused astrologer. "What's so funny, Travengard? Haven't you ever seen people making love before," continued Krisdevon in a bantering tone.

     "Yes, of course I have," replied Travengard, "but I can't recall another occasion when I was formally introduced to someone who was in the midst of the act."

     "He's right, Krisdevon," chimed in Arlyn laughing. "It is rather odd."

     "Krisdevon always tries to maintain his poise," said Travengard. "He's like a cat thrown up toward the roof. It lands paws up on the ceiling. Then it flips over and lands paws down on the floor. No matter what happens to him, he's ready to react without hesitating or batting an eyelash."

     "I don't know if I can handle everything that way, but it is the mark of a warrior and a worthwhile attainment," said Krisdevon. "Travengard and I have had a number of long, philosophical discussions about it, but this isn't the time for another one."

     "What do you want me to do? You called me over," said Travengard continuing to test Krisdevon.

     "Be nice to him, Krisdevon," said Arlyn. "You ought to show proper respect for your professors."

     "Now don't you get into the act," Krisdevon said to Arlyn.

     "Are you talking to me, Krisdevon?" said Travengard fully aware he was not being addressed. "How could I get into the act with you on top of her like that?"

     "The way you usually do. I should've known you'd try some way of getting into this. I can't just invite you to join us. There're two people involved, and I don't know if Arlyn cares for that sort of thing," said Krisdevon hinting he was not eager to include his friend at a point so near his own orgasm.

     "Don't speak for me. I don't belong to you," said Arlyn also poking fun. She was not sure what she was getting into, but she was fascinated by the strangeness of what was taking place.           "I know you don't," replied Krisdevon surrendering to the inevitable. "Roll over," he said putting is arms around her and turning so she was on top.

     "Why did you do that?" asked Arlyn.

     "Because that's his way of getting into the act."

     "I still don't understand."

     "You will in a second. Remember, this was your idea."

     "Now, now, Krisdevon," said Travengard who had gone to get some salad oil, "you like it well enough."

     "Like what?" asked Arlyn.

     "How do they say it in Mandistria?" asked Travengard feigning squeamishness.

     "Say what?" asked Arlyn becoming more insistent because she was unsure whether or not this was going to be more than she had bargained for.

     "Well, er... Since Krisdevon is where he is, and I assume he is unwilling to relinquish that spot, I only can see one way of joining you, by employing some other... er orifice," said Travengard returning with his penis erect.

     "Will someone please be so kind as to explain this to me. If I'm going to be in the middle of this, I want to know what it's all about."

     "That's just it," said Krisdevon. "You're going to be in the middle of it."

     "The middle of what?" persisted Arlyn.

     "To be as explicit as I can, he intends to ass fuck you. Does that make it clear?"

     "I...ah... guess so," said Arlyn feeling oil being rubbed between her buttocks.

     "Relax," said Travengard softly.

     "I'm trying," said Arlyn. "I've never done this before. I thought you wanted me to take you in my mouth."

     Arlyn found Travengard's initial penetration a bit painful, but once he was within her, she found it pleasant to have men both in back and in front. "This is the weirdest thing I've ever done," she thought. "It's kind of nice for variety, but I wouldn't like to do it often."

     Eventually the eeriness of having four hands caressing her gave way to a happy experience of being the center of attention. From the gentle stroking she received from Travengard, Arlyn perceived that however playful he might be about sex he was unlikely to do anything to deliberately harm her, so as she felt more trust in him, she became less tense and awkward. All three developed a workable rhythm, and to her surprise Arlyn even had a climax which if it was not one of her most ecstatic was better than none at all.

     Being skewered as she was, at last Arlyn sensed that if the act went on much longer, it would begin to hurt her, so she whispered, "Let's all come, now," and as if they had been waiting for just such a cue, both men hugged her tightly, pushed themselves as deeply within her as they could, and ejaculated. Soon they lay side by side by side with Arlyn in the middle. They all fondled each other and kissed peacefully as they rested.

     Arlyn still possessed an urge to play some small trick on Krisdevon and Travengard, so after they had been quiet for a while, she asked, "Travengard, how do you get in and out of the occult room in the Library?"

     If she had poured a bucket of ice water on him, Arlyn could not have done more to shock Travengard out of the post-coital ease he was relishing. He was risking his life by entering the Palace, and he had taken numerous precautions against the possibility of being trapped. He was not overconfident, but he prided himself on having outwitted the Palace guard, so his usually calm exterior gave way to wide-eyed amazement and a touch of fear.

     "How do you know about that?" he stammered.

     "Relax. No one knows but me," she said. "I use the room about once a decaday, but nobody else has in at least six years."

     "But even if you go in and out of the place, how did you know about me? I've got a flawless memory, and I put every book back in the right position before I leave.."

     "That shows how successful my system is. You never suspected it. Want to guess what it is?"

     "This is no time for games," interjected Krisdevon. "We could get executed for this."

     "I'm sorry. I shouldn't've made light of it. I know how you feel. I was terribly scared when I discovered someone had been in there, especially when the door hadn't been opened. I had visions of one of your Magicians passing through the walls.

     "I attached tiny pieces of hair about half a centimeter long to the bindings so it would be difficult to take down a book without disturbing them."

     "You must've done it well. I never noticed them, but how did you know it was me? Did you recognize me before we made love?"

     "I knew I'd seen you, but I didn't figure out you were Travengard though I should've when I saw you sleeping with Krisdevon. I hid outside the room for days waiting to see who was using the arcane books. No one went in or out, so I tried staying up all night. I watched you through the keyhole."

     "But I plug it up every night before I light my candles."

     "I picked through with my knife."

     "I'm glad it was you and not somebody else. I'd've been done for. Do you have any suggestions about precautions I could take?"

     "No, not really. You're quite thorough, and I don't think anybody in the Palace even has an inkling about us, but tell me, how do you get in and out?"

     "I'm sworn to secrecy," said Travengard almost apologetically.

     "Look, I know the entrance is along the wall to the left when your back is to the door. I told you what I know to help you, and I could show you lots more about the Palace, but not as a one way thing. We're in this together whether you like it or not, and we ought to support each other. Anyway, we're obviously going to become close friends unless you prevent it, so why not answer my question?"

     "You're right. You'd solve the puzzle sooner or later because you have access to the room. We're not supposed to tell others to protect ourselves, but you're helpful, not dangerous. The third plank from the top of the middle row is the key. You push it up on the right and down on the left. Then you pull the right side toward you, and the door opens, but as it is now, it won't work. I wedge it shut from the other side every night. Beyond the doorway there's a corridor and then an interior fissure down to the base of the mesa. There's a ladder cut into the stone, but it's very perilous. One false step and it's a long fall. At the bottom there's another stone door which opens into one of the main sewers. I usually enter the sewers by a personhole in the basement of an apartment building about a hundred meters from the foot of the mesa. Does that satisfy you?"

     "Yes, but how do you know about it?

     "The Circle of Astrologers has used it since the Persecutions. The Master of the Circle at that time knew about the chimney. He saw what was coming and carved the steps himself. He worked it out so that no one knew but him. Since then the most advanced pupils of the Master are shown how to get in and out so they can used the books. I was told the secret a few years ago, but this is my first chance to visit the Library. It certainly is extensive. The Master told me hardly anybody in the Palace knows about the books, and those who do think they're worthless, so no one goes near them. How do you know about them?"

     "I went snooping after Krisdevon told me about astrology."

     "How is it that you understand what's in them?"

     "I don't know a lot of what it means, but I worked out most of it myself. I assumed Krisdevon would explain the rest when he came back"

     Travengard picked up a piece of paper and drew the following symbols:

     "Sun/space/Dog's Face over Jaws/space/Arrow pointed upward over crescent moon facing right over Spider/space/crescent moon facing left over Spider."

     "Translation?" he asked.

     "Sun on the cusp between the Shark and the Dog, both Moons in the Spider, precedence to Edos," answered Arlyn.

     "You do know something about astrology. The sign for precedence isn't taught until intermediate status. What would you say about someone born under this conjunction?"

     "Shrewd, dogmatic, patient, given to scheming... None of them alone would be bad, but on one chart it might hint toward cruelty. Just for fun where would you put this hypothetical person's fifth planet?"

     "He isn't hypothetical. Fifth planet in the Flower," answered Travengard.

     "How do they describe that? 'The Spider Moon weaves its web about Our Lady of the Flower.' I wouldn't want to meet him. This must be a genuine sadist."

     "Now you know why Eantis was so worried," said Krisdevon. "Don't you know who Travengard is charting?"

     "No."

     "Unfortunately you have no choice about meeting him," said Travengard. "It's your bother, Crotus."

     "It fits perfectly, but it's not the sort of information I'd have. All I do is study old charts and interpretations. I've never done original horoscopes, not even my own, because I have no way of knowing anyones exact moment of birth." Arlyn went on to tell about her experience with Crotus in the garden and later explained her situation in the Palace so Krisdevon and Travengard could understand why there was no workable expedient for placing her on the throne.

     When she was finished, Krisdevon stroked her knee, and said, "I didn't know it was this bad. We both live in the forest because city life tends to involve all kinds of unpleasantness. I'll admit this is a little extreme to describe as mere city unpleasantness, but we wouldn't think it was wrong of you to flee for your life. It's a hopeless condition, so you have a right to preserve your own well-being. If matters were different and there was an opportunity for you to prevent this disaster, you might be obligated morally to remain and work for the good of the city, but it's just not that way. It'd be suicide, and that's stupidity.

     "We've enough wares to last until the middle of spring. You ought think about coming away with us when we leave. The tribe'd accept you, and nobody'd know who you are but us."

     "He's right," added Travengard. "There's a limit to how long you can play your idiot role, especially after your brother gets the crown. Idiot or not he'll see you as a symbol rebels could exploit as a potential figurehead, so you'll be purged."

     "But my father's perfectly healthy. He'll probably live quite a while."

     "Don't count on it," said Travengard. "Astrology can't predict when people are going to die, but it can foresee hard times in their lives, and they almost always die in one or another of these malignant periods. If your father lives that long, he has at least two low points in the next five years.

     "Your brother is very ambitious, young, and restless. You saw his chart. I think it's likely he'll murder your father and sooner rather than later. If you're not prepared to stay and fight, you should realize how foolish it is to wait around for the eagle with diarrhea to fly overhead."

     "That's a very graphic way of putting it," said Arlyn glumly even though normally she would have laughed at something silly like Travengard's remark.

     "It's a forest proverb," said Krisdevon. "Woodland people're inclined to be a little more earthy than city ones."

     "Your advice is good, and I'm glad to know you want to help me. I've been considering that alternative for years, but any solution I choose has to include Relita. We're very close, and I couldn't simply run off without her."

     "I'm sure the Tossori would take her in, too. Does she know your true identity?" asked Travengard.

     "No, but I've hinted to her about wanting to flee from Mandistria with her, and she seems willing to accept the idea. I'd really like you to meet her."

     "I'm looking forward to it," said Krisdevon.

     After a pause when they all were silent, Krisdevon said, "It's a beautiful day. Let's go for a walk."

     They got up, dressed, and went downstairs. In front of the building Travengard picked a small, pink rose and stuck it through a hole in his left earlobe.

     "That's interesting," said Arlyn.

     "My ear?" asked Travengard.

     "Yes," said Arlyn, "I've never seen anything like that before."

     "It was my own idea," Travengard said. "This is my favorite flower, and I love the smell, so I thought it might be nice to wear one this way. I planted the rose bushes in front of the building the last time I was here."

     "When was that?"

     "About seven years ago."

     "How old are you?"

     "Twenty-three."

     "You sure don't look it."

     "So I'm told. Krisdevon says you make inlaid boxes..."

     The three spent the afternoon strolling about the city wandering from plaza to plaza. Mostly they discussed various crafts, and though they did not talk about serious topics, just being together and chatting casually served to make them better acquainted.

     When evening came, Arlyn returned to the mesa. Her mind already was made up to leave Mandistria with her friends, but she wanted to give the necessary consideration to the details of her departure. Five years ago she had arranged emergency plans for flight on short notice with only essential supplies, but Krisdevon and Travengard had come with two large pack antelopes which would be nearly empty once they had sold their wares, so she would be able to bring with her more than just what she could carry on her back. At first she thought she might have a problem deciding which extras to add to her baggage, but it was not long before she realized she did not have much property to which she genuinely was attached. The luxuries of the Palace never really had touched her, so she had no desire to be weighed down with the toys of wealth; the gold dining utensils, jade cosmetic bottles, silver jewelry, and a thousand and one other baubles on which royalty usually wastes its contemplation.

     Several books, a few of her tools, and a mandolin were the only additions she was interested in besides three of her best boxes, one of which bore a remarkable likeness of Krisdevon and was to be a gift for him (She had given one with Relita's face on it to her on her last birthday.). There were other items like her diploma which might be important if she ever came back to Mandistria but which would be dangerous to have with her because they might give away her identity, so she planned to bury a cache of objects of this sort along with most of the gold she had saved from her profits as an artisan. She eventually did this near the stone door at the base of the mesa.

Chapter III

     Arlyn was unsure how to go about informing Relita of what had happened, but after giving thought to several "scripts" she might use, she concluded the best way would be simply to come out with the necessary facts presented concisely because Relita herself was an open and direct person. Accordingly when she next left the mesa, Arlyn first went to Krisdevon's house to arrange a small dinner gathering for the four of them and then to Relita's to tell her the news.

     After a few moments of small talk about where Relita had hiked since Arlyn had returned to the city, Arlyn somewhat nervously asked, "Do you remember I once asked you if you'd be willing to leave Mandistria with me?" Relita nodded, and Arlyn continued, "A number of things have fallen together so that now is the time. I want to go in four or five decadays. Will you come along?"

     "Why so soon," asked Relita caught unawares because she never had expected to be faced with such a decision.

     Arlyn immediately sensed Relita's reluctance and was naturally fearful of disrupting her relationship with her lover, so she spoke as convincingly as she could. "Two or three factors involve my family, but what really made up my mind is that we've got an opportunity which'll probably never come again. Krisdevon is in Mandistria with another man from his tribe. They'll be here till they sell their wares. Then they're going to travel for a while and eventually head back to their home in the forests. I asked them, and they said the tribe'd be glad to accept us if we wanted to join them. Even if it didn't work out, we still could stay as long as we liked, and it'd be a big advantage to be with people who know their way around."

     "Is that why you wanted to go back to Mandistria in the middle of our hike? You knew he was here?" asked Relita rather hesitantly because she was unsure of all the implications of her question.

     "No," answered Arlyn, "but it's connected in a strange way. The storm we had began when I was near their apartment, so I went there to get out of the rain, and I met them. I had no idea they'd be there. If I did, I would've told you right away."

     "That must've been a pleasant surprise," said Relita relieved her suspicions were unfounded. She had no objections to Arlyn's being free, only to her being dishonest, and she would have seen it as untruthful of Arlyn if she had left her alone in the middle of their outing to see Krisdevon without saying that was her intention.

     "It was a happy turn of events," said Arlyn sensing a release of tension and then returning to her original subject, "and they want us to come away with them."

     "It sounds nice, but they're men, and I don't get along that well with most men."

     "I understand," said Arlyn, "but most men in the forests're a lot different than the ones in the city. Their whole society is based on equality for everybody, even children. The way they see it everybody who's able to comprehend the principles of their society is considered in the same peer group. They value the variations among specific people and deal with individuals as the separate, distinct entities they are, but no one's worth more than anyone else. Person to person and member to tribe relationships follow the same precepts. Krisdevon described it for me the last time he was here. There're lots of instances of pairs of good friends whose ages're thirty years apart, and plenty of village councils have twelve year olds on them. It functions well because they raise their children to think for themselves at an early age. They can do anything an adult can do as long as they take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. He told me you can hold intelligent conversations on most topics with their eight year olds if you don't talk down to them. Besides, they're mostly bisexual. Krisdevon and Travengard've been lovers for years."

     "I must admit it sounds ideal," said Relita, "and I've always wanted to get away from here, but it's scary to let go of everything you've built your life on. How do I know they'll like me?"

     "I can't say for sure, but I know you, and I think I know Krisdevon, so I'm inclined to feel my intuition's right when I say you'll get on well with them. We'll find out soon enough. They've invited us for dinner tonight."

     "All right," said Relita, "if they're as nice as you say they are, I'll have a good notion of what my decision'll be after tonight."

     "That's fair enough," said Arlyn. "Now I ought to get some work done. When I'm finished, I'll come by here for you." Relita nodded, and the two women kissed goodbye.

     Relita spent most of the afternoon weighing all the factors she could think of, and once the suddenness of Arlyn's offer began to wear off, she became more and more intrigued by the merits of a change of scene. Life had forced her to be self-sufficient, and she had confidence in her ability to handle practically any situation which might arise, so what she saw as the potential losses involved in leaving Mandistria; things like what she expected to be the lower cultural level of forest life, and the inconvenience of a more rugged existence, were overbalanced by the desire to get out of the rut which she recently had started to view herself as having been in for almost as long as she could remember.

     The fear of Arlyn leaving her if she would not accompany them crossed her mind more than once, but though it did influence her, she fought hard against allowing it to be the major reason for her decision. Their relationship was very important in her eyes, but she realized she soon would grow resentful if she went on this journey with Arlyn only because she was afraid of losing her. Nevertheless by the time Arlyn called for her, Relita already had thought, "Arlyn's right. Life here isn't bad, but this probably is the best chance I'll ever get to take a look at what the rest of the continent is like. If I try, I should be able to get along with Krisdevon and Travengard. Unless they're really unbearable, I'll go with them."

     She was satisfied she had managed sufficient detachment for her choice to have been intelligently grounded in her own best interests, and she finally went back to her sewing with the thought, "I can't see how it would do Arlyn any good for me to do something I don't want to, but this appears to be a good idea. The more I think about it, the more I like it."

     Arlyn arrived at Relita's room filled with nervous energy and quickly infected Relita with her uneasiness. Without speaking they walked swiftly to where Krisdevon and Travengard were staying. After Arlyn had performed the appropriate introductions, they sat down and tried to make conversation. They discussed the weather thoroughly, and each took a turn remarking how bad the recent storm had been, but they all were uncomfortable. In one way or another there was pressure on all of them to develop a deep friendship with a total stranger, not because they found that person likable but because someone close to them would be made happier if they did.

     After the sun had been down a while, Krisdevon asked if they were hungry. They all replied they were, so he started a fire in the stove to boil water for steaming vegetables. He got a pile of cleaned, fresh vegetable; carrots, parsley, peas, string beans, zucchini, mushrooms, and onions, from the food cabinet and sat down to chop them.

     Relita, who hated to cook because she resented how women generally were relegated to the kitchen, observed with satisfaction as Krisdevon prepared dinner. She had been afraid she and Arlyn would be expected to do the cooking as was city custom even when men hosted women. Seeing she was wrong, she relaxed and chuckling to herself thought, "I guess a man who can cook can't be all bad."           Arlyn perceived this change in Relita's mood and gradually felt the tension in the muscles of her neck flow out of her body. Travengard produced a jug of wine he had bought for the occasion, and they sipped from ceramic mugs as Krisdevon began adding vegetables to the tray above the slowly boiling water. He spooned in a jar of thick, garlicky tomato paste and poured in a pot of soybeans which he had simmered for much of the early afternoon. As the brew thickened, he mixed in pinches of oregano and an assortment of other spices.

     Fine clouds of cooking aroma pervaded the room whetting their appetites. The conversation was still casual but had become much more friendly. Now the topic was food. They talked about their favorite dishes and styles of cooking, but kept stopping in mid-sentence to ask, "When's it going to be ready, Krisdevon?" and several times he replied, "Soon, soon. You can't rush this sort of thing."

     At one point Travengard, in keeping with long standing habit, estimated Relita's natal chart in hopes of discovering some insight into what she was like and how he might make her more comfortable in their company. "Definitely Dog sign with strong Dolphin influence," he thought. "Best to be candid."

     Krisdevon periodically tasted spoonfuls from the kettle, and when he was pleased with the texture of its contents, the vegetables softened but still somewhat firm and not mushy, the soybeans chewy but not crunchy, he took some sesame seeds and tossed them into the stew. For the last ingredient he diced a cup of cheese which they were to melt into the dish after it was served.

     "Done," said Krisdevon, and he proceeded to ladle out large bowlfuls of the stew. All being sensual people, they chewed slowly and focused their attentions on savoring the wide variety of both strong and subtle tastes and both firm and soft textures which abounded in Krisdevon's concoction. Since the enjoyment of good food sometimes is augmented by not having to be continually conscious of the presence of others, they ate in quiet privacy interrupted only by occasional praise of Krisdevon's capacities as a chef.

     "This is really fine, Krisdevon. I can't remember when I've had anything better," said Relita rolling a garlic impregnated piece of carrot around in her mouth.

     "No doubt about it, he's one of the best cooks I know," said Travengard concentrating on a few soybeans and some string beans under the influence of a bit of oregano.

     "Better than any in the Emperor's household," whispered Arlyn to Krisdevon with a grin as she singled out the chewy texture of the cheese enveloping the vegetable chunks.

     "I'm glad you like it," said Krisdevon quite happily because he greatly loved giving pleasure to others. He himself tended not to taste now zucchini, now tomatoes, but rather to fix his thoughts on appreciating the mixture as a whole.

     They all consumed large portions washed down with liberal drafts of wine and became more and more at ease with the feeling of being part of a group. When they finally finished eating, they were all thoroughly satiated and sleepy. For a long time no one spoke as they sat engrossed in themselves and the fullness of their stomachs. None of them engaged in profound introspection, but neither did any of them feel like talking casually because this would have imposed on the temporary separateness each of them was relishing before beginning what was sure to be a very serious discussion.

     At last Relita said, "Arlyn's been telling me about how you live in the forest. A lot of it sounds good, but one thing which disturbs me is the emphasis you put on giving responsibility to children. Isn't it dangerous leaving them in charge of important things?"

     "One thing which confuses me about the various groups of people city culture tends to view negatively is each of them believes the society's propaganda about the others," said Travengard. "You're a lesbian, and you know the stereotypes they attach to you are false. You're not all oversexed, lazy, hostile to men, or anything else they say you are, yet you're willing to accept their nonsense about others. I'll bet you thing the Ae-Dey're barbarians because they run around naked all the time."

     "Aren't they? Anyway, what does that have to do with techniques of child-raising?" asked Relita.

     "For one thing outsiders who've lived among them for any great length of time consider the Ae-Dey the most enlightened people on the continent, and that has everything to do with how you raise children. What you were saying in effect is that short people're incompetent unless they're under supervision by tall people, but as far as they're concerned, and we, too, for that matter, height is probably the biggest difference between them and us. If it didn't work, we couldn't do it this way, but it does. If your children're free, they learn at an early age they have to accept the consequences for their actions like everybody else."

     "Doesn't it take away their spontaneity and rob them of their childhood?" asked Relita.

     "No," said Krisdevon, "unless you think it robs ten year olds of their childhood because they can commit themselves to a morning's labor weeding a garden or baking bread and then go do it, alone and properly. They play the way children do everywhere. What's altered is not that they're not child-like, only not childish. I might add that adults in the forest don't lose this playful, child-like creativity when they grow up the way they do in the city. I like to be a little silly at times, so why shouldn't I be? When it counts, I'm serious."

     "To tell the truth," said Relita, "I've never thought of children quite that way. I've only seen city children, and I know they're undependable a lot of the time. Maybe if they were treated the way you say, it'd be otherwise, but I'd have to see it to believe it."

     "The reason they're unreliable," said Travengard, "is you think they are, and they naturally seek to fulfill adult expectations of themselves. In the city they rarely suffer beyond a thrashing for a mistake. A Tossori child who loses their goat wouldn't be spanked but might go without milk until they earns enough to trade for another one. When people associate things with labor they did to acquire them, the chances're better they'll care for them correctly. As for seeing to believe, we'd be glad if you'd go back with us. First we're going to the Southern Peninsula to visit the Ae-Dey. Then we're going to return to our part of the forest."

     Relita was caught a little off guard by the shift in topic but actually was rather thankful Travengard was sufficiently sensitive to perceive she wanted time to ponder these new ideas. She was aware that if they had pursued the subject further she would have looked bad defending prejudices which were not well thought out because she never had seen children in that light before; as another group the city looked down on as lazy, incapable, useless people who eventually might be beaten into productivity. As a member of an outcast faction herself, she began to feel guilty about her condescending attitude toward children, so she resolved to work at increasing her understanding of them and discovering if, with alterations in upbringing, they, at least older ones, were virtually equal to adults.

     "I've given a lot of thought to going with you," she said, "and I've decided I will. Arlyn says you're good people, and I trust her judgment."

     Arlyn had sat quietly throughout this exchange watching how her friends interacted. She was elated by Relita's enthusiasm, but she had one more item to clear up, so she asked Relita, "Do you remember I once warned you I might be in danger and it would be hazardous for you to help me?"

     "Yes," replied Relita hesitantly, unsure what new barrier now might be thrown in her way.

     "Before I tell you what that peril involves," said Arlyn, "I have to know you'll stand by me because merely describing it to you puts me in a very exposed position."

     "It's a little unfair to ask someone to promise loyalty to you through some danger they knows nothing about..." said Relita suddenly conscious the room was very still except for her and Arlyn and seeing from Krisdevon's eyes that an extremely grave matter was at hand, "but you know I love you," she continued, "and I'll do whatever I can to help you. Do Travengard and Krisdevon know about it?"

     "Yes," replied Arlyn, and the two men nodded.

     "Well, I doubt they're any braver than I am, so if they can take it, so can I," said Relita.

     "To make a long story short," said Arlyn, "I'm the legitimate heir to the Mandistrian throne. My father didn't want to be succeeded by a woman, so he had me declared an idiot when I was a baby. I survive in the Palace by acting out this role, but sooner or later my brother, Crotus, is going to find out I'm his older sister and quite competent to rule. Then he'll have me killed, so the only thing for me to do is flee, and now's the best chance I'm likely to get."

     "Is this some kind of joke... No, I can see it isn't," said Relita glancing around the room at the faces of her companions. She withdrew into herself for a long time so this revelation could sink into her mind and be assimilated as part of her image of Arlyn. She was not even vaguely tempted to abandon the commitment she just had made, but she was awed by the gravity of the situation in which she had included herself.

     Being unable to read her thoughts, the others became anxious, but at last Relita said, "I suppose it'll take me a while to get accustomed to this little bit of information, but you don't have to worry about me changing my decision. When you're ready, you'll give me whatever details you think I ought to have, but let me say one thing. Arlyn, you know I don't like surprises, so if you have any more shocks for me, tell me now so I can get it all over with at once."

     Arlyn reflected for a while on how to broach a new and perhaps even more difficult subject and then said, "There is one more thing about us which would be dangerous in Mandistria. Travengard and Krisdevon are both astrologers and seekers of occult knowledge, and I am, too. There's a fairly large library of arcane books in the Palace, and I've studied it extensively. Some of this material is trash, but by and large most of it tends to have its origins in fact. The Imperial Government suppressed the mystics about 180 years ago because they were seen as a threat to the government. Actually they weren't but now scientists have done a very successful job of ridiculing astrologers to the point where hardly anyone is even curious about them, and since most people accept the lies the scientists spread, they agree it's right to outlaw astrologers."

     Relita shook her head from side to side and said as much to herself as the others, "I've known Arlyn for more than four years, or at least I thought I did. Now I find out I didn't know her at all." She felt overwhelmed and threatened by the avalanche of unexpected facts. As is the case with successful, long-term relationships, Arlyn had grown to be a rock for Relita to rely on, a bastion of stability in a predominantly insecure world, but at that instant their intimacy showed signs of having been an illusion. She had been aware that there was much about Arlyn she did not know, but she had assumed this material would fall within certain limits. With the discovery that these boundaries were totally incorrect their closeness appeared to her to have been destroyed if it ever actually had existed.

     Arlyn perceived the turmoil within her friend and realized the importance of restoring Relita's faith in her to prevent Relita's mind from taking the logical next step, concluding she deliberately had been used and maliciously deceived. The pressure of the moment caused Arlyn to give words to an idea upon which she had been reflecting for more than a season. She was not certain it would work, but she had to say something, and this was the only thing she could think of, so relying on her intuition, she began, "I'm not sure how to say this because it's a new thought for me, too, but it appears to me that inside every human being is a kind of essence which makes that person whatever they is. If we have souls, then this's what the soul is, but even if we don't, this things is still within us and merely ceases to exist when we die. One way or another it's there. Mine is what I am, and yours is what you are. This thing is effected by what goes on around you, but it goes a lot farther than being a collection of recorded influences. It includes your body and what it does, but it transcends physical existence, too. In most relationships all that comes in contact is peoples' surfaces, but when individuals're really close, it's these essences which interact."

     Arlyn could tell from Relita's expression Relita was unsure of her meaning though if they had glanced around, they would have seen Krisdevon and Travengard nodding to each other, obviously impressed. "I'll try to explain it differently," continued Arlyn somewhat frustrated by what she saw as her inability to express herself. "There's a kind of energy within us which is the center of our being, and this is covered, disguised even, by the outside things like arms, legs, mouths, and what they do, whether it's run down the street, make inlaid boxes, believe in astrology, or conceal selected facts out of fear. These actions're generally insignificant in ordinary exchanges between people because they're usually all that's taking place even though they're only distant reflections of the inner essences, but when two people come as close together as we have, what counts is the joining of these central energies which flow together like two tributaries forming a single river. The only way this kind of union can be disrupted is for one to do something to the other with deliberate malignity, and my secrets weren't kept with any motive even remotely resembling that. I hope you believe me."

     Relita again sat silently, a faraway look on her face. She had listened to what Arlyn had said and understood it because it was not drastically different from ideas she herself had been contemplating of late. For her this was yet another confirmation of her closeness with Arlyn. It seemed they continually grew in parallel directions, independently developed similar concepts of life at roughly the same time, but now she was not concerned with matters of this sort. She had been startled out of a comfortable complacency, and it was requiring all her considerable resilience to overcome the shock. She sat in a daze not thinking much, but at last she began to see her situation as only the destruction of a large quantity of assumptions about Arlyn, none of which were genuinely essential to their love. Though she had not fully recovered from her surprise, she became aware that in time she would. How she would relate to Arlyn the astrologer, she did not know, but she was sure she could manage somehow because both she and Arlyn wanted to, so with a tone at once bemused and hopeful she said, "I'm afraid to say this again, but what you've told me doesn't alter my intention of going with you. Do you have anything else which you've been saving to tell me?"

     "No," said Arlyn who had waited very uneasily for Relita's reply.

     Relita took a very deep breath and sighed with relief that the worst of her ordeal was over and that she would not be called upon to absorb anything more.

     Arlyn waited patiently for Relita to recover a bit and ask questions, and finally Relita said the almost inevitable, "If you really think astrology works, I would like some kind of proof."           Arlyn turned to Travengard with an almost challenging look on her face. "What am I supposed to do," he asked somewhat startled to find Arlyn staring at him, "demonstrate the validity of my science with a wave of a chart?" Then he chuckled the wry, friendly laugh which was one of his most distinguishing characteristics.

     "That's not what I intended," said Arlyn, "but Krisdevon once told me you could tell the date someone was born after talking with them for a while. If you could do that for Relita, it would show something."

     "What kind of tales have you been spreading about me?" asked Travengard grinning at his pupil.           "I never said anything that extreme," replied Krisdevon. "All I ever told Arlyn was you could give a few approximate possibilities, and one of those was right a lot more often than not."

     "That's more like the truth," said Travengard to Arlyn.

     "So give me some approximate possibilities," said Relita sufficiently herself again to think quickly.

     "Roughly one decaday after midsummer twenty-six years ago seems most likely," said Travengard.

     "Did you tell him my birthday?" said Relita to Arlyn who, if anything, was more amazed than Relita at the precision of Travengard's estimate, but seeing the awe on Arlyn's face, she said, "I guess you didn't."

     "Right the first time?" asked Travengard, and when Relita nodded, he continued, "I have to be honest with you. My initial try is right only about half of the time. I don't want anyone getting the idea I have some infallible powers."

     "Just how does astrology work?" asked Relita by now rather intrigued.

     "Well..." said Travengard, and there ensued a lengthy discussion of the basics of astronomy and astrology. Relita asked numerous questions, and though she was not convinced by what she heard, a lot of her misconceptions were cleared up, and her mind became much more open to the subject.

     It proved to be a long evening, and it was halfway between midnight and dawn when Krisdevon and Arlyn, who both had listened much more than they had spoken, wandered off to a corner and began making love. At that point there was a pause in the conversation between Relita and Travengard. Then Travengard held out his hand to Relita who looked back at him with confusion.

     "What?" she asked.

     "Would you like to make love?" he asked.

     "I don't generally do it with men," said Relita becoming uneasy the usual urban, masculine pressure to have sex was about to be applied to her.

     "I don't generally do it with women," he replied, "but I like you so I thought I'd ask."

     "I don't know what to say," said Relita uncertain of what one part of her suspiciously saw as a novel approach for seduction but another part of her viewed as signs of an incredible openness and straightforwardness which she found admirable.

     "You ought to say and do whatever you think is best for you. If you think it'll make you happier or do something else which you think is good for you, then you ought to do it, but if you think it would be a negative act, then you shouldn't."

     Having been exposed to a plethora of manipulative men, Relita was almost totally unprepared to deal with one who was only being truthful, not so much trying to get something from her as to share something with her. She said, "Under the circumstances it's difficult to figure out what my best interest are." She was conflicted between the realization that in all likelihood she eventually would sleep with Travengard and the awareness that it might take her a long time to overcome her distaste for men which was based on specific stereotyped qualities she attributed to all men because they were parts of the personalities of almost all the men she knew.

     Relita expected Travengard to exploit her indecision, but instead he said, "When in doubt, don't. If it's supposed to happen, it will, and there won't be anything uncertain about it. Otherwise it's well we don't now or another time. We're going to be together a long while, and there's no point in starting out with the resentment bad sex brings." He took her hand in his own and pressed it firmly. "Have a good night's sleep," he said.

     They undressed on opposite sides of the room and lay down on separate mats. As she was trying to fall asleep, Relita began to understand Travengard was far more interested in her as a friend than a lover, more concerned with her well-being than with relieving an erection, and as she saw this, she wanted very much to be his lover. She was tempted to walk across the room and tell him this, but an unaccustomed shyness prevented her. She never had offered herself to a man, not even one she knew would accept her, and she was unable to move. She did not notice how much time passed while she wondered what she might say if she could manage to allay the fears restraining her, but at least she became angry with herself for failing to act in the manner she judged to be right. She took a deep breath, got up, and strode across the room. Confidently she went over to Travengard expecting to find him still awake, but he was sound asleep. Then she saw the sun was rising and realized it had taken her quite a while to reach a decision, but once her choice was made, Relita was not likely to be deterred by lesser considerations, so she lifted Travengard's blankets, lay down next to him, and kissed him gently until he awoke.

     "What?" he asked drowsily.

     "I changed my mind," she answered simply.

     "About what?" he asked inclined to believe she was referring to astrology.

     "About making love with you," she said.

     "Oh... well... why not," he said caught off guard as she snuggled close to him. They made love quietly both striving their best to do those things they knew were enjoyed by the opposite sex, and they did quite well for people with a minimum of recent experience with heterosexual union.

     "That was very nice," said Relita after they had rested. "Most men aren't nearly as sensitive to a woman's needs."

     "Thank you," replied Travengard, "You were very good, too. I'd forgotten how fine it can be this way. Actually if you want to do it with a man who's a much better lover than I am, Krisdevon's wife, Covada, once told me he was one of the best men she'd ever had, and she'd had many lovers."

     "He's married?" asked Relita.

     "No, his wife died at the same time he lost his foot," replied Travengard.

     "What happened... or is that none of my business?" asked Relita somewhat curious but recognizing she had no right to pry into private matters.

     "There's no reason why you can't ask. He wouldn't mind if I told you... " and Travengard went on to tell Relita a little about Krisdevon. Eventually they started talking about themselves and were deeply engaged in getting to know each other when Krisdevon and Arlyn awoke.

     "You two seemed to have made friends rather quickly in spite of your predilections in opposite directions," teased Arlyn.

     "There's a time and place for everything, and this is my time and place," said Relita.

     "This is my time and place for breakfast. Anyone else interested?" asked Krisdevon getting up and building a fire in the stove to boil water for cooking cereal.

     They all were, so they sat expectantly while Krisdevon prepared a mush of mixed grains, nuts, dried fruits, and honey. Afterward they went their separate ways to make and sell their wares.           The next few decadays saw Arlyn, Travengard, Relita, and Krisdevon together often so they could become better acquainted with each other. There were occasional serious discussions of cosmology one of which was noteworthy because in it Travengard explained why he and Krisdevon had been fascinated by Arlyn's description of essences. Arlyn and Relita were eager to learn that in a not much more elaborate form this concept of personal identity with or without a soul was one of the basic tenets of the Ae-Dey who, though they themselves believed in a soul which transcended death, could teach their meditation by this device even to others who did not.

     The importance of the intellect notwithstanding most of their time together was spent doing things rather than conversing. For example, one important area of activity concerned Arlyn and Relita becoming adept at riding the antelopes which would be their primary mode of transportation. Since business was good, two additional ones were acquired. Each of them rode each of the animals regularly so they would be at ease with all of the people and not skittish with an unfamiliar rider at a crucial time. Arlyn advanced quickly because she was a natural athlete and had had some experience with horses in the Palace, but Relita had to practice long and hard before she felt relaxed astride a mount.           Arlyn had continued to see Favahn although less frequently than when she had been his apprentice. She shared ownership of several larger tools with him but did not use them often. In fact their relationship was now one of good friends who sometimes made love. Arlyn virtually never encountered Dessarain, and Favahn rarely mentioned her.

     Arlyn never had revealed to Favahn who she was and reasoned it would be foolish to start at this late date, so all she told him was that she meant to wander about for a while with three friends. She made it sound more like a vacation than anything else, and he readily agreed to store her tools and other property in his basement. He told her he thought it would be a good idea for her to roam around for a year or two because her entire experience of life had been limited to Mandistria and its environs and she needed the broadening influence of different peoples and places.

     Arlyn thought it would be wise to cover her tracks thoroughly, so when Favahn expressed an interest in meeting her traveling companions, she said they lived in the foothills at a distance from the city and had arranged for her to meet them at their farm when she wanted to depart.

     Arlyn made love with Favahn one last time and bid him farewell amidst much hugging and a little crying on both sides. She was sad to leave him, but she knew she had no better solution to her predicament which might include him. He was wise enough to realize love not only implies the desire to hold but also the willingness to let go, so although he might have preferred it if she stayed, he made no attempt at persuading her to remain.

     The only other person Arlyn would be leaving behind who mattered to her was her maid, Lan. They never had been close, but after all their years near each other, it would have been unlike Arlyn not to feel some emotion for her. She would have liked to have given Lan some token of thanks for her faithful service, but unfortunately she could not risk anything which would give a hint of what she was going to do, so the last time she informed her of her intention to camp out in the Palace garden, she pretended there was nothing unusual. With luck she might be gone two full decadays before anyone missed her, and by then she would be hundreds of kilometers away.

Chapter IV

     Arlyn spent her last few days on the mesa wandering about the world she was about to leave. Although she had studied the architecture there and even sketched some of it in her notebooks, she never really had examined it in her mind. The mesa had been too immediate an environment for her not to take it for granted, but now as her departure became imminent, she devoted whole days to storing up in her memory the details of this great marvel of beauty and engineering, the Citadel of Mandistria.

     Because none of these structures had been intended for use by large numbers of people, none were massive in size, and because none besides the wall was designed as a fortification, most were graceful edifices with large expanses of glass. This was especially true of the main dining hall, a rectangular building which housed the Library on its lower floors. It's shorter walls were dominated by three story high round topped windows covering half their area. These were aligned so that the full moons would shine into the dining hall nearly the entire year. Arlyn never had been permitted to attend any of the ceremonial dinners held there, some of which were to observe the beauty of the full moons, but in daylight she had walked along the balconies running inside the longer walls and gazed out of both the great windows as well as the similarly shaped but narrower windows lining the longer walls. Large, round, fluted columns rose between these windows both inside and outside on the porches which extended the length of the hall.

     Arlyn did not like large rooms because she supposed they made intimacy difficult, so this was not one of her favorites even though it was not very big when it was compared to some like the great concert hall in the city below. She did, however, enjoy looking at it from the outside, particularly from a lawn adjacent to the bottom of a retaining wall which had been constructed to level the gradual slope of the site. The retaining wall had half columns which mirrored those of the building itself and supported a multi-colored slate veranda at the east end of the hall-library. This veranda echoed the material of the roof which included several large skylights.

     Arlyn enjoyed how this structure formed a unified whole which fit very well into its surroundings, a lawn beyond a ring of rhododendrons about three meters high. These were interspersed with large juniper and eucalyptus trees, some of the latter being virtually the only things in the compound which reached above the top of the wall other than the Emperor's apartment.

     From her vantage point east and downhill from the hall-library Arlyn needed only to turn her gaze south through a double row of closely spaced, large elm trees to see the ground floor of a building she rather liked, the Palace itself. This was an octagonal, stone structure with exterior walls constructed to give a tiered effect. It was built around an interior courtyard roughly thirty meters across and was five stories tall except for a duplex penthouse in the southwest corner which served as the Emperor's suite. This building, too, had large areas of glass, but in this case they were individual room windows which doubled as sliding doors leading out onto the balconies formed by the "steps" of the exterior walls. Running around the building between the floors were stone panels which grew progressively narrower with each higher story. The lowest of these contained a frieze depicting the early history of Mandistria, but the upper ones bore only intricate geometric designs. These sculptures were a source of interest and pleasure to Arlyn, but they were not the main reason why she liked this building. She favored it because the rooms were small, people sized rooms rarely more than eight meters on a side and often, like her own, quite small and cozy.

     There were several other buildings such as stables, servant quarters, barracks, and a gymnasium, but none of these held much attachment for Arlyn. What she found most difficult to abandon were the overgrown portions of the Palace gardens. Here thrived a wide variety of evergreens mingled with an assortment of azaleas and other shrubs. She sat an entire morning in her favorite elm tree filled with both good and bad memories for her. It had been from this vantage point she frequently had scanned the citadel walls to study the movement of the guard. To this place she had retreated to read and meditate, and it was from here she had watched her brother torture and kill a kitten. She reviewed her whole life up to now and reflected upon the enormity of the step she was contemplating. As would be expected of any thoughtful person about to act on such a momentous decision as hers, occasional doubts passed through her consciousness, but at no time did she waver in her resolve to leave.

     Arlyn gave her accustomed instructions to Lan, wedged the stone door shut from the inside, and climbed down the stone ladder. She dismantled her safety line so that if the chimney was discovered, it would be harder to tell if it had been used recently. She left the spearheads in place because it would be difficult to figure out whether they had been implanted five or five hundred years ago. Furthermore, although she did not expect to return, she thought it unwise to limit the possible future usefulness of this entrance to the Palace.

     The following morning Arlyn, Travengard, Relita, and Krisdevon led their antelopes through the South Gate and began riding along the main road parallel to the Distra River. Arlyn was somewhat afraid, but she did not show it. She kept looking over her shoulder at the slowly receding city and saying to herself, "This is what I want. It's a bit scary, but any big change is. I'll just have to live with my fear until I overcome it."

     As they passed the city's main sewage treatment plant, her mind fell into a rather odd distraction from the excitement of the morning. Arlyn once had visited these facilities when she and Relita had gone through a period of trying to do unusual things, and now she went over in detail how Mandistria handled the problems of organic waste. The system involved the use of a vast network of underground pipes to carry sewage to a place where it was put in airtight tanks and mixed with an extremely toxic herbal extract which killed all harmful living things in it. Fortunately this compound lost its potency quickly when exposed to air, so solid matter could be settled out and used for fertilizing after the liquid was drained off into the River. It was an expensive procedure, but it was unavoidable if Mandistria was to be comfortably and safely livable.

     These thoughts completely engrossed Arlyn until she and her companions had ridden several kilometers from Mandistria when Krisdevon noticed Arlyn's prolonged silence and asked, "Are you troubled, Arlyn?"

     "I'm fine," she answered.

     "Were you thinking about leaving?" he asked.

     "No," she replied.

     "What then?" he asked.

     "You wouldn't believe me, so forget it," she replied chuckling to herself.

     Her three friends glanced at each other and shrugged. They, too, were caught up in themselves and were not interested in questioning Arlyn beyond learning she was all right. Krisdevon and Travengard were looking forward to their upcoming encounter with the Ae-Dey, and Relita was lost in the thrill of setting out on an adventure. By late afternoon they had reached the ring of mountains which surrounded the plain of Mandistria. In this region they no longer could ride next to the River because it flowed through a deep gorge. Eons had worn away the rapids of the River so it was navigable, but there were no banks in most places, only sheer cliffs rising hundreds of meters. They moved east into the foothills and made camp by a small lake. First the men and then the women took turns shooting fish with a small bow, and though Relita had difficulty because the tool was new to her, soon she, too, had gotten her dinner. While the women were using the bow, the men gathered berries and nuts and later built a small fire. With slight variations depending on locale this sort of fare, supplemented by the small amount of dried grain and beans they carried with them, would be their basic diet until they reached the Ae-Dey.

     They fell into an easy rhythm of traveling about thirty kilometers early in the day and then stopping to enjoy whatever there was to be enjoyed wherever they were. On two more occasions they crossed ranges of low mountains over passes well under 2,000 meters elevation, but for the most part they either rode through enormous forests which went on for days at a time or across vast, open stretches of rolling, open grassy hills.

     It was the drier of the two west Tirean seasons, and the daytime sky was almost always an incredibly bright, clear blue which made Arlyn feel she could reach out and touch it as she made love with now one, now another of her companions. It was a peaceful, idyllic time for them all. They each sought to be accommodating, so no jealousies developed, and for a long time no one preferred one partner to another, so no one was irked at having to sleep with someone they did not choose. Sometimes they made love as a group, and their multi-sexuality led to a number of interesting positions. Once as they were approaching a fairly large town, Arlyn shot a deer with their hunting bow, and they had a feast washed down with wine they obtained by trading most of the venison to an innkeeper. This was an eating, drinking, copulating orgy which all four saw as one of the high points of their journey southward, but this was not the most significant aspect of their relationship. What was more important than the necessary and unavoidable gratification of their bodies was their growing spiritual union. Because they were all mature people, the satisfaction of their senses was more than just an end in itself but often a freeing from the flesh so that they were enabled to come together in long, intimate conversations and silences.

     By now all were outspoken with each other, so they all were aware of the needs of their fellows both as individuals and as a group, and they all strove to fulfill these needs in order to maintain a situation highly agreeable to themselves. This was especially true of respecting the occasional desire to be alone, something which generally arises when people are in constant contact for a long period of time. If, for example, Krisdevon was talking with Relita, he knew she wanted to chat with him because if she did not, she felt free to say so. Thereby no one was afraid they was making excessive demands on anyone else, and no one feared having their solitude imposed upon.

     At this time a strange and unfortunate event occurred which served to greatly strengthen the bond between the four companions. They had met a diversity of people on their trip, and though some had been friendlier than others, none had been genuinely hostile. This variety of reactions was to be expected, especially on the plains where society was structured in such a way as to create a populace strongly devoted to material ambition and often envious of the freedom possessed by the serene and to them apparently goalless forest dwellers. Nevertheless the traditional rules of hospitality always had been adhered to, and many prairie inhabitants had been quite kind and generous to the forest travelers.

     It was unclear what their origins were, but one evening while camping on the edge of the great southwestern coastal pine forest, Arlyn, Krisdevon, Relita, and Travengard encountered a band of about twelve men who at first seemed to be wanderers not unlike themselves. Relita was immediately uneasy about their approach because in their swagger she sensed some resemblance to a group of urban toughs, but she said nothing because she never had heard of such gangs roaming the countryside, and no one in the forests ever even vaguely had threatened them. Quite the contrary they had stayed overnight numerous times with woodland tribes who had made them feel very welcome. For this reason the other three were completely unsuspicious at the arrival of the outsiders.

     While the men had been walking toward them, Arlyn had been seated on a log arm in arm with Travengard. "What're you two girls doing together?" demanded one, a short, fat brute with a necklace of small bones around his neck.

     This sort of situation was alien to her, and the growing tension in the air frightened her, so although the man's tone had been harsh and unpleasant, Arlyn chose to respond amiably, "That 'girl' is a man," she said, "but it doesn't make a difference to me. I would like him no matter what he was."

     "Come here. I'm a lot more man than that kid," said the ruffian lifting Arlyn by one arm and hugging her.

     Arlyn found Travengard surprisingly calm as he said, "We don't want any trouble, but we are prepared to defend ourselves," and though he did not reach for a weapon, Relita already had her knife pointing at a tall, dark man with broken, rotting teeth who was moving in her direction.

     The first man swung his fist at Travengard who dodged the blow nimbly. "If you want to camp on this site, we'll leave, but we are prepared to defend ourselves," repeated Travengard in a much more deliberate, cold tone.

     "A kid, two girls, and a cripple scare us?" asked the tall, dark man, and his cohorts laughed. "We've killed lots of puny foresters like you. See that necklace he's wearing? It's human finger bones. He takes one from the right index finger of everyone we kill. It's a long chain, isn't it..."

     While the robber continued his boasting, Travengard glanced at Krisdevon who nodded almost imperceptibly. Suddenly Arlyn saw Travengard draw his knife and in one smooth, lightning fast lunge slit the throat of the man holding her. She watched in amazement as Krisdevon reached for his peg leg and pulled out a large knife. Then he lifted the now hollow wooden leg and kicked it swiftly in the face of the man to his right while simultaneously disemboweling another to his left. At this point Arlyn realized an attacker was coming toward her, so she had no time to observe Krisdevon further. Being without a weapon, she grabbed the man by his knife hand , flipped him neatly over her hip breaking his arm in the process, and following the reflex action built into her by years of training with the Palace guard instructors, stamped down hard on his neck. As she turned to see whom to defend herself against next, she caught a glimpse of Relita adroitly fending off two men with the skills she had learned in the streets, but what astonished her and almost distracted her from defending herself was the sight of Krisdevon glowing bright crimson from head to toe as he seemingly danced between their antagonists slaying them as if they were just so many cornstalks. It was only at the last second she saw another man who was running toward her and picked up a machete which was lying on the ground. After feinting at the man's thigh, she decapitated him and looked around ready to continue the battle, but all she saw was one of the two men who had attempted to assault Relita was fleeing into the forest, his accomplice having been blinded by a slash across the face. Noticing this, Krisdevon snatched up their hunting bow and shot the man just below the left shoulder blade so that he was dead almost before he hit the ground. Then, noticing all their enemies were still except for the one Relita had blinded, he walked over to the man and dispassionately slit his throat. After examining the others and determining they all were dead, he wiped off his knife on one of the corpses, pulled the spring loaded blade back into the handle by the hilt, and returned it to the bottom of his peg leg. Finally Relita, Travengard, Krisdevon and Arlyn each looked about to see if their comrades were all right, and finding this to be the case, they embraced very tightly. For several minutes all was quiet.

     They did not embrace for long. Abruptly Krisdevon released his grip from theirs, and looking around at a large, dead tree, he said, "Quickly, bring the bodies over there." The others did this while he set to work carving something on the log.           When they had gathered the corpses together, they read Krisdevon't crudely inscribed words, "Robbers and murderers beware. What you see about you will soon befall you because there are many who appear weak and yet are strong. Let this also be a lesson to the people that even in times of tranquility they must be vigilant against evil men like these."

          Relita nodded to Krisdevon and said, "Well written." Clearly she had no qualms about having just obliterated the band of attackers. Travengard, too, looked on in agreement. He might have been somewhat sad his actions had been necessary, but he had no doubts they had been justified. On the other hand before this Arlyn never had been exposed to such massive violence directed at human beings like herself, and she was greatly troubled as they rapidly packed their belongings and headed eastward.

     They made their way to the most traveled route in the area and were on the move most of the night. Since it was only two days before one of the full moons, they were able to go swiftly without much danger of stumbling or leaving an easily followed trail. When the sun rose and local traffic on the road became moderate, they slowed down in order not to be conspicuous. They were tired, but they decided it would be best to put as many kilometers as possible between themselves and the scene of the melee.

     Now that it was daylight, Arlyn could make out the expressions on the faces of her companions. Although they did not look cheerful, neither did they seem upset about what had occurred, and this added to the turmoil and guilt which had raged in her all night. At last when they were out of earshot of any other people, Arlyn said, "None of you look terribly disturbed about what happened yesterday. Might I ask why not?"

     Krisdevon glanced across at Arlyn as if he had been expecting a question of this nature and replied, "Can you think of any other alternative we had besides dying passively? Travengard tried very hard to negotiate with them."

     "I guess not, but if we'd been killed, at least we wouldn't have the guilt of their deaths on our hands," said Arlyn.

     "Perhaps not," said Krisdevon, "but there's one aspect to this you've missed. These men obviously had murdered others before, and it's reasonable to assume if we hadn't stopped them, they'd've done it again, right"

     "Yes, I guess so, but what does that have to do with us?" asked Arlyn.

     "Everything," he answered. "You see, if someone's going to kill another person unjustly, and you have the power to stop them but you don't, then you are partially responsible for that death. If we'd permitted them to slay us without offering any resistance, we would've had to have accepted a major portion of the guilt for their future behavior because we were in a position to prevent it."

     Arlyn was puzzled by this new concept and began pondering it.

     "I hadn't thought of that," said Relita. "I have no second thoughts about my right to defend myself, but there're all sorts of frightening implications to believing an idea like the one you just stated. The government could use it to exterminate anybody it considered a potential danger."

     "True," said Travengard, "but almost any philosophy can be twisted into an excuse for wrongdoing by those who have bigotry for a primary motivation. The concept Krisdevon expressed only applies in extreme situations. It has no place in a free society where somebody at a hazy, distant future time might do something you don't like."

     "But where do you draw the line?" asked Relita.

     "Where we drew it yesterday," replied Krisdevon.

     "Then I agree with you because I certainly think we did the right thing, and what you say only confirms my convictions," said Relita.

     Arlyn continued perplexed about her response to her actions. She believed she had a right to protect herself, but she had misgivings about the hostilities she now directed toward the robbers because she felt it was wrong to hate people. She also had several questions about the correctness of Krisdevon's actions, so after a while she asked, "Krisdevon, why did you kill the last two men, the one who was blinded and the one who fled? Wasn't that based on anger rather than self-defense?"

     Krisdevon answered slowly, "The one who tried to run away might have returned with others to set on us. As for the one who was blinded, people who have been badly mutilated often seek vengeance on those who crippled them , even if it took place in circumstances like these, and I'd be a very easy person to follow because my leg makes me stand out. Hopefully this way the matter is settled."           "Are you certain it wasn't momentary hatred which made you do it?" she asked.

     "Quite sure,"he replied. "The meditations Travengard and I do every day make it possible for us to be serenely detached while performing the inevitable. I had no enmity toward the bandits, only an intention to preserve my own well-being.

     "All people who consider themselves warriors have thought out plans for most eventualities so they won't have to stop and think what to do in an emergency. You can't anticipate everything, but you can try to make it so all you have to do is tailor a flexible outline to fit a specific occasion. Travengard and I agreed on the nature of our position, and passing emotions played no part in our analysis or our response. Human life should be showed respect and not taken except in the most extreme circumstances, but you must remember Travengard was willing to be insulted, humiliated, pushed, and even beaten without responding violently. So was I. It only was when our lives were in peril that we weren't prepared to let their actions go unchallenged... You'll understand this better after you study the meditations of the Ae-Dey."

     "I didn't know you consider yourself a warrior," said Arlyn with some distaste. "You've never talked about it... or meditating every day either for that matter."

     "Actually I did mention it to you once, but it was in a humorous context, and I didn't pursue it. Maybe I should've. I'd intended to help you learn what it means to be a warrior when we were with the Ae-Dey. I hadn't expected anything like this, so I didn't say much because I thought it would be easier to explain there, but do keep one thing in mind before you judge me. To us the state of being a warrior does not involve an offensive attitude. It's a defensive posture from which you strive to be prepared for any conceivable crisis, nothing more. The Ae-Dey are the truest warriors yet they rarely do battle with outsiders and virtually never fight amongst themselves even though many of their tribes're complete strangers to each other. If there's a disagreement, they negotiate it, and it's a mark of prestige among them to yield, so it's very unusual for their disputes not to be settled to everyones satisfaction. The key's in seeing other people's needs're fulfilled not merely when it's convenient but whenever it's reasonably possible."

     "I have some understanding of what you're saying," said Arlyn, "and it sounds nice, but there's no way I can tell you I believe it's right without watching it work... Everything seems to hinge on living with the Ae-Dey, so I'll try to suspend judgment until I've been with them long enough to reach a fair conclusion, but I'd be less than honest with you if I didn't tell you I don't like what you did."

     "I understand," said Krisdevon.

     By sundown they all were exhausted. None had had any sleep in almost two days, so all they did was eat a few dried berries and crawl into their bedrolls. Travengard, Relita, and Krisdevon slept soundly, but Arlyn was troubled by nightmares most of the night. This was quite unusual for her because even in her childhood she had slept well and only infrequently been afflicted with unpleasant dreams. Her sleep had not been badly disquieted even after observing her brother torture the kitten, an event which had distressed her greatly, but this night she awoke with a start several times, remembered the incident she just had been recreating, and only was able to fall back asleep after a long interval of calming down. Then the whole cycle of dreaming and waking would begin again.

     How often her mind reenacted the scene of Krisdevon slitting the throat of the blinded thief she did not know, but toward dawn she gave up trying to sleep. By then she had distorted the time factor grossly so that it appeared to take the slowly moving Krisdevon forever to do what in life had taken him only an instant. Furthermore, the man's neck now gushed a veritable river of blood which began to engulf and drown them before she awakened.

     Awake Arlyn did not find matters significantly improved. The memory of the dream and the reality which had generated it both plagued her. This was especially true because she was visually oriented and continued repeating them in a combined form so that after a while she scarcely could recognize where one left off and the other began. She looked around at her companions but found them all sleeping peacefully. She wanted to talk to one of them, but she was hesitant to rouse anyone for fear whomever she picked would think she was inconsiderate to disturb them about anything as trivial as a bad dream, so she remained alone and awaited the sunrise. It was cold, and she shivered but not only from the temperature. She trembled from fright.

     "I'm losing my mind," she thought. "I'm losing my mind. How long before the sun comes up... How long? If the sun just would come up, I'd be all right." But the sun did not rise, and her solitary moments of darkness went on, each one seemingly endless.

     At last she said to herself, "This will never do. I've got to get control of myself. So I killed somebody, two somebodies, and I saw a few more killed. Maybe it was wrong, and maybe not, but the most important thing is that I'm alive, and I intend to go on living. If I didn't do the correct thing, and I'm not sure I didn't, it still doesn't mean I have to flagellate myself and go mad to do penance. What I have to do now is learn from this experience. Let me stop and approach this with my wits about me. We have a right to stay alive. Other than allowing ourselves to be murdered, we did everything we could to avoid provoking anyone. We still were attacked, so we defended ourselves. We had a right to do that, and for what it's worth, Krisdevon didn't torture the two that were left. He put the blinded one out of his misery quickly and cleanly... The longer I think about it, the more I agree with him. We would've been partially responsible for any evil these cutthroats might've done because we did have the power to stop them. I'm not sure where to set the limit on that, but it certainly isn't anywhere near what we did." Arlyn's renewed mastery of herself increased until finally her reaction to the mental image of the dying bandit was a resigned and calm, "You died because you tried to kill me. I'm sorry it happened, but it was your fault, not mine."

     "What did you say?" asked Krisdevon.

     "You died because you tried to kill me... I didn't realize I was speaking aloud," said Arlyn noticing the sun had dawned, and her three friends were dressing. "I'll tell you about it while we ride."

     "Are you all right?" asked Relita putting her arm over her shoulder.

     "Yes... I had some trouble during the night, but I'm over it," she said confidently.

     They mounted and again rode off eastward as quickly as they could without becoming suspicious to the other travelers they occasionally encountered on the highway which here crossed a rolling plain of short grass broken only by widely scattered clumps of small shrubs and trees. They found this topography frustrating because it enabled someone at the crest of a hill to see for several kilometers and made it necessary for them to travel more slowly than they would have preferred.

     They each ate a few handfuls of nuts and seeds mixed with dried fruits. At one point a large stream crossed the road, and they took the opportunity of filling their water skins. The sun rose higher, and the day became warm.

     Arlyn wanted to discuss her experience of the previous night, but she was a little embarrassed at having been caught talking to herself, so she waited with growing impatience for one of the others to ask her about it. What she did not know was both Krisdevon and Relita had taken the attitude that when she was ready , she would bring up the topic. Arlyn was on the verge of overcoming her reticence when Travengard, sensing something of the situation, asked, "Arlyn, what was it you were going to talk about once we got moving?"

     "I had come bad dreams. That's all," answered Arlyn trying casually to play down the extent of her uneasiness during the night.

     "What were they?" asked Relita, and Arlyn responded by relating them accurately.

     "Sounds scary to me," said Travengard.

     "It was," replied Arlyn. "I was tempted to wake one of you, but I was afraid you'd think I was a nuisance."

     "Don't be ridiculous," said Krisdevon. "If you're distraught and you want to talk with somebody, why shouldn't you rely on one of us? I wouldn't mind what time it was. That's what friends're for."

     "Of course," added Relita. "You must've gone through some real agony alone with a thing like that."

     Arlyn had wanted reassurance that her friends would not consider this sort of thing insignificant, and she had gotten it. She had not doubted they would stand by her in a time of difficulty, but it encouraged her to hear it expressed. "Thank you very much," she said. "It's satisfying to know you feel that way, but actually it worked out better that I didn't call on anyone of you because I think it's important to work out something like this yourself if you can."

     "You're right about that, but if you can't, don't be afraid to ask for help," said Krisdevon. "By the way there're a few good weapons you might use against dreams like that if they recur. They tend to be like rivers, so you can't stop them. They'll only flood over any dam you try to build in your mind, but you can rechannel them. One of the best things to do, especially if it happens while you're awake, too, is make the thing that's frightening you change color. Something which's terrifying in red generally will be a lot less fearsome if you turn it green.

     "There's another one when you feel guilt about some action you know is justified. Try to include the positive aspect of the circumstances. You were watching the blood gush out of him. He had to die for us to live, so instead of just seeing it as the earthly life force ebbing out of him add to it so you also see it as that life force pouring into yourself. That's what it is, you know. His death meant you could go on living at least a little while longer. Run it through your mind this way a few times before you sleep. That'll prepare you to seek control of your dream. It may be hard to gain, but it can be done, and it is one of the keys to serenity."

     "Aren't dreams some kind of release for stresses, and wouldn't that make it dangerous to inhibit them like you described?" asked Relita.

     "I didn't say she should do anything to restrict them. That's what I implied when I said it was bad to dam them up. When the barrier you set up is overwhelmed, the results're devastating. I told her to flow with the images which that part of us produces. If you dream you're drowning, you don't force the water to disappear. You swim for the surface, and you see to it that no matter how great the struggle you reach the air. If you're battling some huge, dark monster, fight it for a while. If you can slay it, fine. If not, make it change to, say, light blue. Either you'll weaken it so you can defeat it or maybe even make it your friend. One way or another it works out well because you've settled the matter. If it recurs, do it again a new way or the old way, whichever seems more appropriate. Sooner or later you'll be successful, and it'll stop bothering you. Just don't let it kill you in the dream, and you will have the power to prevent that if you fight for it. This way the anxieties and stresses're faced and overcome, and you still get the dream activity you need to let off the tensions you build up during the day. You just never let them get the better of you."

     Nobody had much to say after that, so they went on in silence. Toward evening they made camp in a small copse with some blackberry bushes which were covered with ripe fruit. They ate these eagerly and used their attention to food as an excuse to speak little beyond such mechanical necessities as, "Pass the almonds, please."

     Relita made one attempt at conversation when she said, "Travengard, I've never seen you meditate. When do you do it?"

     "We do it lying down when you and Arlyn are asleep," he replied. "Usually it's done along with some physical exercises, but if we'd done them, too, we'd've had to've explained them, and we thought it'd be better to wait until we were with the Ae-Dey. It was a temporary expedient, but it worked fairly well. If you preform the whole sequence properly in your mind, your body muscles benefit the same as if you'd done the complete regimen. In fact you're supposed to do it this way part of the time so you'll be able to in case it's necessary."

     Relita nodded to indicate she had at least a minimal understanding of the concept involved, but she did not pursue the topic further. Both she and Travengard perceived some sort of rift between Arlyn and Krisdevon, and this created a strain which made talking difficult.

     Krisdevon's state of mind was not complex, but he was unhappy, a circumstance which was rare for him. He assumed Arlyn was grappling with the notion that a man she loved had done something she considered brutal and even sadistic, and while he did not see his actions this way, it saddened him to think Arlyn might. His first impulse was to walk over, stroke her, and try to soothe her, but he was afraid she might find his touch repulsive because of the new light in which he thought she viewed him, so he did nothing. He had said everything he could think of to help her comprehend his ideas, and now it was up to her to decide.

     Arlyn's mental condition was somewhat less simple. Since the battle some piece of information had been submerged beneath her other thoughts, something very important, but because of her emotional upset she was unable to remember what it was. Unbeknownst to Krisdevon she more or less had come to agree with his position at least intellectually, and if her emotional response was still to be repelled by what he had done, she now realized it had been necessary. Actually she had not gone to sit apart to show her displeasure with Krisdevon but to make an attempt at recollecting what strange thing she had observed in the heat of battle but forgotten. The evening passed with Krisdevon misinterpreting the distance she had put between them, and Arlyn unaware anything was wrong.

     "What was it I saw?" she asked herself over and over. "Maybe I ought to reenact the whole melee in my mind... No, it'd be too much like the nightmare." But when the fact she sought continued to elude her, she finally began watching as her memory carefully unfolded the scene. The resemblance to her dream made it difficult for her to concentrate, but she persisted, and suddenly before her mind's eye there appeared the vision of Krisdevon gleaming crimson as he whirled amidst their enemies.

     "Aha!" she cried out, and the other three immediately turned toward her, but when she noticed their expectant stares, she shook her head self-consciously to indicate the event was of no consequence.           On the occasion of her first experience with seeing auras, Arlyn had been quite perturbed and later even become fearful for her sanity, so she deliberately had put it out of her consciousness and eventually forgotten it. Now here it was again at a time when she least wanted to face a concept which might cause her to doubt her rational thought processes, however, after only a few moments of wondering what to do about it, she reached a conclusion which was new to her, different from her previous, restrictive ways of dealing with unexplained phenomena.

     "Well," she thought with resignation, "I don't know what I saw around Krisdevon or the Ae-Dey. I don't know if it's something outside me which I perceive correctly or something my brain makes up, but either way it's real for me, and I'm just going to accept it. If I'm crazy, I'll accept that, too, and do the best I can. Sometimes I feel like a leaf being blown about in a supernatural wind. It's pitch dark, so I don't know where it's taking me or how to fight it, but from now on I'm just going to float with it. Whatever happens, I'm just going to absorb it. I'm sick of demanding to know if something is real. All I intend to ask now is what I can learn from it. If nothing, I'll store it away for future reference. It may be scary to stop resisting and let go, but there doesn't seem much else I can do. One day I may get some light, and maybe I'll know what direction to move in, but for now I''ll try enjoying the ride."

     As if from far away Arlyn heard Krisdevon say, "Relita and Travengard went to sleep a while ago, and I'm tired, too. The campfire's burning low. Do you want me to put another log on it for you, or do you want to go to bed?"

     "I didn't realize you'd been waiting for me," she replied. "I'm sorry if I kept you up."

     "You didn't. I was thinking."

     She walked over to where he was sitting, and he rested his head on her thigh. She looked down and smiled, and soon they were making love, but there was something missing. Try as she might, Arlyn could not force the vision of Krisdevon's aura from her thoughts. This distraction made orgasm impossible for her, and it did not take Krisdevon long to become aware Arlyn was not paying attention to what they were doing.

     He stopped moving and gently asked, "What's troubling you? Is it the dream or the killing?"

     "No," she replied honestly, but when she turned away and would not answer his next question, "What is it then?" he assumed she was holding back from expressing some strongly negative thoughts she had about his actions after the attack. He could think of nothing else which would be of such proportions that it could interrupt their love making and still be something she would hesitate to discuss.

     "We can't make love if you don't want to," he said withdrawing from her and lying by her side. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

     "I don't know what to say. When I do, we will," she answered.

     They both went to sleep feeling far apart, he because he thought she was so badly displeased with him that she was unwilling to speak openly of her emotions and she was afraid he would think she was insane if she described to him what she had seen.

     "If I'm crazy, I'd do well to keep it to myself," she thought as she was falling asleep.

     As the days of their journey across the monotonous plain wore on, Arlyn and Krisdevon became more and more separated, and this worked to loosen the bonds the four had as a group. Sex involving all four simultaneously was no longer possible, and this tended to bring Relita and Travengard closer together. With increasing frequency they went off by themselves, at first hoping to allow Krisdevon and Arlyn privacy to solve their problems but later simply to enjoy each others company.

     Twice in the next decaday Krisdevon asked Arlyn if she was ready to discuss with him what was disturbing her, but both times she said, "Nothing, don't worry about it." He could see this was not true, and that added to their estrangement. They remained extremely polite, both blaming themselves for what was going on, but they rarely spoke with each other. This was unfortunate because the boredom fostered by the landscape was quite tedious, and their few encounters with the courteous but not very loquacious local farmers gave them little opportunity for conversation (The Empire taxed these hard-working people heavily enough for many of them to resent those who apparently wandered about aimlessly and uselessly without paying anything.).

     By the time the four had neared the edge of the prairie and seen the fringes of the redwood forest bordering on it, the distance between Arlyn and Krisdevon had grown to the point where both had started considering what their options were if the other chose to end their relationship, something neither wanted but both dreaded the other was about to do. It was not that either was dependent on the other for existence. By now Arlyn was entirely capable of caring for herself, and except for the recuperation after his injury Krisdevon had been completely self-reliant for over fifteen years. Each simply had such an overwhelming emotional investment of time and energy in the other that they was not eager to begin again with someone else. Furthermore both still felt the vague memory of their long-past supernatural experiences which at the time clearly seemed to indicate they were destined for each other. In the end these two factors brought them back together.

     Krisdevon did the only thing he could do in the situation. He waited patiently for Arlyn to overcome her inability to discuss what was disturbing her. Eventually Arlyn saw Krisdevon was enduring a great deal without complaint because of the wall she had built between them, and this persuaded her he probably would love her even if she was insane, provided she did not use this as an excuse to be deliberately unkind to him.

     One morning when they were alone, Arlyn walked over to Krisdevon and in desperation blurted out the question which had been ringing in her mind for days, "Would you still love me if I was crazy?"

     When he had seen Arlyn's facial expression, Krisdevon immediately had recognized she was going to say something important, but this came as a surprise to him. Whatever else he might have thought about Arlyn and her capacity for saying, doing, and being the unexpected, he never had considered her any less sane than himself, and he could not see a reason for her asking such a question at a time when they should be talking over what he thought was her disapproval of his actions. All he could respond with was a confused, "What?"

     "Would you still love me if I was crazy?" repeated Arlyn frightened she had made a terrible mistake and preparing for some kind of rejection from Krisdevon.

     "I suppose so, but what's that got to do with what were going through now? You're mentally sound," he said.

     "I'm afraid I'm not. Not even counting the things which've involved you, for years I've had eerie experiences that I've forced from my thoughts, but during the battle I had one which I can't seem to ignore. Maybe it was too vivid, or maybe I've had too many of them, but now I'm just scared I'm crazy."

     "What was it?"           "I looked at you while you were fighting off our attackers, and I saw this light shining all around you. It seemed to come from you as if you were radiating it like fire."

     "Fascinating," he said obviously impressed.

     "I'm losing my mind, and all you can say is 'fascinating,'" she said with irritation.

     "Incredible, you can see auras. It took me a year of training to do that... So there's no mistake, what color was it?"

     "Red, bright red."

     "That's right," he said. "It's nothing to be afraid of. What color am I now?"

     "I don't see it now."

     "My aura isn't very strong now anyway, but with practice you'll be able to see them no matter how faint they are. You can tell a lot about people that way."

     "You mean it's normal for me to see lights around people?" asked Arlyn skeptically.

     "No, it's not normal," he replied, "It's a great gift like an aptitude for music or complete memory like Travengard's"

     "What you're saying is I should be happy about this?"

     "Overjoyed," he said, "overjoyed."

     "I'm not sure I wouldn't rather be normal. I find it hard to believe my mind isn't playing tricks on me, " she said still disbelieving and fearing he might have gone along with any choice of color in order to calm her.

     "Then I'll prove it to you," he said getting a pencil and two pieces of paper. He wrote a short list on one, put it in his pocket, and handed her the other along with the pencil. "I'm going to start turning colors. You write down what you see."

     "All right," she said watching as he closed his eyes and began to glow pale green. After a few minutes she had noted four distinct changes in his aura and written down all of them.

     When he opened his eyes, he looked tired, as if he had undergone a strain, but he recovered rapidly. He took her list, and showed her his. They were identical. "If it was something wrong with you, how could I control it? Now are you satisfied?"

     "Yes," she said, and she thought to herself, "This ought to teach me to stick by the decision I made a decaday ago to float where the wind takes me and learn what I can. If I had, this trouble with Krisdevon never would've happened because I wouldn't've been as frightened as I was. It's right to be wary of what can hurt me, but this terror of the unknown is pointless."

     After a pause Krisdevon asked, "Is this worry about your sanity what you wouldn't talk about?"

     "Yes," she replied.

     "You mean it wasn't hostility toward me because I killed that man?"

     "Yes," she answered. "I accepted that a day or two after our conversation about it."

     "All the time I thought that was what you wouldn't discuss. I expected you to leave me because you decided I was cruel and merciless."

     "And I thought you were going to leave me because I was crazy. This almost would be funny if we both hadn't suffered so much," said Arlyn with relief.           "We might as well laugh about it. That's all you can do with things like this besides learn a little," he said also feeling relaxed.

     "Promise me one more thing, and this'll never happen again," said Arlyn.

     "What?"

     "That no matter what I say or do, you won't turn away from me because... because I always seem to get into things like this."

     "I will so long as you promise the same to me. I'm a bit weird, too, you know... But I warn you, when we're with the Ae-Dey, there may be things, particularly mystical ones, which're hard to do at first. It'll take a lot of discipline, and you'll have to trust me until you can understand them yourself because even with your gifts, it may take a long time."

     "I promise, but you must be patient with me if I'm slow," she said.

     "I'll wait as long as it takes," he replied.

     The came together and hugged each other with a ferocious intensity. Moments passed, and they did not lessen their grip, so when Relita and Travengard returned, they found Arlyn and Krisdevon still clutching each other and crying profusely. Travengard and Relita were about to leave them alone when Arlyn noticed they had come back.

     "Are you all right," asked Relita.

     "Never better," answered Arlyn as Krisdevon nodded and smiled.

     "I'm glad to hear about it," said Travengard. "We've been very anxious about you two."

     "We gave you good cause," said Krisdevon, "but we've cleared up our misunderstandings. You can stop worrying now."

     "I think we ought to set out on the day's ride as quickly as we can. It's almost noon. If we stay here much longer, we'll lose the whole day. We haven't talked about it because we've had so many other problems, but it's awfully close to the equinox, and it gets dangerous to cross the mountains north of the southern peninsula once it's autumn."

     "You're right," said Travengard. "For the last decaday we've traveled slowly so you two would be able to work out your differences, but now we have to hurry."

     They rode hard the rest of the day, and that night Arlyn and Krisdevon made love for the first time since their unsuccessful attempt more than a decaday ago. This time it was an ecstatic reunion which kept them up most of the night gleefully reveling in reconciliation. The next day they were exhausted and had trouble staying awake, but they did not seem to mind.

Chapter V

     The first redwoods they came to were nothing remarkable. "They're just large conifers," thought Arlyn with a touch of disappointment because she had been told they were a lot more impressive than these, but as they neared the southern ocean, and the cool, moisture-laden, onshore winds began to dominate the climate, she could understand why Travengard and Krisdevon had spoken of this region in superlatives. As each kilometer passed, the trees became increasingly awesome and majestic until Arlyn and her friends were enveloped in a forest which she almost could not find room for in her imagination. There were trunks seven and sometimes even eight meters in diameter which often rose to heights as tall as a hundred and twenty meters. Foliage at the tops was so dense that hardly any direct sunlight reached the earth below.It was like an enchanted, twilight world broken only by scattered rays of sunlight which glistened down with such clarity and distinctness that at a distance it appeared to Arlyn that when she got to them, she would be able to grasp them in her hand. Numerous fast-running streams ran babbling through the trees, but because of the darkness the ground was nearly as devoid of vegetation as it might have been in a park where gardeners deliberately cut away unwanted shrubs.

     Arlyn looked up into the dimness, and as she gazed at the seemingly topless forest, the urge grew within her to capture this place in poetry, but try as she might, she could not conceive of any words which conveyed more than a hint of the beauty she beheld. For a while this frustrated her, but then she realized no writing could do justice to what she saw. To communicate the spirit of this place to someone who never had been there was impossible, and no one who had visited it was likely to need words beyond, "I was there," to have a good idea of what she experienced. Without feeling unhappy or inadequate but simply a little wiser, she surrendered to all her senses and allowed them complete sway to absorb impressions of this woodland without any verbal interpretation.

     Her nostrils filled with earthy, leafy, wooded aroma, Arlyn rode along side by side with Krisdevon. They clasped their hands together and often grinned at each other in the joy of sharing this beauty as a common experience.

     At a point close to the center of the forest was an enormous tree to which someone had fastened wooden slats that could be climbed like a ladder. It was a dangerous ascent without benefit of any safety devices, but when they had scaled to the top, they were rewarded with a magnificent vista of tree tops extending east and west for kilometer upon kilometer until the eye reached a far-off, misty green horizon. To the north far away was the prairie, and to the south was the gentle rise of the low, coastal mountains.

     The person who had built the steps also had constructed a platform in the upper branches. Here the sun made the temperature quite comfortable in contrast to the coldness on the forest floor, and here the four spent the night rocking to and fro as the giant tree waved gently in the breeze. In the morning they left but not before heeding the admonition of the builder who had carved in three languages on a plaque at the bottom, "Brother and sister, if you have been pleased by my work, take care it is kept available to others." They devoted over an hour to repairing some lower steps and left a note for the next person asking them to bring tools and a plank up with them so they could replace a missing rung not far beneath the platform.

     The microclimatic conditions which prevailed near the coast did not extend far inland, so the redwood forests formed a strip rarely more than twenty kilometers wide and in most places much narrower. Since Relita, Travengard, Krisdevon, and Arlyn were traveling almost due south, they arrived at the ocean not long after leaving the giant tree. Arlyn's thought as she stood on the grassy hill overlooking the sea was "Yes, this is what the ocean had to be. It couldn't've been anything else. For once I imagined something correctly. I like it."

     For most of the day they followed a trail along the crest of the ridge immediately above the beach, but late in the day they came to a small river where it flattened out, and they descended to the sands. They lay on the beach for the remainder of the afternoon. With the roar of the waves in her ears and the sun on her naked body Arlyn was at peace. Here she was not an outsider observing or even allowing the beauty of her surroundings to fill part of her. For the first time since the day years ago in the mountain meadow with Krisdevon, she felt the highest reverence one can feel for nature, union with it. For hours she did not merely hear the sea and feel the sun. She merged with them as she had with the flowers and the birds.

     Although Travengard and Relita were nearby, the only person whose presence she was aware of was Krisdevon's. Except for one brief conversation, they did not speak, but they did hold hands.

     "What are you thinking now?" she asked.

     "The whole world is playing a single note, and I am in harmony with it."

     "Does that mean you feel one with nature?"

     "Yes."           "That's how I feel."

     "I know."

     "How?"

     "Because your aura is the same as mine, and I know what I'm thinking."

     "I can't see your aura now."

     "In time you'll be able to see it whenever you want."

     "Can you read my mind?"

     "No, not if you mean recite a sequence of numbers you have in mind, but I can tell the type of thoughts you are having."

     "Oh... I guess I'll understand when I... when I understand," said Arlyn laughing.

     Krisdevon smiled as if he was pleased with this statement, and they resumed their silence.

     After swimming in the ocean the next morning, they went upstream to a place where they forded the river. Then for several days they continued riding along the southern coastal ridge not far from the redwood trees which gradually became smaller and eventually disappeared entirely because the climate grew drier as they journeyed toward the Hahl River. The Hahl was over two kilometers wide at its mouth, and since no other means was available, they had to wait a day for the ferry which operated infrequently because traffic was light.

     Prior to its conquest by Mandistria this waterway had been the primary boundary of Thash, and passing from one bank to the other still brought one to the beginnings of another world. Not only was the landscape different with vertical palisades facing the ocean instead of steep hills and much sparser vegetation because of the dryness and great expanses of barren rock, but also the population here lived a fundamentally different lifestyle. There were few permanent settlements, and although the manner in which the inhabitants supported themselves varied widely depending on local conditions, they almost all tended to be nomadic. They were tall, finely-featured, dark people who had a severe military weakness for which even their great bravery could not compensate. They never had been able to join their forces under one command and confront Mandistria as a unified army, so the tightly organized and well-disciplined Mandistrians had conquered one or two small groups at a time and only rarely had had to fight major engagements.

     Not far east of the mouth of the Hahl the coastline abruptly changed direction and ran southward for approximately a hundred and seventy kilometers before veering sharply to the east again. Relita asked why they stayed close to the ocean rather than cutting across the region, and Krisdevon told her that inland was a desert over eight hundred kilometers wide which it was unwise to enter without a guide. Although he and Travengard had visited it for extended periods and knew much of desert lore, they still preferred to risk crossing the mountains a decaday later rather than chance moving in unfamiliar parts of the Thacian Desert.

     Even on the seashore where moisture was a little more plentiful, the air was clear, so long before they reached the foothills of the Great Southern or Aran Mountains, they could make out these snow capped giants looming up far off in the distance. When they reached the mountains, the direct route was, again, not the most practical, or in this case even possible because at the point where the coast turned southward to form the Ae-Dey Peninsula, the mountains created one of the most remarkable geological barriers in the world. Sheer cliffs could be seen to rise five, six, and even seven thousand meters straight out of the sea, so without the capacity for flight life was virtually impossible for larger animals on the few ledges which existed here.

     The rare intrepid seamen who had sailed down the peninsula had reported places where the cliffs appeared as low as two thousand meters in altitude, but high winds and fog made measurements difficult, so this and other information about the western third of the Aran Mountains was of questionable veracity. The Ae-Dey had legends of strange and unpleasant creatures living there in scattered valleys, but their holy people almost all had had visions designating this inaccessible land to be forbidden or cursed by the Powers, so they made no attempt to explore it despite the fact that they were an inquisitive people with numerous competent mountaineers among them.

     There were no known mountain passes until about three hundred kilometers inland, but nature had provided a string of oases fed by melting snow along the boundary between mountain and desert, so as long as Arlyn, Krisdevon, Travengard, and Relita did not stray from this trail, they were safe. Their three decadays in Thash were uneventful, and though the terrain here made the monotony of the prairies seem exciting, they did take some consolation from the good fortune that their presence coincided with the blooming of several species of cacti which produced some of the most fantastic flowers they ever had seen.

     Each plant had a single blossom some of which were as much as fifteen centimeters in width. Not even Travengard who had spent several entire seasons here ever had been privileged to witness this spectacle because it only took place at irregular intervals generally more than five years long. A brief stop was agreed upon, and three hours were spent examining this natural beauty which they all thought was in its own way no less awesome than the redwood forest.

     One variety had long, narrow, delicate, ivory colored petals forming a throat containing a similarly hued, thick based stamen which had numerous small, hair-like anthers. Arlyn devoted half an hour to studying things like how the color tapered from darker to lighter as the petals extended outward, how the parts of the flower were joined, and how the whole united in a perfection on the one hand transitory because the blossom would wilt in a few days and yet lasting because it had made an impression on her as deep as almost anything she ever had encountered. She also gave some time to inspecting the remainder of the cactus, a coarse-surfaced, gray-green plant about a meter tall and ten centimeters in diameter studded all over with clumps of thorns two or three centimeters long, but her main concern with this part was to be cautious not to stick herself as she first gazed at the flower, then stroked it lightly with her fingertips, and finally closed her eyes and inhaled its rich scent. She even tried tasting a petal, but it was quite bitter.

     The cactus flowers, too, were so exquisite as to be beyond words, so all each could do when they moved on was to smile at their partner in acknowledgement of their shared experience, but it was not long before Travengard, who recently had had something on his mind, said to Arlyn and Krisdevon, "We talk about almost everything that happens between us because it keeps our problems to a minimum, but one thing which no one has said anything about so far is the change we've gone through since you two had your misunderstanding."

     "What do you want to say about it?" asked Arlyn.

     "We used to be a unified four. Now we're two distinct couples who don't make love together anymore. Relita and I want to know if that's symbolic of some deeper separation?"

     "I don't think it is. Do you, Arlyn?" asked Krisdevon.

     "No," she replied apprehensive someones feeling were going to be hurt.

     "I'm glad to hear that," said Relita. "We're not dissatisfied with what had taken place. Both of us're really enjoying monogamous heterosexuality, and we'd like to stay that way for a while. We just wanted to be sure the sexual distance didn't imply something else. There're so many ties uniting us it'd be an awful waste if we parted completely."

     "We feel the same," said Arlyn as Krisdevon nodded in agreement. "For the time being Krisdevon and I seem to prefer focusing that kind of energy on each other, too. I have no idea what'll happen next season or next year, but I'm certainly inclined to believe we'll be friends if not lovers."

     "It's good to know you feel that way," said Travengard.

     They rode close together and locked themselves in a tight circle hand to wrist all elated the situation had been handled in a manner pleasing to everyone involved.

Chapter VI

     It was almost two decadays after the autumnal equinox when Arlyn, Krisdevon, Relita, and Travengard arrived at the oasis located at the base of the western most pass over the Aran Mountains. They had hoped to obtain weather information before attempting to cross, but the small tribe of nomads they met at the water hole said that they had seen no one either descend or ascend in the previous decaday.

     When Relita asked what he thought this implied, Travengard replied, "It could mean a lot of things. Maybe it's snowing already on the southern slopes, or maybe no one on the plateau wants to leave. We're on the horns of a perilous dilemma. If we don't cross now, we'll be stuck on this side for two and a half seasons. If we do, we may freeze to death. Krisdevon, what do you think?" He asked this question as if he knew quite well what Krisdevon's response to the situation would be.

     "I think you've stated our position accurately," Krisdevon replied apparently in no hurry to give his friend the answer he wanted even though his face bore the same look of grim humor as Travengard's.

     "I don't think it's very funny," said Arlyn interrupting an exchange which Travengard and Krisdevon had intended solely for making fun of each other.

     "Neither do I," responded Krisdevon, "but either you learn to laugh at the jokes life plays on you, or you waste a lot of time too scared to act."

     "Now that the lesson in philosophy is concluded, what're we going to do?" asked Relita.

     "Draw charts," said Travengard confidently.

     "What!" said Relita.

     "Draw charts," repeated Travengard, "try to figure out precisely what the stars indicate."

     "You mean you intend to let horoscopes tell us what to do in something crucial like this?" asked Arlyn.

     "Exactly," replied Travengard.

     "Times like these're the only ones you really ought to use them," added Krisdevon.

     At first Arlyn was tempted toward indignantly refusing to consent to this plan, but then realizing both that she knew nothing of mountain travel and that she had no better tool to employ, she decided she might as well go along with it. She shrugged and said, "After all I've seen, I ought to be ready to trust your judgment."

     "Would it make any difference if I didn't want to?" asked Relita.

     "Yes, it would," answered Travengard, "but why don't we wait and see what the charts say?"

     "I guess I don't have much choice," said Relita starting to go off by herself.

     "Relita," Travengard called out.

     "What?" she said turning to face him.

     "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

     "I'm sorry if I sounded angry to you, but don't forget all you've taught me so far is basic astronomy. You can't expect me to have blind faith in what I don't understand just because I love you. I haven't even got Arlyn's advantages. None of my experiences confirm what you believe the way her visions of auras do."

     "Trust me," he said in a voice both self-assured and soothing.

     "All right," she said, "I'll let you decide, but I can't help being uneasy about it."

     Travengard got a large cowhide cylinder from his pack antelope and sat down under a palm tree to roll out its contents. Krisdevon took out his flute and leaned against a rock with a shaded overhang. He was moistening his lips in preparation for playing when Arlyn asked. "Aren't you going to watch him to see if he makes any mistakes?"

     "No, he works much too quickly for me to keep up with his calculations, and he's too advanced beyond my level for me to follow his interpretations without his construing them."

     "Couldn't you learn something from observing him?" asked Arlyn still hoping to have Krisdevon checking on Travengard.

     "No, it'd take him days to explain what he's going to do in an hour. I'd only slow him down. Look, Arlyn, there're rare occasions when you're better off putting your life in someone else's hands because they knows more than you do, and this definitely is one of them."

     "What'd you do if he wasn't here?" asked Arlyn.

     "Find out as much as I could about the weather, and then draw charts. I just wouldn't be able to do it as well as him. Why don't you relax and enjoy the warmth. It'll be very cold in the mountains."

     He began to play his flute, and Arlyn joined in singing a background harmony. After a while he played long, low notes, and she created a melody. Soon neither had the least thought of the ordeal which might be awaiting them. Eventually Relita saw the wisdom of their attitude, and she accompanied them in their music making.

     Although Krisdevon had expected Travengard to finished in an hour and he had begun early in the afternoon, sundown came, and he still was at work. He lit an oil lamp and sat hunched over its glow deep in thought. Eventually he ceased to write and for a time all he did was stare as if he knew what his course had to be, but he was not eager to embark on it. The others sat around a tree in silence. Now one, now another would glance up at the sweet, beautiful child's face which hid the mind of a brilliant, funny, gentle man who had accepted the responsibility of deciding what could be a life or death matter for all of them.

     "There's little purpose for superior knowledge if one doesn't use it for the benefit of ones fellows," he had thought when he had started his computations, but now, though he was not inclined to renounce this principle, he was far more aware that this same superior knowledge might require him to tell people things they might not want to hear and make him do things he might prefer not to do.

     "I knew there would be times like this when I became an astrologer," he thought as he stood up and walked over to his friends, "but despite everything I still believe it's better to have all the facts I can while I'm determining what path to follow."

     "I haven't much good to say. Look at that," he said placing the lamp and a chart before Krisdevon.

     A moment later Krisdevon said darkly,"That one certainly doesn't look very optimistic. How're we going to deal with it?"

     Travengard turned to Relita and said, "It'd be a very bad idea for you and me to try crossing the mountains now. We ought to stay right here for at least two decadays. We can talk about what we're going to do later."

     "If you say so," said Relita who already had more or less decided she would not enter the mountains under these circumstances. Unlike her companions she was not eager to study with the Ae-Dey. She only was interested in journeying to their land because her friends were, and she wished to be with them. It was not that once there she would not have sought to master the teachings of the Ae-Dey. They simply were not so crucial to her that she would imperil her life in order to be exposed to them.

     "We could go to the Thacian capital," Travengard went on to Relita. "Sarth's not more than a decaday's ride from here, and it isn't such a bad place... We could do something else if you want."

     "Let's not worry about that now," said Relita who was relieved she would not have to resist the united wills of Arlyn, Krisdevon, and Travengard.

     "What about us?" asked Arlyn. "Are you saying Krisdevon and I ought to do something different?"

     "That's up to you," said Travengard. "Whenever I cast your horoscope, it comes out odd, and this one's as strange as any I've seen. If anyone else's charts were so full of malevolent signs, they would have been dead long ago, yet in yours there always seems to be some incredibly strong influences to counterbalance the evil. It's as if two Powers are warring over you."

     "Can't you give me more information than that?" she asked.

     "Yes, you're in danger that's great even for you, and my first reaction is to tell you to seek as much safety as possible immediately, but the forces which protect you seem to be at a maximum now, too, and there're indications something very important will happen if you go south. Whether or not you'll survive is entirely another question."

     "What about Krisdevon?" she asked.

     "He'll stay with you," he replied. "His fate's tied to yours. I must tell you one thing. If you're going, you've got to go before midnight. After then you haven't much of a chance. The influence favoring bold undertaking wanes after then."

     "We're supposed to be putting ourselves in your hands. What would you do if you were me?" she asked.

     "I'd probably go," he answered, "but that doesn't mean you should. I wouldn't do it just from inquisitiveness, but whatever it is that's waiting for you up there five days from today, it seems like it might be a very valuable experience."

     "How do you know it won't happen if I stay here?"

     "I don't, but I doubt it. It looks like it depends on your taking a great risk, and the only great risk I can see for you now is crossing the mountains."

     "Are you with me either way, Krisdevon?" she asked.

     "Yes," he answered.

     Arlyn stood there in the light of the rising moons and quickly weighed factor like; the unpleasantness of being separated from her long term lover, Relita, the possible hazards of not having Travengard as an advisor, the wasted time inherent in waiting until spring to visit the Ae-Dey, the threat of being subjected to great harm or even being killed, and all the other conditions she was aware of, but it all kept coming back to the unknown event five days later. Nothing she could conceive of finding in the mountains was worth dying for, but it was not certain she would perish. It was only a possibility, but how much of a possibility she did not know. For an instant she wanted to let Krisdevon choose, but she quickly recognized she would regret such a delegation of authority no matter what occurred.

     At last she asked, "Do we have a reasonable chance of staying alive without suffering a lot of permanent damage? I'm not suicidal, you know."

     "Neither am I," replied Travengard, "and I did say if I was you, I'd be very likely to go."

     "Very well then, Krisdevon," she said firmly, "let's go."

     Rapidly Arlyn and Krisdevon gathered their belongings, tied up several large bundles of oasis reeds for their antelopes, said hasty goodbyes, and rode off under the ominous, moon-silhouetted mass of huge camel's head shaped rock which gave the pass its name.           One of the advantages of the route over the Camel's Head was that at least a hundred people used it in a year, about twice as many as the other three combined, so it tended to be fairly well marked and easily followed. The Ae-Dey repaired it more frequently than the others, but that still was only once every few years, so it almost always was a difficult trip. Also it's maximum altitude was slightly more than five thousand meters, while the others were all at least five hundred meters higher. It's one major drawback was its length. The Arans were at their widest here, ninety kilometers in a straight north-south line. Furthermore this was the most winding of the passes, at some places doubling back as much as fifteen kilometers, so the total distance Arlyn and Krisdevon would have to cover was over two hundred kilometers, much of it running nearly level along mountain sides but some of it rising and falling a thousand meters in a short stretch. In a way they were fortunate because they would make the ascent from the sea level desert floor at night when it was cool, and they would not have to confront the sharp change in temperature they would have met during the day.

     Almost anything could have happened in the next half decaday, and it still would have seemed like the calm before the storm to Arlyn and Krisdevon, but in actuality nothing much did take place. They rode as hard as they could without straining the antelopes, but they were plateau animals, so they adjusted to the increase in altitude better than their riders did. They switched to their pack mounts often, and when they could, they walked on foot to rest the antelopes just in case a time came when they had to depend on the sure-footed beasts carrying them swiftly for a long distance.

     There was not much water or vegetation in the northern Arans because the more southerly mountains usually blocked out the little moisture which onshore winds brought to this region and what small quantities were found at the oases got to them by flowing long distances underground along rock strata which sloped gently downward to the north. There were, however, a few icy springs at which they constantly refilled their water bags notwithstanding their extra weight.

     Occasionally they stopped to gaze at the snow-capped peaks some of which soared to eight thousand meters above sea level. Though the little moisture found at those altitudes was permanently frozen and inconsequential in terms of climate, it did make for striking scenery. By day these huge wonders glistened gray-blue and white against a sky so clear and close it seemed to touch the mountain tops. By night their enormous shadows blotted out large portions of the sky and limited travel to when the moons were in just the right parts of the heavens. They almost never could move as fast as they would have liked even during the day because the narrow trail generally ran beside gorges of such great depth that pebbles Arlyn dropped seemed to take an eternity to reach bottom. Continuing their journey when the moons were behind the mountains was unthinkable, especially because the ledges which formed most of their path sometimes shrank abruptly to a few centimeters width. At these places they had to unload each beast, carry their gear across a bit at a time, and let the antelopes walk unencumbered by their packs. Fortunately this did not occur often, and since their total baggage weighed less than eighty kilos, it was not a difficult obstacle to overcome, only a nuisance.

     At first Arlyn was scared of falling, but before long she focused her attention on being careful, and she grew more sure of her ability to master the challenge of mountain travel. She also drew confidence from Krisdevon's self-control in the face of danger. He remained cautious and tranquil as he led their way toward their rendezvous with the unknown, but even his heart beat a bit faster with curiosity about the transcendental experience he thought the signs portended.

     Because they were unaccustomed to the height, Arlyn and Krisdevon were short-winded most of the time, so they did not have much breath left for talking, but on the fourth day they descended to the lowest section of the pass, and while they stopped to gather their strength, Arlyn asked, "What did you have in mind when you said, 'That doesn't look very optimistic'?"

     "Do you remember I once told you a good astrologer could pick out several dates in someones life when they might die?"

     "Yes."           "Relita's got one coming up in four days."

     "Then why did we leave her?" asked Arlyn, "Maybe we could protect her. I'd like to be with her."

     "If Travengard thought your presence would help, he would've asked you to stay. He didn't think your being there would do any good, so he didn't tell you because he didn't want to interfere with your decision about visiting the Ae-Dey. They'll probably ride into a canyon and find a cave where they can be as safe as possible. Then they'll just wait."

     "What about him?"

     "I don't know. He didn't show me his."

     "This is terrible," said Arlyn starting to cry as she began to absorb the full import of what Krisdevon had said. "My best friend may die, and I won't even know about it."

     "Or she might live and wonder if you died. We've no way of knowing, so there's no point in wasting energy worrying about it. I love Travengard, but it won't do him or me any good if I'm anxious about him when we're apart."

     "Krisdevon, at times you're so cold."

     "That's not true. You just don't see what it means to accept those things in life which you can't effect. The more you resist them, the more painful and difficult life is. The more you flow with them, the less you suffer. I'd grieve if you or Relita or Travengard died. I felt a great deal of sorrow when Covada was killed, but as long as I'm doing the best I can, I think it'd be wrong for me to destroy my peace of mind over something which is beyond my influence."

     "How can I be doing the best I can for her if I'm up here, and she's down there?"

     "I don't know, but Travengard thought you could. He loves her, and he wouldn't hesitate to ask you or me to make sacrifices if he believed they'd save her. He didn't, so trust his judgment. Don't forget. That's what we're supposed to be doing."

     "You're right," she said after a moment, "but I haven't learned to rise above my... what should I call them... less useful emotions, the way you do. Just let me sit here on this rock, and I'll come to terms with it my own way."

     They sat there, Arlyn with her head on her knees, Krisdevon with his arm around her shoulder. He understood her feelings because before his years of meditation he, like many sensitive people, had spent periods worrying about loved ones. "She'll have to work it out herself," he thought. "That's the way it always is."

     It did not require a lot of time for Arlyn to realize that if she sat there longer than was necessary for her to rest, she would be adding needlessly to their peril, so employing a technique at which she had become increasingly adept, she took several deep breaths and said to herself, "This idea we have been discussing is correct, and I will live by it." Then she stood up and was in complete control of herself as she said, "All right, let's go."

     Later in the day she said, "I'm sorry I said you were cold. It's not true, and I know it."

     "Don't worry about it," he said, and though she was unsure whether or not he was punning on their conversation about anxiety, she smiled, and then he did, too.

     They had agreed it would be best to treat their fifth day in the mountains like the others before it until whatever was supposed to happen actually took place. They did not wish to lose any more time than absolutely necessary, so they rode hard most of the day. By mid afternoon Arlyn began to doubt whether anything extraordinary was going to occur. They were nearing the highest elevation in the pass when the path dwindled to a mere large crack in the rock, and they again had to carry their baggage by hand. There was a sharp turn in the trail with which Krisdevon was familiar, and he warned Arlyn not to look up at what was around the corner until she was back on wider footing.

     "Is this where it's going to happen?" asked Arlyn.

     "I don't know," he answered, "It might be, but that's not why I told you not to look up. The beauty of the view here is quite distracting.

     Arlyn did as Krisdevon directed and did not cast her gaze skyward until she was in a safer place. Then she raised her head up and up further and still further until she could take in the whole of an immense, almost unreal titan which stood out far taller than even the giants around it. An Ae-Dey who had learned basic surveying techniques had estimated the summit elevation to be over ten thousand one hundred meters. Arlyn did not notice that the high, cold wind blowing against her almost threw her off the cliff as she gazed at this stark, awesome marvel. She was so overwhelmed by it that she only could smile with wonder at the cataclysmic forces which must have been marshaled to create a thing such as this. Her eyes ran up and down, back and forth, over huge crevices, jagged lines breaking flat sections kilometers wide. Large portions of its surface shown in colors and textures found on none of the other mountains. Translucent and transparent blues, greens, purples, and reds gleamed at widely scattered intervals as if this was an enormous piece of jewelry set with rough-cut, time-polished gems. To one side in the distance Arlyn could make out the first clouds she had seen in decadays, and they framed the mountain like velvet in a jeweler's display case. Again her thoughts had no words, only images of the immediate scene, as she took in and appreciated this spectacle.

     "Magnificent, isn't it?" asked Krisdevon.

     "Oh... you startled me," she replied. "Yes, it is. There isn't a lot to say about it, is there?"

     "No, not very much. Its a very sacred place to the Ae-Dey. Only their holy people are permitted to stay here. We'd better move on."

     "What about the antelopes?"

     "I took care of everything already."

     "Don't you want to look at the mountain for a while?"

     "I have for at least fifteen minutes," he answered, and they rode on toward and then around the base of the mountain.

     "What's it called?"

     "Var-Essa, it means 'Most Holy Place'."

     "They couldn't really name it anything else, could they?" Arlyn asked reverently.

     "No, I don't think so," he replied in a low, respectful voice which Arlyn barely could hear above the howl of the wind.

     Once they were far enough away on the southern face of Var-Essa, they repeatedly looked back at the mountain so they could see the slopes which became increasingly visible as they rapidly moved farther from them. Then Krisdevon abruptly halted and said, "Look at that!"

     "What? Where?" asked Arlyn her eyes sweeping the mountain face in search of anything significant she might have missed.

     "About a hundred meters below the point of the V shaped crack," he said eagerly pointing to a tiny indentation in the sheer granite wall, and with some difficulty Arlyn perceived what seemed to be a tiny, naked human form located about a thousand meters from them horizontally and as many more vertically. they was squatting motionlessly on the very edge of the precipice with their arms extended straight out from their body.

     "I think I see it. What is it?" asked Arlyn.

     "Only one of the Ae-Dey's most holy people could survive up there like that. Anyone else would freeze to death."

     "How come they don't?" asked Arlyn who was not comfortably warm even in her heavy sheepskin coat.

     "With their meditation they can control all of their bodily functions. Sometimes they slow them down until they almost stop, so they can conserve energy. I don't know exactly how it works, but they stay all winter in places like that and walk down unharmed in the spring... Arlyn, do you see what I see?" stammered Krisdevon almost speechless.

     "No, what is it?" cried Arlyn.

     "By all the Powers of the Sky, Land, and Sea, this is it. Don't you see it?"

     "No, I don't. Where should I look? What should I see?" she asked now filled with excitement.

     "On the ledge," he answered breathlessly. "A great spirit-bird is emerging from the body up there... It's not like any I've ever seen... It's a glowing mass of hundreds of sparkling lights. Its feathers look like prisms with all different colors flashing as it flies... It's enormous. Its wingspread must be over ten meters. It's gliding back and forth in the sky," he went on turning his head from side to side to follow its flight. "Don't you see it?"

     "No," she said frightened she would miss her opportunity for receiving knowledge because of some personal shortcoming which made her blind to this higher reality which already had possessed Krisdevon.

     "Be patient then," he said growing calm again, "Tey's not just here for me. Tey's here for both of us. They won't leave without manifesting temself to you."

     Arlyn moved her head back and forth from Krisdevon to the sky, but she saw nothing more remarkable than the stationary mystic on the cliff. She could tell from watching Krisdevon's eyes that whatever it was was circling closer and closer.

     "Put your arms out and crouch next to me like this," Krisdevon told her as he got into the same position as the figure on the ledge. She did, and he touched the middle finger of her left hand with the middle finger of his right.

     "What's going to happen?" she asked.

     "I don't know, but it won't be long now. Tey's very near," he said.

     In his voice she heard a complete acceptance of whatever his fate was going to be, and from his example of serenity she derived what she had been building toward since her childhood. All at once, at last, and permanently she had her own independent inner peace. At that instant she felt four huge and mighty talons grasp her left arm just above the elbow. She looked up and saw nothing, but she did not doubt something was there.

     Arlyn heard a voice nearby but with a remote, ringing quality. It said, "Greetings, my children. I hope you are well."

     Krisdevon replied, "Greetings, spirit bird. I am well. I hope our meeting finds you at peace."

     There was silence until Arlyn realized it was her turn to speak. She felt none of her former need to immediately ask a multitude of questions. Her academic training was far behind her, and her only desire was to accept whatever knowledge was about to be imparted to her. Later, if it was essential, she could inquire about matters which required further explanation.

     "Greetings, spirit bird," she said echoing Krisdevon's tone of reverence. "I am well, and wish you peace."

     "Thank you. Your wishes are kind. Unfortunately peace is impossible for me in my present state of transition, but soon, very soon, I shall be one with the void, and I shall be at peace.

     "You wish to know who I am and why I am here with you. I will tell you, but I must be very brief. I had hoped you would get here earlier in the day so we would have more time, but you must be as far away from these mountains as possible by sundown three days from today. That is absolutely necessary, or you shall perish, and all my planning and waiting will have been for naught.

     "I am, or more accurately, I was Sahrkizand, Power of the Sky and Benefactor of Mandistria. Now my flesh is dead. It has been for over a century, and for this reason I have no actual power to do anything. I only can take the form of this spirit bird when holy people of the Ae-Dey stay here on my mountain. Then I can fly vast distances and discover what I seek to know. The Ae-Dey love me even in weakness and defeat because I taught them much while I was alive. Now they trust me to see that they and Mandistria obtain a new Protector. Since my death they have done much to help me toward this and my other ends. You must never forget this.

     "I was slain by Great Tharl, Ruler of the Sea. He had no interest beyond the Ocean and did not even know I was a Power of the Sky. I was merely sitting by the sea, and he confronted me demanding I do the usual homage he demands of seafarers. Foolishly I refused, and he struck me down without the slightest warning. He is unbelievably strong. None of the Powers could stand against him alone. They probably could not even threaten him if they were united, which they are not. Tharl was born with Power coming to him from both his mother's side and his father's side instead of just one or the other. This makes him virtually unconquerable.

     "The only possible alternative would be for there to be a mating either between Powers or humans who had been given hereditary power as you two have. This might produce an equal to Tharl, but none of the Powers has caused such a union to be consummated because they do not trust each other, and all fear such a child would kill them, too, in its own quest for supremacy, so they do nothing and hope Tharl will continue ignoring dominions other than the Sea.

     "Because my murderer was not attempting to take my place as one of the Seven Powers of the Sky, it has remained unfilled, and my works never have been undone. Khator does not even know I am dead. As a spirit bird I can be invisible to him, and I have watched him carefully. When he mated with you, Krisdevon, it was his intention that you father a child with the power to resurrect Thash, but when you met Arlyn, it became my hope that you two would mate and your eldest offspring, gifted with Power on both sides, would revenge my death and act as Benefactor of Mandistria and invincible Protector of the Ae-Dey. they never could harm me because I am already dead."

     "Then you're the cause of all the strange experiences Arlyn and I have had, all those things which worked to make us feel supernaturally joined?" asked Krisdevon.

     "No," replied Sahrkizand, "As I said, I no longer have any power of that sort. I have observed several of these events, and I am unable to account for them. There must be forces beyond the earthly Powers which also desire the fertility of your union. It is unlikely random chance brought you together, and none of the other Powers would have risked it because your strength did not come from tem. Perhaps the spirit of your unconceived child already exists. they may be of such power that even now they is able to influence you, but this is pure speculation. I don't know. All I can do is meet with you this one time and plead with you to have a child as soon as you can. I have been dead so long that my spirit has little energy left to resist dissolving into the void. Most of what I had has been expended in coming before you like this, so at sundown in three days I will cease to exist as an independent entity, and my mountain will vanish."

     "How do we know this child you want us to have will be a force for good and not evil?" asked Arlyn. "I don't want to be responsible for setting some horrible monster loose on the world."

     "You can not be sure," answered Sahrkizand, "but you will raise tem. they will grow up along whatever paths you choose. In this respect they will be like any other child. If they becomes evil, the fault will be yours."

     "Do the stars tell us when might be a propitious time for this child to be born?" asked Krisdevon.

     "Interpretations of the signs vary," replied Sahrkizand. "I say you ought to have the child as soon as possible. If you feel other conditions indicate the contrary, it is for you to decide what course to pursue. There certainly are many factors involved. All I can do is give you the information I have."

     "Who among the Ae-Dey knows of our position?" asked Krisdevon.

     "Only the council of their nine most holy elders. One of these, Eantis, is known to you. The others you never have met. None will attempt to persuade you. I urged them to, but unless you mention the subject, they will not. They believe that unless your actions are the results of free choices, the delicate balance of the future will be altered. They have faith in prophecies from the meditations of long dead members of their tribes which foretold they would be defended by an outsider over whose origins and coming they would have no control. They fear that if they meddle in your lives, their fate will be made worse instead of better, however, they surely will assist you in any way you request."

     There was a silence while Arlyn and Krisdevon pondered what they had been told. Then Sahrkizand said, "Our time together grows too long. The sun is setting. If you have more questions, ask them quickly."

     Krisdevon's eyes narrowed, and the lines in his forehead became deeper. Something in Sahrkizand's speech had reminded him of Khator. His voice showed a tinge of distaste as he said, "If you were wise as well as powerful, show me how mere vengeance can be a sound motivation from which good can arise."

     Sahrkizand paused for longer than Krisdevon had expected and then responded in an unwavering voice, "I do not deny my aversion for Tharl, but if your child destroys evil, their incentive will not be my craving for revenge because I will be far away and indifferent to past earthly travails. If you teach them properly, they will attack what is wrong to help humanity. they will be untouched by my hatred because I created hereditary power for the heirs to the Mandistrian Throne long before I ever imagined Tharl would kill me. I granted them this gift out of kindness. Has not life on Tireus flourished in tranquility under the Empire? I understand your reluctance to trust me. You received much misuse from Khator, but I assure you that though I was not perfect, my deeds were predominantly benevolent. If I was not as enlightened as some of your mentors among the Ae-Dey, it was, as you may learn, because enlightenment is almost mutually exclusive with Power, but I did try, and the Ae-Dey respected me for that effort... Do you have any further questions?"

     "I am aware one ought not judge another being harshly on limited knowledge," said Krisdevon in a more amiable tone, "but as you say, I have grounds for being suspicious. If you have told us all we need, that suffices for me."

     "I have," said Sahrkizand. "Arlyn, do you wish to know anything else?"

     "You have no power to predict the future, do you?" asked Arlyn.

     "No," she replied.

     "Then we had best part," said Arlyn.

     "Remember," said Sahrkizand, "ride as fast as you can. Do not stop day or night. It is your only chance."

     Arlyn felt the great claws on her arm shift and push down. Then the weight was gone. Arlyn very much wanted to see Sahrkizand, not to prove anything but only to appreciate her beauty. She relaxed herself completely so she would be totally receptive to her. She looked up, and there whirling in the sky above her she beheld the great spirit bird of many-colored lights. She and Krisdevon watched as she swiftly flew higher and higher until she disappeared from their sight. Then they arose immediately, mounted their antelopes, and galloped off to the south.

     They already had been tired from five days of riding at high elevations, so the prospect of covering another hundred kilometers in three days, even if it was predominantly downhill, seemed rather bleak to them, especially since a new factor soon would be added, and it was unclear what sort of role it would play. As the sun sank beneath the mountain tops, they discerned the approach of the thick, low, gray clouds which in this region at this time of year could mean only one thing, snow. Still they had every intention of trying their utmost to prevail over this hostile environment, not for the welfare of Mandistria or the Ae-Dey, not to fulfill the last wishes of Sahrkizand nor the first wish of their potential child, the yearning to exist, but for themselves because they loved life and would not surrender it without a struggle.

     They agreed that since they had to rest at least a little, they ought to do it when conditions for travel were worst, so although they might have stumbled along at a slow pace between sunset and first moonrise, they decided to nap during that hour. Before they slept, they reasoned that because of the dire nature of their emergency, it would be best to lighten their loads. They had been carrying only what they deemed bare essentials; minimal clothing, blankets, camping equipment, plus a few small tools from their crafts, two flutes and two inlaid boxes. Besides that all they had was food and water for themselves and their antelopes which also were suffering from the strain they had undergone. They were unsure how much they should abandon, so they thought about it as they ate fairly large meal. They gave their mounts as much grass and water as they would consume and then slowly drank a liter of water between them to ward off high altitude dehydration concerning which the Ae-Dey frequently had warned Krisdevon.

     They slept, drank more water, and rode off down the pass leaving behind all but the clothes they had on, absolutely minimal survival gear, the flutes, the boxes filled with raisins and almonds so they would not have to fast completely on their descent, and one small water skin each. This was quite a gamble because if they did not find water along the way or at least discover snow at lower elevations than in the north, they surely would perish. At first Arlyn had been unwilling to hazard this extreme measure, but when she thought, "What good will plenty of water do us if we're still in the mountains three days from now?" she saw the futility of any attempt at holding anything in reserve. "The temperature's about freezing," she went on to herself, "so the ones we've got'll probably be solid ice before long. This is a wonderful vacation I'm having,"

     She laughed out loud, and Krisdevon asked, "Are you all right?"

     "I'm fine," she said grinning, "just fine. Let's get out of here before Great Tharl drops a mountain on us,"

     "You ought to watch what you say. You never know who's listening."

     "Maybe so but one ought to be permitted a few blasphemous lapses in moments of desperation. Anyway who'd be crazy enough to be in a place like this besides us?"

     Arlyn's humor was infectious, and Krisdevon smiled in spite of their plight. "I guess you're right," he said with a chuckle.

     As they rode on during the night, it was hard for them to notice the gradual changes in the ecology, but by the time the sun came up, they were surrounded by mountain terrain much different than the northern Arans. Although water here never was plentiful, and this period before winter was the dry time of the year in the south, there was enough moisture left over from the previous wet season to support small, widely scattered patches of dark greenish brown vegetation which soon would be covered up by snow. If the last winter had had less precipitation, this would not have been the case, so although Arlyn and Krisdevon were not in a good situation, they were relieved to find conditions were not the worst which were possible.

     By mid morning they saw their first tree since the oasis palms. It was a gnarled, ancient bristlecone pine which had successfully defended its right to exist in this inhospitable location for several millennia. It grew from a soil filled crack in the rock not far from a tiny spring. Arlyn and Krisdevon halted here to drink after having been on the move ceaselessly since moonrise the night before.

     The water was extremely cold and very difficult to drink, particularly in the large quantities they had to consume to alleviate the symptoms of dehydration they already were exhibiting. Both of them were wracked by severe muscle cramps, nausea, and dizziness in addition to their shortness of breath, but they relaxed their bodies, and before long the shivering brought on by the icy water subsided.

     Soon they were once more on their antelopes hurtling southward. In areas where the trail was between mountains, this experience was not too unpleasant. The large, easily ridden antelopes were less inclined to undergo pain on account of the height, and although they also were growing closer to collapsing from overexertion, for now they continued sure-footed. Places where they had to follow narrow paths at the edges of cliffs were a much different story. The speed at which they now were moving made these stretches almost unbearable to Arlyn. She experimented with closing her eyes for short distances, letting her mind wander to happy scenes from her childhood, but suddenly it dawned on her that being dead weight on the back of her antelope was a bad mistake. What if they came to a turn where she had to lean to assist it? If she did not, they both might fall, so there was no alternative to remaining fully conscious and alert. She remembered the example of the pine tree enduring where it never should have been able to, and in spite of the raw, cold wind slashing her face and the agonizing pains striking her now in her knees and lower back, then in her neck and shoulders, and still later in her arms and middle back, she held on as well as she could.

     "This's far beyond what I would've thought were the limits of my perseverance," she mumbled to herself. "I hurt all over, but I'm not giving up."

     At one point when they rounded a switchback, she could make out Krisdevon's face, and although she thought she saw in his eyes the same recognition of danger which she felt, she also saw he was grinning, obviously enjoying what he was doing. "I might as well try that," she thought. "If he can manage it, so can I."

     She started merging with what was going on around her, accepting the terror which filled her yet rising above it to a level that only can be described as an ecstasy of fear. Her body tingled all over with pleasure, and an overwhelming cognizance of her own existence pervaded her entire being.

     This rapturous, lucid feeling of the immediacy, the here-and-nowness of her life only went on a little while before it began flowing into a frame of mind which was the antithesis of the one preceding it. As the kilometers of rock wall rushed by only centimeters away, her elation at the awareness of being alive faded, and she became completely indifferent to the possibility of dying. Death became a useless abstraction to her. She simply was a mindless animal sitting on another animal both caught up in the physical aspects of riding.

     "Bend left, now right," were her wordless, bodily reactions to the exigencies of the trail as she and her antelope blended into oneness. She no longer had or had need of conscious thought. She was not even conscious of her own existence. Her well developed riding skills functioned purely by reflex just like those of the antelope. She did not feel her aching muscles and joints. Her nausea was gone, and her head was clear.

     Much later she felt a vague, fleeting curiosity to know if Krisdevon still was responding to their peril in the same manner as he had earlier. When an opportunity presented itself, she glanced at his face and saw that except for his eyes which flashed back and forth to study the road ahead, he had the same expression of gentleness and serenity he had while walking with her in the parks of Mandistria. "That's how I must look now," she thought. "How interesting." Then she returned with completely thoughtless attentiveness to the business at hand. She was fearless because she did not exist, and since she was not conscious of her existence, she had no way to be frightened by affairs associated with that existence. She even lost sight of the goal of reaching the comparative safety of the plains as swiftly as she could although something lurking on the fringes of her mind occasionally reminded her that however unusual her behavior might appear, there was a justifiable purpose somewhere behind it.

     The next two days were like a dream for Arlyn and Krisdevon. While their bodies were buffeted by freezing winds and jarred by galloping antelopes, their minds and spirits peacefully glided toward the end of the Camel's Head Pass. They drank when they had to water their antelopes, and they did observe the increasingly verdant beauty of the southern Arans, but they could not appreciate it because they were to removed from earthly considerations. The encountered more and taller pine trees and saw large, gray, black, and white mountain goats leaping from crag to crag, but because Krisdevon and Arlyn were in some ways dazed and yet in others keenly alert, these magnificent sights were only objective facts to them.

     Although they changed mounts often, by now the antelopes were badly fatigued. Sometimes at lower elevations they ran a kilometer or two on foot to help the sorrowfully gasping antelopes, but they could not risk stopping for a lengthy rest no matter how necessary it might have been. They knew they were treating these gallant and faithful beasts with what in other circumstances would have been cruelty, but here and now there was no choice but to ride them hard until they died or escaped the imminent doom awaiting them all if they were caught in the mountains after what in this case literally was a deadline.

     They reached the summit of the last ridge overlooking the Ae-Dey Plateau just before sundown of the third day. Although the sky had cleared temporarily, it had been snowing along the upper parts of their route for several hours, but Arlyn and Krisdevon had been almost completely oblivious to it. Fortunately they had not been slowed by it because the road near the opening of the pass was wider, less broken by obstacles like holes and fallen rock, and much more gradually sloped.

     The final hill they had to descend was perhaps eight hundred meters high and four kilometers long, It projected much farther out into the plain than the other hills, so as Arlyn and Krisdevon talked to their mounts urging them to put forth one last valiant effort to save them all, they were able to turn their heads toward the horizon and see how much margin they had left between success and failure, survival and destruction. Down and down they galloped. Down and down went the sun. It was a frantic race against time, but they made it to the bottom just as the last traces of the sun ceased to be visible. They kept riding on a straight line away from the mountains and across the plains.

     One minute elapsed, then another. They could see the sun had set. They began to wonder if this all had been some kind of cosmic prank played on them by a Power with a grotesque and perverse taste for practical jokes, but then suddenly the ground all about them shook with a violence which would have been inconceivable to them a moment ago. Huge fissures opened hundreds of meters long in an instant. Avalanches of trees, soil, snow, and rock began to fall from the hills near them, and far away in the background they could see whole mountains sinking into the earth as new ones rose and took their places. It was a cataclysm beyond anything they had expected or even imagined. They stood there completely exhausted as the seconds ran into minutes, and the trembling of the land continued unabated. They clutched each other with all their remaining strength and prepared to die.

     "I love you," they shouted almost simultaneously over the roar of the wind and the falling rock. At this final moment of their lives both wanted the other to take the knowledge of their love with them wherever they went , but they did not die. After one last gigantic spasm the earthquake began to subside. Tremors continued, but the main shifting ceased along the fault between the mountains and the plains. Arlyn and Krisdevon lay down in the open, too thoroughly drained even to seek shelter. It started to rain, but they did not care. They were unconscious.

Chapter VII

     When Krisdevon awoke, he opened his eyes briefly to find the sun was at its zenith in a cloudless sky. The ground beneath him was wet, and he was shivering. He surmised he had been lying there longer than just overnight, but he had no way of being certain. Until he moved, he did not hurt very much beside a dull headache, but when he attempted to roll onto his side, he felt pains all over his body. There were so many he could not catalog them. Some were simply overworked muscles which had tightened up and might loosen in a few days, but at least one, which did not appear until he had been awake for a moment, was definitely severe. Whenever he inhaled more than a very shallow breath, he felt several minutes of sharp, stabbing pains behind his breastbone.

     "That kind of thing could be something you die of," he thought between the onslaughts of his torment. "I'd better ready myself for that possibility. I don't want to die, but I've got so little energy left to resist it... I can't even breath right to clear up my head. Every time I do, it feels like I'm being cut up inside with a razor. I can't take much more of this. If all I've got left is a few minutes of agony, I ought to slash my wrists and save myself the trouble... Just wait a bit. My mind is so hazy... I am a warrior. Death is insignificant to me. Maybe I've never seen my next incarnation, but I know it's there waiting for me when this one's done. Fear of pain and death is something I've transcended. If I have to die, I have to die, and that's all there is to it. Relax and accept.

     "Something in my body says it's very important to get onto my side no matter what the effort costs... Now roll... There, that seems better. The spasms are farther apart now. I hope that's torn muscle tissue, not a bad heart artery. I know some medicine, but it could be either one... Now that I'm getting bits of time between jabs in my chest, maybe I can think some... Ow! that one was really bad. They leave sort of an echo. Keeps me aware there're more to come. The expectation is almost as bad as the pain. Got to absorb it and let it pass through me... Maybe if I put my arm behind my back it'll take weight off my chest... Relax... Accept... Relax... Accept... Relax... Accept... That's better. At least this way the gaps are bearable.

     "I'm hungry. That's a good sign. At least something's working properly... I hear a voice,,, It's in my mind...'Now you are a warrior. You must never forget what that means, or you will lose the tranquility you have gained. Pain is only a warning your body gives you when something is wrong. After you are aware of this information and you have done what you can to treat its cause, it is useless to continue fixing attention on it. Once you have gotten the message of a marker on a trail, you would not keep your gaze upon it without looking back to the road, would you? As for death, be ever mindful it is but a doorway to walk through on your way to eternity.' That was Eantis speaking. I remember now. I'm beginning to regain the balance of my mind. I am once more at the center. For now it is unnecessary to make a decision about suicide. I must take inventory of my position. If it's hopeless, I'll kill myself, but only if there's no viable alternative.

     "Arlyn, where's Arlyn? I'd better open my eyes. She's next to me on her back. Is she alive? She doesn't seem to be breathing. Maybe I can touch her wrist and feel if her heart's beating... It's torture to move even a few centimeters... Where's the pulse? I can't find it... She must be dead... Her hands are cold. What a terrible loss. Even if I do get out of this, I'll be alone... I've been alone before. If my body lives, I'll get over this loss, too. I recovered from the last one, didn't I?

     "Let me try to find her pulse again. In my condition I might've missed it if it was weak... What? Yes, there it is! She's alive! What a joy. What a relief... Maybe I can wake her."

     Krisdevon pulled Arlyn's hand, called her name, and shook her as hard as he could, but she did not react. She was in a coma. "I'll have to wait until my condition improves before I try to do anything for her. I hope she'll be all right... I wonder how the antelopes are." He turned and saw three of them lying on the ground a few meters away and the fourth grazing a little farther off.

     "Syrgan," he called, and and the animal interrupted his meal and came to him. Although he was quite thin, he did not seem to have suffered too much damage from his ordeal. At Krisdevon's command he lay down between himself and Arlyn. Krisdevon took out a small folding knife, cut a tiny opening into a vein in the flank of the antelope, drank a small amount of blood, and then closed the incision. "If he'll stay here, his body warmth will help us," thought Krisdevon as he slowly drifted back into unconsciousness.

     The next time Krisdevon awoke, it was mid morning under a a swiftly moving gray sky. The ground was much less damp, and his sheepskin clothing had dried out. His muscles still ached, and his first thought after he checked to see what hurt was, "The only thing which doesn't seem to hurt is my wooden leg, and I'm not sure about that." Then he realized his chest no longer was filled with the tormenting , slicing pains which virtually had paralyzed him when he last had been conscious. All that was left was a dull, throbbing ache which he could tell would grow worse with exertion but remain quiescent if not aggravated.

     He opened his eyes to find the four antelopes in a tight ring about Arlyn and himself. He could not understand why they had come this near to them until he made out the shapes of ten or twelve huge plateau vultures which were awaiting patiently their next meal. In their midst were the bones of one of their recently deceased comrades. From the dried blood on Syrgan's left horn Krisdevon deduced it had made the mistake of not tolerating a prudent delay of its dinner hour, and therefore it had been subjected to the fate nature generally metes out to the rash.

     Krisdevon attempted to rouse Arlyn, but though she was alive, she gave no response. He stood up and was dizzy for a moment or two, but this passed, and he was able to walk around in search of their packs. He opened one and ate the last small amount of food. He was hungry but could tell his stomach would not hold much food at one time until he was in better health.

     "I'm weak," he thought, "but at least I'm not sick, no fever or anything like that... We ought to get away from here as quickly as I can manage it... I'll make a stretcher for Arlyn and look for some kind of shelter along the dry riverbed a few kilometers south of here. That should be a good place for us to recuperate."

     He walked back to the now devastated foothills and found two small, uprooted trees. Using these, some rope, and their remaining blanket, he constructed a litter which could carry Arlyn on a drag behind one of the antelopes. Even this small chore was excruciating for him, and he had to rest often, but finally they were ready to travel.

     They had to move slowly because Krisdevon's second antelope, Garsis, was hobbling badly on account of an only partially healed bruise and slash on her right foreleg. He examined it carefully and found no bones were broken or out of place, but he still was amazed the animal had been so game that she had run kilometer after kilometer in such condition. Krisdevon glanced ahead, and seeing no obstacles in their path, he closed his eyes and focused his mind for several minutes on one thought, "Thank you, Syrgan, Garsis, Breet, and Daras. Arlyn and I are most grateful for what you have done."

     When he was finished doing this, he studied the auras of the beasts and was satisfied they were aware of his gratitude. Then he turned his attention to figuring out how long he and Arlyn had lain on the ground. After re-examining how far the mending of Garsis' leg had proceeded and considering the brittleness of the leaves on the newly dead trees, he concluded a minimum of seven or eight days had elapsed since the earthquake. He was unsure how much time Arlyn could live in her present condition, but he knew it was not very long.

     They reached the riverbed without any difficulty, and Krisdevon made camp for them in a shallow cave under a rock overhang on the riverbank. He gathered some grass for a bed, placed Arlyn on it, and went to drink from the small stream which was in the center of the river bottom. He was exhausted, so although it was not yet dark, he lay down and soon was asleep.

     When he awoke, the sun was up. He went out of the cave and took off his clothes. He felt stronger, and the coolness of the air which had bothered him the day before did not disturb him. He went through a series of stretching and deep breathing exercises, and though some parts of his body still were tight, his chest did not hurt.

     "Don't overdo it," he thought. "I'm still weak, and I've got to have enough energy left to do something for Arlyn... but what? First thing I ought to do now that my mind is functioning properly is examine her."

     He went back into the cave and scrutinized her entire body centimeter by centimeter. He looked for bruises and lumps, probed her muscles and bones with his fingertips, and listened to her breathing and heartbeat, but he could discern nothing wrong beyond increasing weakness brought on by prolonged unconsciousness. If he had been in almost any forest village, he would have obtained a few leaves of a particular herb which was a strong stimulant and held them under her tongue until they took effect, but unfortunately this herb did not grow on the plateau.

     "All I can do is look around and see what's available," he thought with both determination to do his best and at least fairly calm resignation to the inevitability of Arlyn's death if his best was not good enough, a mixture of attitudes which in a more highly perfected state was characteristic of the Ae-Dey.

     He covered Arlyn with their blanket and went in search of whatever he could find. He walked in ever larger circles around their campsite but could not locate anything which might be useful. There was almost nothing but kilometer after kilometer of bright green grass which had revived in the rain that recently had ended the dry season.

     "Arlyn's going to die if I don't do something," he reminded himself. "It's my responsibility to do everything I can to save her," so tired though he was, he kept on walking, and late in the afternoon he came upon a small copse in a place where the ground sank down perhaps ten or twelve meters. He climbed into the depression and looked at each plant that grew there.

     "Whatever I'm going to find, it'll be here," he thought, but most of the flora he observed were unlikely to possess the properties Arlyn needed.

     He got down on his hands and knees so he could crawl around looking under leaves and blades of grass, but the only thing he discovered in this manner which he had missed standing up was a tiny creeper which grew in several spots within the copse. He did not know much about this plant beyond the fact that its smoke was extremely pungent and toxic and that even in small doses it was fatal if eaten.

     "Wonderful thing to have to work with, but the rest have no medicinal value for a coma," he thought as he set about gathering as much of it as he could find. When he had filled a pouch made from a large, folded leaf, he ate some leaves he had found and then returned to their cave. It was dark when he got there, and he decided to wait until morning before doing anything. He wanted to consider the possible ways of administering the herb to Arlyn, but more than that he hoped she would recover by herself so he would not have to risk giving her a potion which might kill her. If he could have, he probably would have consulted the stars about what course to follow, but he had left his astrological equipment behind in the mountain pass. The only resource he had left was the knowledge in his mind.

     Any temptation Krisdevon might have had toward postponing his treatment of Arlyn was dispelled the next morning when he found her weakened. Her respiration was shallow, and her pulse was almost nonexistent at her extremities. He experimented with rubbing a few pieces of the creeper on his forehead. He waited to see if anything happened to him, but nothing did. Since the herb unquestionably was poisonous if eaten or brewed as a tea, the only thing left was to smoke it. Accordingly he carved a small, makeshift pipe by splitting a branch taken from one of the stretcher poles, hollowing out a channel down the middle of both sides, and widening the end of the tube to serve as a bowl. After tying the halves of the pipe back together, he separated some of the dead grass from their bed and prepared to light a fire in it with his flint and steel.

     All the while he was doing this, he was thinking as positively as he could about the outcome of his work. "Good plant," he thought slowly, deliberately, and respectfully, "I am sorry to have picked you and harmed you, but I have great need of your assistance. I trust you perceive another animal like myself lies before you dying. I am calling on you to save her by permeating her entire body and making her active again. You are a very potent herb, and I know you can kill, but I ask you not to this time. If it is of any consequence to you, I assure you she is a gentle person worthy of life."

     He continued reflecting wordlessly on the beneficial properties of the plant and eventually cleared his mind of thought completely. He sat on the ground cross-legged for quite some time in a state of tranquility. Toward the end of this meditation while his mind was blank and inactive, he sensed something outside himself entering his mind. At first he was unsure of anything besides its alien nature. It was as if it was the presence of a being which employed a language he did not understand, but little by little ideas became intelligible to him.

     "You are forgiven the small injury you have done me... I am one with my kind, and many of me go on, so nothing is lost... I will try to help. Do as you planned, but take care to inhale only the most minute amounts of my smoke because the same things in me which help me strengthen the soil for others who grow from it also make me very dangerous to those who do not grow from it... Do not forget that when the time comes, you must repay your debt to me by feeding other creatures with roots in the earth..."

     When his time of contemplation was over, Krisdevon was distracted by the feeling that because he had learned some important facts, he had taken a major step toward enlightenment. "I have communicated with a plant," he thought. "This is a sign of progress because I never was able to before today. Now I understand how great healers know which herbs to select and how to use them... Ah, I have not moved as far as I had thought. I have fallen into the same trap I often do. I take a step, and right away my self begins to boast how wonderful I am. One thing I do know is the self only becomes greater by becoming lesser, so I still have a long way to go. I can't fully accept Arlyn's condition the way the herb would the picking of others like it, so I'm not yet even one with my kind much less with all things... No time to think about that now. I must act."

     He lit a fire in the small mound of grass he had made, put some of the herb in the pipe, and held a thick, burning straw to the bowl. He took a short puff on the pipe and immediately was convulsed by a coughing fit. Only on a few occasions as a child had he ever smoked the most innocuous plant leaves, so he found it extremely difficult to control himself now. He felt his heart beating hard as the drug started to work on him.

     "I must be cautious," he thought. I lost that breath, and now I have to try again. If that happens too many times, I'll die, and nothing will have been accomplished."

     He took another draw on the pipe, but this time he was ready for the acrid smoke. Quickly he bent over and opened Arlyn's mouth. He covered it with his own, held her nose, and waited for her to breathe in. Then as hard as he could he blew all the smoke from his mouth into her lungs. He leaned away and shut her mouth for a moment before permitting her to exhale. He repeated this process several times and realized he was becoming badly intoxicated himself. His heart was pounding as if it was about to burst, but Arlyn did not awaken. Then suddenly she stopped breathing altogether. Moments went by as he kept breathing fresh air into her mouth forcing it into her lungs.

     "Don't die, Arlyn, don't die," he thought. He was not frantic, and he was not begging, but he was far from serene.

     At last she started to breathe on her own again, but she remained unconscious. He waited a few minutes until her respiration became regular again and then began anew exhaling small quantities of the herbal smoke into her lungs, but though she coughed repeatedly, she did not revive. For an instant, he thought he heard her heart beat faster, but he was unsure because his own was racing nearly three times as fast as it normally did.

     All at once her body twitched violently. She thrashed her arms and legs, screamed, and abruptly was awake staring at him wide-eyed.

     "What?... Where am I?" she asked as spasms went on contorting her entire body, but Krisdevon could not answer. He was lying on his back seeking with all his concentration to neutralize the effect the drug was having on him. The pain, the excruciating pain in his chest, had returned.

     Arlyn was confused and upset by awakening in these circumstances, but after a few moments she could tell her shaking was diminishing. The results of the drug on her were more favorable than on Krisdevon because in her case the ingredients had expended their potency overcoming a negative condition thereby restoring her physical balance as opposed to disrupting it as had happened with Krisdevon. Furthermore Arlyn had been in a coma far longer than Krisdevon, and during this period her body had had enough time to heal itself of all the injuries she had accumulated in the mountains, so beyond a heart rate one and a half times its usual rhythm, she was fairly comfortable.

     When she was sufficiently recovered to inspect her surroundings, she recognized Krisdevon was in serious danger. His breathing was very labored. He was moaning and shivering, and he was lying in a rather odd position on his side. "What's the matter, Krisdevon? Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

     She had to wait quite a while before Krisdevon mumbled, "No, I'll be all right in a day or two... I'll explain everything later."

     She saw he was naked and cold, so she covered him with their blanket and put her own, warmer body up against his. She held him close, and for several hours went through much the same thing Krisdevon had while she had been unconscious.

     "Don't die, Krisdevon, don't die," she thought over and over. "I wish there was something I could do, but what he needs now is warmth, and this is all I can do to provide it." She did not know the antelopes were less than twenty meters from the opening of the cave or else she would have made them lie next to her and Krisdevon.

     For his part Krisdevon could do nothing but try to relax and accept his agony as the not too unreasonable if awfully high price of having saved Arlyn. Scattered throughout his travail, he had momentary lucid thoughts which were mostly as follows, "If I die, that's the way it goes. I gambled and lost. I did my best and was only half successful. At least this time I don't have to worry about suicide. This is all brought on by the drug, so if I can last until it wears off, I should be all right. I've got to keep remembering there's nothing wrong with me that isn't caused be the drug."

     When he was aware of Arlyn's warm body wrapped around him, he was thankful, She hummed to him softly, and this helped, too, but most of his attention was devoted to reminding himself to breathe because for him respiration had ceased to be an involuntary action. If he did not deliberately inhale and exhale, the process halted, and his heart pounded still harder and faster. He was exhausted by over two hours with a pulse well over twice and in spurts even three times normal. With each beat of his heart his head throbbed as if it was being struck with a hammer. His chest felt as if it had been stabbed thousands and thousands of times, but at last his heart slowed down somewhat, and he passed out.

     At first Arlyn was uncertain whether this was a good sign or a bad one, but when the tautness began to leave him and his shivering stopped, she concluded he was through the crisis of whatever it was. Although she had not panicked, she still had expended a great deal of energy, so she was quite tired, and she fell asleep soon after he did.

     Early the next morning Arlyn awoke from a night of very sound but natural sleep. She was somewhat bewildered about where she was, but she attached only secondary importance to that problem. For the moment her primary concern was hunger. Although her stomach had shrunken and would require nearly a decaday before becoming healthy again, it nevertheless was functional and grumbling after its interval of deprivation. Arlyn took this as an indication that no matter what might have happened, she was well along on the road to mending. She tried to sit up, but it made her dizzy, and she had to lie down again.

     She listened to Krisdevon's breathing and found it deep and even. All the gasping for air was gone, and he appeared at ease. She prodded him gently, and he awoke. He, too, made an attempt at sitting up but fell back down immediately.

     "You, too?" she asked.

     "What?" he replied.

     "Did your head spin when you tried to raise it?"

     "Yes, we're both very weak."

     "Do we have any food?" she asked/

     "No, we'll have to drink antelope blood. They've recovered even if we haven't. All they've done is rest and eat for a decaday."

     "Is that how long I've been in a coma?"

     "At least a decaday. For a while I was, too, so I don't know for sure."

     "What do you mean, 'drink antelope blood'?"

     Krisdevon explained the method for her, but she was reluctant to agree to it. She never had heard of it before and thought it might be cruel to the animals, but she consented when he told her it was their only chance because it was obvious they could not hunt or gather plants until they were much stronger.

     For the next two days they subsisted by sipping the blood of now one, now another of one of their mounts. Arlyn was no little bit relieved to discover it was not very painful for the animals, but her distaste for it remained, and she was quite elated when she awoke on the third day to find Krisdevon offering her a handful of legumes he had picked not far from their cave.

     They started taking walks and exercising, and within a decaday they were in fairly good health. This made them eager to resume their journey, so after collecting a supply of beans from the stream banks and filling their water skins, they rode off to the south, both of them naked.

     Krisdevon had waited until he was certain Arlyn's mind had regained its full alertness before telling her of his experience with the plant. Her simple response was without questioning or doubt. "That's beautiful," she said.

     "I'm happy you see it that way. I thought you might not believe me."

     "After what we've been through, Krisdevon, talking to a plant is nothing special. Look at your right arm," she said. When he held it out, she pointed to four small scars, three in front. one in back. ""I just noticed them today. That's where the claws of Sahrkizand bound us together," she said showing him four similar scars on her own left arm. "From now on everything that's real for you is real for me and vice versa. While I was unconscious, I had a dream about communicating with a plant just the way you say it happened. I didn't mention it because I had thought it was an illusion. Now I know it wasn't... Didn't the last part mean we should be put in the ground without coffins after we die so we can rot and feed the plants?"

     "Yes, it did. Most forest people're buried that way," he replied.

     They rode on in silence both awed by the ever growing extent of their union. Each time they thought they could come no closer, they found themselves moving nearer and nearer toward a time when there would no longer be Arlyn and Krisdevon but only Arlynkrisdevon. Both were uneasy when they contemplated this eventuality because neither was sure what would become of their self, but neither chose to hinder what was transpiring between them. They knew they could, but they did not.

&

Chapter VIII

     The last stage of their quest for the particular tribe of the Ae-Dey Krisdevon was familiar with proved to be time consuming and monotonous, but not otherwise unpleasant. Like all the Ae-Dey, these, too, were nomads. They tended to stay in a semi-circular area roughly a hundred and twenty kilometers in diameter and centered about half way down the west coast of the eight hundred and twenty kilometer long peninsula, but beyond this approximation Krisdevon knew nothing about where they were likely to be. The only way to locate them was to move about in this region and ask people if they knew the whereabouts of Eantis and her clan. Most knew who she was because large gatherings of all the inhabitants in their area were held every five years, but for over a season Arlyn and Krisdevon encountered no one who had seen her or any of her group in the previous year.

     In many ways this was a restful time for Krisdevon and Arlyn. For a quarter or a season they had lived within the jaws of death, but though the teeth had sought to crush them many times, they had escaped, and for the time being at least they were free of tribulations. The spoke little because all they had endured together had brought them to such a proximity that their thoughts now often flowed back and forth between them without the need for words to act as distorting intermediaries. In this way each knew with incredible clarity who the other really was. There were no surprises, and there was considerable satisfaction to be taken from knowing the great scope of each other's love, but it was not always the best of intimacies because both had extensive memories of other lovers. They had to learn to accept this, but neither sought to restrict the boundaries of their own or the other's thoughts.

     One day the realization passed between them that if Travengard and Relita had done what Krisdevon had assumed was most probable, gone up a canyon and sought the protection of a cave, they almost definitely would have perished in the earthquake, but they had no way of knowing for sure. They were saddened, but somehow sharing it made the grief more tolerable, and it did not trouble them for more than a few hours. They exchanged good thoughts about their friends and hoped for the best. There was nothing else positive they could do, and Arlyn now also saw the futility of expending energy in a negative manner.

     They lived like the Ae-Dey eating mostly vegetation and small game. Krisdevon had taught Arlyn the Ae-Dey technique of absorbing cold in complete mental tranquility so the climate never bothered them despite occasional temperatures within a few degrees of freezing and an average elevation of two thousand one hundred meters. It rained on them, but it always ran off because they were naked. After a while they were not even vaguely uncomfortable this way, but they did make a small tent from antelope skins. They stopped several times with other groups of the Ae-Dey but never stayed long because though the Ae-Dey were friendly and helpful, they were very demanding of their guests, even other Ae-Dey who were with them more than a few days. It was customary under such circumstances to engage in extensive spiritual, mental, and emotional intimacies which required long periods of time and immense amounts of energy, so faced with the options of temporarily giving up their search for Eantis, insulting their hosts, or moving on, Krisdevon and Arlyn chose to continue their trek wandering on day after day after day over a landscape which hardly ever varied.

     At last around midwinter when they were in the far southeastern portion of the territory generally inhabited by Eantis' clan, they rode over a rise in the plateau and saw a man squatting in the same posture they had assumed when Sahrkizand had perched on their arms. He was only several hundred meters distant from them, but he appeared oblivious to their approach. His two antelopes, however, stopped grazing as soon as they perceived Arlyn and Krisdevon. Several other times they had come upon people in this pose which indicated they were far away in the form of a spirit bird. Usually they had left them unmolested, but both sensed there was something familiar about this man, so they tried to draw nearer to him. When they did so, one of the antelopes immediately interposed itself between them and the man while the other tapped him on the shoulder with its horns.

     "I think I've seen him before," said Arlyn peering around the antelope.

     ""You have. It's Lith..." replied Krisdevon as if he was stating an unimportant fact, but before he could speak further, Lith's eyes opened slowly and with obvious effort. He stared blankly at them for a few seconds and then gave some small flicker of recognition, but he shut his eyes again before they could say anything to him.

     "He knows we're here," said Krisdevon in a bland voice which still showed no reaction. Although he was in excellent physical condition, the decadays and decadays of ranging across the plateau with no idea of when their search might prove successful had so drained him mentally that he had little energy left to celebrate.

     "Spirit bird?" asked Arlyn unmoved.

     "Yes," answered Krisdevon.

     "Isn't he terribly vulnerable the way he is now? If someone tried to harm him, he couldn't defend himself, could he?"

     "He's a lot less easy to attack than you might think. He probably saw us coming kilometers away, He could've returned to his body quickly enough if we'd threatened him. As it is, he just didn't want to interrupt his flight."

     "What do we do now, wait?" asked Arlyn already seated on the ground.

     Krisdevon nodded and sat down next to her. They had come to expect it would be yet another season before they even got a trail to follow so it took them a few minutes to assimilate the import of suddenly finding Lith, but when they did, they embraced and sighed deeply with the happy knowledge that their journey finally was coming to an end. Arlyn had thought she might jump for joy when this time came, but now that it had arrived she wished only to let her mind bask in the warm sensation of relief which completely pervaded her. Krisdevon, too, simply sat with his eyes closed and smiled ever so slightly.

     Several hours went by, and it was not until just before sundown that Lith's semi-rigid body began to stir, flexing a few muscles at a time. Then he stood up and performed a lengthy series of calisthenics to loosen himself from having been in an awkward crouch for an extended period. Throughout his exercises his eyes were shut, and he paid no heed to Arlyn and Krisdevon who watched with awe at how he executed intricate feats of balancing and stretching without the aid of his sense of sight.

     "It's almost as if he's outside his body warming it up before going back into it," said Arlyn.

     "That's exactly what he's doing," replied Krisdevon.

     "Interesting," said Arlyn.

     Lith faced them, opened his eyes, and grinned broadly. "Hello, my friends, hello," he said, and all three embraced. Then he hugged Krisdevon alone for a long time.

     "We'd begun to wonder if you were coming this year," said Lith after they separated.

     "We had a great deal of trouble finding you. It took us more than a season," said Krisdevon.

     "If you'd let me teach you to fly, you'd've done it in a few days. this time I'll... " Krisdevon shook his head smiling, and Lith went on, "I know. I know. You're still intent on finding your next incarnation before you try to master something else. It's not an unwise decision... Where's Travengard?"

     "That's a long story, and I'm afraid it's not a pleasant one. He might even be dead. I'll tell everyone when we're with the tribe," said Krisdevon.

     "That's sad," said Lith. "The world hasn't got many people like him. He was so young and gifted, too. It'd be a great loss if he's dead. You're not sure though, are you?"

     "No, we just don't know what happened to him... How's Eantis?" asked Krisdevon changing the subject because he did not wish to have to relate the unfortunate details concerning Travengard more than once.

     "She's fine, better than ever. As the days go by, I get more and more convinced her greatness isn't just as a leader... She's going to be... She already is one of the most holy people in our history. Her aura glows with such brilliance... It's amazing. You'll see." He turned to Arlyn, and this time placing emphasis on 'you' he repeated, "You'll see."

     "She does see," said Krisdevon.

     "Do you believe what you see?" he asked Arlyn.

     "Yes," she replied.

     "That's good news. I'm glad for you," he said to Arlyn.

     "I don't see them that well, only when they're very vivid," said Arlyn.

     "If you can see any, in time you'll see them all," replied Lith.

     "How's Ela?" asked Krisdevon.

     "Fine," answered Lith, "she grows taller every day."

     "And Arc?" asked Krisdevon.

     "He's well, very well," answered Lith. "He has seen his incarnation after his next one, the fox. He's going to be a deer, a really happy one he says."

     "I must congratulate him. He's quite fortunate," said Krisdevon.

     "You will, soon enough. I saw a small herd of antelope not too far from here. Tomorrow after we've killed some, we'll go back to where the tribe is camped. We haven't had meat for more than three decadays, and everyone's looking forward to a feast. You came at the right time." Krisdevon and Arlyn both smiled, and Lith went on, "I'm tired. I flew a lot today, and I need to rest for the hunt. I'd like to sleep now if it's all right with you."

     "I have no objections," said Krisdevon, "but I do have one more important question."

     "What is it?" asked Lith.

     "How are you?" asked Krisdevon.

     "Fine," laughed Lith. "Are you two as well as you look?"

     "I am," said Krisdevon.

     "I am, too," said Arlyn.

     They said their goodnights and lay down on their antelope skin blankets. Lith was asleep almost immediately, and Krisdevon was, too, soon afterwards. Excitement kept Arlyn awake a little longer, but soon she was also asleep.

     When morning came, Arlyn watched as Lith went through a series of exercises much the same as the ones he had done on the mesa. He was joined by Krisdevon, and for the first time she observed the regimen he followed. In many ways it was a lot different, but apparently not because of his wooden leg. Actually some of the things he did were, if anything, more difficult than those done by Lith, but the most distinct contrast was between their techniques. As graceful as he was gliding through his routine, he always looked like he was doing exactly what he was doing, a set of exercises. Lith, on the other hand, danced as if every step possessed some elaborate, higher, spiritual symbolism.

     Also there were things she had not seen him do in Mandistria, as when he seemed to float, to pause hanging in the air, or to perform what looked like impossible gyrations and changes in course after leaving the ground. It was almost as if he was swimming in water.

     "That's quite impressive," said Krisdevon somewhat awed after he had studied these motions carefully.

     "I've been working on it waiting for you to come back. No one here's fast enough to touch me. Want to try?" asked Lith.

     "Why not?" said Krisdevon.

     After they had circled each other briefly with their hands slightly outstretched, Lith made a leap toward Krisdevon's right side. Krisdevon turned very quickly to grab and flip him, but then suddenly at the last instant Lith contorted his body in mid air and redirected his lunge to Krisdevon't left side. What followed took place so swiftly that Arlyn's eyes failed to perceive Krisdevon's defense, but the next thing she saw was Krisdevon having already reversed his balance to the other side turning Lith around and upending him so he fell harmlessly on the ground. Before he could roll away, Krisdevon dived over him, touched his belly, and somersaulted back onto his feet.

     "I can't believe it," said Lith. "Nobody's that fast... There may be some things you haven't mastered, but our martial arts isn't one of them."

     "Martial arts is a useful tool, nothing more. Other than the fact that not too long ago this skill kept me alive so I could have another chance to seek knowledge, it hasn't done much for me so far," replied Krisdevon with a smile and a shrug. He was a bit discouraged by what he saw as a hollow victory.

     "They're all bound together," said Lith stroking Krisdevon's arm gently. "True progress in one field helps toward the others. You understand the philosophy which accompanies out martial arts training, and you live by it. Someone else with your gift for physical might who wasn't on the road to knowledge would've used their prowess for evil long before they got to your age, but you haven't. That's a good sign."

     "I'll take your word for it. You haven't been wrong yet... Are you ready to hunt?" said Krisdevon looking at Arlyn. She nodded, and the three mounted and rode off.

     Arlyn was not interested in continuing a discussion of martial arts, so she asked, "How do you determine who does the hunting. Is it whoever's best at it?"

     "No, most of the Ae-Dey're tolerably good hunters. It's up to the individual what to do when it's their turn to prepare food," replied Lith.

     "Oh?" asked Arlyn.

     "Everybody's expected to make a meal or two for the tribe every season," answered Lith. "You can gather roots or grass, prepare fruits and vegetables from the garden, or hunt meat. Most people combine them, but the weather's been rainy lately, so no one's been hunting for a while. The antelopes I kill now're going to be the main dish for at least three or four meals, so I won't have to cook for a quite a while."

     "You don't like to cook?" queried Arlyn.

     "I don't mind it a few times a year," said Lith. "I just don't want to do it a lot. "It's no easy job cooking for a hundred and forty people."

     "Is that how many people live with your tribe?" asked Arlyn.

     "Roughly."

     "And one person has to cook a meal for them all by temself?"

     "Not quite," said Lith. "You can make deals with people for help. "One of the younger girls is due to make her first meal soon, and she promised to collect berries for me now if I provide meat for her when it's her turn. When she's older, she'll hunt her own, but you can't expect an eight year old to bring down and carry in an antelope that weighs ten times what she does."

     "An eight year old is going to dress and cook an antelope?" asked Arlyn.

     "Of course," said Lith. "Arc did it at six and a half. It's part of our puberty rites. She has helped me before, and she's going to work with me on the ones I bring in today. Next time she'll prepare it on her own. It may not come out a culinary masterpiece, but it'll be good. She's thorough, and she knows what she's doing."

     "That's hard to believe, but I guess if I can accept my gentle, sweet Krisdevon as a great warrior, I can believe and eight year old is going to cook for... your whole tribe... Do you have a name for your tribe?" asked Arlyn remembering to inquire about something which occasionally had crossed her mind but always at times when it would have been inopportune to ask Krisdevon.

     "We are the people of the Little Feather," said Lith.

     "How did you get that name?" asked Arlyn.

     "Long ago one of our very holy people received a tail feather from the spirit bird of Sahrkizand. It's quite small, but it's one of those which steered her flight. That's why it was given to a holy person. The holy people're supposed to guide us."

     "It must be very sacred to you," said Arlyn.

     Krisdevon had not wanted to interfere with the satisfaction of Arlyn's curiosity and had remained silent until now, but before Lith could respond again, he interrupted him to point out a small cluster of antelopes he had sighted about a kilometer away. They rode slowly downwind to within half a kilometer of the herd which contained about forty animals in all; a dominant male, his females, their young, and six or seven bachelor males. As a general rule the Ae-Dey preferred to take only from this last category so as not to effect the breeding stock.

     Normally at this stage of a hunt Lith would have ridden to within three hundred meters of the herd, dismounted, crept through the knee tall grass to within bow range, placed an arrow in his mouth near the feathers and another in his bow, and then jumped up to let fly with two quick shots. Usually by this means he could bring down two antelopes before the others scattered, but with Krisdevon and Arlyn there he decided to operate differently. These antelopes were of a species much smaller, rarely heavier than two hundred kilograms, and somewhat faster than the ones used for riding, but if they were driven toward tem, a rider could shoot at least one if they was swift enough at intercepting it. Accordingly Lith directed Arlyn and Krisdevon to ride to one side of the herd while he went off to the other.

     Since Krisdevon had hunted last, they agreed that Arlyn would take their bow and either Krisdevon would stay out of her way or if none of the antelopes came near her try to force one toward her. They waited for the bird call which was Lith's signal. It came only an instant before the antelopes charged off almost straight in their direction. Arlyn was ready, but shooting while mounted was a new experience for her, and she had all she could do to keep from falling. Furthermore as soon as the antelopes saw her, they ran off obliquely. She picked out one that seemed a bit slower and galloped toward it. The wind streamed against her face, and she was filled with the elation of the chase. Her heart sped as she concentrated intently on her task, but then she realized that if she tried too hard, she would fall.

     "All these people are counting on me... but all the wrong muscles in my body are tightened," she thought. "This never will work." She breathed deeply, relaxed her mind, and steered Daras toward her target. She flowed easily through the instant of drawing back her bow and shooting, and suddenly the hunt was over. The antelope lay on the ground, an arrow through its neck. It twitched a few times and was dead.

     Arlyn looked around and saw none of the other antelopes were anywhere near her. She dismounted and walked over to the body of what had been a strong, living creature just a moment ago, but she experienced no remorse for her actions. To her killing to eat was justified. While waiting for Lith and Krisdevon to come, she began to field dress the carcass so it could be loaded onto a pack antelope, her intellect began to wonder how Lith, who had faith in reincarnation, could be other than a vegetarian. When Lith and Krisdevon finally reached her, they did not find Arlyn, the jubilant, successful hunter but Arlyn the probing questioner.

     "Good work," said Lith. "That was well done."

     "I watched you, too," said Krisdevon. "You did it like an expert."

     "Thanks," said Arlyn as they lifted the dead antelope onto Breet's back. She saw the two beasts Lith had shot were also fine specimens which would make excellent dining.

     He already had gutted and field dressed his, and he wanted to return to his tribe to butcher the carcasses before they went bad, so they mounted immediately and rode off to the south. "It's about four or five kilometers from here, so it shouldn't take us long... Arlyn, you look distracted. What's on your mind?" asked Lith noticing the expression on her face.

     "Lith," she said, "if you believe in reincarnation, how can you eat animals? You have no way of knowing if one of the antelopes you killed today was your uncle who died five years ago, so wouldn't it be more logical to eat only plants?"

     Lith paused a moment to choose his words, but he had no difficulty answering because he understood his beliefs well. "A human can reincarnate as anything alive," he said. "The roots I ate yesterday also could've been my hypothetical uncle. Every living thing must eat. It doesn't matter what you slay to eat provided it nourishes you and you show proper respect for it. One aspect of us humans is the predator carnivore, and it would be just as unnatural for us to deny this portion of ourselves as it would be to deny the herbivore within us. When you're in tune with your body the way we are, your body tells you what it needs to thrive, and sometimes that's meat."

     "You talk about being in tune with your body," said Arlyn. "I thought you believe in transcending the body?"

     "We do," replied Lith, "but you don't transcend it by renouncing it. It's part of you, and you're to accept it. It's there to teach you, and one of the ways you're supposed to learn from it is by moderately gratifying its wants and needs."

     "I've heard that meat makes you more carnal. Does that help you learn?" asked Arlyn.

     "Yes, up to a point," answered Lith.

     "Well, if your intention is to learn from the body and be moderate, how do you justify a feast like the one you're planning?" asked Arlyn.

     "I told you yesterday we haven't eaten meat in over three decadays," said Lith. "Besides you ought to be moderate about all things, including moderation. You should do something a bit excessive now and then. It's good for you."

     Arlyn grinned and looked at Krisdevon. "I do remember hearing that from you once or twice. A fine bunch of transcenders you are," she said laughing. "You're serious about the value of occasional excesses though, aren't you?"

     "Quite," replied Lith, "when you've lived with us for a while, you'll see how it works."

     "I'm looking forward to it," said Arlyn. For the most part she was favorably impressed by the clarity and simplicity of Lith's responses. She did not know if she would be able to adopt the Ae-Dey faith in reincarnation, but Lith's thinking was consistent, and she felt that was a good beginning if she was to approach the Ae-Dey as teachers at least some of the time. Some of her conversation had repeated discussions she had had with Krisdevon, but she wanted to begin checking whether or not the Ae-Dey were as wise as Krisdevon made them out to be, and if this was the case, to see if he had described their ideas accurately.

     Often in the decadays and seasons which followed she asked the same and many other questions of different people,and though the answers usually were personalized, they always seemed to arise from the foundation of a cosmology held in common by all the People of the Little Feather. She also was told these answers were roughly the same as those she would receive from other Ae-Dey anywhere on the peninsula.

     The village they were heading for was located in a depression so as to be difficult to see from a distance. When they arrived at the edge overlooking the site, Arlyn observed it was much the same as the other settlements she had visited. These were two concentric circles of the low, round, antelope hide covered tents in which the Ae-Dey usually lived. There were about thirty-five of these yurt-like structures , most of them four or five meters across, around a fairly large open area where many of the people had gathered. There were no fires burning, but there were several pits which obviously had been used as fireplaces. From the rim above the camp Arlyn also could see a grove of trees, several acres of vegetable gardens, and a corral of domesticated antelopes all of which were along the stream that served as the water supply. Although she could not see them, Arlyn knew from experience that there were two or three lookouts hidden in the treetops and that their approach had been signaled to the people below long before she, Krisdevon, and Lith had gotten anywhere near them.

     As soon as they saw Krisdevon, fifteen or twenty people clustered around him and began hugging him. They all were grinning broadly, slapping him on the back, shaking his hands, and kissing his cheeks. He had been away and returned to them before, and he knew their greetings were emotional events, but somehow or other it always came as a surprise to him that they were as demonstrative as they were. Despite all their wisdom and serenity, or more likely because of it, they indulged themselves in veritable mob scenes of child-like joy at rare times like this. Krisdevon's mind swam with the ecstasy of being the object of so much love from so many people at once. He felt his whole body tingle with warmth as if the people close to him were radiating energy toward him like the sun upon the earth. Tears of happiness poured down his face as he held Arlyn by his side and clasped her and himself tightly against two or three others at a time.

     Arlyn had been totally unprepared for what was taking place and at first was somewhat confused by it, but it was not long before she was caught up in the deluge of affection which was being showered on her as well as Krisdevon. "I've never seen anything like it," she thought. "They sure must think a lot of Krisdevon. It's nice to know other people agree with me."

     Somewhere amidst the swirl of faces she recognized Arc and Eantis, and she embraced them. She was happy to find at least these two almost familiar faces in the crowd, but in a moment they stepped aside, and two new people, an older man and woman, were throwing their arms around her and Krisdevon.

     Again and again she heard words like, "We're so glad you've come back." She knew the welcomes were intended mainly for Krisdevon, but because of the way people smiled at her, too, she could not feel left out. "This is going to be a wonderful place to live," she thought. "Whatever else these people are, they're nice."

     When the tumult died down, most of the people went their separate ways, but a few did remain and were introduced to Arlyn. Arc and Eantis also stayed as did the older man and woman, Jorin and Rond, who had embraced them just after Arc and Eantis. There also was a woman of about fourteen, Ela, with a man, Voss, who was roughly Arlyn's age. Ela was the only child of Eantis, Arc and Lith, and Voss was her lover. The other man and woman were tribal healers and close friends of Krisdevon.

     While all these members of the tribe had distinctive faces, Arlyn was surprised to note there was a remarkable similarity of physique common to almost everyone she saw around her. They were, lean, graceful people of medium height and flawless posture who went about their daily chores with such effortless, gliding motions that they appeared to be nearly weightless. This never was made cleared to her than times like this when she sat down on the ground to chat with Eantis and the others. Unlike most people, herself included, who went through a multitude of ungainly contortions only to land on the ground like a rock which had been dropped, the Ae-Dey seemed to float down in one easy, uninterrupted movement. Arlyn saw Krisdevon was able to do it rather well, but for him it was still like someone who had learned a language later in life and though they had mastered its vocabulary and syntax, nevertheless continued to speak it with a slight accent. Before the conversation began, Arlyn resolved that one of the things she would seek to learn here was this sense of balance and poise.

     "Krisdevon, Arlyn, how are you? You look well," said Arc.

     "Quite well," replied Arlyn, "but we've been through a lot."

     "Tell us about it," said Lith rejoining them. He had gotten someone else to do the initial butchering of the antelopes for him so he could hear the story of his friends. Arlyn and Krisdevon related most of the important things which had happened to them in the last few years and then asked the others what they had been doing. They sat from noon until it was time for the evening meal before everyone was talked out.

     Dinner, a stew of spiced winter vegetables sprinkled with dried grass seeds which had been soaked long enough to sprout, plus large slabs of antelope steak, was eaten in silence and washed down with water. Each person cleaned the bowl they had used and replaced it in the storage hut. There was a little more chatting among people sitting around their tents, and then everybody went to sleep. Arlyn and Krisdevon spent this one night in the tent of Arc, Lith, and Eantis. After Arlyn had lain down, she recalled with satisfaction her impressions of her first day with the People of the Little Feather. She especially was pleased by the friendly openness she felt they had showed during the afternoon conversation. This had manifested itself in such ways as how they listened attentively when others talked, waited patiently for their turns, and seemed both genuinely sorry to hear of misfortunes of others and sincerely happy to share their joys.

     When Krisdevon reported verbatim their encounter with Sahrkizand, they looked awed but said nothing, and when he said that he and Arlyn were uncertain what to do, Arc replied, "Do what you think is best, but be wary of doing anything until you're sure of yourselves." Arlyn repeated these words to herself several times just as she was falling asleep.

     The next morning a little after sunrise Arlyn awoke to discover more than half the villagers out in front of their huts doing a wide assortment of exercises. They soon were joined by nearly everyone else. Not even toddlers, who were gleefully stretched and pulled, were left out. After a while people gradually formed pairs or small groups and practiced about half an hour of martial arts. Arlyn walked around observing all that went on.

     It seemed loosely organized until someone blew on an antelope horn trumpet, and everyone sat down to meditate. In contrast to the usual state of things wherein their bodies appeared much the same and their faces individualized, now for a while this was reversed. The postures they assumed for this time were rather varied giving the semblance of differences in body type, but their faces bore a common expression of utter quiet making them look alike. As the meditation progressed, Arlyn noticed that more and more had auras which she could perceive. All of them, even Krisdevon's, were the same pale blue she had seen surrounding Eantis, Arc, and Lith on the mesa. Then one at a time people ended their meditation, arose, and went to breakfast which this morning was a mush of cooked grain, dried fruit, and more antelope.

     After breakfast Lith took Arlyn and Krisdevon to a storage hut, and from a supply kept for visitors like themselves he gave them the poles, stakes, skins, and thongs they needed to erect a tent of their own. They picked a gap in the outer ring and set up the central tripod to support the upper ends of the curved poles which served as the framework for the skins. This tripod was about two and a half meters high at the point where it was tied. The three poles extended about a meter beyond that, and a large skin was draped over the ends and tied on so no rain could get in through the hole in the roof which let light in and smoke out. Next the curved poles, about fifteen in all, were dug into the ground at the bottoms and laid across the tripod at the tops. Once these were tied to the tripod, three circles of light stick braces were bound to the curved poles on planes parallel to the ground. Lastly several rolls, each made up of a number of treated and waterproofed antelope skins were unwound, staked, and attached to the framework with the fur facing inward.

     The end product was an aerodynamical structure which was neither too rigid nor too flexible. In case of high winds a rope from the top of the tripod could be run to a large stake pounded deep into the ground giving added strength to the dome. It was heated easily and had no wasted space near the walls. A skin flap served as the door.

     Krisdevon had set up a number of these huts before, so he had a good idea of how to go about it, but it was still hard work, particularly the fastening of the roof skins which required him and Arlyn to stand long periods with their arms above their heads. They laughed and joked as they worked now together, now separately, and though it was afternoon before they were done, they did not mind. To them this was going to be home for a fairly long time, and they saw this labor as a very rewarding task. Both had strong domestic streaks which had been disregarded for too long in their seasons of travel, and they looked forward eagerly to making up for this imbalance in their recent lifestyle.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon settled into this life among the Ae-Dey quickly even though Arlyn did find there were a few important details of the Ae-Dey discipline which Krisdevon had not described for her. One of these was fasting which was done by almost everyone once each decaday from sundown of the second day to sunrise of the fourth. No special ceremonies or resting accompanied this activity. They simply did not eat. Of course, Arlyn asked, "Why do you fast? Is it for spiritual reasons?"

     "We do short fasts because they're good for the body," replied Conitis, the eight year old of whom Lith had spoken, as they strolled toward the garden where Conitis often worked. "After the solstices and the equinoxes we go without food for longer times. Then it's for spiritual purification, but the one day fasts aren't. They just keep the body clean inside and things like that."

     "Oh," said Arlyn remembering that when she first had been introduced to Conitis, she merely had been fascinated by the notion of attempting to talk with a "child" as an equal, but that after a few days when she had gotten comfortable with Conitis, she had abandoned using the word "child" even in her thoughts for any Ae-Dey over seven.

     "Tey might not know all the facts an older person does," thought Arlyn, "but in terms of thought capacity and ability to handle what's physically possible for tem, an Ae-Dey of seven or eight is nothing less than a short adult. Here a seven year old isn't even more likely to be more playful than a grown person because Ae-Dey of the age I used to describe as "adult" are quite as fun loving as their offspring, at least when circumstances permit, and that's most of the time."

     "How does your body respond to the shorter fasts?" asked Arlyn continuing to tag along behind Conitis to the squash bed she was intending to weed.

     "I've been doing them with the tribe for a little over a year," answered Conitis, "and I don't notice too much difference. I'm a little more clear headed toward the end of a fasting day, but some people don't even have that. They just feel as if their digestive systems are rested. After the first few times I didn't get hungry or anything like that. I did try not fasting for a few decadays last fall to see what'd happen, but nothing much did. Sometimes I feel a little slower, less alert maybe, but not a great deal. Short fasts aren't supposed to have an overwhelming effect on you. They're very subtle, but the change seems good to me, so I do it."

     "Did anyone tell you to check on what'd happen if you stopped fasting?" asked Arlyn.

     "No, I just wanted to see for myself," replied Conitis.

     "Did anyone press you to fast when you didn't?"

     "No, if you ask someone what they thinks, tey'll tell you, but that's as far as it'll go. The only time anybody'll even consider telling you what to do is if you're doing something harmful to the tribe or someone or not doing something the tribe needs... but individuals almost always're able to speak for themselves... What you do to yourself is your own business once you've done your duty to the tribe, but we teach babies and small children to love themselves, so no one wants to do something that isn't good for tem."

     "Did you think all this out for yourself, Conitis?" asked Arlyn looking down almost incredulously into the shining narrow eyes set deep in the smooth, dark face below her. "You spend a lot of time with Lith. Hasn't he influenced you?"

     Conitis paused a moment before replying. She stopped weeding and looked up. "I've wondered about that several times, but I sort of doubt he's effected me all that much. Lith's my friend, but I do think for myself... probably more than he does. He seems to accept too much without questioning, but I question everything. I only accept the philosophies of the tribe which I can understand and then only if they agree with the conclusions I've reached on my own. Take fasting. He said he'd never tried not doing it. I can't see why not. If someone tells you something is true, you should test it before you live by it. If I hadn't noticed any difference not fasting, I would've stopped. I don't know if the tribe's belief in reincarnation is right because I've never seen my next incarnation. Lots of people have told me I'll see it when I'm older, but for now it's just some words I have a lot of trouble relating to... If you're going to hang out around the garden with me, Arlyn, why don't you do some weeding?"

     "I suppose I should," replied Arlyn mystified that an eight year old could function independently on as many levels as Conitis did. "Conitis," said Arlyn getting down on her knees and beginning to pull out weeds, "how did you learn to be so articulate?"

     "What's that mean?"

     "Able to speak well, express yourself clearly."

     "If I can do that, what just happened now is a perfect example of why. Whenever someone uses a word I don't know, I ask what it means," said Conitis.

     "Something elseI don't understand," said Arlyn, "how come you think for yourself? Where I'm from people're children until they're at least twice as old as you are, and all they do is blindly accept their parent's ideas."

     "Basically it's simple," answered Conitis. "No one ever told me what to think. There's more to it than that, but, like I said, if you ask someone what they thinks, tey'll tell you, but tey'll usually add a warning about figuring out your own beliefs for yourself. The truth of the Ae-Dey way of life is proved by the fact that it's constantly questioned by people like me, and constantly reaffirmed."

     "Doesn't it make children insecure if they aren't told what's right and wrong?"

     "No, not at all. If a child is loved and respected, tey'll feel secure. Tey'll know right from wrong, too, because tey'll realize other people need love and respect, too. I don't know what goes on in Mandistria, but Lith told me stories about what he saw, and it doesn't sound very good to me. I don't have to see people living without love and respect to believe Lith when he tells me it's not a good way to live. There's plenty of things I'm not sure of yet, but that's not one of them."

     They were silent for a while as Arlyn reflected on all the implications of her conversation with Conitis. She was pleased to hear mindless obedience was discouraged, but she still was uneasy about approaching an eight year old as a teacher for fear she merely was a bright child with a facility for repeating what adults had said to her. This apprehension decreased as time went by because Conitis readily admitted it when she did not know the answer to one of Arlyn's many questions as for example when Arlyn asked, "Why do you take so many military precautions if geography makes attacking you nearly impossible?"

     "I don't know much about that," said Conitis. "Maybe I should learn more about it."

     There were numerous other times like this because Arlyn conducted a veritable catechism of Ae-Dey culture, and Conitis was one of the chief targets of her inquiries. A friendship began to develop between Arlyn and Conitis, and it became stronger and stronger as Arlyn overcame her prejudice that children were not intellects capable of having ideas of their own. It also worked to Arlyn's good in another way. As a child she had had no real friends and had stayed almost exclusively to herself. Now she was having fun playing tag, hide and seek, and other group games she had missed out on when she had been younger. Furthermore other "adults" never made her feel self-conscious the way city adults did when they saw a grown-up playing with a group of children. Here she was not the lone older person taking part because among the Ae-Dey there were no "children's" games, only games for everyone to play. Even Krisdevon, whom she had thought might be too serious for such things, seemed to change into a different person and gleefully join in, running and laughing until his face was flushed with exertion, and she could tell that like her he did not care if he won or lost. She also felt the same as he did when he said that the new environment helped him to be more the way he wanted to be until the time he would be free within himself and able to be whatever he wanted to be wherever he was.

                         *     *     *     *     *

     "We've been here over a decaday, Krisdevon. When're they going to teach me their meditation?" asked Arlyn one night before she and Krisdevon went to sleep.

     "Soon. They're just about done watching you," replied Krisdevon.

     "Watching me?"

     "Yes, the exercises what go with the meditation have to be tailored to fit your body precisely, or you won't get the best advantage from them, so for a while people who're trained at it observe you... Look at how you walk, sit, ride, run, stand, everything you do with your body. They're accustomed to lean, medium built people, but you're stocky and heavy boned, so it's taking them a little longer to figure out what to do with you. Actually Rond told me this morning that she was going to ask you tomorrow when you'd like her and Jorin to start working on you."

     "Doing what?" asked Arlyn. She was curious but did not expect much of an answer. Krisdevon had told her once before that describing a procedure in advance for her might interfere with the techniques of whoever was going to teach her because his own limited knowledge of certain specialities might confuse her or even make her apprehensive.

     She was not surprised when he said, "Some of it's like massage only deeper, but beyond that i shouldn't say anything. Rond and Jorin would rather explain it to you themselves." She nodded and he went on, "However, let me extol to you the virtues of a Vadrian tongue massage."

     "I know all about that," she said laughing as he kissed her and slowly rubbed his tongue around hers. They made love as they usually did before going to sleep. Their movements were simple, highly practiced, and quite successful because by now each knew what gestures most pleased their partner. Having found a few positions which they enjoyed greatly, they only occasionally experimented with new ones, but neither was even slightly bored because Arlyn almost always was able to achieve several orgasms, each one building in intensity until her final one which she timed to coincide with Krisdevon's which generally was a complete release for him because it was accompanied by the joy of satisfying his beloved. Furthermore the feeling of emotional union and empathy between them was so total that each seemed to experience not only their own ecstasy but the other's as well.

     The next morning while Arlyn was eating breakfast, Rond came over to her and after the usual greetings said, "Jorin and I are ready to start with you whenever you want."

     "After breakfast?" asked Arlyn.

     "Perhaps you ought to wait an hour or two so you can digest your food. Then come to our hut," answered Rond walking off toward Jorin.

     "How old is she, Krisdevon?" asked Arlyn watching the lithe, slim woman glide easily away from them.

     "Arc told me once, but I forgot. Mid seventies, I think. Not much older, but no younger."

     "That's amazing. There're hardly any lines on her face or Jorin's either for that matter. I thought they were in their mid fifties, and even for that they look good."

     Arlyn's mind wandered back to thoughts of Favahn, and she realized he was one of the few older city dwellers she knew who was in good health. Then she began reminiscing about the good times she had had with him, and she only distantly heard Krisdevon getting up and saying goodbye before leaving to do some work.

     Her reverie was quickly over because of her curiosity about what was to come, and the time seemed to drag for her, but at last Arlyn was standing in front of Jorin and Rond's hut. The two smiled and beckoned her inside where she found a knee-high fur covered platform had been set up near a small fire which made the hut quite warm. All three sat down on the furs, and then Jorin asked, "You don't know anything about what we're going to do, do you?"

     "No," replied Arlyn. "Krisdevon said it'd be better if you explained everything to me."

     "He's right," said Rond patting her gently on the thigh to relax her because she was somewhat tense with expectation.

     "The theory behind what we're about to do with you is quite simple," said Jorin. "The body and the spirit tend to be closely related, so it can help bring peace to the spirit to have the body in the best condition possible."

     Arlyn nodded, and Rond said, "Almost all people who don't follow a regimen like ours have bodies which're twisted and strained by muscles and tendons which're drawn too tight, so the first step in restoring balance to your body is stretching everything that's not loose enough. Walk up and down a bit... Do you see how your knees don't go straight ahead of you? They turn out and make your feet go outward, too. That's the sort of thing we work on with someone like you."

     "I never noticed that before."

     "Most city people don't," said Jorin. "We were in Sarth once, and to us the place looked like it was full of cripples. They moved very badly yet most of them would have maintained they were all right."

     "People here do seem more graceful," said Arlyn.

     "It's more than that," said Rond. "We don't spend a lot of energy fighting our own bodies the way they do, but you won't know what we're talking about until you experience it. Lie down on your back."

     "You must remember," said Jorin, "this is not something being done to you. You have to work with us. Breathe deeply. Start down in your stomach, and then go up toward your chest... Slowly... Don't rush it... There, that's right. Just keep doing that."

     Rond knelt on Arlyn's right, Jorin on Arlyn's left, and they began pressing their fingertips hard between her ribs moving them back and forth along each individual rib one at a time in rhythm with her breathing.

     "You're all stuck together," said Rond, "so this may hurt a little. Don't be afraid to cry or scream or anything you like."

     "I'm all stuck together?" thought Arlyn. "I wonder what that's supposed to mean. I would've thought they were going to teach me some exercises of something, but this is kind of weird. It doesn't really hurt, but it's not pleasant either... I guess I came half way across the continent for this. I might as well get involved in it. I'll concentrate on inhaling and exhaling like they said... They keep glancing at my eyes, reading my responses, but i don't feel much of anything except like a pile of bread dough they're kneading."

     "Slowly raise your arms toward your ears," said Jorin showing her the motion he wanted. She complied, and as she raised and lowered her arms, they worked around her shoulders and armpits, always pressing hard and deep. Arlyn's reaction continued bland, but she was impressed by the perfect symmetry of touch, both place and pressure, achieved by Rond and Jorin.

     After they had pushed and pulled on her neck for a while, they stopped. It was only then Arlyn noticed they both were sweating and even a bit out of breath from having toiled very hard on her.

     "Sit up whenever you like, but do it gradually. You may be lightheaded," said Rond.

     Arlyn sat up and was dizzy for an instant, but it passed.

     "Take a few deep breaths, and see if you feel any difference," said Jorin.

     Arlyn breathed in and out once, then a second time, and began to grin. "This is wonderful," she said. "It's so much easier now. It's almost effortless. I never thought I had any trouble breathing, but I must've been... what did you say 'all stuck together'?"

     "That's it," said Jorin.

     "What you did to me... how does it work?"

     "We just pushed our fingers between tissues that were fused and separated them. Now they can function independently the way they're supposed to," said Rond.

     "Sounds simple enough. How do people get the way I am?"

     "Injuries have something to do with it, but mainly no one shows them how to breathe or exercise when they're young, so they get all sorts of bad habits without knowing it. Once they get set in their ways, it's very difficult to convince them to change. Different groups of Ae-Dey have gone into the cities a number of times and tried to show people how to live better but without any real success. They used all kinds of approaches, too, but nothing worked so now we don't try to share our ideas with others. We just do what we can to help anybody who seeks us out."

     "Is the rest of my body that way also?"

     "Yes, but you're not nearly as bad as most city people, so don't worry," said Rond. "We're going to work on your legs and feet next. Lie down on your back again."

     By this time Arlyn had become quite relaxed about what was going on, but all that changed as soon as Jorin and Rond started on her ankles. Her muscles there were extremely tight as she flexed her toes up and down according to their instructions, she cried out with agony, "What're they doing to me?" she asked herself. "I hadn't bargained for anything like this. It's excruciating. I ought to stop them. I can't see how this could be good for me."

     "YEEEOOOOW!" she yelled.

     "That's right," said Rond smiling gently. "Scream as loud as you like. It'll help you release your tensions."

     Arlyn squirmed involuntarily, and she was amazed how she was held fast by four hands which proved far more powerful than she had expected. She felt them gradually lengthening muscles all over her feet and shins as far up as her knees, and though she continued on the verge of asking them to stop, she did not because she remembered Krisdevon's admonition to trust people when she had good reason to believe they knew what they were doing, and everything pointed in the direction of Rond and Jorin being experts as loosening overly tight muscles.

     "They did so well on my chest I'd be foolish to quit now," she thought. "I'll stick with it a bit longer... YEEEOOOOW!... This pain is very strange. Whenever they're not actually kneading me, the pain disappears completely. It doesn't even seem to leave a tenderness."

     Slowly but surely through the pain she could feel things expanding, and then the pain gave way to a sensation that was almost like being caressed. They paused for a while, but no one spoke. Next they had Arlyn draw her knees up toward her chest so they dug their forearms into her hamstring muscles sliding slowly from the backs of her knees toward her hip bones. Again she shrieked with pain. Each centimeter was torment for her.

     "I never knew my legs were so long," she said forcing herself to laugh as a distraction.

     "Just a little more," said Jorin. "Bear with us."

     Arlyn never had hurt so much or bent so far. Her knees were firmly against her chest, but there was no pain in her lower back even though she had expected there would be when Jorin and Rond first had pushed on the backs of her legs. When they repeated the process on her hamstrings, Arlyn's attitude toward the pain changed. Despite all the pain she was enduring, something deep within her told her this was doing her more than enough good to counterbalance the drawback of the momentary pain, and indeed, when they paused to rest again, she felt totally calm and free of pain.

     When they were ready, Rond and Jorin had her roll onto her stomach and massaged her back, but they did not rub nearly as vigorously as they had in other places. They twisted her neck from side to side, sat her on the edge of the platform, bent her forward until her head almost touched the ground, and then told her to rise up gradually. She did, and when she reached a straight up and down position. she felt more filled with strength, energy, and clarity than she ever had before in her life.           She breathed easily and said, "It's difficult to believe. I've never felt so full of... vitality, and there's no pain."

     "I'm glad we've has such a successful first session on your body," said Jorin. "After we take another short rest, we'll explain our meditation to you."

     When Rond had recovered from her exertion, she said, "The basics of our meditation are quite simple. All you do is sit cross-legged like this with your back and neck straight, your hands on your knees, and your eyes closed. Then stop devoting energy to thinking actively. Let your mind go blank. If thoughts occur, don't try to force them out. Just don't pursue them, and they'll float out of your consciousness the way a bird flies out of your field of view if you don't turn to follow it... And be sure to breathe deeply and regularly before you start to meditate so your body will maintain a rhythm of inhaling and exhaling deeply during your meditation."

     "That's all there is to it?" asked Arlyn slightly disappointed.

     "To begin with, yes," said Jorin. "Once you master the ability to be empty and silent, it's easy to learn to put anything you want in the space you've cleared."

     "What's the difference between the two?"

     "One kind arises from within you. The other enters from outside. You'll see," said Rond.

     "How will I know I'm finished? I've noticed that some people do it longer than others."

     "When the thoughts stop floating away, when they remain in front of you, you're done. It can take a few minutes or a few hours. Once you develop the skill, your body and spirit will take as much as they need. It's like eating until you're not hungry any more, but even in the beginning the emptiness is easy for most people to attain for short periods, and once you've felt it, you'll know when it has passed... Oh, yes, there's one other thing you can do or not do as you prefer. If there's a series of syllables you like, you can chant them to yourself. If they're right, they'll feel like flowing...in harmony with your being. Otherwise don't bother with them."

     "I don't have any words or sounds like that," she said. "How can I find them if I'm supposed to have them?"

     "Sometime when you're alone, relax and open your mind, and they'll come to you," said Rond.

     They showed Arlyn a routine of daily exercises and arranged for her to return regularly twice each decaday so they could work more on her body. Then she went off to the antelope corral to get Daras and go for a ride.

     Her main thoughts during the afternoon were ones of joy at her newly found exuberance and eagerness to engage in her first meditation the next morning. Her disappointment at its lack of complexity left her once she recognized that even great structures had to be built one block at a time on a strong foundation and that if Jorin and Rond were anywhere near as knowledgeable about the mind and spirit as they were about the body, then this was the way to start.           Late in the afternoon as she was coming back from her ride across the plateau, Arlyn abruptly halted and dismounted. She had decided to try what Rond had suggested about seeking syllables to chant during meditation. She was alone in a small depression in the land, and she sat down there to relax in the posture she had been showed. She experimented with all kinds of sounds, but none seemed to fit properly.

     "Maybe I'm going about this wrong," she thought. "I'm searching for them, but I think what Rond might've intended is that if the sounds're really mine, they're already within me, so all I should have to do is let them come to the surface by themselves."

     She relaxed and did not concentrate on anything. She breathed deeply for several minutes and was about to give up when she realized that as she was inhaling she was reciting a phrase similar to Krisdevon's name. She listened to herself and heard herself saying, "Kris-de-vo-nair" once for each breath with the "hair" being said as she exhaled and the "r" sound at the end difficult to distinguish.

     "Interesting," she said aloud as she remounted Daras.

     That evening Arlyn was not very talkative, and Krisdevon respected her wish for privacy. He was curious to know her reaction to Jorin and Rond's treatment, but she had told him she did not want to discuss anything until she tried meditating. She felt a little odd about the prospect of chanting Krisdevon's name, even to herself, but she was not troubled, and the latter was all Krisdevon could sense, so he went to sleep undisturbed.

     The next morning Arlyn did her exercises, and when the antelope horn was blown, she sat down to meditate. She took several deep breaths, stopped focusing attention on specific things, and almost immediately found herself in a condition of alert mental blankness and calm. It lasted only a few moments before she became conscious she had started analyzing what was going on instead of purely experiencing it, and this energy channeled into self-observation disrupted the very meditation it was intended to investigate. At this point she began humming the syllables "Kris-de-vo-nair" to herself, and she drifted back into the region of mental inactivity. This time it was nearly half an hour before thoughts, again ones of self-examination, began to dilute her state of quietude. She made no attempt to resist them but on the contrary stood up and went to breakfast.

     There she found Krisdevon already half done with his meal. "Are you in a hurry?" she asked.

     "No, I don't think the plants in the garden will mind if I'm a bit late."

     "Is it all right for me to discuss meditation with you?"

     "Yes, so long as I don't teach you anything about it. They're quite strict about that. You can see the technique is simple, in fact almost too simple, and the steps after the first one are all just as easy. Without some very serious guides to help you in an emergency, you can get into a heap of trouble. People've gone mad because they took leaps they weren't prepared for. I know how to do everything connected with the Ae-Dey meditation, even see my next incarnation or fly as a spirit bird. Jorin and Rond explained the methods to me a long time ago because they thought I could manage them, but I never felt right about them, so I haven't done them. I didn't teach you because I'm not confident I could get you out if you ran into difficulty. They've told me that, too, but it's like telling you how to make inlays in a box. I'd know how to do it, but I'd have to practice for seasons before my hands could develop the proper skills with the tools and I'd really 'know.' These're the same sorts of things. Your mind can know how to do them but not really 'know' because you've never don them. Do you understand?"

     "Yes, but how come you never told me this before?"

     "I thought you'd tease me no matter what I said, so I decided the less said the better."

     "You may be right. I doubt anybody likes it when someone stops in the middle of something and says, 'I can't tell you anymore. I'm forbidden.' A person usually does that to make temself feel superior, and I'd've resented it if I'd thought you were doing that to me... But that's not what I want to talk about. All I want to do is describe what it was like and ask if it sounds correct."

     "All right, that shouldn't present any problems."

     "I'm not sure this is a good parallel, but have you ever watched water pouring down a bathtub drain?"

     "Yes."

     "Did you notice the water spins around, but in the middle of the swirling there's a place where there's no water... where it's calm."

     "Yes."

     "Meditating made me feel as if I went to an empty space somewhere inside myself like the place in the tub where there's water all around but none in the middle. Does that sound silly?"

     "No, I've never heard it depicted with an image like that, but it's as good a way as any."

     "Are we actually empty deep inside?"

     "Yes."

     "How can the true self be nothing. I don't understand."

     "Stand up and spin around a few times."

     After she had done so, she said, "What's that supposed to show me?"

     "Did you notice how the world appeared to be rushing past?"

     "Yes."

     "And you know it wasn't moving... other than its regular astronomical motions."

     "Yes."

     "The way the Ae-Dey see the universe, beyond all the planets and stars is an infinite, timeless void that we're all part of. We come from it and return to it, and throughout our time on earth we carry it within ourselves. There's still a lot they don't know about it because none of them, not even their greatest holy people, have been able to unite the internal infinity with the external one. In order to do that you'd either have to move your spirit beyond space or past the end of time. You don't even do that when you die because your spirit waits around here until it gets another worldly form. I assume that if you meditated and saw your next incarnation and the next and the next until you went forward enough incarnations to reach the end of time, you might do it, but none of them have been able to, and more than a few have tried. It's the same with space. Not even Sahrkizand's spirit bird could fly to its end, and they say she tried several times."

     "I understand what you're saying, but only in the same way you 'know' in your analogy about box making. I 'know' what the words mean because I've had a very limited experience with meditation, but beyond that I can't even begin to relate to it."

     "Neither can I or any of them for that matter. None of them have experienced it, but after a while you just sort of sense it's right even if you don't have direct evidence of it from journeying to where it begins... or ends... or whatever it does."

     Arlyn paused for a long time awed by the path which was opening before her, but eventually she asked, "If all there is... is... nothing, doesn't that make life meaningless? There doesn't seem to be much to look forward to if after it's all over, all there is is nothing... and if there's nothing, how did the world get created?"           "One question at a time," he replied. "Life has whatever meaning we attach to it, so I think we ought to give it as much meaning as we can. For me that's learning to live as happily as I can without hurting others except in self-defense and helping others when I can do it without doing what I consider disproportionate harm to myself. It's all quite arbitrary. You have to make your own choices. As for what there is to look forward to, even the most fleeting glimpse of the void should've showed you boundless peace. That's adequate for me."

     "I'm not sure it's enough for me, but if that's all there is, I'll have to live with it," she said, " but tell me, if there was nothing, how did something come out of it? How did the world get created?"

     "The Ae-Dey don't know. To them it's the great unanswered mystery of existence, but they do believe people ought to learn to accept uncertainty and ambiguity and they'll be taught what they're supposed to know when they're supposed to know it."

     "Taught by whom... or what if none of them knows?"

     "By themselves," he said. "Their most holy people've always have gone exploring inside and outside themselves whenever they reach the boundaries of what others have done before them...I don't know if I should be thankful or not, but part of me wants to be an explorer like that. The quest drives me away from serenity, yet I know if I achieve success, I'll be serene. It sounds contradictory, and it's hard to explain. For a long time I was held back because I thought I wasn't ready, but lately I've started to sense that wasn't it. Actually I've been waiting for something outside me to happen, something which'll be a sign that it's time for me to begin. I used to think I might be stalling because I was scared, but now... now I don't. Whatever it's going to be is close, and I've just got to be patient because this one thing isn't under my control... I'm sorry I rambled off there... That's my situation. At least now you know it."

     As he had spoken, Krisdevon had become more and more agitated until by the time he was finished, he was on the verge of trembling with emotion, and his aura had become visible to Arlyn She saw it as a reddish orange color which pulsated unevenly.

     "Have you any idea what this sign will be?" she asked.

     "No, I only know I'll recognize it when I see it."

     Arlyn could perceive the turmoil which was engulfing Krisdevon merely from talking about the subject. She knew how much he abhorred this type of condition, and she reasoned it should only come upon him at times of his own choosing, so she sought to change the topic immediately. The first idea which entered her mind was to ask about chanting during meditation, so she asked, "Do you repeat a phrase over and over when you meditate?"

     "Yes," he replied grateful she had not pursued the other subject further.

     "I did, too," she said glad he seemed to become calmer.

     "Oh, that's interesting," he said, "You already found a phrase you like?"

     "I'm not sure," she replied, "but it did feel the way Rond told me it should."

     "What is it?"

     "Kris-de-vo-nair," she answered with just a hint of self-consciousness.

     Arlyn watched with astonishment as Krisdevon turned pale and said, "I shouldn't be amazed, but I am..."

     "Is it so strange I picked something similar to your name?" asked Arlyn becoming embarrassed, something she had not done it quite some time.

     "I once asked, and they said they'd never heard of anyone among the Ae-Dey selecting a phrase based on someones name... no one besides me. Before I met you, the sounds, 'Ah-li-nair' came to me. There was that, then the business of recognizing you in the plaza, and now this. I said I'd know the sign when it came... This's at least part of it. Since I first saw you in Mandistria last spring, I've been suspicious the reason I didn't go through the tunnel of darkness to see my next incarnation was I'm so tightly linked to you that we have to go together. Now I'm sure of it. We're bound inextricably even after death... That's scary."

     "It's odd to hear you say that. I'm usually the one who's scared."

     "And you're not now?"

     "No, I love you enough to spend more than one lifetime with you."

     Krisdevon took several deep breaths and regained his composure. "I love you that much, too, Arlyn, and they embraced for a long time.

     Eventually Krisdevon went on, "This is something we ought to keep to ourselves for now. There's no point in starting up expectations for the Ae-Dey. Anyway it'll be a while before you're at the stage where you'll be able to go through to your... to our next incarnation. If anyone asks you, tell them you don't use a phrase. Be honest in everything else, and follow Rond and Jorin's instructions, all right?"

     "Yes, if you thinks it's best."

     "I do."

     They stood quietly for a while before Krisdevon said, "I ought to do some gardening."

     "I have work to do, too." They kissed good by for the the day.

     Krisdevon made his way to the garden and began to work. On this day his chore was turning over an area of soil with a pitchfork as a preliminary for spring planting. It was hard labor but the sort of task he enjoyed. Soon he fell into a rhythm of pushing down on his pitchfork, prying loose clumps of earth, and breaking up clods. He felt the warmth of the late winter sun on his naked body, and the disturbing aspects of his conversation with Arlyn ceased to trouble him. He laughed at how he would sometimes want to rush and others postpone his journey through the dark tunnel beyond death to a vision of his next incarnation.

     "In time... it all will come in time... when it's supposed to," he thought.

     For a long time his consciousness was occupied entirely with thoughts related to digging. Many times he had eaten the fruits of plants he had sowed, tended, and harvested with his own hands, and it was this cycle of activity he found one of the most deeply significant experiences of his life. Making things grow from the earth brought him a peace which transcended intellectual paradoxes even when they concerned spiritual matters like this, the need to be serene in order to see his next incarnation coupled with the need to see his next incarnation in order to be serene. Because both of the societies he had chosen to adopt were those who tilled the soil, no one ever had asked him why the process of farming was this important to him, but being from the city, he had asked himself. His answer had been on several levels. First although he did not think it wise to disregard the future, he considered it secondary to the present provided his actions today did not destroy his next day. Despite the wait before a seed can grow and bear fruit, he saw working with the growth of plants to be more rewarding on a day to day basis than any other form of labor because of the often minute but to him noticeable and meaningful changes a healthy, growing plant goes through even in short periods. Second he recognized working with plants had taught him most of what he knew about being unhurried, something he managed quite well most of the time. Third it seemed to him his body and thereby his spirit was best nourished by vegetables he had raised himself and shared with others. Why this might be true, he did not know. He simply felt it in his body and believed that if he took the time to listen to and be in harmony with his body, it would not steer him in the wrong direction.

     He forgot to pause for lunch and did not stop work until early evening. As he walked toward his hut to wait for dinner, he pondered how even in their work preferences he and Arlyn complemented each other. She found great satisfaction in working with animals, bringing them food, milking them, grooming them, and all the other things that go with animal husbandry, things in which he could find occasional pleasure but to which he was somehow not drawn the way he was to gardening.

     "Antelopes may be peaceful, but they're not serene the way a carrot is," he thought half laughingly but half seriously as he greeted Arlyn who was coming back from the corral tired and happy from an afternoon of what her body told her was right for her. Fulfilled by the nature of their surroundings, they sat down to relax in each other's arms.

                         *     *     *     *     *

     Of all the Ae-Dey Arlyn interrogated concerning their beliefs none bore the brunt of her inquisitiveness more than did Jorin and Rond. A typical conversation was the one which followed her second massage session with them. Rond asked her if she had been able to begin clearing her mind during meditation, and Arlyn had answered that she had. Jorin nodded approval but said nothing. When she saw he and Rond had no further questions for her, she said, "There're several things I'm curious about. Do you have time to chat a while?"

     "Yes," said Rond sitting down in the sun next to her hut and getting ready for Arlyn's "several things" to take up the better part of the morning. Jorin also seated himself and smiled to signify he was willing to discuss whatever Arlyn had on her mind.

     "Why do you take so many military precautions if no one ever attacks you and you're so well protected geographically?" asked Arlyn.

     "On the surface the reason is that the knowledge of our perpetual vigilance discourages any would-be invaders," said Rond. "The only physical barrier helping us is the Arans. Besides that we're quite vulnerable on the plains. We can't afford the luxury of pacifism like the forest people can. What you really want to know is how come after centuries of peace we didn't evolve into a society which placed little or no emphasis on preparations for war. The answer is we don't study the martial arts just because of an emotional urge to stay alive. We believe we ought to be in total harmony with our environment and that harmony includes dying a natural death. It'd be contrary to our deepest philosophical tenets not to be ready to defend ourselves against something so out of tune with life as a human being who could kill another person other than in self-defense."

     Arlyn paused to reflect on the logic of Rond's answer. Then she said, "Isn't it also an unnatural death if someone is killed attacking someone who didn't provoke tem?"

     "No, not at all," replied Rond. "If someone is in such an unbalanced state of mind they would kill someone who didn't threaten tem, then the balance of nature could be restored by killing them and letting them return to the earth to help nature by fertilizing the plants. It'd be better if you first sought to convince your assailant you meant them no harm, but that isn't always possible when an army is sweeping down on you."

     "Wouldn't you fertilize the soil as well as your enemy?" asked Arlyn quite seriously.

     "Of course I would," replied Rond, "but I'm already in harmony with nature, Presumably my foe wouldn't be. Have you ever heard of the Ae-Dey attacking anybody?"

     "No."

     "No one at peace with temself and the world would do something like that. With our military prowess we could conquer whomever we chose, couldn't we?"

     "I suppose so."

     "But we haven't even the slightest urges in that direction. That proves we've risen above the more base emotions which motivate many people."

     "According to that would it be out of tune with nature to heal a sick person?" asked Arlyn. "Wouldn't it be natural for them to die?"

     "It might be natural for them to die, but there're many ways of reinstating nature's balance, and some of they're preferable to others," said Jorin who had been silent for a while. "Healing a sick person is more desirable because it preserves their life as well as bringing them back in harmony with the world. It's the same in dealing with an adversary. It'd be much better if you could persuade them not to assault you. Then you could try to restore the equilibrium of their life forces by teaching them the means and advantages of a peaceful existence."

     "Does moving your tribe every so often have anything to do with being one with nature?" asked Arlyn remembering Krisdevon once had given that as a reason for the semi-nomadic life of the Ae-Dey.

     "Yes," answered Jorin. "No matter how cautious we are, when we live in one place, we destroy a lot. We kill many plants and animals, alter the soil, change the course of streams, and a multitude of other things, but we try never to go beyond what nature can undo in a few seasons. The longer people stay in one place, the longer nature needs to repair the damage they've done. If humans disappeared from the continent, it'd still take thousands of years before the land a city like Mandistria is built on would be anything like it was before people inhabited it."

     "Interesting," said Arlyn, "I never thought of that."

     "That isn't the most important factor with harmony with nature," said Rond. "Large numbers of people can live in harmony with nature in one place in long term dwellings without ruining the area outside the city if they're careful the way Mandistrians are. We prefer to do less violence to the earth, but we all do some. We feel the tolerable limits ought to be set well before a group of people reaches what is irrevocable or harmful to other people. Eantis told us nothing the Mandistrians do now is permanent or destructive to others, so from us to them is only a quantitative distinction, not a qualitative one."

     "Seems reasonable when you say it that way," said Arlyn.

     They did not talk for some time, but Arlyn remained seated to indicate she wished to ask further questions.

     "Do you mind if I stay a little longer?" inquired Arlyn because she was uncertain if she was keeping Jorin and Rond from other things they might want to do.

     "No," answered Rond, "part of out purpose is to explain anything you find unclear."

     "Does anyone among the People of the Little Feather know all you know about healing?"

     "Lots of people know all the techniques of massage and exercise and meditation if that's what you mean," said Rond.

     "And all but the very young ones are familiar with the philosophy and ideas which help us maintain our health," added Jorin.

     "That's not what I had in mind," said Arlyn. "I was talking about the secrets of herbal medicine. You two have no apprentices. If you died today, your skills and lore would die with you, wouldn't they?"

     "There are no secrets of nature among people in harmony with the forces of life," said Jorin. "Nature is a book that's easy to read for anyone who'll devote the necessary time and energy to turning the pages. All we do when someone is sick is meditate with them and take their spirit on a search in wider and wider circles from the village until we reach a plant which tells us it's the right one. If we ask properly, it'll even tell us how to administer it. The vast majority of plants are very peaceful and loving creatures. They''ll do everything they can to help those who understand and respect them. Krisdevon told you how he cured you, didn't he?"

     "Yes, but I didn't think that sort of thing went on all the time."

     "Several times a year," said Rond, "whenever someone's not well and their illness doesn't respond to massage at the usual pressure points, even if it appears to be something we've treated before, we consult the plants because they're so much more gifted in this respect than humans. They can see what ails you and know if they can help you just by sensing the aura of your spirit."

     "If other members of the tribe can do it, how come only you do?"

     "When a tribal healer dies, those people who want to take their place gather in a place where there's a lot of different kinds of vegetation. They all meditate and converse with the various plants. Then the plants pick the one they like best. That doesn't imply all plants everywhere would select the same person, but if most of them prefer a particular individual, just about all of them would be willing to assist tem. When we sought the honor of being tribal healers, we asked them to take us as a couple because we're very close. The ones that wouldn't've chosen me would've chosen Rond and vice versa, so they were willing to accept us as a team."

     "I see," said Arlyn becoming aware the position of the sun indicated she had spent more than two hours speaking with Jorin and Rond. She scanned their faces for any signs she had overstayed her welcome, but she saw only patient smiles and twinkling eyes which seemed to show nothing more than a desire to serve her in the best way they could think of, to expose her to their ideas and way of life.

     "I ought to be going now," said Arlyn, "I have some work to do."

     "Good," said Rond, "you'll come again in five days?"

     "Yes," said Arlyn. She held out both her hands and held theirs. She felt a peaceful intimacy growing between herself and this older couple who seemed to glow with affection for her.

     Arlyn's thoughts as she walked toward the corral were happy ones of recognition that even if she progressed slowly or asked a question with an obvious answer, these two never would ridicule her or lose patience. "I used to do well with my studies under pressure in Mandistria," she thought, "but this atmosphere seems much more conducive to learning."

                         *     *     *     *     *

     Arlyn did not experience much effect from the decadaily fasting. While traveling she had lost what little excess weight she might have accumulated while living in Mandistria, and her mind already tended to be clear and alert, but she went along with this regimen because she accepted Krisdevon's logic that it both rested and purified the digestive tract.

     One thing which did have a profound influence on her and which she viewed very positively was the Ae-Dey custom of communion. It was this that Arlyn and Krisdevon had not entered into with the other Ae-Dey tribes because Arlyn's initiation probably would have been a great strain on her if she had undertaken it with strangers whom she never would get to know, but they almost always participated when the People of the Little Feather engaged in it. They usually did so once each decaday although one was deliberately missed after Arlyn's arrival in order for her to grow comfortable with the tribe before partaking of it with them.

     Typically it was practiced in the evening after dinner and entailed a gathering of the entire tribe which seated itself in a large circle, each person holding hands with with the people on either side of tem. Positions around the circle were not assigned and usually depended on random factors like the order in which people returned from washing their dinner bowls. Arlyn was told that once everyone was seated, they all emptied their minds as in meditation and then focused their entire attention on the thought that, for the moment, they were not separate individuals. but one serene being.

     On the occasion of her initiation into this communion Arlyn sat between Krisdevon and Eantis in the hope it might help her. One by one all the auras of the tribe members became visible to her. They were pale blue. As the ring of auras neared completion, they grew in size beyond anything she previously had observed. Up till then nothing had distressed her, but all at once the band of light formed by the now overlapping auras began to rise up in the air. She felt confused and alone as she watched it form a sphere bright enough to read by even though neither of the moons had risen, and it was quite dark.

     She looked and saw the faces of the people around her staring vacantly, and she felt she was the only one there. Then she sensed a vast amount of energy being directed at her. At first she was unsure what this was seeking to do to her, but gradually she became aware it was beckoning her to unite with it.

     "How?" she muttered to herself half aloud. "I want to, but I don't know how."

     She grew tense with the fear she was inadequate and would disappoint her hosts, and her vision of the glowing ball of blue light began to fade leaving behind only dark sky, but she would not give up easily. She was not tempted to regard what she had seen as an illusion but instead thought, "They're human just like I am, and they told me all I need to know to do it. I must fix my mind on being part of one serene being which encompasses the whole tribe." She did this, and the vision of the light grew brighter and brighter, but after a point she reached a barrier which prevented her from leaving her body and joining the communion above her. She was close, so close, but yet not one with the others, and in this situation close definitely did not count. The harder she tried to overcome this obstruction which kept her in her body, the stronger it grew. Then in an instant she had a flash of revelation. "The harder I try, the more I'm concentrating on being me. The key must be not to try, to relax and give up my self." As she did that, she suddenly felt as if her consciousness was sucked out of her body. Something long ago and far away was asking, "Where am I? What's going on?" but these questions seemed inconsequential. All that mattered was an awesome impression of something like intimacy, but it was not really intimacy because that implies two things which are near but separate, and this was different. For a second she felt like she was a cup of water being poured into a lake, but then she ceased to exist as she formerly had known herself.She was transformed into an entity far greater than herself, far wiser and more placid than anything she ever had imagined. It/she only existed and took joy in the tranquility of its/her own existence. It/she was one and alone but not lonely.

     She had no idea how long this blissful state continued because in this condition time seemed without meaning, but when she awoke and Krisdevon told her it was the next morning, she assumed it had taken up most of the night. She was fully rested as if she had slept well, but she was a bit disoriented upon realizing she was back to being Arlyn, however, this was not the most noticeable or important aftereffect she experienced from the communal meditation. She felt filled with traces of sagacity and peace it/she had known the night before, and she sensed this growth was not transitory.

     "There isn't much you can say about that, is there?" said Arlyn to Krisdevon who, like everyone else she saw, looked extremely tranquil and happy.

     "No, not really," he replied, "There wouldn't've been much point in attempting to describe it to you beforehand, would there?"

     "No, words can't describe what it is. You've either been there or you haven't," she said.

     Later on as she was working on an irrigation ditch, she sought to make an intellectual examination of what had happened but soon abandoned the effort. "All my intellect can do is ask if it was real and if so what did I learn," she thought. "I've no doubt about it being genuine, and everything it taught me is knowledge about how to live life. My intellect can't quarrel with the belief that I ought to be at peace with myself and in harmony with nature or that the Ae-Dey have presented me with a satisfactory example of how to do this. Furthermore a lot of this knowledge is in the form of nonverbal feelings of confirmation that certain things I thought about life actually are true, and my intellect has difficulty dealing with things I can't put into words."

     She was working side by side with Ela removing debris from the ditch and deepening it. As she labored, she felt that though they still were strangers, they were somehow one, had something within them which brought them together. Even if she did not know Ela's exact thoughts, she knew her emotional state and realized Ela knew hers just as she and Krisdevon knew each other's.

     She thought, "It's wonderful knowing all these people are eager to love me and have me stay with them. All I have to do is be nice to them and return their love as my love for them grows within me. That's very little to ask when they've offered me so much."

     "Ela," she said, "do all people have the capacity for what we did last night?"

     "Oh, yes," Ela replied, "Some outsiders find it more difficult than others, but I've never heard of anyone failing if they really tried."

     "How come people who don't live on the peninsula don't know about it?"

     "That's right... Eantis once told me nobody in the cities does it. That really surprised me. They must be lonely. When I asked her why they didn't, she said that when our holy people discovered it a long time ago, they tried to teach it in the cities, but they were laughed at and even persecuted. The rulers there were afraid if the people learned it, they wouldn't be able to govern anymore, and they'd have to give up their easy life... Actually they had no problem suppressing it. The people were too busy making money to listen. Jorin told me in the cities people sit around all day and don't do anything besides sell things they bought from other people. Their bodies and their spirits both must be in awful condition."

     "Cities are strange places," said Arlyn, "but I don't see why they wouldn't be all right to live in if there were a few improvements. Mandistria's not that bad, and you can't fix the continent's problems by making the past vanish. Mandistria's there, and it won't go away, so anyone who wants to help the people of Tireus will have to help the city dwellers, too."

     "You're right about that, but I'm in no hurry to travel all that distance to meet a lot of lonely people who'll think I'm a savage because I don't wear clothes and a fool because they don't understand their own inner human essence," said Ela firmly but without anger. "Some of our greatest holy people were killed, and the few people they'd taught were driven out of the cities, so now we don't go around in the north showing people our ways."

     "If you don't, how'll people up there ever learn?" asked Arlyn.

     "Krisdevon says more and more people're leaving the cities and going to live in the forests," said Ela. "A few at a time people from those tribes come down here to study. Then they go back and show their friends. Eventually it might spread to everybody, but it can't be rushed. We found that out the hard way, so now we're more patient... and a little harder to kill, too. There're other sides to our unity you haven't seen yet. One of our communions begins with us focusing on the thought that we're one immensely strong being capable of defending itself against any attacker. We only do that twice a year because it doesn't take many of them to keep you ready for anything. We do these battle communions before the equinox fasts so afterward we can purify ourselves of any aggressiveness they may build up in us because we don't want to make ourselves vicious conquerors. We just want to be as nearly invulnerable as possible to unprovoked belligerence. You'll see. The equinox isn't far away."

     "If the forest people're pacifists, how do they respond to your battle communion?"

     "Most of them won't take part in it," said Ela. Krisdevon and Travengard are exceptions. The others think it's morally wrong. They won't practice our martial arts for the same reason. All they'll study is meditation and peaceful communion. They hope the forests'll keep them hidden, but if they don't, they'd rather die than fight. That'd be too bad. The ones I've met were good people... naive but good. There has been peace for so long they don't believe us when we tell them there're signs which might point toward bad times in the not too distant future."

     "How soon?"

     "We don't know, not for a few years though. Maybe we're wrong. It's hard to tell about those things. Eantis isn't sure at all."

     "Neither am I," said Arlyn for an instant remembering her brother, Crotus. "I hope the forests protect them, but I wouldn't count on it. I got all the proof I needed when we were set on by those robbers I told you about the other day. They could've jumped us in the middle of a forest, and all those trees wouldn't've done us any good. I've thought about it a lot, and I'm convinced it's my right to stay alive even if I have to kill somebody under circumstances like that."

     "I certainly wouldn't disagree with you," said Ela. "It's also your right to hand me the shovel on your side of the ditch so I can lift out some of this muck I've loosened with the pick." Arlyn gave Ela the shovel, and the two women spent the next few moments talking about how best to accomplish the chore on which they were collaborating.

     Later in the day when she was washing the mud off her legs and arms, Arlyn realized Ela had changed the topic of their discussion just after she, Arlyn, had started to feel hostility and a desire to kill robbers. "Amazing," she thought. "Ela may not have known my exact thoughts, but I doubt it was pure chance she chose to divert me at almost the precise moment my thoughts moved from willingness to defend myself to eagerness to kill a gang of cutthroats without first trying to teach them how and why to live better. I should've known better than to think that, but it's nice to know people here won't get angry if I do. They'll just give my mind an occasional nudge in another direction until I learn to transcend those kinds of thoughts the way they do."

                         *     *     *     *     *

     The battle communion was held two decadays later. By that time Arlyn had grown accustomed to meditating both to empty her mind and to permit her spirit to be drawn into the being of the serenity communion. As yet she could not actively initiate such a departure from her body, but it was becoming easier and easier for her to let it happen to herself.

     She looked forward to the battle communion not merely with curiosity but also with an increasing desire for total union with the People of the Little Feather. For the first time in her life she felt she belonged to a well-defined group of people, and this had brought her to reflect on how different her childhood had been. It's isolation had not troubled her badly then, and she was not about to rewrite her memories of that time to include the loneliness she would have suffered had she known life could have been other than it had been, but she saw her present way of life was far better, and she wanted to be as much a part of it as she possibly could.

     The evening began as the others had, with the tribe seated in a circle, but when the auras started to appear to her, they gleamed the same blood red she had seen around Krisdevon as he fought the bandits. For a moment Arlyn sat quietly in the darkness looking at the silhouettes of the trees and the grassy horizon beyond the ring of huts, but then she concentrated on the thought she had been told to, and instantaneously she was swept away into a maelstrom of violent energy. Again she became a creature far beyond her own limitations. As it/she became aware of itself/herself, it/she felt great surges of strength. It/she was a mighty warrior armed with an unshakable confidence in the justice of its/her cause, survival, and prepared to defend itself/herself against any danger.

     As it/she whirled about in the sky, many scenes flashed through it/her. These were images of a peaceful people set upon over and over by a wide variety of ruthless invaders who were repeatedly driven off by an army using now one kind of defense, now another, depending on the nature of its enemies. There was heavy infantry with armor, shields swords, and spears, cavalry with bows and arrows, artillery with massive engines of war, and a host of other methods by which the people could defend themselves. Many of the people were wounded, and many died, and the great war spirit felt agonizing pain, but always it/she and the people regrouped and recovered and persisted. In addition to this, throughout its/her seemingly endless ordeal, it/she was ever careful not to hate its/her opponents. They were seen as human beings who somehow had been misled into believing they were imperiled.

     The outcomes of these many wars were varied. A few found the Ae-Dey forced into complete annihilation of their attackers because they, the enemies of the Ae-Dey, were fanatical and intransigent. Others saw their attackers driven out of the peninsula destroyed as a fighting force but alive and a possible future threat. Still more ended with peace treaties between peoples who would respect each other and coexist at a distance, and many even finished with the Ae-Dey persuading their attackers to unite with them in deep affection, but none ended with the Ae-Dey exulting in victory. They always were filled with sorrow at having to kill because of the lost potential for human life destroyed, and though this sorrow never interfered with their ability to do what they saw as necessary, it prevented them from being oppressors of those they defeated. The Ae-Dey never lost any of these imaginary wars, but they constantly kept up the realization that they might if they did not struggle to the utmost of their capacities, and this made them strive fearlessly to protect those weaker than themselves and preserve the Ae-Dey knowledge which eventually might bring peace to the human race if it could remain in existence long enough.

     After what seemed like a very long time,it/she reached a point where all its/her enemies were vanquished. It/she felt a moment of exhaustion and then ceased to exist. The next thing Arlyn knew, she was lying on the ground looking up at a midmorning sky. Some people around her still were asleep, and others were walking about, but most were meditating. Arlyn stood up and stretched. She looked into herself to examine her own state of mind and found herself unexpectedly calm. Although she did not understand some of the ideas it/she had had the previous night concerning death, she attributed this to not yet having seen her next incarnation. Most significantly to her she felt no hostility toward anyone. Furthermore she felt she could absorb a great deal more of someone else's misbehavior before she even would be close to losing patience.

     "I feel... not invulnerable... able to defend myself... as safe as I can be in this uncertain world. I have no desire, no need to hate, to dominate," she thought. "Now I see when I'm secure knowing I can defend myself, I haven't got much to be afraid of, and when I've seen my next incarnation, I won't be as frightened of death either. This way I can be master of myself, and that will rid me of any urge to be master of others. Now I'm beginning to really know why a virtually invincible force like the Ae-Dey can maintain a readiness to fight and never be tempted to conquer others.

     She sat down to meditate.

End of Part Two

PART III

Chapter I

     Two and a half years with the Ae-Dey passed quickly for Arlyn and Krisdevon. They lived the daily life of the plateau nomads, became one with it, and learned what it had to teach them. During this time there were few notable events in their outward lives, but although others might have been bored because to them tranquility contains the seeds of monotony, for Arlyn and Krisdevon this was a time of excitement and wonder. Being in harmony with nature, they were acutely aware of both the minute details of their surroundings as well as the total environment these tiny building blocks formed, so every day was indeed different even if an outsider would not have realized it.

     For Krisdevon it continued to wonder at the bounties of the earth which, when properly approached, would yield up the green treasures that fed the people he loved, and for Arlyn it was amazement at the discovery of the vast realm within her and joy in the animals which in their own way could give love to those they chose. For both it was happiness in their love for each other which they reaffirmed every day in a multitude of ways.

     Three major things did occur during those years. Although it was not as important as the other two experiences, they did attend a gathering of all the Ae-Dey which was held near the center of the plateau. There a council of tribal representatives conducted such business as selection of volunteers who would be responsible for journeying to the ore mines in the eastern Aran foothills and producing supplies of metals which would last until the next meeting. Although this was not pleasant work, it did not take more than a year, and those who did it viewed it as all such labor was viewed, as an exercise in self-discipline which would bring the doer greater self-realization. In addition to that they learned to meditate most of the time they toiled which provided them the opportunity for spiritual advancement far beyond what they would have accomplished in other circumstances.

     The primary reason for the coming together of all the Ae-Dey was not business. It was their custom to join together in four communions of all their people. This was done to confirm and maintain the unity which was felt by individuals who lived far apart and otherwise never would have met. Like the other Ae-Dey Arlyn and Krisdevon found these communions awesome. For those who could perceive them, their auras lit up the night sky for kilometers with a brilliance as bright as day.

     The third communion, which the separate tribes practiced twice a year on the solstices, was based on the concept of a being which loved and respected every creature which did not attempt to harm it or others without just cause. It was green in aural color and was the communion from which the Ae-Dey drew the will to go on striving toward the day when all living things would be as one the way the Ae-Dey were. It was this communion which made it easier for them to welcome outsiders like Krisdevon and Arlyn into their midst as full-fledged tribal members despite the wrongs other outsiders had done them in the past.

     The fourth communion of all the Ae-Dey, one which the separate tribes practiced twice a season, was based on sexual love. The golden auraed being of this communion throbbed with orgasmic delight as it first hovered and then swooped and wheeled about the sky above the plateau. Comprised of both male and female aspects, it was a complete androgynous experience not suffering from any limitations of the body and able to go on for several hours. Since it was a mental/spiritual event, it included the state of mind of all the people who were involved. This meant that when it was over, the participants retained an understanding of the emotions connected with the sexuality of others, particularly others of the opposite sex, whose feelings otherwise would have been more nearly incomprehensible to them. This communion also tended to satisfy normal human lust and limit physical desire and physical attractiveness as bases for relationships between people, so partners in living units were much more likely to chose their mates for compatibility.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon left this great assembly at peace with the world and in love with it, but as was intended, unwilling to be destroyed needlessly because they saw their own existence as worthwhile. They could see there was only a difference of size which distinguished the mass communions of all the Ae-Dey from the ones of the People of the Little Feather, but they were unconcerned with this fact. "It would only be a difference of size if the entire human race took part," they thought to each other as they rode back south, "but the result would be peace on earth."

     Krisdevon spent over a season doing little to expand his spiritual consciousness because he expected Arlyn to be prepared for the vision of their next incarnation in a relatively short time, but at last he realized that even though she was marvelously gifted, it still would be several years before she would be ready for such an undertaking. It became increasingly apparent to him that he was wasting precious time in stagnation, a state he was wise enough not to mistake for tranquility, and this led to the second significant thing which took place in the lives of Arlyn and Krisdevon after they had come into the land of the Ae-Dey. Krisdevon learned both to fly in the form of a spirit bird and to converse freely and easily with plants. The latter was of no great difficulty for him because he already had done it once when he had healed Arlyn and furthermore he had devoted almost half his waking hours to gardening. He only needed to meditate and clear his mind of his own thoughts while he worked, and the vegetation would tell him what he should do to make it grow best. After a few seasons he did not even have to seek out a plant in order to communicate with it. He simply could come near a tree which was a total stranger to him, and if it wanted, for example, to have a branch pruned, it would tell him, and he would do it, usually right away.

     No one the Ae-Dey could recall ever had had such a relationship with that which grew from the soil, but he felt it was quite reasonable to run errands for a tree. To him these favors were the least he could do in return for the nourishment he received from plants. This made even the Ae-Dey consider him strange, but among the Ae-Dey strangeness of this sort was highly revered.

     Flying was not so easy for him. Every time he would empty his mind and fill the blank space with the thought of rising high into the air, he would find that his spirit had become not a hawk soaring about in the sky but a huge tree the top of which was so tall that Krisdevon could scan the plain for kilometers. Obviously this involved an immobility that rendered it inadequate. Since all the Ae-Dey who could employ spirit creatures could perceive those of others, Krisdevon's trouble was known to everyone.

     Because he was confident he could overcome the impasse he had reached, he treated the whole matter lightly as the humorous situation if was. Besides he enjoyed being a tree quite a bit, but because this was not a serious crisis, a number of his friends took the opportunity of gently poking fun at him. Lith assumed the form of his spirit bird and sat on Krisdevon's branches for an hour one day weaving twigs into a nest. Rond came to him as a deer and munched on some leaves, but it was Eantis who inadvertently solved his problem. She had the ability to master new forms quickly, and one day she came to him as a termite. Eantis had told her intention to several of her friends, so most of the People of the Little Feather were watching as Eantis/termite crawled boldly up to Krisdevon's trunk and began to eat him. Arlyn though she could not see what was going on herself, was kept informed of the goings on by Rond and Jorin. Like the others her laughter had no malice in it, only recognition of the occasionally absurd but harmless positions into which human beings could get while on the quest for enlightenment. She remembered once having heard Krisdevon say, 'Knowledge is like a bedbug in your mattress. The more assiduously you seek it, the less likely you will find it. Give up the search. Go to sleep. It will find you." Arlyn told this to the others, and they all started to laugh. Those who knew said even the tree and the termite laughed, but then a small, red spirit woodpecker appeared in the nest Lith had built. Most of them sensed that the release of laughing at himself had freed Krisdevon to transfer himself, but the tree remained, and this confused everyone because they never had heard of anyone taking two spirit forms simultaneously. The woodpecker swiftly flew to where the termite was, picked her up in his beak, and acted as if he was going to swallow her. At this the whole tribe laughed so hard that Eantis and Krisdevon lost their concentration and with it their spirit forms. This, too, was unheard of among the Ae-Dey, and seeing Krisdevon and Eantis back to only their physical bodies, which were on the ground biting each other on the leg, made the whole tribe laugh still harder until they all were rolling around on the ground.

     Then all at once everyone perceived their auras were glowing a bright lavender, an aural color no one among them ever had seen before, and they united in one joyously giggling spirit being which pulsated with an ecstasy of mirth and glee for the rest of the day and long into the night. Quite by accident they had discovered a new communion which they subsequently practiced once a season and for which they were eternally grateful to Krisdevon because if there was anything the Ae-Dey loved as much as serenity, it was happy laughter.

     The third major thing which happened to Arlyn and Krisdevon in these years was the rapid progress Arlyn made toward embarking on the spiritual journey to their next incarnation. Her spirit became adroit at leaving her body unaided to join the communions. Next she learned to project herself into the spirit forms of first an antelope and later on an unobtrusive dragonfly. She was a bit startled to find animals readily could see these forms though they did not know what they were and failed in attempts to touch them because they were immaterial.

     Finally after two and a half years among the Ae-Dey, in one of her longer and deeper meditations Arlyn at last came upon the doorway through death which Jorin had described for her about a season earlier. He had waited this long to insure that when at last she found it, it would be a real thing and not an illusion created by her mind as might have been case had its nature been told to her while she had been a novice at meditation.

     Her spirit, though devoid of any physiological sense organs, retained the capacity for sensory as well as extrasensory awareness, and it was by this latter means that even deep in her own inner darkness she had no trouble recognizing she was in the vicinity of some kind of change in atmosphere. At the center of this small region was what gave the sensation of a solid object, an opening of what felt like a tunnel suspended in space, but it only could be felt from one side, the inside. When she tried to touch it by letting her spirit move down or up or across or in back to where its outsides should have been, there was nothing. It was as if passing through the front placed her in another dimension. This, too, was what she had been told. As she had been instructed, she made no further attempt to travel farther into this tunnel than was necessary for her to be certain it was there. Having done this, her spirit directed herself by the usual act of the will to move back out of the tunnel and return gradually to normal consciousness. The reason for this was simple. This journey could keep ones body in a condition of suspended animation for a day or two which rendered it quite vulnerable, so someone was required to guard it against possible accident.

     While she was in the act of meditating, Arlyn exercised a well-disciplined self-control to keep from becoming excited and losing her grasp on her concentration, but as soon as her consciousness came back to her physical environment, she experienced a flood of divergent emotions. Although she previously had felt satisfaction and exultation at successfully having flown many kilometers as a spirit dragonfly to a rock with an inscription which she had repeated correctly on her return, it had been nothing like this.

     "I'm on the brink of learning the answer to the question which disturbs people most throughout their lives, 'What happens when I die?'" she thought. "My heart is beating so hard� I can't believe it� I've waited so long� No matter how peaceful I've become, this one thing has haunted me, and soon I'll know� and Krisdevon, too. He has been patient with me, but he has been under an awful strain� I didn't realize how much I wanted this to happen. I've been living with these serene people acting like I'm serene the way they are when I'm really not� They've had the vision. I haven't�

     "Now wait just a moment. My mind is running wildly the way it sometimes did when I was younger. I've got to get some order so I can think straight� I haven't been pretending at all. I've never claimed I truly was at peace either to them or to myself, and in spite of my bizarre background I've managed to be calm or at least functional almost all the time, especially when it counted, and I've grown more calm and functional with the Ae-Dey� The thought of death never has been one I liked to contemplate, but I've never been morbidly hysterical about it either� I am happy about today's meditation though. I can't lie to myself about that� or anything else� I feel a sense of relief. At last I'll have an opportunity to deal with the thing first hand. It's different than someone else proving to me their spirit bird is real by reading an inscription I can go to and check. There's no way I can go into the future with my body and check an inscription somebody else tells me is going to be on a statue a hundred years from now. It's like I've told myself over and over. If I don't have the experience in person, I'll always have some doubt no matter how strongly I'm inclined to think the Ae-Dey are telling the truth about their visions of their next incarnations�

     "I'll go find Krisdevon and tell him right away. He has waited quite a while� I have to move my bowels� He has waited this long. I guess he can wait a little longer� Here I am on my way to the latrine. I'm on the verge of becoming an enlightened being with a profound understanding of life, death, and the universe, and my body sees fit to remind me I'm a human being like everybody else. I must never forget that�never."

     Although Arlyn and Krisdevon had developed the capability of sending and receiving thoughts between themselves, when one of them was busy, they did not know what the other was thinking, so Krisdevon had no idea of Arlyn's news until he saw her walking toward him. He had been working strenuously with four others to remove a large rock from what was to be the latest campsite of the People of the Little Feather, but as soon as he saw her, he stopped digging. He ran to her, and they embraced. They did not think very much. In fact Krisdevon felt almost exactly as he had when they had come upon Lith after their long search of the plateau.

     From this moment on until the morning five days later when they began the next step of their exploration of themselves and the universe, nothing had much meaning for them other than preparations for their vision. As a general principle Krisdevon had maintained a high degree of cognizance of the locations of the various heavenly bodies, but now twice he remained awake more than half the night computing astrological forces in order to select the most propitious time for their vision.

     Now for the first time they revealed to the others their intention of attempting their visions at once. Both Jorin and Eantis expressed doubts as to the chances for success in such a venture, but since these matters were of a highly personal nature, no one sought to prevent them from at least trying to see their next incarnations simultaneously.

     Since all their reservations were based on the notion that Krisdevon and Arlyn would go their separate ways after death, Krisdevon and Arlyn were not dissuaded because it still was their contention they were united even after death. When they mentioned this possibility to Rond, she said, "Visions are dangerous things. If you handle them wrong, you can go mad. It has happened to a few of our people who didn't take them seriously enough� I know that isn't the case with you, but it's a terrible strain when you're in the tunnel of darkness even when you do it properly, and what you're suggesting could be much worse� I can't give you any sound advice because I just don't know what you're planning to try. Even Jorin and I go apart in our next lives, and we're very close now, but that doesn't mean you're not right. You two know your destinies don't follow usual rules in this life, so who's to say they'll follow them in the next? You must do what you think is best and take responsibility for whatever happens, but I hope it'll be for the better because a lot more than your own welfare depends on this."

     Arlyn was caught slightly off guard by this first hint by any of the Ae-Dey at the future assistance she and Krisdevon were supposed to render the Ae-Dey. After a pause she asked, "If you were in a position to prohibit us from doing it together, would you?"

     "No," answered Rond unhesitatingly, "I don't know if this is or isn't what you ought to do. After a point in life you can't put yourself in the hands of others any longer. We've brought you and Krisdevon that far. We've trained you and Krisdevon in all our techniques and given you all the facts at our command. Now you've got to rely on your own judgment. All we can do is stand aside and hope we taught you well."

     "I understand," said Arlyn feeling a new sense of freedom. In the previous two and a half years when she had had a problem in the spiritual realm, she had turned to her mentors because they obviously had known a great deal more than she did, but always she had looked forward to the day when she would have progressed sufficiently for her and Krisdevon to be on their own. The realization that she and Krisdevon had an immense responsibility on their shoulders did scare her somewhat, but she would not have parted with it by choice. In fact she found the power to do good and the danger inherent in it exhilarating, and she could tell Krisdevon's sentiments were the same.

     After building a low wooden frame about two meters square in the middle of the village and covering it with a few furs, Arlyn and Krisdevon assembled ten friends who had agreed to watch over them in shifts one tenth of a day long for the probable day or two their bodies would be comatose.

     As they were lying down, Krisdevon could not resist saying, "It's ironic the quest for serenity involves so much inner turmoil and risk."

     "Great rewards entail great risks," said Conitis who only a season before had lain on a similar platform and had had a very difficult time passing through an unusually long tunnel of darkness. She almost had succumbed to an urge to turn back before attaining the vision of her next incarnation. She had become afraid the tunnel was an endless trap in which her spirit would be imprisoned for all eternity if she did not return immediately the way she had come. Nevertheless she had persevered in the trust that what she had been taught was true and eventually made it through to behold images of great beauty. She was to be a small hawk living in a valley which, from her description, Lith was able to identify with a high degree of certainty as the uniquely exquisite Vale of Transcendent Ecstasy in Badeshregar, a district in the far north of Vadriel province.

     "Be well," said Jorin as the others nodded and smiled their good wishes before walking off to go about their chores. Jorin sat down a few meters away from Arlyn and Krisdevon, and they shut their eyes to meditate. They were both rather nervous, but the deep, rhythmical breathing soon calmed them. When they were ready, employing the usual act of the will, they moved their spirits so they were touching and began going deeper into themselves toward what they expected would be a single doorway into the tunnel which would take them beyond death. They had to do this slowly because they were unaccustomed to moving their spirits in unison, and they had to remain in contact, but when Arlyn reached the opening she had found previously, Krisdevon was unable to enter it with her. It was not the same as his own which he had come to several times but never succeeded in penetrating very far.

     They were both amazed and perplexed because they had believed staunchly they were intended to die together and be united after death. "There's no doubt about it," thought Krisdevon to Arlyn. "It's not mine, and I can't go through it. If you can, it's yours, and we must part."

     "I'm prepared to if we have to," thought Arlyn, but isn't there something else we can do? I counted on being with you."

     "I'm afraid not," thought Krisdevon. "It seems one can only enter ones own. The energies of each tunnel must be arranged so it'll only admit the spirit that's supposed to use it."

     "Then why can't we go into yours?"

     "I can get into it. I just can't move down it, and when I'm in it, I feel incomplete. I'm more confused now than ever� but that isn't your worry. Follow your own. Maybe I'll be able to get farther in when I come to mine this time."

     "This� this is goodbye then," thought Arlyn surprised that even as a spirit she could feel emotion. "I can't cry or stroke your face or anything like that. It's hard to separate without one last kiss."

     "I know," thought Krisdevon, "but we have no other choice than that or give up the attempt and go back."

     "I didn't mean I wanted to quit. I just wish it wasn't like this."

     "I understand. I feel it, too. If one of us loses their way, we'll never be close again, alive or dead� or anything� We'd better get on with it. We're weakening ourselves. Goodbye."

     "Goodbye," thought Arlyn as she passed through into the tunnel.

Arlyn

Immediately she was entirely alone, and the perceptions of her spirit told her she was in a very narrow tube of energy which seemed to turn failed, abruptly after she began traveling down it. Then intended in an opening which seemed to lead back into a condition identical to the one which had existed before the doorway. For the first time she was scared. Everyone had told her the tunnel was much longer and she would experience an immediate restoration of the senses as soon as she left it. Suddenly she was sucked out of the passage by a great force, and an energy far stronger than her will drove her madly about in darkness as if it was seeking something nearby.
     "What's going on?" she thought. "I never should have risked something as dangerous as this. I'll be blown about in the abyss forever� I'll go mad� Just wait a bit now. If I can't control this thing, I might as well relax and accept it. I'll float wherever it takes me. It can't hurt me because I have no body to feel pain, and if I have to learn to live with it, I will� That's a terrible pun, live with it. Arlyn, you're dead� I don't know what I am� I'm approaching something very quickly� I'm being immersed in it� What!?! I'm not just me anymore. I'm�

Krisdevon

"I'm alone on my way to the doorway again� How many times have I tried and how many. Why is it me who has all these difficulties? Thousands and thousands Ae-Dey have done it with no troubles, and others who weren't Ae-Dey have succeeded, too, but me, I can't do it� I guess all there is to do is go down there and stay until I do get through. Something's keeping me out, and I'm going to figure out what."
     He began moving his spirit swiftly to the location he sought so he could start investigating whether anything might have changed because of his having accompanied Arlyn to her doorway, but suddenly he felt a tremendous force welling up inside himself drawing something toward him. This was something he never had encountered before, and it was frightening because he knew whatever it was he was drawing toward himself would smash into his spirit, and if it was not of a proper spiritual nature, his spirit might be destroyed by the collision.
     "This is because I tried to see the vision with Arlyn," he thought. "I should've listened to the others� I'll cease to exist� I can't stop drawing this thing toward me� Be calm� If my energies are widely dispersed and at rest, whatever it is may pass through me, and I'll survive� I'm still within the sphere of my present earthly life, but moving together with Arlyn has taken me to an area I've never been before� Perhaps this means there's some act I do later in life that involves another spirit� It's near� It's filling the places within me I must have left open when I made my spirit less dense so I could occupy more space� I'm�

     United their will was strong and confident as it moved them speedily across the remaining distance. The familiar opening was there, and it admitted them easily because together they were the correct balance of spiritual energies. they traveled rapidly through the tunnel without pausing to contemplate who they was now that they was one, but significantly from this point until separating, they used the pronoun "I" when referring to temself.

     "I want to get out of here as quickly as I can," thought Arlyn/Krisdevon. "Even if I wasn't eager to see my next incarnation, I don't think I'd want to stay here long. I can't say why, but I don't like it here."

     Without any warning Arlyn/Krisdevon emerged from the tunnel into a deluge of physical sensation, but it was physical sensation like none they ever had known. There was no sight, hearing, or smell, only the vaguest hint of taste, and a small amount of touch, but what had been taken away was replaced by a myriad of new senses. By means of sensors which could accurately analyze the ever-changing composition of the soil and air, they knew exactly where water could be found at great distances below the earth, and they could tell what the weather was going to be like seasons in advance. Even more amazing was their new ability to perceive simultaneously the mental state and aura of every living thing within a radius of several hundred meters of them as well as chosen other creatures outside that circle. After a while they also could identify the species of their companions.

     "What has happened to me? What am I?" asked Arlyn/Krisdevon as much of temself as anything else.

     "You are a newly sprouted seed of a bristlecone pine," came the answer into their thought center.

     "Who are you?"

     "I am a blade of mountain grass. The transition must be quite a shock for you. You were human before this, weren't you?"

     "Yes, two humans in fact."

     "Two, how unusual. Nothing here ever has known of that before. No matter, you must gather your strength and put down your roots immediately. It is not going to be an easy year. We are very high in the mountains, and there was little snow last winter."

     "I have many questions�"

     "They can come later. Now you need to devote your energy to growth." And they did.

     Slowly Arlyn/Krisdevon noticed their time sense had been altered drastically. A whole day could go by as if in an instant, yet they would have been conscious of each instant. they might have done nothing that day but grow a few millimeters of rootlets, yet there was no boredom, only calm. Thoughts of having been human drifted away, and they recalled memories of having been two entities only with great effort. they was a complete mingling of what had been Arlyn and Krisdevon. What they had held in common; ideas, emotions, beliefs, etc. became a small part of the basis of their present mind. What had been different was dormant. What predominated was treeness, a state of incredibly patient awareness of surroundings which taught them the joys of an unhurried appreciation for fine detail.

     Fall came, and Arlyn/Krisdevon tree was prepared because they had worked hard all summer setting down roots as deep as they could into the rocky soil and forming a strong, supple stem. Often they had struggled hard against a dry feeling which was not so much like thirst as brittleness, but though this had caused them a burning sort of pain all over them when it was extreme, their will to survive had been strong, and they had prevailed in their harsh environment. Never had they thought, as several around them had, "Oh, this pain is so great. I am so tired. I will stop laboring to send my rootlets deeper. I will let myself die." Rather they had thought, "I am not weak. The task is a demanding one, to continue striving in the face of pain and limited nourishment, but it is not hopeless. I can tell there will be happiness in being a tree in better years, and I will not surrender this potential without a fight."

     Winter was a time of rest and fortunately much snow which melted in the spring providing ample sustenance for a season of rapid growth that firmly established Arlyn/Krisdevon and at last provided them time for reflection on their condition. "Life as a tree is simple," thought Arlyn/Krisdevon. "I feel no need to study art or philosophy because for me living in this tranquility is the highest expression of art and philosophy. Even in times of travail I am not afraid. I can be hurt or killed, but I am not frightened. I can accept anything which happens. I suppose this is making virtue of necessity because as a a treeI can't get up and run or take up a sword against anything which attacks me, but life without fear is peace."

     One thing which made life as a tree beautiful was that as Arlyn/Krisdevon matured, they entered into an uninterrupted communion existing among all the vegetation in the area which though it was sparse was still adequate to create a being of considerable peace and wisdom. It scarcely conceived of time other than in terms of, "Now is the time to grow� now to produce seeds, now to rest�" and without time any traces of boredom their last traces of humanness might have anticipated became impossible. their life was a constant, gently glowing and vibrating meditation on light interrupted by daily activities of drawing water and minerals from the soil and joining them with elements from the air.

     On one rare occasion when they contemplated the plant communion rather than participated in it, they thought,"It is so different from what the Ae-Dey do. They do as well as they can, and their communion can be beautiful, but at best they are still like an orchestra all playing the same note on identical instruments. It is the note of human perfection, but it is such a limited truth. The communion of all the plants here on the mountain is more like a symphony of harmonious colors and lights flashing and twinkling at once, each of us radiating on the frequency of our own species. We blend into a unity which includes a much wider variety of truths about the nature of existence. I know now that the more of this truth which a being contains, the closer it is to understanding and being one with the basic essence of existence, where we all come from and go to� Even in this state this knowledge is beyond me, but to play in this orchestra of light is to make progress to acquiring that knowledge.

     "It is interesting that when you are so filled with truth, you have no need to inquire what you ought to do. Whatever you can do is right even if it involves harming other plants in competition for nutrients to stay alive because individual death is unimportant, even my own. all that matters is the perpetuation of the whole, the communion being. When one of us dies, all it means is that their spirit has learned the lessons this life was intended to teach tem."

     Years passed and then hundreds and eventually thousands of years, but though the physical appearance of the tree went from more lush to more bare and back to more lush with the seasons and climate cycles, Arlyn/Krisdevon's essence did not change with age other than to grow more peaceful and more nearly timeless� The pains of their youth were still there when the weather was bad, but they were not really pains anymore. Now they merely were sensations providing information on problems which were to be solved if it was possible. If it was not, the pains were easily ignored.

     The glowing light within them grew older and stronger until suddenly one day they were again in the tunnel between death and life. They separated immediately upon entering the tunnel, but they remained close to each other.

     "Now we know what it is to be one," thought Arlyn to Krisdevon.

     "It is good that we should know each other this well," thought Krisdevon, "but too much of our individual selves had to be sacrificed for it to be worthwhile for us to do it again."

     "I agree, but that won't be necessary," replied Arlyn. "Once you've been a plant and lived its full cycle, you've absorbed all the knowledge that experience had to offer."

     "It's interesting that plants don't make specific friends the way humans do," thought Krisdevon.

     "They have no need," thought Arlyn. "They live intimately with all their neighbors. What one knows or feels, all do."

     "True� now I understand why plants don't enjoy communicating with people. It distracts them from the bliss of their communion, and after the first little while communicating with another plant is more or less like talking to yourself�" thought Krisdevon.

     "It's a static condition. Even though particular plants came and went, the totality always seemed the same," thought Arlyn.

     "I didn't mind," thought Krisdevon.

     "I didn't either while it was going on," thought Arlyn, "but now that it's over, I want to be something much different and learn something else."

     "I do, too, but it'd be a nice place to come back to alone," thought Krisdevon.

     "Perhaps�" thought Arlyn, "What do we do now?"

     "Apparently it's up to us," replied Krisdevon. "Usually the Ae-Dey return to their bodies because they feel a strong need to."

     "I don't."

     "Neither do I."

     "Then let's try to go forward to our next incarnations. They must be separate, or we'd be one now," thought Arlyn.

     "Agreed."

     They moved down the tunnel until it came to a division, and Arlyn had to go one way and Krisdevon another. This time there were no sad goodbyes. They were not tired of each other, but they did wish to be apart.

     "Goodbye, Arlyn. I'll be with you again when the time is right."

     "Goodbye, Krisdevon. I'll be with you again when the time is right."

     This separation began a long series of animal incarnations in which Arlyn and Krisdevon related in a multitude of ways. First came lives in which Arlyn/spider captured and ate Krisdevon/fly. Then they both were mosquitos eaten by a small bird, Later they were praying mantises living in a wheat field which they helped keep free of insects harmful to the farmer's crop. Often there would be two successive incarnations in which their roles would be reversed so each could have both experiences and learn both lessons.

     Something which distinguished these incarnations from the one as a tree was that during these lives there was no consciousness outside these limited mentalities of the insects, no awareness of meditation, communion, death or dying, or anything else beyond the scopes of the creatures they were. Arlyn and Krisdevon were not disembodied spirits observing life. For as long as they were in a specific form, they were cut off from any knowledge not inherent in that form. Their cognitive faculties only returned for the short period they spent in the tunnels between one life and the next. This interim was necessary for them to absorb and assimilate what they were experiencing because, as they discovered, a spider does not reflect on what it is like to eat a fly. It simply eats it. From experiences like these they learned to truly understand the blind, instinctual drives of other creatures, one of the foundations on which the world is built.

     Early in this sequence of lives in one of the pauses between incarnations Arlyn and Krisdevon met and discussed the possibility of directing their spirits back to the human bodies they had left on the peninsula of the Ae-Dey. They agreed there was no point in returning as long as they were benefiting from going forward. Not long after this they developed skill at manipulating time. They had lived their first few insect incarnations fully, with the time as it would be when they actually lived them, but now they became able to make them pass more quickly. At first they did so only at a slightly faster pace, but later they caused whole lifetimes to go by in a flash. They mastered the ability of instantaneously extracting the few key moments from an entire life and immediately understanding what they taught. It did not take them years but a few moments of a life as a lion to grasp the lesson learned by being kicked to death quickly by a giraffe. Next they were intestinal parasites within the giraffe. They multiplied too fast, thrived too well, and the giraffe died. Then they died. Several times they died of thirst in droughts, and from this they learned total acceptance of what was beyond their control.

     After one final pair of animal incarnations in the symbiotic forms of rhinoceros and tick bird, Arlyn and Krisdevon began a long series of human lives. The relationships were as diverse as the possibilities of the human condition would permit. They were parent and child, siblings, grandparent and grandchild, lovers, rivals, friends, enemies, business partners, and casual acquaintances, and they went through most of these relationships many times in widely different circumstances so they could learn all there was to know about them.

     In these incarnations they were unable to move as swiftly as they had in their earlier animal ones because it often took years or even decades for the subtleties of these involvements to develop properly, but throughout all of them there still was no consciousness of meditation, communion, spirits, or other lives. On a few occasions they were people who believed there might be such things, but in these lives they were careful to remain silent about their suspicions because the world they inhabited regarded these ideas as dangerous at best or even grounds for execution. Between these lifetimes they reflected separately or once in a while together on the declining level of humanity which gradually was becoming more cruel and violent and insensitive to itself and other living creatures. They also realized this was a lowering which they themselves were as much a part of as anyone else. The only explanation they could offer for this deterioration was the human's lack of any real respect for life coupled with a technology which suddenly was advancing at breakneck speed and was well on its way to surpassing anything which had existed on Tireus. They both were inclined to agree these both were due to a greatly increased population virtually none of whom understood meditation or communion, but they were unsure because they had seen their last few incarnations only as observers looking on through a haze which restricted them to momentary flashes of insight.

     They met again in the tunnel between death and life and considered the possibility of returning to the People of the Little Feather. They were on the verge of doing so because they were not learning very much from these most recent, dream like visions, but then they abruptly were reunited, again made one as they had been immediately prior to becoming a tree, but before they could do anything, they were split in two. They did not become Arlyn and Krisdevon but rather each half was made up of Arlyn and Krisdevon. It was as if something was about to happen which could not be repeated, something which each had to experience both halves of at once.

     Both halves of Arlyn and Krisdevon were born to be great leaders of people, but one half was born with knowledge of all his lives which preceded this one. The other was not. The first one tried to teach his people of the wisdom with which he had been gifted, and for this even those who loved him called him strange. The second sought only for his own aggrandizement. He was successful and was feared and respected among his people. The first one saw the plains he lived on as the ideal place to begin showing another way to humanity, the way he remembered from those earlier plains, the plains of the Ae-Dey. The second saw them only as a place for war which would bring him greater power over his own people. The first was kind and never forgot to care for the poor and weak. Many possessions were his right, but he gave them all to the needy and kept little more than he wore on his back. The second was cruel beyond any man of his time. He rode into the camps of those he hated and cut off the heads of pregnant women to play football with in front of their children.

     Eventually the excesses of the second drove the first to defend himself and his people, but the people of the first knew nothing of the systematic hatred and ceaseless desire for wealth which had arisen among the people of the second, their leader being nothing more than a representation of their own inner selves, so the people of the first were unable to withstand the onslaught unleashed against them by the people of the second. The first man did his best in attempts to make both peace and war, but they were futile, and he was forced to watch as his people were driven from their lands and hunted like animals.

     He spent many solitary hours meditating and seeking an answer to why evil had prevailed over good. In the winter he would wander alone day after day amidst the snows. He saw many visions, but when he told his people what they had to do in order to save themselves, they either ridiculed him and pursued their own personal glory or adulated him without really trying to understand his teachings.

     In exasperation he sought a vision of his next incarnation. Instead he beheld a great white bison which walked upon the snow but left no tracks in it. No human alive beside him could see it because it was a spirit animal. In this form he went among the people of his enemy and saw the greatness of both their weapons and their greed, but in his heart he knew that even though he was good and his enemy evil, their peoples were no different. Those of his enemy simply had invented certain instruments of destruction before his own people. If their circumstances had been reversed, his own people would have done no better. Then there came to him the realization that the human being was a flawed creature which could not endure much longer without meditation and communion practiced in the manner of the Ae-Dey, but he realized there was no hope of having this accepted by any people anywhere, so he knew humanity was doomed in spite of all his knowledge. Still he loved his people, and he returned to them, but he spoke little and kept to himself, so those in authority mistrusted him even more than before.

     At last a battle arose when the two halves of Arlyn and Krisdevon were both there. As fortune would have it, the evil half was even more foolhardy on that day than he ever had been before. Some amongst his people had attempted to lessen his power because of his brutality, so he sought to win a great victory against overwhelming odds. He intended to point to this conquest as a sign that he was meant to be the highest ruler above all his people. He could have won had he been more cautious because his weapons were superior and his soldiers were brave and dedicated, but he underestimated the prowess of his enemy, and the good half of Arlyn and Krisdevon managed to slay the evil half. It was a hollow victory. The people of the second man took his name as a rallying cry and destroyed the people of the first, brought them into bondage and made them live in barren places. Soon the people of the good one began to blame him for their troubles. They betrayed him to his enemies, and he, too, was slain.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon met again in the tunnel between death and life. They felt that somehow they had been freed from the bonds of their own evil, but at a cost almost too great to have been worthwhile, seeing this species was destined for a tragic fate. Up until this point both Krisdevon and Arlyn had viewed their spirits basically as disembodied human essences which at times had taken the bodies of other creatures for temporary dwelling places. Now they began to give thought to the possibility of rising above human form, of finding other beings which moved about freely and lived and died but which were of a higher order than those they already had been. They were unsure how to go about this, but they knew there was no other alternative which merited consideration because they recognized that something in humans gave them a propensity for unrestrained violence which would soon destroy their species if not all life on earth.

     In spite of their disgust for the notion of additional human lives, they had no idea what else to do, so they were forced into still another pair of human incarnations, but this time they were again dream-like and confusing. Arlyn found herself looking through the eyes of a man strapped in a chair in a metal cylinder with glass windows. There was a loud, roaring noise filling the thing, and somehow or other this huge iron thing was flying in the sky. It had featherless wings covered with squarish markings, but these wings did not seem to flap. The man seemed to be playfully chasing another metal cylinder similar in all apparent respects except its markings were round. Suddenly fire shot out from somewhere in the vessel Arlyn was in, and she watched as the one with round markings burst into flames.

     "I guess they're the same sort of things we shot at each other in the last lifetime, but now they're more deadly," thought Arlyn through the haze. Then as the other flying cylinder plunged earthward, a figure leaped from it, and a huge, round tent unfurled above tem. This amazed Arlyn, and she watched with fascination as they floated toward the ground. "Perhaps it's all a game, and this is the way people satisfy their violent nature," thought Arlyn hopefully, but she realized it was no game. The craft she was in turned quickly and dived after the person who was dangling from the canopy. Again the guns fired, and as Arlyn watched with revulsion and sadness, she resolved she would not go any farther into a future of human incarnations. No matter what Krisdevon wanted, this had been one killing too many.

     For his part Krisdevon saw dimly through the eyes of a woman who had enjoyed a long, quiet life. Now slightly senile, she was still a pleasant and healthy person who could attend to her own needs without assistance. There was a war going on around her, but it did not touch her deeply. She had no children, and most of her friends had died before the war had begun. Furthermore the little rural village where she dwelled was of no strategic importance, so it never had been attacked.

     Then one day she had to make one of her infrequent visits to a not too far distant large city, but just as she arrived at its outskirts, she saw the entire sky above the city light up with an explosion beyond her worst nightmares. She thought she had seen an enemy craft fly overhead and drop something, and in her own limited way she recognized the existence of cause and effect. Stupefied she walked down into the city which was now nothing more than a heap of burning and smoldering rubble.

     "What has happened?" she asked herself over and over. "How could anyone have done such a thing? All these people killed, why? What evil is it that has done this?" She walked about on streets which once had been at least somewhat familiar to her and mumbled things like, "That was once a school, I think. All those children are dead� That was a hospital� I once had an operation there long ago� The doctors were very kind. It's all gone now�"

     She died an abominable death. First her hair fell out, and then her skin began to peel off. She was continually nauseous. All her flesh burned, and her entire body ached in torment. It went on for days. Over and over she asked, "Why me? What did I ever do?" And it was with these words Krisdevon greeted Arlyn in the tunnel between death and life.

     "I don't see much point in going on if all there is is more of the same," thought Arlyn to Krisdevon.

     "Neither do I," replied Krisdevon, "but I'm not ready to give up yet. It doesn't seem logical that human beings are the highest level of animal life. They're so� so defective. There must be something above them."

     "I hope you're right, but to the best of my knowledge, I've never seen one walking down the street," thought Arlyn. "Even if we did find one, how could we enter it? So far none of our incarnations have involved any choice on our part� We're moving down the tunnel� If we don't do something right away, we'll be incarnated as humans again."

     "I know," thought Krisdevon. "For a start why don't we try to will ourselves to remain here? Maybe we can work out how to pick our next lives after we do that."

     They concentrated as hard as they could, and to their surprise they stopped moving immediately. They found the force which caused them to flow down the energy tunnel was quite mild, but they were aware all this could do was serve as a delaying tactic. Whether or not they could select their next lives was an entirely different matter.

     "What now?" asked Arlyn.

     "I'm not sure, but for now at least there doesn't seem to be anything which'll prevent us from staying here as long as it takes," replied Krisdeon.

     There was no way for them to judge the passage of time or even to know for certain if it actually was passing at all, but it seemed to them as if a great deal of time went by with them immobilized in the tunnel. Over and over they scrutinized every alternative they could imagine, but none showed any promise. They even considered the notion that their present situation represented an advance, a place that was an end rather than a means, but they ruled this out because in it they were involuntarily separated from all other beings besides each other. They concluded this isolation restricted rather than amplified their freedom, and they agreed the existence or lack of broader freedom and the ability to master it were among the sound criteria by which they could judge whether or not they were moving in the proper direction.

     There were periods when boredom would plague them, and one of them would want to give up, but it always worked out that at these times the other would encourage them to persevere until they had solved the puzzle. No arguments took place. One merely would become disheartened, and the other would radiate as much positive thought energy at they could until the first had cheered up. By now they were strong in their resolve to transcend what increasingly appeared to them to be a barrier of some sort which constantly steered them back to human incarnations.

     They meditated separately and engaged in communion with each other, and this did make the situation more tolerable, but it did not bring them any closer to a solution. Eventually they became more accepting of the place they freely had chosen to halt, and this helped them to be somewhat relaxed and at home in their disembodied state. They stopped trying to discover a way of overcoming the impasse they had reached, and instead they began looking back over their previous lives. At first they only did this casually to ease the tedium they were undergoing, but soon they were examining their pasts in earnest. They were able to see the innumerable mistakes they had made as humans, and slowly but surely they assimilated a complete overview of all the lessons taught by these errors. They became less bitter about humanity as they came to understand that the purpose for this creature which could do almost nothing right was to teach spirits why those things they perceived as wrong were, in fact, wrong.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon had no motive beyond self-knowledge as they engaged in this self-scrutiny, but as they neared the point when they finally would have drained their human lives of lessons to be learned, they began to feel as if they were floating in water. This began as an entirely spiritual perception because they had none of the physical organs with which they could have detected suspension in water if that in fact had been what they were doing, but nevertheless the more calm and self-knowing they became, the more they seemed to feel as if they were swimming. Sometimes it felt like they were submerged far beneath the surface, others like the were partly out of the water breathing air.

     "I wonder what this all means?" asked Krisdevon.

     "I don't know," replied Arlyn, "but it seems quite pleasant. Why don't we just enjoy it?"

     "Seems reasonable," replied Krisdevon.

     "We're in some sort of gradual transition," thought Arlyn.

     "You're right. We're developing bodies," thought Krisdevon.

     "How odd� Before when we entered an incarnation it always was so abrupt," thought Arlyn.

     "I feel so pure and clean, so peaceful� so playful. What're we going to be," asked Krisdevon.

     "Whatever it is, it seems a lot nicer than being a human," thought Arlyn.

     "I sense we're being welcomed into some kind of communion� I think we're being born as fish."

     "No, Krisdevon, we're air-breathing� We must be dolphins� Oh, this feeling of loving warmth and welcome is so strong� There must be millions of others taking part in this communion, and I can sense the joy in each one of them that we've risen above human form."

     Arlyn and Krisdevon heard a complicated series of clicking and whistling sounds as something pushed them urgently toward the surface where they took their first breaths as newly born female porpoises. The were amazed at the incredible capacities of their minds which mastered the clicking language in a very brief time, but upon closer examination they discovered the porpoise language, though far from simple, was less intricate than it originally had appeared. Dolphins just did not have a lot to say to each other because they all were united through an uninterrupted, world-wide communion. What was more unexpected to Arlyn and Krisdevon was that because the dolphin mind was able to carry on several operations at once, functions which their limited human minds had had to perform one at a time, each dolphin participant simultaneously maintained their complete individuality in the midst of their communion.

     While Krisdevon and Arlyn did not find this change overwhelming, they did have to practice a great deal to gain total control of their newly earned and wonderful tool, the dolphin intellect, but once they had adjusted to their new environment, they came to appreciate the state of bliss which was the lot of the porpoise. Arlyn and Krisdevon both perceived with elation the lack of fear among their fellows, a lack of fear which arose from the certainty that death and pain were meaningless. They knew that when one of their bodies became old or damaged, the spirit occupying it merely flowed out of it and into another. They usually returned to the same group time after time, and even when disembodied they were part of the dolphin communion.

     Life was virtually without frustrations. The sea teemed with easily caught, good tasting fish. Sex was a matter of an almost never refused request, and unwanted offspring were unheard of because both males and females had mental control of their fertility. Loneliness was unknown among a group in which each member was eager to maintain an intimacy where they was as close to every other member as Arlyn and Krisdevon had been at the high point of their human existence, and love never was threatened by divergent needs because by a concerted act of the will the dolphin communion had caused their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual evolution to develop so that all their urges and yearnings were complementary with those of their fellows. It was similar to the willingness of the Ae-Dey to do something for no other reason than somebody else's wish for it, but here this existed on a much more refined level where the desire to satisfy another was a self-gratifying reflex act. Whether it was for a game of tag, food, emotional or spiritual proximity, sexual or non-sexual physical contact, or whatever else it might be, none had longings which could be harmful to temself or another dolphin because they had evolved to the point where none of them could have such longings. they simply had purged themselves of the mental apparatus which could generate these types of feelings.

     It took Arlyn and Krisdevon a while to realize it, but there was a complete absence of mechanical technology among the porpoises. Although Arlyn and Krisdevon once had succumbed to the human idea that the level of a species could be estimated correctly by examining factors like its industrial might, they now saw that members of a highly advanced species were complete without any extensions like tools if their bodies could easily attend to all their wants and needs.

     "When I look back on human existence and try to comprehend life in the ocean from that point of view, I just can't do it," clicked Arlyn to Krisdevon one afternoon as they drifted on a warm current.

     "I understand what you mean," replied Krisdevon. "Very few of them recognize possessions for what they are, substitutions for unfulfilled emotions.You don't need anything to take the place of something else when you have the bliss we do."

     "Do you think they'll ever rise above their low nature?" asked Arlyn.

     "Individuals will, but they won't be human anymore," replied Krisdevon.

     "The only parallel I can imagine is a human adult trying to describe orgasm to a five year old," clicked Arlyn. "The child would ask, 'Do you eat candy while you have a climax?' and when the adult said, 'No, you wouldn't want to. It's much nicer than eating candy,' the child would become confused because they can envision no ecstasy greater than candy. We would face a barrier like that if we tried to communicate dolphinness to a human. Actually we shouldn't be so smug about it. We were humans not too long ago, and even if we did earn our way out of that level, it certainly isn't an easy thing to do. It's no wonder so many spirits get stuck there."

     "True," replied Krisdevon. "We're just very fortunate. Few spirits rise beyond human existence as quickly as we did."

     "Yes," clicked Arlyn, "and we thought we had so many human lives. Some spirits take many times the number of lives we had before they learn the lessons they're supposed to."

     "In a way I pity them," clicked Krisdevon, "but you must admit it's hard to have compassion for a creature which understands the origins of pain and then goes ahead and brutally beats itself."

     "It seems the basic lesson of being a human is to learn what not to do," clicked Arlyn.

     "That's a bit simplistic, but it may be so. What do you suppose we're here to learn?" asked Krisdevon.

     "I'm not sure," replied Arlyn, "but I'm beginning to think it's to have fun. Apparently that's at least as cosmically important as the other lessons."

     "I think you might be correct," agreed Krisdevon, and after a few more lifetimes as a dolphin, Krisdevon was positive of it.

     Gradually the visions Arlyn and Krisdevon were having sped up again until it reached a pace which would have been incomprehensible to them before they had surpassed human consciousness, and in the midst of all the porpoise love, joy, and fun they realized they were learning something which they had not suspected, how to live in extreme proximity to others without the desire to be alone. They noticed they and their companions would go off by themselves to seek food, visit another group, or for any of a number of other reasons. They might enjoy the temporary physical solitude, but the longing for it never a primary motivation, and after one or two brief experiments based on curiosity, they never wished to interrupt their oneness with the communion although they could have done so easily.

     Krisdevon and Arlyn discussed this lesson on living space and saw no apparent explanation for it because in the vastness of the ocean there was ample room for privacy for whichever of their fellows wanted it. Furthermore given the nature of the species, individuals seeking to be alone could not have endangered the group.

     There came a time when Arlyn and Krisdevon happened to die more or less simultaneously, and their spirits were in the tunnel together. "In a way this level's a trap, too, don't you think?" asked Arlyn

     "In a way� we seem to've learned its lessons," replied Krisdevon. "It's pleasant, but that may be part of the snare. I think there must be something higher. We've learned a lot which isn't applicable here, as if we're being schooled for another step."

     "Any idea how we might take it," asked Arlyn.

     "No, but if we stay in the spirit form long enough, it'll come to us," thought Krisdevon.

     "I think we've gone as far as we can in material forms," thought Arlyn. "Im inclined to believe then next� the next whatever it is involves being disembodied."

     "You're probably right," agreed Krisdevon.

     "Do you think we ought to review our lives the way we did our human ones?" asked Arlyn.

     "You mean for lessons?"

     "Yes."

     "I doubt it. Unlike humans, dolphins seem to have instantaneous assimilation of the true essence and meaning of what life teaches them."

     "You're right about that," thought Arlyn, "but before we can rise above dolphinness, we're going to have to withdraw from their communion."

     "That's interesting, Arlyn. We're using the words 'them' and 'their' for porpoises. Only a lifetime ago it was 'we' and 'our.' We must be partially separated from them already."

     "Then let's separate ourselves from them completely," thought Arlyn.

     "All right� Now," thought Krisdevon, and suddenly they were both completely alone again. They were still in the tunnel between death and life but no longer as dolphin spirits waiting for new bodies. Now they were free spirits, and once in this state they quickly discovered the generations of flowing in and out of porpoise bodies had developed in them the ability to go anywhere and enter any form they wished.

     "What do you think we ought to do? asked Arlyn.

     "It might be nice to be a tree again for a while," thought Krisdevon.

     "Fine, yes, but moving backward," responded Arlyn.

     "True. What do you think we ought to do?" asked Krisdevon.

     "I'm not sure. There's no temptation to go back to being a dolphin. Don't you find it surprising that after all that closeness there's no left over fear of being alone?" asked Arlyn.

     "The security of that environment seems to've permitted us to grow self-sufficient, Arlyn, like a human child whose parents raise them to know they is loved. If it's done right, it prepares them to leave them rather than making them dependent. they becomes confident of their own worth, and with that self-assurance they can function alone� at least as well as humans can. Something similar must have happened to us only on a much larger scale. It's as if these incarnations are just part of a cosmic growing up process."    

     "Do you feel grown up?" asked Arlyn.

     'if you had a body, you'd be grinning while you asked that."

     "Why can't a disembodied spirit grin?"

     "You haven't got a mouth."

     "I'll make one," thought Arlyn, and a laughing human mouth appeared with no other bodily parts attached to it.

     Krisdevon created an eye with which to observe the mouth that the energy sensors of his spirit had perceived as a nearby energy fluctuation. "Fascinating," he thought. "We can convert energy into specific material form by act of the will."

     "I suppose we've been doing it all along by entering dolphin bodies. We just didn't know we could do other things because we never tried," thought Arlyn.

     "That still doesn't tell us what to do now. I don't see much long-term utility in the creation of mouths and eyes." thought Krisdevon.

     "It is fun," thought Arlyn.

     "I guess so, but I'd like to get on with the business of finding out where we go next," thought Krisdevon.

     "Don't worry, Krisdevon, The tunnel never has been one of my favorite places."

     "In our past transitions the most we had to do is relax and accept. Whatever we were intended to become happened to us. Do you think we ought to try that now?" asked Krisdevon.

     "No," replied Arlyn. "That's the path of least resistance. It may be excusable for creatures which're weak, but right now we're in possession of immense power. We don't even know how great it is. It's up to us to make active choices about what to do with it."

     "That may be true up to a point," thought Krisdevon, "but if the universe has some set pattern to it, there's something we're supposed to do with that power. We at least ought to know what it is before we reject it. If we don't like it, we can stop and do something else."

     "Reasonable enough," thought Arlyn, "but if I relax completely, and you turn us into a tree, I'll be angry with you."

     "Make a grinning mouth when you think that," replied Krisdevon.

     "We've been dolphins too long," thought Arlyn still not serious. "All we can do is play."

     "I think we'll manage. Are you ready."

     "Yes."

     "Now."

     They both meditated on emptiness and lack of self, and they promptly started to drift. In all the time they had spent as spirits in the tunnel, it always had felt the same to their energy sensors, but to their amazement on this occasion it was different. At first they perceived it as wider, but then they realized it actually was less dense. Soon it disappeared entirely, and they were disembodied spirits floating in what, after careful consideration, they decided was a rather open area near the rim of the great wheel of stars. Slowly, very slowly, they began to recognize the vastness of the alteration they had undergone. In all their previous changes their responses had been to be calm and quick to adjust, but after this they were awed into inaction. For a long time they did not, could not think.

     At last Arlyn asked, "Do you think� we're at the beginning of the void?"

     "No," Krisdevon replied, "there're many wheels of stars like our own� I've been scanning what's around us� The universe is full of them."

     "I hadn't noticed," thought Arlyn. "After I perceived our location on the great wheel, I began searching within us to find what� what we are� I guess it's clear what we can be if we want to because there isn't much else we can do if we stay out here� but it's beyond anything I ever dreamed of� I hadn't even the vaguest notion they were alive� I'm not sure I want to be a�"

     "� a star," thought Krisdevon. "Yes� it's a staggering idea. The life of a star is billions and billions of years long. I'm not sure I want to be one thing for that long."

     "With all this power there's quite a temptation to go back to the earth, take a humanoid form, and be a god," thought Arlyn.

     "No, there isn't," thought Krisdevon, "not any more than there is to be a tree. Anything to do with humans is a step backward, even if it would be fun� If we'd wanted more fun, we could've stayed porpoises as long as we wished. We're the ones who chose to transcend dolphinness, so we're supposed to be grown up now. When you're a star, you eventually generate an almost infinite number of life forms. You watch over them, warm them� Think of the possibilities."

     "You're right. Being a mere human god would be an absurdity for spirits at our level," thought Arlyn. "Do you want to form one star?"

     "I was thinking of a binary," he replied, "two exquisitely balanced, beautiful globes of light revolving about each other until death brings us crashing together in one cataclysmic embrace."

     "Aren't you the graphic one?" teased Arlyn. "You're still a romantic, and your prose is a little too purple for me."

     "But it's pretty isn't it?"

     "Perhaps� At any rate you won't have any trouble producing a gas cloud to begin your incarnation as a star."

     "I do get carried away with myself now and then, don't I?"

     "And I love you for it. It's a beautiful image� Until we're reunited in a few billion years or so," thought Arlyn.

     "Whenever," thought Krisdevon. They passed their spirits through each other joining in one last ecstatic intimacy before moving millions of kilometers apart and starting to use their awesome new power to capture interstellar gases and swirl them about in ever tightening circles.

     When they had begun their incarnations as stars, neither Arlyn nor Krisdevon had been sure they would live out the whole life cycle of a star without abandoning it for something else. It was, after all, as they had recognized, a very long time, but they were apt pupils for all lessons, so in the first few million years of waiting for molecules of interstellar gas to come within their grasp, they learned patience, calm, implacable patience.

     In many ways they became separated, and this they felt was a good thing. They had been together long enough, and there were truths they only could find in solitude. They continued to love each other, but they did not focus attention on their future reunion. Rather they communed little and communicated less. They each had fewer and fewer thoughts of any kind, and more and more they simply glowed with the knowledge that soon they would shine forth with brilliant, life-begetting light.

     In solitude they learned the virtues of silence, both inner and outer silence. This cleared their consciousnesses of the useless noise of information concerning specific facts and eventually allowed them to hear the music which filled the space around them. They discovered all the stars in the galaxy emitted a sweet, low hum in perfect harmonies of octaves and fifths with each other. Soon, they, too, were sending off this sound on their own natural frequencies, and they realized this music was the basis for the meditation and communion of the entire galaxy, a fantastic number of beings unified in one gigantic, magnificent communion being, a being so totally immersed in the transcendent sound of its own aum, a sound celebrating its own existence which was complete into itself.

     First Krisdevon and then Arlyn attainted sufficient heat to send forth light. Initially it was feeble, but soon it was bright enough to be seen across the vast distances of interstellar space. For tens of years, but an instant to a star, they shined for each other alone and experienced a new form of love, the love of radiating warmth and light between each other and exchanging the continuing sensation of marvel they found in existing as stars, stars about to conceive life on at least half of the fourteen proto-planets which surrounded them.

     Then came a new revelation. The communion being made up of all the stars in the galaxy was even more profound and intense than it first had appeared to them. They merely had been dangling on its fringes. It just had received the first faint glimmerings of their births, and now wished to welcome them into its midst. It filled them with a clear, white light more brilliant than any star or even all the stars together, yet it would not have been perceptible to any physical sense because it was of a nature without any physical existence. It was purely spiritual in form and essence and not even conceivable to any being not as advanced as a mature star. Arlyn and Krisdevon realized it always had been everywhere around them, but until now they had never had known it, and this perplexed their cosmic intellects which only could assume they were now following a route that was not new to them despite their inability to remember it precisely.

     They meditated for billions of years on the ultimate beauty and truth of this great being of light which was themselves, and as they did this, they contemplated the myriad forms of life which evolved and grew to fruition on the worlds about them. They were blessed indeed because it was only a few times that they had to watch as millions of years of promise developed into a species which, like the human, was both mentally adroit enough to create the means of its own destruction and still foolish enough to use them. Each time this happened, they were deeply grieved and mourned the lost potential, but these few unhappinesses were far outweighed by the ecstasy of observing free creatures move up the ladder of being to the rung they themselves had occupied as porpoises. As the eons passed and they grew old as stars, they even saw a few of these creatures transcend physical bodies and become stars like themselves. No joy they ever had imagined was even vaguely able to approach the feeling of gratification and fulfillment which came to them on these occasions.

     At last they began the dance of death Krisdevon had described so long ago. Now they were old, their energies expended, and they yearned for rest. No more did they wish to devote themselves to the seemingly interminable concentration required by overseeing the combustion of a star. They circled closer and closer together until they collided in an ecstasy of long-denied physical contact, and in their boundless delight at being one again they created a flash of luminescence which shined brightly galaxies away, but there was no way this could be sustained. They went completely dark, and as they did, they found they had become incredibly dense, so much so that all matter and energy which passed into their vicinity was captured and spun about them at speeds dizzying even to stars. More and more they collected mass. Faster and faster they whirled now beyond any act of their combined will.

     "What happens now?" asked Arlyn knowing Krisdevon had no answer.

     "I don't know," he replied. "It seems as if we've been through this before, but I don't know how I know this or why I can't remember it better."

     "I'm frightened," she thought. "I haven't felt that way in a long time."

     "I am, too," he replied. "We've come very far together� We must prepare ourselves for everything to end."

     "Yes, very far� but you're right. I can tell. I can feel it� Everything as we know it is about to end�"

     "All we can do is relax and accept the inevitable," they thought completely one again.

     All at once it seemed to them as if somewhere at their center something opened up and all the extremely dense matter which they had accumulated was disappearing into a minute sphere at their core. Before long everything that had remained of what had been their physical forms as stars had been drawn through the outer surface of this globe which they perceived as only a few tens of meters in diameter. Where it had gone, how it had entered a region of such limited volume, they did not know. For an instant they were disembodied spirits alone in space. They felt on the threshold of what they sensed was the final cosmic choice, whether to be stars again or to permit their spirits to follow after their matter into� they were not sure what, but they certainly had their suspicions.

     "We know what's here," they thought, "and we don't know what's there. Whatever else we are, we're explorers," and they allowed their spirits to be taken into the sphere.

     They had expected to be surrounded by their matter, but to their surprise there was nothing. Their physical substance obviously had gone somewhere else. They passed through a three dimensional doorway to a place not within the sphere. Immediately they felt an incredible sensation of fantastic expansion. Even after their experience as stars, they were unable to relate to the scope of what was happening. All they could think was that the growth involved in the transition to being stars was infinitesimal compared to this. There was a feeling vaguely reminiscent of the one Arlyn had undergone in her first communion, that of a cup of water poured into a lake, but here it was a minuscule speck of essence being returned to the infinite void from which it had come so long ago� But after their ascension back to the infinite, "long ago" became a meaningless phrase because time ends at the boundaries of forever.

     In this state Arlyn and Krisdevon were not part of some still greater communion being made up of many unified elements. In all the void there was only the great mystical union of all in nothing, an infinite nothing which somehow had the capacity to create anything. Everything was one, and Arlyn and Krisdevon were in fact the whole void which alone knew the reasons: introspection? amusement? prayer? love? why it had chosen at some point to alter some of itself? all of itself? none of itself? and make from itself spirits which would move independently within the void upon islands of existence until they returned to eternity and nothingness. Arlyn/Krisdevon/Void saw each of these infinitely many islands of possibilities with complete clarity of all detail. Arlyn/Krisdevon/Void existed forever, which was both longer and shorter than could be conceived of within any severed portion of the void, and simultaneously with its experiencing and understanding the true nature of everything as eternally one, forever everything, forever anything, forever nothing, Arlyn/Krisdevon/Void abruptly chose to awake from its vision and again be Arlyn and Krisdevon lying on their platform in the village of the People of the Little Feather.

Chapter II

     Arlyn and Krisdevon tried to sit up, but they became dizzy and were forced to lie down again. They felt their bodies were very stiff, and attending to this seemed to be of primary importance, so they ignored the throng of people around them and began a series of slow, rhythmical stretching exercises. The Ae-Dey recognized what they were doing and silently sat back down on the ground to wait for Arlyn and Krisdevon to speak.

     It was only now that they underwent the harshest test of the body control techniques they had learned from the Ae-Dey. For an indefinite period their hearts had been beating only four or five times per minute. Now they had to increase this gradually to normal, or they would die. Their minds were one, filled the awareness of the great knowledge they had gained and wished to convey to others, but they were frightened their bodies had been in suspended animation for too long for them to recover. The strain on their bodies was enormous because they had been without nourishment for the entire duration of their vision. Both Arlyn and Krisdevon started to feel excruciating, sharp pains all over their bodies, and again they had to face their worst enemy, the temptation to give up, in this case to abandon their bodies and move their spirits back to the void, the beautiful, infinite, pain-free void, but they had returned for a reason and would not permit themselves to be thwarted this close to success. In between stabs of agony they focused their energies on recuperation. Soon they were exchanging thoughts of encouragement, and eventually their long flaccid arteries began to strengthen. They sensed the hopes of all the people around them, and this increased their will to survive and transmit what they could of the knowledge they had obtained.

     At last when Krisdevon had extricated his body from its pit of torment, he saw the concerned face of Eantis near the edge of the platform. "Fruit juice," he mumbled, and some was brought.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon took small sips, and then Arlyn said, "We're safe, but we must sleep." Immediately the two fell into a deep but natural sleep.

     When they awoke, they were still weak, but they were not suffering from any severe pains. It was daylight, but they had no way of knowing if they had slept an hour or several days. Now for the first time they observed the size of the crowd surrounding them. It was quite large, at least fifteen or twenty thousand people. Because of the considerable distances which separated individual groups of the Ae-Dey and hence the impossibility of summoning this large an assembly quickly, Krisdevon and Arlyn only could assume most of these people had been collected in this area for quite some time. Arlyn and Krisdevon were uncertain of the implications of this gathering, but their highest priority was their own swift recovery so questions about the assembly had to wait. With no little difficulty they sat up to eat some thin soup and drink more fruit juice. They were dizzy but not nauseous.

     When the lightheadedness finally left him, Krisdevon asked Eantis, "Why're all these people here?"

     "Because of the great marvels you have worked," she replied obviously surprised Krisdevon was unaware of what had taken place.

     Arlyn thought she perceived a hint of servility in Eantis' voice but chose not to mention it for the moment even though such a tone was tremendously out of character for Eantis. Instead she asked, "What has been going on?"

     "Don't you know?" asked Rond in a tone similar to Eantis'.

     "I know we've had a great vision," said Krisdevon, "but how did everybody know about it before we got back?"

     "Then you have no idea what's been happening around here?" asked Eantis still finding it hard to believe Arlyn and Krisdevon did not know what she was talking about.

     "None whatever," said Arlyn. "Our spirits have traveled across vast spaces and times, and we haven't paid any attention to this life for� How long has it been since we began our vision?"

     "Over two seasons," said Jorin.

     "Half a year," said Arlyn, "that's incredible."

     "Not really," replied Krisdevon, "we did an awful lot� Tell us about what you've seen."

     "For the first few days nothing was unusual," said Eantis, "but after a while the length of time alone made it odd. Then after about two and a half decadays a pool of salt water appeared all around you. No one knew what it meant, and a lot of us thought it might have a natural cause like a subterranean spring of mineral water�"

     Eantis paused as if she was awaiting an explanation, but Krisdevon said, "Surely all these people didn't come here because of some water on the ground�"

     "No," replied Eantis, "what brought them here was the huge fire that began a decaday later. There didn't seem to be any fuel for it, but it filled a circle five or six meters across. You two were right at the center. It was so hot it could melt steel, and it rose up at least a hundred meters high. It could be seen at night for kilometers. We had to move to the other side of the ridge because of it. Look, the earth here still looks scorched.

     "Many people saw the fire as they flew nearby in the form of their spirit birds, and word of it spread. Soon there were thousands of people here� It's hard to describe what it was like for us to look down into that oven and see you unscathed in the midst of that fantastic heat� The flames were so clear, like the bottom of a very hot campfire, but where we expected to see glowing coals, there was only you� " At this point Eantis stopped. She was overcome with reverence for the memory of what she had seen.

     "Then what happened," asked Krisdevon beginning to understand.

     Eantis shook her head slightly and continued, "One evening about six decadays after the fire started, there was a great light up in the sky. All over the peninsula it lit up the night as bright as day. It went on shining until about noon the next day. Then it gradually got dimmer until by evening it was gone. Then the fire subsided, and some sort of hemisphere of darkness took its place. It was twenty meters across and ten meters high. We couldn't enter it at all. When I put my hand into it, my hand seemed to cease to exist. I couldn't feel any sensation in it or anything. When I drew it out, my hand was the same as it had been before. I shot an arrow into the darkness at an angle that should've easily brought it out the other side, but it didn't come out� It may not've been as spectacular as the fire, but in its own way it felt more� more awesome� We couldn't tell if you still were there or not. That was here until yesterday when the dome suddenly vanished, and there you were� What does it all mean?"

     "It seems our bodies were effected by the forms our spirits entered," said Arlyn.

     "I'm not sure I follow you," said Eantis.

     "In a way it's simple," said Krisdevon. "After an incarnation as a tree and a lot of incarnations as animals, including human animals, we managed to rise above the human form. First we were dolphins. That's what must have caused the water. Then we were stars, and finally we were one with the void� That could've been the origin of the fire and darkness."

     Eantis had been prepared for Krisdevon and Arlyn to give some very profound reasons for what happened, but she had not expected anything on such an order of magnitude as this. Like Arlyn and Krisdevon before her, she had had no idea stars were living things, and as for union with the void, it was inconceivable to her that humans could or even would return after that. She was speechless. Word of what Arlyn and Krisdevon had said was relayed to the more distant members of the crowd, all of whom, in light of the wonders they themselves had beheld, chose to believe what they had heard to be the truth.

     After a long pause Jorin said, "Teach us what you have learned� please."

     Arlyn and Krisdevon both immediately recognized the suppliant tone in Jorin's voice and were disturbed by it because it set them apart from the others, placed them in a position of superiority they neither had sought nor could accept. Never before had they noticed one of the Ae-Dey approaching anyone, even a holy person, as other than an equal, an equal who perhaps knew more but an equal none the less. Again they elected to ignore this tone and deal instead with Jorin's request. Unfortunately after a long silence all Arlyn could manage to say was, "There are no words."

     "Isn't there any hope of our learning even the slightest bit of the great knowledge you've acquired?" asked Rond disappointedly.

     "It's possible we might be able to transfer some of it if we meditated together," said Krisdevon, "but we're too weak for that now. Help us walk around a little, and then we'll rest. We ought to be able to find some means of sharing our experience with you."

     Eantis and Lith helped Arlyn and Krisdevon take a short stroll around the campsite and then led them back to their own hut where Jorin and Rond thoroughly massaged their long dormant bodies. After this they felt much better but were very tired and fell asleep almost immediately.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon recovered quickly, and within less than a decaday they were physically capable of returning to their familiar chores, tending the antelopes and gardening. At first they decided it would be better to change as few things as possible from their daily pattern before their vision, but although they had no difficulty relating to each other because of their common understanding of their vision, it rapidly became apparent the Ae-Dey were fervently intent on deifying them, something which as enlightened beings they could not accept. They were followed around by throngs of potential devout disciples who patiently awaited any words which might pass from their lips. While they understood the cause of this, it still made life in general and work in particular impossible for them and many others. Furthermore there were far too many people concentrated in one area for the land to support them, and in addition to this many Ae-Dey were saying Krisdevon and Arlyn were Powers who would replace Sahrkizand and be guardians of the Ae-Dey, a thing they could not do because they only had sought knowledge in their vision, not Power. There even was the danger of the Ae-Dey losing their self-reliance. Arlyn and Krisdevon had to do something quickly, or disaster would result.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon met with Eantis, Jorin, Rond, and a few other holy people who were visiting the People of the Little Feather. Krisdevon opened their discussion by cautioning them, "One thing you must realize is that for the most part enlightenment doesn't make you anything greater than the human beings you already were. You still have to get up in the morning and move your bowels. You just know a little more than you did. It doesn't give you any rights you didn't already have as a human being."

     "But you must've derived infinite sagacity and insight from your vision," said Jorin. "We're fools compared to you."

     "That's where you're wrong," said Arlyn. "Our understanding was greatly expanded by our vision but only because we were so limited to begin with. We can tell now that your holy people possess most of the knowledge we do because for millennia your communion beings have sought wisdom, and you all have lived by what you have learned. You've all seen your next incarnation. The only difference between that and what we've done is a matter of degree. You live on the highest possible level of human existence. It is true we've gone beyond what any of you have accomplished, but only because you helped us. Out achievement is your achievement. Alone we couldn't've done anything� We've studied the problem, and we don't see why we can't impart our experiences to you by meditating in communion with you."

     "What about Power?" asked Rond. "Sahrkizand obtained her great Power from her vision, but you say you have none."

     "Power is just another trap on the journey to the void," replied Krisdevon. "You reach a point where you either can return here with Power or go on to enlightenment. Sahrkizand never made it because in spite of her intelligence she kept seeking greater Power. Her excuse to herself was she was going to use it for what she thought were good purposes, and that enticed her away from continuing on. People must be free so they can move at their own pace toward enlightenment. They can't be rushed. It only holds them back and in the end does them more harm than good. If you exert power over them, even to make them do good things, they're not free. We almost came back as Powers, but fortunately we managed not to be ensnared in that place. It's simple. You have to abandon the self to become one with the void just the same as you have to leave it behind to join a communion being, and the quest for personal power, not matter what you want to do with it, is part of the self."

     "If you do not have Power, how do you know your vision was real?" asked a very old woman who had come a great distance in order to be present and had arrived only three days ago.

     Krisdevon paused while he sought the answer to her question. Eventually he replied, "Like you, we didn't see any of the wonders which accompanied our vision. Our best proof for ourselves is that most of it was beyond our wildest imagination. We couldn't've made it up if we'd tried. You'll see what we mean when we meditate together."

     "But Power is crucial to defending yourself," persisted the old woman.

     "Some types of power," said Arlyn, "but a certain vulnerability is essential for the teaching of many of the lessons we're here to learn. As the void we, all of us, created infinitely many worlds to explore the infinite possibilities of knowledge. In this experiment we're involved with a very weak being. Once you cease to be vulnerable in this way, you're no longer human, Actually it appears from your auras that many of you are on the verge of transcending lower animal forms and advancing to dolphins within a few incarnations. It was we who had the long road to travel in order to return to the void."

     "I'm not sure about something," said Jorin. "Just where does Power come from, mating of Powers or the vision?"

     "Anyone who can persevere long enough in the quest for Power by moving their spirit forward enough incarnations to go beyond the level of Dolphins can have Power. People who are the offspring of the mating of Powers are just a little better equipped to undertake a Power vision, They seem to inherit something from their parents," said Arlyn.

     "In some ways what you say to me is clear, but in others I have only a vague notion of what your words mean," said Eantis.

     "I guess there isn't much point in talking more about it until we've meditated together," said Krisdevon. "Why don't we do that tomorrow morning?" The others nodded agreement, and then the little gathering broke up.

     Word of when the communion was going to be held spread quickly through the camp, and the next morning found more than twenty-five thousand people assembled in and around the village of the People of the Little Feather. It was an extremely orderly gathering as it had been since the people had begun to arrive more than a season ago only now the atmosphere of anticipation reached a fever pitch. Almost every individual present was certain this would be the day when they finally came to know the complete and true nature of the universe. They were acutely aware of how generation after generation after generation of their people had strived to attain this knowledge of enlightenment the dissemination of which would represent the culmination of all the best human endeavor.

     Although many kinds of people with widely differing personalities were there, Arc was typical of the multitude as he thought, "For most of my life I've known who and what I am on all levels but one, the infinite. I've known I could transcend death, even many deaths, and go on forever, but in what form� I don't know� What is the real me� The me which exists beyond the veil of life and death� the everlasting me? That is what I want to know. This question may not've burdened my life with unbearable curiosity because I've always felt I would learn what I needed to know when I needed to know it, and eternity does seem a long way off, but if I am properly prepared to handle this knowledge, and I believe I am, I would like to have it."

     The meditation started with some difficulty because even these normally calm people were filled with tension under these circumstances, but by the time the sun had risen high enough to light the valley of the encampment, all those gathered except Arlyn and Krisdevon had entered into oneness with the serenity communion. Once this had been accomplished, Arlyn and Krisdevon summoned up all their strength for their task and then brought their spirits together in the sky above the pale blue glow of the communion being. As they descended slowly toward it, they focused their energies on dolphinness, the expanded intellect, the sensation of uninterrupted, blissful communion, and most of all the joyous fun which characterized dolphin incarnations, and as they did so, Arlyn and Krisdevon united themselves with the rainbow-auraed being of the dolphin communion. Next using their own enlightened state as a link, they joined the human communion being with the one of the dolphins. They maintained this condition until the human communion being had time to absorb the basic experience of dolphinness.

     At this point Arlyn and Krisdevon called upon their memories to recreate the temptation they had felt to return with Power followed by their decision to go on and seek enlightenment instead. They allowed the Ae-Dey communion to comprehend this trial of readiness to advance, and then by thinking about starness, they reproduced the blinding flash of clear light which distinguishes the aura of this life form. The spiritual brilliance of a star even in very limited quantity was too great for it to be merged with the human communion in the same way as the dolphin communion had been. When the descended in this form, they obliterated all traces of human thought from the being below them. Now it, too, perceived the nature of the stage which was to prepare to return it to the void.

     In order to bring the human communion being this final understanding of the universe, Arlyn and Krisdevon could not simply recollect the impressions they had felt in that situation and then will the images of those impressions into the Ae-Dey communion as they had done in the case of starness. To transfer the experience of the void, they again had to become Arlyn/Krisdevon/Void. They picked an instant and willed their spirits to the end and beginning of time and space, and again they were the minuscule iota of spirit poured back into the infinite darkness. Then they were the darkness, forever anything, forever everything, and forever nothing. It swallowed up the human communion being within itself, and the communion being, too, was one with the void, was the void. At last just as it had consumed and dissolved them all, the void recreated them and set them back into their human bodies on the plains of the Ae-Dey.

     Not many changes took place in the lives of the Ae-Dey because of this enlightenment. They did notice their auras had been altered. Now they were narrow bright rainbows surrounded by brilliant, clear light all within a band of darkness. Also they were able to perceive Arlyn and Krisdevon had similar but much larger auras, but this sort of thing did not effect their daily existence significantly because they already had been living in a manner very nearly the best possible for spirits dwelling in human bodies. All that was really different was that the limited mental tranquility available to them as highly developed humans was replaced by the total peace of universal understanding. They still got up in the morning to meditate and exercise and and to till the soil and hunt for food, and they still took pleasure in their oneness with the environment, but now this environment included not only the world immediately around them, the animals, plants, and hills, but also the distant stars and the creatures inhabiting the worlds around them.

     There was, however, one thing which Arlyn and Krisdevon found disconcerting. Instead of approaching them as equals, the Ae-Dey persisted in venerating them as divine. The holy people all said Arlyn and Krisdevon should be accepted as rulers of all the Ae-Dey because they undoubtedly were the wisest people among them. Arlyn and Krisdevon discussed the implications of this at great length and decided that even if this was correct, the gap between them and the Ae- day certainly was not wide enough to warrant the termination of what had been the most successful and democratic human government either of them had heard of or seen. Furthermore they increasingly had sound reason to fear their mere presence among the Ae-Dey was eroding the Ae-Dey self-reliance. Therefore they went to the holy people and told them it was their intention to leave the plateau.

     At first this news was received with great protest.

     "How will we ever survive without your guidance?" asked Eantis who up until recently had been one of their most independent leaders.

     "The same way you always have, " said Arlyn, "better than all the others of our species."

     "Don't you see?" asked Krisdevon. "If we stay, you'll eventually count on us for everything. Then if anything happened to us, you'd be lost."

     "How will our other people obtain the great wisdom you've given us if you're gone?" asked Jorin.

     "You will give it to them," said Arlyn. "There's nothing to prevent you from meditating with them and giving them the knowledge just as we've given it to you�"

     The discussion continued for a long time, but finally the Ae-Dey came to realize Arlyn and Krisdevon indeed were correct, and then they readily agreed to their departure.

     "It's strange how the universe works," said Krisdevon to Arlyn as they walked back to their hut. "In the north where people live on a much lower level we constitute no danger because they can't see what we are and would mock us if we told them, but here among enlightened people we're a grave threat just because they're enlightened."

     "As the void we created many paradoxes," said Arlyn.

     "True," said Krisdevon beginning to prepare the few objects he would carry with him.

     Arlyn and Krisdevon left quietly the next morning. Speaking for all the People of the Little Feather, Eantis urged them to return as soon as they wished, but they all knew it would not be a good idea for them to come back until all of the Ae-Dey were over the initial adulation of Arlyn and Krisdevon as bringers of enlightenment and could see them as humans like themselves which they still were.

     The took with them the same four antelopes they had brought, some camping and hunting equipment, their flutes and boxes, and some processed hides to be made into clothing. They had agreed there was no point in attracting unnecessary attention, and people other than native Ae-Dey appearing naked in the north were very conspicuous, so uncomfortable as it was, they again would cover their bodies.

     They carefully avoided the company of other Ae-Dey as they rode toward the easternmost pass of the Arans, the one they had been told was the only one which still could be traversed. They wished to be alone together because they both were deeply involved with facing a choice which in large part would determine the nature of the rest of their lives, the decision concerning whether or not to have a child. They had not made love or chewed atrimus roots since before their vision. They yearned to embrace but knew their bodies had had sufficient time to neutralize their previous doses of roots, so they had to agree on a course of action soon. For the time being they picked abstinence because if they ate atrimus roots now they would be sterile for about a season, but this was not a solution they would prefer for very long.

     For hours at a time they rode side by side playing their flutes. First one would play background accompaniment while the other improvised melody. Then they would reverse their roles. Other times they rode as much as a kilometer apart and shut their minds to each other's thoughts so they could reflect on their problem in solitude.

     They were relaxed and in perfect harmony. Both knew there was no point in worrying about the question before them because whatever they did would be, by definition, the best humanly possible because they were enlightened. Systematically and leisurely they weighed all the pros and cons of having and not having a child. Both knew that if one concluded "yes'" and the other "no," they would not now have a child because they intended to remain together, and it would be unfair to a child to force them to live with a parent who was not eager to be with tem.

     Each morning they meditated on their willingness to make the personal sacrifices necessary to raise a child. They envisioned all the conceivable situations which a child might cause, and after a decaday they were able to agree they both wanted a child enough to accept the responsibilities attendant to normal parenthood, but this was not enough. It was inescapably clear to them their child would be no ordinary child. they would be a child with Power. Again they meditated each morning for several days, but even at the end of this time they still were unsure.

     "I really want to have a child, and I know you do, too," said Arlyn one afternoon as they paused by a stream.

     "I do," replied Krisdevon, "but we can't let our desire for a child permit us to thrust evil on the world."

     "We don't know the child'll be evil," said Arlyn.

     "We don't know they won't� Power in human hands just seems evil," said Krisdevon dejectedly.

     "But our child isn't going to be human," persisted Arlyn. "With us to bring them up the chances are good tey'll be a great influence for good."

     "I'm sure if the child was born with no predisposition either way we could raise them to be a boon to humanity, but what if the spirit waiting to occupy their body already has an established personality that's evil or purely self-oriented? What would we do then? In a way everything they did would be our responsibility. Nothing's forcing us to have a child. We're free to act as we choose," said Krisdevon.

     "It would be nice if enlightenment included the gift of prophecy. Then we'd know exactly what to do," said Arlyn wistfully.

     "But it doesn't," said Krisdevon firmly. "Don't forget. Even as the void we don't know what's going to happen in any one place and time. We just know sooner or later everything that can happen will. That's what makes the whole thing a learning experience, and that's what makes us free. I'm beginning to suspect on one level all our vision was were scenes which'll occur someplace and sometime. There's no reason why any of them have to be this time or this universe."

     "I've wondered about that, too, but even if it's true, it doesn't detract from what we've learned� I just think it'd be an awful shame if all that potential for good was lost because we were afraid to take a chance."

     "I'm not a gambler," said Krisdevon, "and I'm not about to let the future of the world ride on dice I throw."

     "All life's a gamble," said Arlyn.

     "It's my right to risk my life, but it wouldn't be fair for me to jeopardize others, whole generations of them,"

     "I guess you're right," said Arlyn. "We couldn't do that."

     "Let's think some more," said Krisdevon. "I keep feeling there's something we're missing, something very obvious."

     They mounted and rode on each thinking their own thoughts. After a while Krisdevon abruptly broke out laughing, and Arlyn, unaware of his idea of the moment, asked, "What's so funny?"

     "We're new and being enlightened, Arlyn, so we still tend to miss things now and then� If you think about it, you'll remember we're the void and everything else, too. In the final analysis we're the only ones who'll suffer if anything goes wrong, so we might as well go ahead and have the child. Anyway if anything that can happen will happen, sooner or later in some universe, I'd rather get this over with now and let some other world be the one where we don't."

     "You're right about that," said Arlyn beginning to laugh with relief that they had agreed upon a path and that good or evil it would be right in the long run if they learned what they could. Then she went on, "I just hope we haven't done it this way 47,681 times before, and infinity is waiting for us to do it the other way once so it can get on with its teaching."

     "Maybe yes, maybe no," said Krisdevon. "Whatever it is, we're doing the best we can, and that's what counts."

     By then they had reached the canyon which led into the Dog's Leg Pass. They agreed to conceive their child a few days later on the solstice wherever in the mountains they might be at the precise hour when the sun was at is southernmost point of the year. In this way their child would be born on the vernal equinox, a particularly fortuitous time because children born then tended to be well-balanced.

     This time their trip across the mountains was unhurried. It had been a warm spring, so there was little ice or snow to impede their progress and ample water to drink. The solstice drew near, and they looked forward more and more eagerly to the reunion of sexual embrace. Wordless thoughts of love flowed back and forth between them as they walked their antelopes along craggy trails and strolled on foot across verdant meadows sprinkled with wild flowers. Then as they were crossing a small, grassy area, they perceived a slight recognition of place.

     "Do you notice anything strange about this field?" asked Arlyn.

     "Yes, I was so busy thinking with you I almost missed it," replied Krisdevon.

     "There's something distinctly familiar about it, but I don't know what it could be. I've never been here before. Have you?"

     "No."

     They both looked around but could find no visual clues for their sensation of deja vu. It was not a threatening feeling. On the contrary it was a warm and pleasant thing, but still Arlyn and Krisdevon could not help heightening their guard because they could see no obvious explanation for it.

     Krisdevon heard something deep within himself say, "Close your eyes." He did and said slowly, "I think we're searching with the wrong senses. Close your eyes. Forget your human perceptions."

     As soon as he did so, Arlyn felt a rush of understanding. Sun angle, soil composition, combined plant auras, and a multitude of other things all said, "Home." "This is we're going to be a tree," she said.

     They were silent, but there was no question in their minds that they would stay here for the night and wait until early the next afternoon , the time of the sun's southernmost descent below the equator, and conceive their child in this, the next home of their spirits.

     The following morning they awoke, meditated, exercised, and ate breakfast as if nothing about the day was unusual. As they united in communion, their thoughts were the same, "We have known the joy and sorrow of being born, living and dying as stars. Now we will conceive a child with the essence of a star. The power to have this child was thrust upon us unsought, but if we have learned what we were intended to have learned from our vision, we will be able to help this child be a welcome blessing to humanity. The potential for good is far greater than the one for evil, and we are accepting responsibility for the consequences of our actions. We know we are the ones who ultimately will suffer or benefit."

     They were solemn throughout their communion, but when it ended toward noon, they started recalling all the good times they had had together. At first they spoke of little things like afternoons spent wandering about the parks of Mandistria, but eventually Arlyn asked, "Do you remember how we met?"

     "Of course," replied Krisdevon. "You were sitting in the place where I used to sell my flutes. You were crying, and I came over to see what was the matter."

     "I was so frightened and alone," said Arlyn. "It was as if I'd made you up in a fantasy to rescue me. I thought you were the most handsome man I'd ever seen."

     "I still think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," said Krisdevon.

     "I'm not all that pretty."

     "To me you are."

     "You must've thought I was silly crying like that."

     "No, I didn't."

     "It was all rather strange. You took me to bed so quickly. I was terribly scared."

     "So was I."

     "I thought you might've just wanted my body."

'     "That fear went both ways."

     "I remember the first time you made me come. I was so happy. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to. It was so nice� You were awfully eager to make love with me. I could feel your erection through your pants against my thigh. 'Oh, what am I going to do?' I thought. "This is what I've waited for, but now that it's here, I'm not so sure I want to go through with it.' When you took off your clothes and I saw how big you were, I almost got up and ran� Krisdevon, look at you. I'm sitting here talking about our old times together, and what do you do but get an erection?"

     Arlyn's tone near the end of her reminiscences had moved distinctly toward the provocative because she herself had begun to feel the moisture of love flowing between her thighs as if her body contained some kind of clock which she had activated when she had agreed to conceive a child. She tried to tease Krisdevon, but when she looked longingly at his penis which danced back and forth between his legs, she could not continue the pretense that he was the only one who was aroused. She reached out and pulled him to her. They grinned at each other, and as he caressed her breasts, she stroked her hands across his back. Soon he moved his hand between her thighs and began to make the slow, rhythmical, circular rubbing motions he knew she preferred. It was not long before they were completely united. Their extended period of abstinence had built up a great reservoir of passion in them, and they both came almost immediately. They took a short rest without uncoupling and then renewed the movements of love. As first one would come and then the other, their minds flowed back and forth from one body to the other so each could feel the total experience of their union, the other's emotions and orgasms as well at their own.

     More than two hours went by, and still their energies were not spent. Some final release seemed missing. At last Arlyn said, "I think I know what's wrong. My half of the Power is the Sky. Yours is the Earth. I've got to be on top for the child to be conceived."

     Quickly they reversed their positions, and at once they both began to sense the same feelings they had had that night long ago on their first camping trip when they had made love this way. As he lay on his back, Krisdevon felt himself sinking into the earth until he was entirely submerged in it, one with it. Then he felt his penis becoming enormous as it if was rising up to penetrate the very sky. While Krisdevon was going through these sensations, Arlyn felt herself growing lighter and lighter, floating higher and higher into the sky until she was the sky. Then she felt a gigantic chasm open in herself/the sky. Immediately it was filled by a huge, warm, throbbing thing which moved within her as she rose and fell like a giant cloud.

     Neither thought about what was taking place. They simply experienced it as intensely as they could. Since they understood what was happening, there was no fear as there had been the other time. Now there was only awe, no little of it arising from the realization that this was the very instant they were about to begin the creation of a new life. As their orgasms approached, their minds again became one in order to feel, to know, to enjoy the whole of this unique event. So great was the force of their union that it seemed to them convulsions were shaking the whole region of space around the earth. At the peak of their ecstasy they were enveloped in a blinding flash of white light and beheld a vision of an expressionless, small, oval face with closed eyes, but it passed quickly. At last they collapsed with exhaustion and satiation knowing that at least for now they had done all their decision required of them and sensing that the face they had seen meant the child they would have would come into this world with few if any preconceived notions and would grow in whatever directions they led tem.

Chapter III

     Arlyn and Krisdevon came down on the desert side of the Arans and rode uneventfully north along a string of oases which led almost directly to Sarth. The vicinity was known for its robbers, so they kept to themselves. Their training was such that they would know of the approach of any living thing before it neared them, so it was not difficult for them to avoid people, particularly those whose auras indicated they might treat them badly. That and the hot and monotonous nature of travel in this region left them time for considerable, much-needed introspection. They gave no time to wondering if their decision had been correct but rather devoted themselves both separately and together, depending on their moods, to pondering what their responses would be to a wide range of problems they knew were likely to arise in the rearing of a child.

     "How will we teach them it's wrong to abuse the Power they will have? JUst what will constitute abusing that Power? What if�? How�?" The questions they asked themselves were almost innumerable, but since they had managed to turn the simple act of antelope riding into an adjunct to meditation, they were able to study them all from an open-minded, enlightened point of view. They agreed on solutions for everything they specifically could foresee and upon principles to guide them in dealing with the unexpected. They did not worry about the unknown but merely intended to do the best they could. Over and over they each held one-sided conversations with their no longer imaginary child. Occasionally one would even talk to the other in this manner and the other would reply in ways they thought the child might answer so each could practice discussing things with someone whose attitudes toward life would, at least in part, be drastically different from their own. They had no idea how much good this preparation was doing, but it seemed to them the right thing to do.

     Krisdevon did not care for Sarth, but since Arlyn never had been there, they stayed for a few days. They found the presence of the fierce-looking, quarrelsome desert tribespeople disconcerting, but since Krisdevon had found some dead, dry, but unrotten bamboo at an oasis and made some simple flutes from it, they stayed and sold them cheaply at one of the many bazaars in the city. Even with all the price haggling common in this area, business was good, and they earned enough money to make the rest of their journey comfortable.

     As Arlyn rapidly discovered, there was not much point in being a tourist in Sarth for more than a few hours. It was a vast tent city gathered around a few large waterholes. It had no permanent buildings, few public services, and an awful lot of trash. There was no public library or university although there were quite a few scholars of varying capacities who taught privately for whatever fees their reputations might command. Circumstances in Sarth were such that it would have taken Krisdevon and Arlyn a season to locate and then gain admittance to any of the small, cliquish groups of academics which existed there, so they soon left and headed due north to visit a place Krisdevon very much wished to show Arlyn before they were tied down in one location for a while by their child. This place was the Vale of Transcendent Ecstasy in Badeshregar.

     The chain of oases most caravans followed from the Arans to Sarth ended there, so travel further north was a very risky undertaking, but since Arlyn and Krisdevon were able to converse freely with the local plants, they had little difficulty finding small quantities of water everywhere except a large, almost completely desolate dry lake bed which they had to detour almost a hundred kilometers to avoid. Protection against the sun this far north dictated the wearing of the long, flowing desert robes, so before leaving Sarth, they acquired two of them, but even though these robes were very helpful and even though they had developed the capacity to transcend bodily sensations, the painful as well as the pleasurable, Arlyn and Krisdevon saw no point in torturing themselves needlessly, so they moved only in the early morning and early evening. The days they spent huddled in the shadow of small rock overhangs. Nights they crouched or slept around small fires unless the moonlight was bright enough to light their way. There were few trails, but the plants guided them along the best available routes. They had to take great care to protect their antelopes because they were unaccustomed to this kind of climate, but they were hardy animals and adapted well enough not to suffer any permanent damage from their ordeal.

     For over three decadays they gradually picked their way across the great geographical barrier which in years past frequently had protected the Thacian nomadic vandals from the hordes of larger, better organized northern and western armies. They saw many things; beautiful, wind-eroded rock formations, death struggles between small rodents and even smaller predators, cacti hundreds of years old which were on the verge of reunion with the void, and even a few human hermits, and they absorbed and recorded it all with the vision and understanding of the enlightened.

     The overwhelming immediacy of this kind of desert, its demand for constant and total attention, made it seem as if the desert crossing was endless, but one morning they awoke to find a new smell in their nostrils, the distant odor of muddy water flowing in the irrigation ditches of the Ortharim River, the technical boundary between Vadriel and Thash. Actually there were quite a number of Vadrian farms on the south side of the river, but the same barrier which guarded the Thacians protected the farmers.

     Although the climate and original terrain of this portion of Vadriel was the same as the vicinity adjacent to it in Thash, the appearance it gave was drastically different. The waters of the Ortharim combined with the industriousness of the people had transformed the desert into a garden. All manner of vegetables which could withstand the daily heat and nightly cold were grown here in the rich desert soil and shipped fresh as far as a hundred kilometers north across more desert to the moderate sized cities in the mountains beyond.

     Most of the outsiders who visited this area found the transition startling to say the least. One moment they were in a sandy, cactus covered wilderness. Then they climbed a small ridge and looked down upon kilometer after kilometer of lush vegetation. It was even a shock for Krisdevon and Arlyn after all their decadays of the dust and sun glaring up at them reflected off the ground as well as down from the sky. First they reveled in the luxury of vigorously splashing each other in a large irrigation ditch, and then they leisurely bathed in it before making love while the sun set.

     As she lay on the earth before falling asleep, Arlyn, filled with both the enlightenment of the ages and the wonder of a child, thought, "I'm going to have a baby. Now I know it for sure� How marvelous it all is,,," Krisdevon also had his own complementary thoughts and joys about this upcoming event, and he shared his with her as she did hers with him so they both would know and enjoy the other's happiness.

                         *     *     *     *     *

     Though somewhat reclusive these farmers tended to be fairly hospitable and offered the rare passers-by enough food to sustain them comfortably, but few hinted aliens, particularly a Vadrian with a Mandistrian friend, would be welcome more than a day or two. Arlyn and Krisdevon read their auras clearly and kept moving. If they really had wanted to stay and ingratiate themselves with these people, it would not have been impossible because they were not given to hatred, only suspicion of what was new, and a couple who had roamed the length and breadth of the continent were likely to bring with them new and troubling ideas even if they did seem warm and friendly.

     If going from one side of the Ortharim to the other did not change the climate, crossing the five and six thousand meter peaks of the Talpalian Mountains surely did. For two seasons each year when the breezes blew onshore, the area of the Tirean Empire north of the Talpalians received very large amounts of precipitation which over the eons had produced the dense tropical rainforest surrounding the Vale of Transcendent Ecstasy. Few people lived in Badeshregar other than traders who sought things like the hides of rare and beautiful animals which dwelled there or the tropical hardwoods which abounded in the poor jungle soil because of their specialization.

     In Badeshregar it only was possible to travel long distances by water, so Arlyn and Krisdevon climbed down beyond the last of the major rapids, constructed a large raft of dead but not yet rotten logs, and began drifting downstream. The land past the swift water was flat, so the flow of the Desh was slow and serpentine. As Arlyn and the antelopes sat quietly, Krisdevon stood on the edge of the raft guiding them northward. There were swarms of insects, but fortunately most of them were repelled by the oil from leaves Krisdevon pressed and smeared on their bodies. For several days the typical, lush, jungle vegetation which grew right into the water obscured their view of the distance, but after a decaday of floating they observed a distinct ridge sloping very gradually up out of the west bank. Within fifty kilometers it had grown into a palisade over seven hundred meters high. Then they came to a point where the Desh was joined by another river, the River of the Vale.

     The River of the Vale was much different from the Desh. It was much narrower, deeper, and swifter, so poling upstream was impossible. Fortunately there was a ledge wide enough to ride on along the southern side of the gorge the river had created while racing down to the plain below its course. This ledge followed a huge fault between rock strata which they could see forming broad, zig-zagging bands of various colors on the northern side. There was much less vegetation in this area because the great expanses of exposed rock inhibited its growth.           Arlyn and Krisdevon abandoned their raft and rode west along the trail above the river. Arlyn found the increasing starkness of the land in the canyon somewhat impressive but wondered more and more why such a barren place would be considered the most beautiful on earth. The cliffs grew higher and higher, but Arlyn was unsure what to expect because Krisdevon playfully refused to tell her anything about the Vale itself.

     "You'll see. You'll see," he said every time she expressed curiosity about what she would find when they reached their destination. This led her imagination to picture all sorts of exotic scenes, but she still was totally unprepared for what she saw when they rounded the last turn of the path and stood perhaps a hundred meters above the river looking out on the Vale of Transcendent Ecstasy.

     The Vale was a gigantic, circular pit nearly two kilometers in diameter with the river cutting across its center. The walls rose up almost vertically from a flat bottom covered mostly with the usual, dense jungle plants, but what made this so different, so much more striking than any ordinary river valley, was that at its east end the river formed a single enormous cataract which poured down uninterrupted for over two thousand meters into a pool about a hundred meters above the river. This pool emptied over a great horseshoe shaped falls the top of which was a wide extension of the fault on which they had ridden. Furthermore the time of day was right so that the angle of the sun and the mist of the waterfall created a brilliant rainbow which extended from one side of the vale to the other.

     Arlyn, enlightened being, being who had lived and died as a star, and who had seen and understood her unity with the void, this same Arlyn stared transfixed at the fantastic beauty and splendor of the marvel before her. Krisdevon also was overcome by the awesome, almost dream-like nature of the Vale. They sat down and remained there for quite some time amidst the roar of the falls and the transparent mist with which it filled the Vale. They meditated on the notion that oneness with the universe implied oneness with this, too, and at last Arlyn thought, "Thank you for bringing me here, Krisdevon."

     "Your joy is my joy is your joy�" thought Krisdevon.

     "There're steps cut into the stone leading down to the river� Are there paths crisscrossing the valley floor? How did they get there. How come they're not overgrown?" asked Arlyn.

     "There's a small sect of monks who live up at the top," said Krisdevon. "They believe the Vale is the home of a Power. They're afraid to live down there themselves, but the descend to the bottom once a decaday to worship them and keep their home in good condition. There's a little shrine at the far end. It's rather pretty."

     "Do they mind outsiders?"

     "There're so few they don't care. The way I see it, if anybody insults the Power, they can handle it."

     "Is there really a Power living here?"

     "I don't think so. I've been told there was a long time ago, but they was defeated by someone who wanted their status. I don't know any of the details."

     "The winner chose to live somewhere else?"

     "I guess so. I don't feel like I'm in the presence of a Power. Do you?"

     "No� Want to walk down to the river?"

     "Sure," said Krisdevon, and they started down the age smoothed but well-kept stairs.

     Krisdevon and Arlyn spent much of the afternoon strolling on the perfectly manicured paths which ran throughout the Vale on the south side of the river. Sometimes these little trails became tunnels covered with foliage of palms and other trees, but always it was possible to walk comfortably in an upright posture because the trees had been pruned recently. Eventually they came to the shrine Krisdevon had mentioned. It was a small, thatched cottage with beds of orchids neatly planted on the sides and a grove of very unusual bamboo at the rear. These bamboos were speckled various shades of brown over green with incredibly intricate markings, and Arlyn devoted almost as much time to gazing at them as she did studying the orchids.

     "The beauty of the individual parts of this place only is surpassed by the beauty of the whole," were the first words Arlyn uttered after spending an entire speechless afternoon attempting to absorb as much of the experience of this place as she could before they left.

     Krisdevon also had been without verbal thoughts, simply looking, hearing, smelling, touching, and in a few places even tasting the exquisiteness of the jewel they were within. He only could nod in response to Arlyn's statement.

     They sat and ate a small meal in front of the shrine and then got up in preparation to depart, but all at once Arlyn felt a very strong desire to remain, to remain permanently.

     As soon as she felt it, Krisdevon felt it through her. "I've been here other times," he said, "and I know it's hard to leave, but this isn't like anything that happened to me before."

     "It's not like the mountain meadow where we're going to be a tree," said Arlyn. "None of our later lives will be here."

     "Past one, perhaps?" asked Krisdevon/

     "I'd sense it if it was that," said Arlyn. "This is something terribly immediate. It's right now, and it's saying 'Stay.'"

     "Do you want to?"

     "No, that's just it. It's outside me. It's beautiful here, but I want to be with people, the people you've told me about, the Tossori. I think that will be the best place for us."

     "So do I."

     "Krisdevon, it's not coming from outside me� I think it's the baby. I sense they knows this place� knows it very well. Tey's been here a lot. It keeps saying 'Home� Home.'"

     "I feel it now, too. We shouldn't let this thing control us. We'd better go right away. If we don't, I don't know if we'll ever get out."

     Arlyn agreed, so calmly but without wasting any time they went back to the stairs, climbed up to where they had left their antelopes, and began their ascent up the steep trail the monks used for access to the Vale. Part way up they camped for the night in a small cave, but as soon as it was light enough for them to see, they started upward again. With every twenty or fifty meters change in their position Arlyn and Krisdevon saw the falls in a new perspective, received a new delight to their understanding of beauty, and since whatever it had been that had sought to make them stay had stopped trying to influence them, they were able to leisurely enjoy the scenery undisturbed. Nevertheless their frequent pauses were short.

     About two thirds of the way up to the top Arlyn noticed a ledge not far from the trail. A fissure in the rock led out to it, and suddenly Arlyn felt an overwhelming desire to climb out and sit on it. Because Krisdevon was in front of her at the moment, he did not see her as she cautiously edged her way out along the crack. Fortunately her pregnancy was not so far advanced that it could impede her, and she reached the ledge safely. When she got there, she found a corner she had not seen, and when she turned it, she found herself on a large platform under an overhang high enough to stand under without difficulty. This flat surface like a number of others she had seen had soil and a few plants on it, but she did not take much notice of them. What she did see was that this ledge afforded one of the best views of the valley below, and since it was so high up and to the east of the cliffs, the roar of the falls hardly was more than a murmur.

     "How beautiful, how exquisitely beautiful," she thought as she watched the majestic arc of the falls. She followed one large piece of foam as it came over the top and fell gracefully all the way to the bottom where it again was reunited with the river, "but," she continued, "when I think about it, I realize this world is filled with beauty if I only will see it� I didn't have to be enlightened to know that�"

     She sat there only a few moments before Krisdevon became aware she was not behind him. He called her, and she answered. Then she slowly made her way back to the trail.

     "What were you doing?" he asked pleasantly.

     "The view out there is the nicest I've seen. Why don't you go look at it?"

     "All right," he said, but then he hesitated and said,"Something's asking me not to� strange� not telling me not to, just asking� It's not important. Let's move on."

     They finished climbing to the top and began heading southwest through uninhabited, hilly plateau forest which went on for many kilometers. Arlyn asked Krisdevon if he wanted to visit with the monks, but he replied that he did not because they, too, would try to persuade them to stay and to convert to their faith. Although he had no doubt concerning his own enlightenment, he was not of a mind at the time to enter into a discussion with monks whom he knew were, in their own way, quite advanced toward seeing the true nature of reality but still not so far advanced that they could recognize others who had made greater progress.

     When the sun set, they camped for the night, and as they sat eating bananas they had picked in the Vale, Krisdevon said, "Seems odd, you had such a strong need to go out there on the ledge, and I wanted very much not to� What was out there?"

     "Just a view and a place to stretch out and enjoy it comfortably."

     "Nothing else?"

     "There were a few plants, some grass� a short, thick bamboo with a small rose bush growing around it� not much besides that."

     "Was it the right size for a flute?" asked Krisdevon distracted from his original curiosity.

     "Perhaps, I'm not exactly sure how you pick root pieces� I hope you don't want to go back there and look at it."

     "No, I left plenty of good ones with the Tossori, even a few from the Vale� I've always felt reservations about killing trees to make musical instruments. I justified it by saying they brought people peace, but now I've got enough poles to last quite a while� That's unusual. Generally you don't find just one stalk. You find several."

     After a silence Arlyn asked, "How long do you think it'll take us to reach the Tossori?"

     "Three or four decadays depending of how fast we move."

     "That sound all right. I'm not in any kind of rush, but we've been traveling for a long time, and I'd rather not take much more than that."

     "Understood."

     As was their custom, they made love and then went to sleep.

     The only real change in their daily routine was that Arlyn added a series of exercises useful in pregnancy and childbirth to the ones she already performed. Krisdevon assisted her with several of these because it was their intention that he should deliver their child, a task he was well-prepared for considering the fact that the Ae-Dey, not wanting to leave anything to chance, had had Krisdevon deliver at least half the children born among the People of the Little Feather during his visits with them.

     They went through the same rituals most expectant parents do. For example, they spent a lot of time discussing possible names for their child and eventually decided on "Sebrian" if they was a boy and "Oryx" if they was a girl.

     Everything went along smoothly until one morning early in the third season of Arlyn's pregnancy. They were deep within the vast mid continental forests close to the region of the Tossori when Arlyn was approached by a very ominous looking small man who had been sitting on the lower limbs of a maple tree. Arlyn had been alone on a short stroll while Krisdevon was out hunting for something for their breakfast. The man appeared to recognize her immediately as if he knew her well and had been waiting there for quite some time.

     "I knew he'd bring you here sooner or later," said the man in a very cold, calculating tone which almost sounded to her as if he was not speaking to her. "From the looks of your belly I see I'm just in time."

     Arlyn could tell he meant her no good, but what was most disturbing to her was his aura. It was like no other she ever had seen. It was a single band of pale white light. He drew near her, and suddenly Arlyn felt the child within her womb twist temself about and kick her violently, something they never had done before. The pain this caused was so sharp Arlyn almost doubled up on the ground, but it passed, and she remained standing.

     "Oh, you know who I am," said the man string directly at her waist. "Well, I've changed my mind. I never meant for it to happen this way. You'd be a threat to me, and we can't have that, now, can we?" He seemed quite self-assured and confident he himself was in no danger as he gave a low whistle. A short, heavily built man wearing a large leather hat emerged from behind the underbrush. His aura also was new to Arlyn. It was a deep reddish brown which appeared to throb and grow bigger and brighter as he moved toward his master. Neither of the two indicated even the slightest awareness of Arlyn's aura and what it implied.

     Arlyn was confused by what the man had said, but she was not surprised when he raised his hand toward her. She assumed a defensive posture fully ready to throw her adversary on his back and then disable his accomplice, but then she felt a searing pain just below her navel. It totally incapacitated her. The situation clearly was beyond her control. She only could seek to relax and flow with what was happening. She looked down and saw a narrow bolt of reddish lightning joining her abdomen with the eyes of the thinner man.

     "A Magician, I'm being slain by a Magician," she thought as she felt the destructive energy seemingly streaking from the man to her. She fell on the path in agony, but just as she was about to pass out, she saw another ray of the reddish lightning joining her abdomen to the eyes of the heavier man. The two fell the backward and writhed in a torment apparently far greater than her own. Then to her amazement she realized the jagged beams of light burning her were not emanating from her attackers, but from her unborn child who was defending temself.

     The instant Arlyn had seen the first of the two men, she had sent her thought to Krisdevon who had run to her as swiftly as he could, but when he reached her, it was all over. Krisdevon quickly ascertained the two men were dead and then came over to Arlyn. She had two small, deep burn marks below her navel, but she revived rapidly now that the battle was over, however, she could tell at least a small part of her abdominal muscles and intestinal tissue had been singed.

     They hugged each other very tightly for a long time. Finally Arlyn smiled weakly and said, "I didn't know fear existed in the state of enlightenment."

     "Neither did I," said Krisdevon. "It seems fear is nothing more than a useful understanding of danger so long as it doesn't prevent you from acting."

     "There was no way I could've acted in all that pain�Do you know what this was all about?"

     "I think so. That's Khator, and that's his servant." Krisdevon took off the hat of the stocky man and exposed the deformed skull he once had described to Arlyn. "Khator must've gone out searching to find if I'd had a child. Somehow or other he learned I'd mated with you instead of an ordinary woman, and he knew immediately the child we would have wouldn't be just the usual human of greatness but� I'm not sure what they will be, but they would've been a threat to him. I suppose he figured this would be the place I'd bring you sooner or later so the child could be born in security� some security."

     "Do you think we still ought to go to the Tossori?"

     "I don't know why not. He's dead, and no one else's likely to come looking for us."

     "I hope so� I want to rest a while before we move on� Do you realize the implications of what just happened?"

     "I'm afraid so. Our child already is immensely powerful. Khator was a Magician of great stature. He'd thwarted many attempts to overthrow him� It's too late to turn back now� We'll just have to do the best we can to raise our child so they doesn't abuse their power."

     "I want to rest," said Arlyn. She lay down and fell asleep almost in one motion. Krisdevon built a fire, cremated Khator and his servant, and scattered their ashes over a wide area. He hoped this would dissipate any worldly power Khator's spirit, if he had one, might have retained.

     Later as they continue the last few kilometers of their journey to the village of the Tossori, Arlyn reflected, "I thought I had a good idea of what I was getting myself into, but now I see it's going to be a lot harder than I expected. If the child already has this much power, who knows what tey'll be like at two� at five� at ten. I don't know if we'll be able to persuade them not to abuse that power. How'll we even communicate with an infant that could kill us all? � I will not let fear of pain or death deter me from doing what I know is right. For one in my position that would be intolerable� In a way enlightenment is a burden. I never could forgive myself for doing something I knew was wrong� At least there is a good side. I no longer have any desire to do anything I know is wrong. I may make a mistake because at some point I may have to act with limited information, but even in that kind of situation I won't be swayed by improper considerations�"

     "Krisdevon," she said, "maybe it would be better not to make plans for dealing with the child. It seems a lot's going to be different than we thought it would, so any plans we'll make'll only be rigid structures that'll hinder us."

     Because Arlyn's mind had been open to him, Krisdevon had followed her thoughts, and he agreed with her. He nodded and then returned to his own thoughts, ones which were open to Arlyn but which she did not wish to intrude upon because he was remembering, "That hill we're passing now, that's where Covada and I camped when we wanted to be alone� How many times have I walked this path hand in hand with Travengard? I'm coming home, but it's with mixed feelings� No, those sorts of thoughts can't disturb me. I see it all in perspective. For most people happiness is a decision, nothing more. My state of mind can be anything I want it to be. The experience of sadness is a valid human one and shouldn't be ignored or repressed, but I grieved when they� well, when she died, anyway. I don't know about him, and I won't mourn him or Relita until I do. There's no point in sorrow now. None of them would want me to feel that way. Arlyn and I have thought fondly of Relita and Travengard many times since we parted, but never morbidly� Wherever they are now� Whatever they are now� I hope they're well�"

     "This is a joyous day. That tree over there on the edge of that meadow is where I used to go to practice playing my flute after I'd done my share of the gardening� Everything around here is familiar� This is my home�I'm coming home�"

     "I hope you like it here, Arlyn," he said.

     "I'm sure I will," replied Arlyn glancing at Krisdevons' aura and noticing his usual stable, happy mood had returned. "Feel better?"

     "Much. If you know who and what you are, you don't suffer when you're not supposed to, and you're not supposed to often." She nodded, and they rode on.

     It was early evening when they passed the two long, narrow fenced in clearings of bottom land which held the Tossori vegetable gardens and animal pens, so there was no one working in either of them. A rocky stream a few meters wide and half a meter deep gurgled beside the path. "That's our water supply," said Krisdevon dismounting. "Whenever you go up, if you can, you bring water with you. When you go down, you take empty skins and jars."

     "Oh," said Arlyn nodding at her first instruction on the basic mechanics of Tossori life.

     They filled several of the containers which were piled neatly by a little pool and tied them to their antelopes. They started up the narrow trail which snaked back and forth up the side of the ridge. A short distance on they came to a waterwheel run by the stream, and Krisdevon said, "That's our sawmill."

     Arlyn nodded again. She found it very satisfying to listen as Krisdevon happily directed her attention to one after another of these little points of interest. She was acutely aware of his deep sense of belonging, of love for these beautiful ridges of dark green fir trees, and she looked forward eagerly to developing similar feelings for this land herself.

     About two thirds of the way up the hundred and fifty meters height of the ridge they began to catch glimpses of little cabins tucked away behind clusters of trees, but still they saw no people. "Everybody's at the kitchen eating dinner," explained Krisdevon.

     When they reached the top, they gazed out on a vista which, more than anything else, Arlyn found peaceful. It was no different than many others she had seen in the last few decadays, and it was this sameness that pleased her, gave her a sensation of being in the midst of a vast, green ocean of tranquility.

     To the northeast the ridge extended on and slightly downward for quite a distance. To the southwest it was impossible for Arlyn to tell how long it went on for because it continued to slope gradually upward. She turned to the east and saw first another, lower ridge half a kilometer away, then a valley of dense forest, and several kilometers away another ridge higher than their own which obscured the view of anything beyond it except for a range of low mountains about thirty kilometers away. To the west she saw a steep drop going down to an irregular, narrow, flat area and then an equally sharp rise going up to a height perhaps ten or twenty meters higher than where they were standing. It was tall enough than no land was visible beyond it.

     The sun was setting, and Krisdevon and Arlyn gazed out at the blue, gold, and orange spectacle before them. Their minds blended together, and they shared each others experiences of joy, the joy of coming to a new place which will be a good place to live and the joy of returning to a beloved, chosen home.

     "You know," said Arlyn after the sun had gone down, "each sunset's the same as the last, and each one's worth watching."

     Krisdevon responded by squeezing her hand tightly with his own. "We'd better go before it gets dark," he said, and they began walking toward the south.

     "Does anyone live on that ridge?" asked Arlyn looking to the west.

     "No," replied Krisdevon, the nearest tribe is the Akassi. They're about five or six kilometers north along the ridge and about eight or nine more east."

     They rode down a shallow depression in the ridge top and back up, and in a small hollow they came to an open area with two fairly large wooden buildings hidden in the trees along its edge and sixty or seventy people sitting around on logs. Most just had finished dinner and were chatting, but a few still were cleaning their bowls with bread swabs. No one noticed Arlyn and Krisdevon at the far end of the clearing.

     Krisdevon was about to walk down into the midst of the tribe, but Arlyn held him back. "I want to remember this scene," she whispered. She looked out upon the people before her and saw a field of gentle, tranquil auras. "In its own way this is as beautiful as the sunset," she thought.

     Leaving their antelopes, Arlyn and Krisdevon walked down into the midst of the Tossori, and for the second time in her life Arlyn was thronged by welcomers. She had not expected to become very caught up in this scene the way she knew Krisdevon would because these were still only his people and not yet really hers. She shared his emotions but at a distance. Seven or eight people came up and hugged Krisdevon, and he introduced each one in turn to Arlyn who shook their hands warmly as she looked into their pleasant, smiling faces, but then a great and joyous surprise overwhelmed Arlyn and Krisdevon because standing in front of them were Relita and Travengard. The four came together in a circle and embraced with such a ferocity each feared they might suffer broken ribs.

     "Oh, I don't believe it," thought Arlyn when words finally returned to her mind. "Yes, I do believe it," she murmured.

     "Believe what?" asked Relita as they stood holding hands gazing into each other's delighted eyes.

     "Believe you're alive," said Arlyn. "We were sure you were dead."

     "We thought you were dead," said Travengard. "How did you survive the earthquake?"

     "It's a long story. How did you manage it?" asked Krisdevon.

     "We were out in the desert. There was nothing to fall on us," said Relita.

     "There's a whole lot to tell," said Travengard, "but right now there's a whole tribe that wants to greet you, and we've had our turn."

     The line started to move again, and Krisdevon proceeded to introduce Arlyn to about twenty more of his friends. He looked about in the darkness around the campfire at the rest who had remained seated and said loudly, "This time to stay a long, long time," and a cheer arose from the whole tribe.

     "It's a wonderful thing to love and be loved, wonderful," thought Krisdevon as he continued looking at the Tossori. He sat down, put his head in his hands, and cried for joy. Arlyn put her arms over his shoulders, and he leaned his head against her.

     "Relita, I lost you. Now I've found you," thought Arlyn, and she, too, cried.

     They raised their eyes to find Relita and Travengard again before them, only now they were holding two small children, a boy about two and a girl about three months. "When we thought you were dead, we named the first one after you. His name's Devon," said Travengard.

     "Hers is Arelle," said Relita looking at the infant in her arms. "As you can see, we've been quite busy since we last saw you."

     "I can see you've been busy, too," said Travengard casting a glance at Arlyn's waist.

     "Oh yes, oh yes," said Arlyn.

     "Have you eaten?" asked Relita.

     "Yes," replied Arlyn.

     "Then why don't we go back to our cabin? It's getting late," said Relita, and they began walking north along the ridge until they came to a path which was just barely visible by the light of the moons. Here they turned and walked east until they reached Travengard and Relita's home near the edge of the ridge.

     The children were put to bed in their room, and the four adults sat by candlelight in the living room. It was a neat, simple, rustic room about three and a half meters by four and a half meters with exposed joists but enclosed beams and rafters. In one corner was a large table on which Travengard drew his charts. There were several glass windows which had been brought from the city, but all the other building materials were of local origin. The most immediately noticeable item in the room was a large, thick rug Relita had woven during the last months of her pregnancies. It's dominant color was a rich, dark red, but the pattern included small amounts of gold, blue, and black.

     "You said it was a long story. Tell us a long story," said Travengard.

     "First you have to promise not to tell anyone what we tell you. Is that agreed?" asked Arlyn.

     "If you want it that way," said Relita thinking, "I never know what I'm getting myself into with Arlyn� She looks the same� but something's different� She's more relaxed maybe? But then she used to be calm most of the time anyway�"

     "I won't say anything," said Travengard, and Arlyn and Krisdevon began relating their tale of how they encountered Sahrkizand, escaped the earthquake, lived among the Ae-Dey, had a vision of the universe, became enlightened, left the Ae-Dey, traveled, and eventually returned to find Khator waiting for them. Even in abbreviated form it took over an hour to tell. When they had finished, they could tell Travengard's reaction was one of total acceptance, and Relita's was one of confusion and disbelief.

     She leaned over and touched Arlyn saying, "You feel like the same old Arlyn� Look, you know me. It's difficult for me to believe anything like this. Travengard has showed me a lot about astrology, but what you've told us is a good deal harder to handle than that� I'd have to see physical evidence� I don't want to talk about it anymore for a while." More than anything else she was unsure whether Arlyn had become enlightened, if there was such a thing, or simply gone insane. She resolved to watch Arlyn closely for some clear sign either way.

     Arlyn stroked Relita's hair and then her cheek, and perceiving her response was favorable, she looked at Krisdevon and Travengard and said, " You will excuse us, won't you?"

     "Sure, we've got plenty to say to each other," said Travengard, and Krisdevon nodded in agreement.

     Arlyn and Relita took two candles and went into the bedroom. After closing the door behind them, they sat cross-legged facing each other on the bed.

     "When's the baby due?" asked Relita deliberately ignoring subject matter like visions and Magicians.

     "She'll have to work it out for herself," thought Arlyn as she said, "Right around the equinox. they was conceived at the precise moment of the summer solstice."

     "That's only about five decadays away," said Relita. "Have you been exercising?"

     "Yes, every morning and most evenings."

     "Good," said Relita. "I didn't have any trouble with my two. I doubt you'll have any trouble with yours."

     "You and Travengard seem to get along well with each other."

     "We do. He's very nice."

     "Do you find it easier to relate to men in general now?"

     "I still have my reservations, but men in the forest just aren't like men in the city. They tend to be gentler and less inclined to use you. It's a matter of individuals. I've actually made some good friends among the men here."

     "And the women?"

     "They're wonderful. I've learned men in the city aren't the only ones who'll take advantage of you. The women there just aren't as bad as the men, so you notice it less� There're problems here like anyplace else, but they sure aren't as bad as in Mandistria. People here give a lot more consideration to each other's needs, and everybody thinks about what's good for the tribe. I never thought I'd want to leave the city, but now I doubt I'll ever want to go back� except for a visit, but not even that for a long time�"

     "Do you have any idea why your attitudes've changed so much?"

     "I've thought about that a lot. Everything just seems so much calmer here."

     The two women talked for more than an hour, and though they were both careful to avoid mentioning anything of an occult nature, they managed to become quite relaxed with each other. Relita saw Arlyn still was able to live in what Relita called the world of the tables and chairs, and Arlyn was satisfied Relita was happily adjusted to her new situation. Having assumed each other to be dead, neither had spent much time contemplating reunion. In fact in recent seasons each only occasionally had recalled fondly their past good times together, but now that they had met again, neither was at all surprised to realize how much they still loved each other. When they undressed, Relita noticed the two burn marks immediately below Arlyn's navel, and she almost was distracted by this evidence in corroboration of her story, but she shut it out of her mind. They made love before they went to sleep in each others arms both filled with delight at the prospect of spending many seasons together in the forest.

     Travengard and Krisdevon also made love after a long conversation, but their discussion had been somewhat different. Travengard had been very curious to know the details of Krisdevon's mystical experiences, and he carefully recorded in his mind everything Krisdevon told him whether it appeared important to him at the moment or not.

     The next morning at breakfast Arlyn, Krisdevon, Relita, and Travengard agreed to live together in the house Relita and Travengard had been occupying with their children. The decided to add two rooms to the house, one fairly large room for adults to sleep in and one somewhat smaller room for Arlyn and Krisdevon's child. Work was begun immediately on these rooms, and they were completed within three decadays.

     Although Arlyn continued strong and had not grown very large in spite of how late it was in her pregnancy, the others still insisted she not do any of the heavy construction labor. As a result of this she spent much of her time taking long walks in the woods and familiarizing herself with the daily life of the Tossori and the individuals who lived it. She often went to visit Kantha, on older woman who kept the tribe's herd of goats, and soon became one of her milking assistants although for the time being she was limited to the less recalcitrant ones. She also took charge of Devon and Arelle so their parents could devote most of their time to building, but they were quiet children given to long naps, so she had a lot of time to think.

     Her unborn child did nothing new to exhibit their unusual nature so she almost was able to forget the cause of the two small scars below her navel, almost but not quite. they was always somewhere in the depths of her thoughts reminding her of the formidable task she and Krisdevon had taken upon themselves. Like Krisdevon she did not worry about the labor awaiting them, but they both were ever vigilant not to let their vision slip away from them and leave them again unenlightened because if this happened, they surely would fail to raise their child to fulfill their potential, a failure likely to be nothing short of disastrous.

     The decadays came and went, and Arlyn and Krisdevon adjusted to the stable, easy pace of forest life. Krisdevon returned to gardening and eventually instituted several changes, particularly in the raising of green and leafy vegetables, which the plants themselves had requested. He did not, however, tell anyone besides Travengard that the plants had asked him to make these alterations.

     Arlyn's time for delivery came, and then it went. No one thought much about her being a little late, but by the time it reached three decadays after the equinox, just about everyone in the tribe had some inkling that something odd might be taking place. Arlyn had grown larger, but she still did not look like someone who was nearly three and a half seasons pregnant. The baby for their part was quiet and kicked only infrequently. Since no one in the tribe other than the four adults living in the newly remodeled house knew (Relita now was increasingly inclined to believe what she had been told.) how strange the circumstances really were, it was not surprising to them that most of the Tossori, while mildly curious, responded merely by asking Arlyn how she felt a little more often than they otherwise might have. The rest simply were disinterested. They assumed she had gotten her dates mixed up. In their eyes this was a normal human error not worthy of much attention.

     Travengard and Krisdevon spent many hours examining old charts as well as the nightly skies in hopes of discovering some explanation of Arlyn's extraordinary period of gestation, but it was not until within two decadays of the summer solstice that Travengard suddenly had the flash of insight which made things clear. He met with the other three and told them, "This is the year when all the planets, the moons, and the sun are going to form a perfect conjunction with the hub of the great wheel of stars. This's going to happen at the exact moment of the summer solstice� " As soon as Travengard had reminded them of this fact, they all knew what was going to follow. "A child born at this time will have a natal chart with the strongest imaginable influences focused in an extremely limited area. It's obvious to me your child has chosen the exact instant of their birth in order to maximize their powers� which already must be very extensive if they can delay their birth an entire season."

     There was not much to say after what Travengard had told them, so they began preparation for the delivery on the solstice. None of them was certain Travengard was correct, but none of them tended to doubt him.

     For the next few days Arlyn wandered about in the woods thinking of herself as an actress who was standing in the wings waiting for her cue to go on. She kept doing the exercises for later pregnancy which the Ae-Dey had taught her including the deep breathing ones intended for use during labor, and she went through a few more mental rehearsals for the routine to be followed in delivery, but she already had gone over it all so many times it was nothing more than boring. She wanted very much to be done with it.

     For his part Krisdevon saw when she wanted to be alone and left her by herself at these times, but when her mood called for company, he almost always was there. Even though he was under a strain, he remembered the weight on her was far greater. Neither of them wished Arlyn's pregnancy never had happened, but despite the emotional and spiritual strength inherent in enlightenment, they had few moments when they were totally without some sense of awe at their impending responsibilities.

     The night before the solstice Arlyn and Krisdevon sat around the entire evening holding hands and not thinking much of anything. Finally they went to bed, but they were unable to sleep. Each perceived the other's wakefulness and its cause, and they chose an instant to whisper simultaneously, "Whatever happens, I love you." They embraced and cried slightly but soon began to laugh to themselves. Here they were enlightened beings fully confident of each other's love, and yet they took great joy in hearing it spoken.

     When they stopped laughing, Arlyn said, "It seems even in a state of enlightenment humans find happiness in hearing the words of true love."

     "Especially in enlightenment," replied Krisdevon.

     After that they fell asleep almost immediately.

     Arlyn was awakened by the pain of a sharp contraction in her lower abdomen. "Oh, at last," she thought. "It's about time." She looked out the window of the sleeping loft and saw from the moons that it was about halfway between midnight and dawn. "No point in waking Krisdevon unless something goes wrong," she thought as she calmly counted the interval between contractions. "I'm being blas� about this," she went on in her interior monologue after she had established that the contractions still were quite far apart. "I suppose the best thing I can do is relax and rest as much as I can. This is my first child, and even with my wide hips there's no telling how long this might go on."

     She entered a state of light trance wherein she was able to observe and control her body while still maintaining sufficient detachment to rest between her contractions which remained short and fairly mild. She became almost oblivious to time, so she was a bit startled when she saw the first ray of sun shining above the horizon on the wall beside their bed. Next she saw Krisdevon stir and slowly come awake from the luxuriant slumber she knew he enjoyed immensely.

     "Guess what?" she said.

     "What?"

     "I'm in labor."

     "How long," he asked suddenly becoming alert and glancing around to see if anything was going on which he might have missed.

     "Oh, maybe three hours," she replied in the same tone she might have used to answer a question about when she last had watered the garden.

     "Why didn't you wake me?"

     "Because I was doing fine by myself. Relax."

     "That's a good reason," he replied taking a few deep breaths and her advice.

     "Why don't you do your exercises and get some breakfast. I'll be fine�" A contraction came and went. "See, they're not much at all yet."

     "Do you want anything?"

     "No, just to rest. I'm sure I'll want you right here soon enough."

     "Whatever you say. I won't be gone for long. I'll tell Travengard and Relita to get ready� I'll wash my hands and examine your cervix." He poured some water from a jug into a basin, washed, and then examined her. "Size of my index finger," he said kissing her forehead.

     "Go," she said, and he left.

     Alone again Arlyn almost lapsed into sleep, but then she decided she was far enough along that it would be wiser for her to begin paying careful attention to what was taking place. "Anything might happen," she thought. "Tey's going to be strange, and likely as not their entrance into the world'll be as odd as my pregnancy� Actually aside from its length it wasn't odd at all. Who knows what's going to happen. Sometimes I wish enlightenment included the gift of prophecy� No, I don't. We wouldn't learn nearly as much if we knew� Another one� They're not so bad, but they're getting worse. I guess I'll just relax and accept the way I'm supposed to� Arlyn, how can you be so casual? You might die� That's my leftover, unenlightened past talking to me. If I die, I die and head for that tree Krisdevon's looking forward to so much�" Her mind rambled from thought to thought, but she continued breathing as she had been taught was correct in labor.

     She was so involved with her own thoughts that she was barely conscious of the presence of Relita and Travengard when they looked in to see how she was. When she heard Travengard say, "The conjunction'll be complete a little before noon, so that's when the birth'll be," her initial response was to think, "It can't possibly be. The pains're too far apart, and my cervix's too small," but then she thought, "I'm enlightened, and he knows more about the future than I do. He hasn't been wrong yet. How do you like that? Even when you're enlightened, sometimes you still have to put yourself in the hands of people who know more about something than you do� At least being enlightened makes it easier to learn� Ow� That was the strongest so far. Relita and Travengard went out. Where's Krisdevon?"

     Krisdevon returned a few moments later with Kantha whose expertise in delivering young extended to aside variety of species including humans. Kantha stroked Arlyn's forehead gently and said, "Don't worry deary. I've never lost a goat unless it was meant to be lost, and yours isn't meant to be lost. I can tell you that."

     Although Arlyn had not been apprehensive, she found this little attempt at reassurance pleasant. It was nice to know that if Krisdevon wanted assistance, the person who would help him was rightfully self-confident. Kantha and Krisdevon both washed their hands in water which just had been boiled, and then he examined her and held up his thumb to her to indicate the size of her cervix.

     Arlyn's mind wandered back to a morning when she had watched Kantha deftly bringing a kid into the world. She observed the scene in great detail in her mind's eye, and when she returned to awareness of the present, she saw Krisdevon was sitting next to her.

     The next few hours passed with Kantha, Krisdevon, Travengard, and Relita sitting around in the room quietly waiting as Arlyn's pains became closer and closer, longer and longer, stronger and stronger. At one point she got up to urinate and move her bowels. Several times Krisdevon entered Arlyn's mind in order to experience her feelings and sensations, and she was glad for this company which seemed to absorb at least some of her pain.

     An hour before noon Arlyn began to perceive a series of events which she could not describe precisely in words but which felt to her like nothing so much as the tumblers of a great lock falling into place one at a time as the proper key was being inserted into its slot. Krisdevon felt this strange sensation a few instants after Arlyn did and was as perplexed about it as she was. He told the others, but they could offer no explanation.

     At last Travengard said,"You must be feeling the planets entering conjunction. They must be in a nearly straight line by now� It's too bad we can't see them. It must be a wondrous sight�"

     Arlyn cried very loudly, and the actual delivery began. She rubber the area above her pubic bone lightly as she had been taught and breathed rhythmically with her pains. "Ow," she thought, "this is incredible. It hurts� It hurts� Some experience this is. We're supposed to learn from experience� I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from this, but whatever it is, the lesson'll be etched deeply in my memory�" Her mind entered a non-verbal state of complete pain, but yet she managed to obey Kantha's instructions of when to inhale, when to exhale, when to push. "Life," Arlyn thought, "a new life is coming into this world� How beautiful� How agonizing� How beautiful."

     She felt Krisdevon gliding in and out of her mind living her experience with her while they brought their child into this world. For a few instants she drifted into his mind and felt his elation and ecstasy at the birth of their child. They were totally one again at this moment, and then suddenly for an instant they beheld a vision of the planets, the moons, and the sun forming a perfect line into a nighttime sky filled with millions of stars. At the center was a small open area, the hub of the great wheel of stars. It was dark in this region, infinitely dark, and they realized that once again they were in touch with the void, that everythingness in nothingness and nothingness in everythingness which was their origin and final end and origin again in whatever new form they might take.

     This time the vision lasted only the briefest time, but before it ended, they beheld a great light arise in the void and move out of it toward them at terrific speed down the line of the planets until it was amidst them. Just as abruptly as it had come, the vision was gone, and they discovered their bodies had performed well even while their minds had been focused elsewhere. Arlyn found herself watching as Krisdevon held the infant by the feet, slapped them vigorously several times until they squalled loudly, then cut the umbilical cord, bathed the infant, and wrapped them in swaddling clothes. She expelled the afterbirth without difficulty and waited for Krisdevon to hand her the child. When he did, she held them close against her face and looked at their tiny features.

     "I've never known such a sense of exhaustion as this," she thought. "but I feel so at peace. their features are so fine they must be a girl� I don't know if tey's a boy or a girl�"

     "Krisdevon," she said, "tey's a girl, isn't tey?"

     "No," said Krisdevon realizing he had not told Arlyn the sex of their child, "tey's a boy."

     "Interesting," thought Arlyn. "Certainly looked like a girl to me. Well, it's hard to tell with babies� I need to rest." She fell asleep almost at once.

     Kanthe returned to the goats, and the others went to sit on the porch. There Krisdevon told Travengard and Relita about the vision he and Arlyn just had had. They both realized they had seen nothing of the sort. Relita did mention that she had noticed that the infant's ears were ever so slightly pointed at their tops, but none of them felt this abnormality was of any importance.

     Later in the afternoon Krisdevon built a small fire intending to comply with the custom of burning a block of wood with the newborn infant's name cut into it so the smoke might rise and inform the Powers of the Sky of his birth, but when he attempted to carve the agreed upon name, Sebrian, he found some force of considerable strength prohibited him from doing so. After several thwarted efforts Krisdevon relaxed himself and permitted the force to assume control of his hands. He watched with curiosity followed with distaste which finally turned back to curiosity as his hands deftly notched the letters "A-N-D-O-R", and then left a space before adding "A-Y-R". This latter name the force had underlined for emphasis. Krisdevon stood up meaning to go in and consult with Arlyn on whether or not they should accept this name for their child, but before he could walk a step, the block of wood ignited by itself. Krisdevon dropped it on the ground where it quickly was consumed by its own flames. It was done. Their son's name was "Ayr."

The Beginning

Postscript

     Far away in the extreme northeast of Vadriel lay the small coastal city of Eldra. In this city lived an old man, a very old man, one already in his nineties. Yet he was not so old. He lived alone and cared for all his own needs. Furthermore he still was able to practice the craft of which he had been Master of Masters for more than half a century. This man was Varasantimr, a man whose colleagues regarded as one of the best flute makers who had lived in the twelve hundred years since their guild had grown to encompass the whole continent of Tireus.

     Actually Varasantimr did not live entirely alone. He shared his house with a middle-sized, gold and white female cat which was about ten years old. The relationship between the old fellow and his cat was rather complex. Suffice it to say that sometimes he called her Victis and others Lenia, the names of the two wives he had outlived.

     Varasantimr's frequent companion was his apprentice of three seasons, a woman named Antyra who was in her middle thirties. Varasantimr had payed her a great honor when he had taken her as his apprentice because there always were ten or twenty people eager for the position she now held. For almost twenty years she had been a weaver, but when her children had reached maturity, she had had more free time and had wished to learn a new craft.

     When Antyra came to Varasantimr's shop on the morning after the day of the summer solstice, she did not find him sitting at his workbench as was his custom at that hour, so she walked through the work area to the apartment in the rear where he lived. To her surprise she came upon him busily packing saddlebags in preparation for what obviously would be a long trip.

     "Ah, good morning, Antyra. I trust you slept well," he said as she stared at him filled with curiosity. "Oh, yes, what am I doing. During the night a very important sign appeared in the sky. It is our duty to go on a rather long journey� so go home and pack. We have to leave as soon as possible."

     "Are you talking about the Great Conjunction? Why does that mean we have to go anyplace?"

     "I didn't mean the Great Conjunction, but that probably has something to do with it, too. Last night a double comet passed through the Flower. It formed a great flute in the sky with the Flower for the root end. It's the sign the Masters of the Master Flute makers have waited for since before the guild even became a formal institution. I never thought I'd see it in my lifetime� or thought I'd be responsible for the chore that goes with it� Nevertheless I am, so go home and pack. I can't tell you anymore until we get where we're going� Oh, yes, one more thing, you must never tell anyone, not even another flute maker� especially not another flute maker� about anything to do with my mission. That's extremely important."

     Antyra nodded her agreement to the oath of secrecy. She knew the old man well and was certain he only would have asked such a favor of her if the need was great. "How long do you think we'll be gone?" she asked.

     "I'm not sure," he replied. "It depends on how far I can ride each day, but it should be less than a season� a lot less than a season."

     "Is our journey a secret?

     "No, you can tell your neighbors we've gone to gather supplies."

     Antyra went to her house, assembled those things she thought she would need, told the family next door of her departure, and left a few words of affection tacked to her door for the man with whom she had been keeping company for the last several seasons. As fortune would have it, he had been away for a decaday and would not return for a few days.

     By noon Varasantimr and Antyra rode westward out of Eldra along the sandy north coast of Tireus. They each had a pack mule and a riding mule which they allowed to move at a leisurely pace. Except for the cat sitting on Varasantimr's saddle bow, they looked much the same as any other old man and thirtyish woman traveling between the towns of Vadriel.

     They slept out in the open most of the time though they did have a tent with them for nights when it rained. Days they would ride ten or twelve kilometers in the morning, rest for a few hours, and then ride another ten or twelve kilometers in the late afternoon. As it turned out, the old man was in remarkably good health. This was in no small part due to the fact that for over thirty years he had performed a daily morning ritual of slow, graceful dance movements showed to him by his second wife. He even shot a rabbit at a distance of about ten meters with a bow and arrow, quite a trick for a near-sighted fellow his age, but generally his contribution to their food supply came from berries and nuts he picked while Antyra was out hunting.           They headed west on the road near the beaches until they came to the foothills of a range of low mountains which ran inland along an almost due north-south line. They ascended into this range and traveled almost due south through dense forest on a long, narrow plateau until they came to the River of the Vale. They forded the river and began moving eastward toward the Vale itself. They, too, avoided the monks of the Vale and even went so far as to cover the last few kilometers to the Vale late at night.

     When the sun rose, they descended into the Vale but stopped on the ledge on which Arlyn had climbed out. Here Varasantimr took out several of the tools of his trade; a small saw, a hand shovel, a hatchet, and a hammer, and with Antyra's assistance, he made his way out onto the ledge. "This's what we've come for," he said pointing at the single bamboo plant which wad growing there.

     "It looks like a very good one," said Antyra tapping it with her fingernails and measuring it with her hand, "but what's so special about it that it took a sign in the sky to tell you when to cut it?

     "Most bamboos live sixty, eighty, maybe even a hundred years. Then they flower and die, and a new generation of bamboos grow, right?"

     "Yes."

     "When I first became Master of the Master Flute Makers , the retiring guild master showed this plant to me. She told me it was more than a thousand years old. The way the story goes, once very long ago, one of the Powers was a flute maker. This was his own flute, and a great deal of his magic was in it. He was mortally wounded in combat with� the account doesn't say who� or what, but he managed to return here to his home to die. He told his leading disciple he was going to try to come back from the dead and avenge himself on whatever had killed him. He knew that might take a long time and over a few thousand years his flute might turn to dust so he focused all the magic he had left on his flute and placed it in the ground to live here until he could return. He said if he could manage to reincarnate in this world, he'd have the power to make a sign to someone that he was coming so they could cut this bamboo and begin aging is so it would be seasoned enough to make it into a flute again when he was ready� I've never been completely sure I believed that story� I'm still not, but I do know this bamboo's very old, and it never spreads. It just stays a single stalk. That's hard to explain."

     "It was kept a secret to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands?"

     "Yes� Well, let's get to work digging it up."

     "What about the tea rose bush growing around it? It's too close to separate them."

     "We'll have to take it, too."

     Varasantimr cut the top off the bamboo a little more than a meter above there ground and the dug a small ditch around it ten or twelve centimeters from the stalk. Antyra carefully cut the horizontal rootlets below the ground by chopping into the ditch with the hatchet. Then she gradually cut about fifteen centimeters deep at an angle underneath the plant in order to cut the more nearly vertical rootlets, and eventually she was able to lift out the matted, bowl-shaped clump of earth covering the bottom of the plant. For a while they rested sitting on the ledge, gazing out at the Vale and wondering if there was any truth to the story and whether someday someone would come to them to claim this beautiful, ancient bamboo.

     It was not long before Varasantimr said, "It would be best for us to leave here quickly. The monks wouldn't be happy about it if they found someone taking something from the Vale" They cut the upper portion of the plant into sections as long as the root section, wrapped them all in a blanket, and tied them along the side of one of their pack mules. Then they ascended out of the Vale and began their journey home.